Cloud and Beatrix – Alexandria.

(Cloud is standing in Alexandria, gazing at a couple of Beatrix's guards.)

Cloud: (wonderingly) I've never seen so many scantily clad women in my life...

(Beatrix enters and looks for Cloud. He is easy to spot. Of course, with hair like a Chocobo's butt, it's hard NOT to spot him.)

Beatrix: Are you Cloud Strife?

Cloud: Sure am! Wow, you're hot!

Beatrix: Actually, today is not too bad so I'm a reasonable temperature.

Cloud: ...wha?

Beatrix: So how do you like Alexandria?

Cloud: It's cool.

Beatrix: Why do you refer to the temperature so much?

Cloud: ... your mouth was moving, but all I heard was blah blah blah.

Beatrix: I... see. Ahem, would you care for a Gysahl pickle? An acquired taste, but most enjoyable.

Cloud: Cool, food. (He eats a pickle and starts to choke. Beatrix whacks him on the back.)

Beatrix: So, we are to have a boat ride, according to this letter from the Agency.

Cloud: Yeah. I have a submarine back home. And an airship. And a rocket. And we did have a plane, but we crashed into the sea.

Beatrix: Come, I shall show you the boat. And I would not recommend ogling my guards so much. They tend to hit things when irritated.

(Cloud is not listening. He is talking to one of the guards.)

Cloud: Wanna see my sword? It's REALLY big!

(The guards clobber him. He climbs into the boat, bleeding from the nose and with a black eye.)

Beatrix: I told you so.

Cloud: Owie...

Beatrix: that is Alexandria castle.

Cloud: It's really cool.

Beatrix: Yes... I see... anyway, tell me about yourself.

Cloud: Well... I used to be a SOLDIER. Now I'm in AVALANCHE. I saved the planet.

Beatrix: That's quite impressive. It's a pity I have no idea what you're talking about. Why did you sign up to the agency?

Cloud: Well... I can't remember. I was bored and Aeris had just come back and Tifa was sad and Yuffie suggested it so I did. You?

Beatrix: My partner and I agreed to spend some time apart.

Cloud: Oh.

Beatrix: Yes, Steiner is an admirable man. I am really very fond of him, you know.

Cloud: Then why are you on a date with me?

Beatrix: Because... I can't remember. We have nothing in common.

Cloud: Oh, thank god you feel that way!

(He jumps out of the boat onto land and starts chatting up two guards. Within seconds he is lying beaten and bleeding on the floor.)

Beatrix: Men...

Kuja put down a card with a green monkey on it. "Snap!" He cried, thoroughly over excited. Sephiroth stared at him and he blushed. "I like cards, OK?" "God, I'm so bored!" Sephiroth moaned. Edea grinned. "Yeah, but look how much money we made!" She said, waving a wad of Gil at him. "Whatever. It's not like there's anywhere to spend it." Sephiroth pointed out.

They were interrupted by the door banging open. The little bell hung above it jangled noisily. In marched Tifa. She went up to the counter and said angrily, "Who's in charge here?"

Sephiroth looked at her and fell off his chair. Edea rolled her eyes and stepped up. "Can I help you, Miss?" "Yes, you can! You set me up on the worst date of my life! I applied so I could find someone decent, not someone like Steiner!" "Please, calm down Miss. If your date was not to your satisfaction, we will be only too glad to set up another one." "Well, you'd better!" Tifa said, and turned away. But she paused, looked back and said. "Is that Sephiroth?" "Yes. There's no excuse for him, I'm afraid."

Tifa left. Bewildered. But the door had not been shut for more than a few minutes when Steiner walked in, closely followed by Aeris. They both walked up the counter. "I have a complaint to make!" Aeris said, but froze. Sephiroth had stood up and was grinning evilly. Aeris stepped back slowly and tapped Steiner's shoulder. "Can I borrow your breastplate?" He nodded and a moment later, clad in thick steel, she stepped back up the counter. "I have a complaint!" "Yes?" Edea said, ignoring Sephiroth's snickers. "You set me up with the most boring man on any planet there is! All he said was whatever!" Aeris told her.

Edea nodded. "Very well, I'll arrange another date." "Thank you. Oh, and if you see Squall, here's his wallet." She tossed the empty leather pack onto the counter, handed Steiner his armour and left. Steiner briefly made his complaint and then left too. Edea was quite pleased. He hadn't taken his eyes off her breasts since he came in...

Sephiroth watched in amusement as every single date they had arranged came in to complain to Edea. Eventually she sent Cloud scurrying away with the use of a very powerful ice spell. Kuja sighed. "So we have to reschedule all of these people?" "Yes." "Fine. Let's get it over with. I have a manicure appointment and I DON'T want to miss it." Kuja said, flicking his hair back. Edea couldn't help wrinkling her nose. She just hoped he wasn't going to the same manicurist as she was...

Sephiroth looked over the pile of slips and smiled evilly. "You know..." The two other villains looked up. They knew that look. That was the oh-I'm- so-bored-I-think-I'll-destroy-a-town-or-two look. "We could have a little fun with these people." "What sort of fun?" Edea asked suspiciously. Sephiroth's smile doubled in both size and evil factor. "They want a date? We'll give them a date."