(This chapter is a lot of what Kenshin has been thinking and how he's driving himself nearly insane.)
Sunlit Horizon
Sanosuke's eyes had been so filled with malice when he charged. Small brown circles of disgust burning into him as he easily began dancing to his Hiten Mitsorougi Ryu to avoid the swing of the Zanbatou. He hated that fight from the beginning, and he wished he had never drawn the man's blood. It was too much! Even a speck of the fighter's blood drained by his hands was enough to send him into a world of guilt. He had never wanted to harm him, never wanted to pull his sword upon the youth, and never wanted to scar that smooth skin.
And yet, he had come back. He had said he was no longer Zanza the fighter-for-hire, but Sanosuke Sagara. He called him Kenshin for the first time, and smiled at him; his eyes weren't carrying detestation, but holding a newly opened heart. It was a heart Kenshin had merely begun to see, and as it unfolded over time he saw how deep and caring it truly was. He had opened the eyes of a young man, and made a friend.
Sanosuke had trusted him and, in return, Kenshin shared the gift and helped create a strong bond. It was relaxing to be with him. The games they played, the drinking, and the gambling, although illegal, was enjoyable with Sanosuke. He could be himself around the man. It was the man who he believed understood him more than any other. Sanosuke had been there himself, experienced the betrayal, the deaths, and the loss of a loved one. They shared their pain and their past with no one else but each other. No other would understand.
Then it seemed to have shattered in one night. Katsu: it sounded almost like a curse the day his best friend ran off with that man. He had chosen his past over his present. Chosen his old life opposed to his new. Chosen Katsu over him!
It had hurt.
The bond had been weakened when he watched his dear friend leave that night. He cared for Sanosuke far too much to allow him to ruin his life by choosing that path, making the decision to destroy, and even kill.
He had aimed his blade at the young male once again, but he wasn't merely another male. Sanosuke was the most important person in his life at that time.
He remembered how Sanosuke stepped forward to fight for Katsu, to defend him. The sense of wrongness it held to stand before those two was immeasurable. Sanosuke didn't belong by that man's side. He belong by his side, behind him to watch his back, to give him that air of security knowing he didn't have to look over his shoulder in suspicion or fear.
It wasn't like Kenshin.
He had been...
Jealous...
His mind told him he was mistaken, and he fought that emotion of envy, but the more he fought, the more his conscious screamed denial. He told himself he did not own Sanosuke, and it was not his decision on how the boy lived his life. But it hurt so badly!
It was impossible to escape the fact he, Kenshin Himura, was afraid of loosing someone that had become so precious to him. It wasn't Sanosuke he had wanted to lash out at, but himself. It was undeserved; the younger male never did stand much of a chance. Sanosuke had his fists, and he, his reversed blade.
And he carried it out despite what his conscious continued to shriek. He drew his sword and stood ready, narrow eyes locked onto the man before him in rough concentration and it commenced.
He had beaten him for the second time, injured the brown haired fighter, and not bothered to read his eyes once during their clashes until...
It was the charge of the final strike when his mind opened to the truth. Those eyes gazed at him not with hate, but with pained relief and joy. He had seen his name on those lips at the last second, and pieced it together.
Sanosuke wanted to be saved.
He had silently begged to be taken away from his past. He had pleaded for someone to give him his place back, in his present, and his future.
And he had been so blind! Sanosuke was only 19 at the time, barely a man, but he always seemed so much older, so much more advanced. He often forgot how much of a child Sanosuke was. He hadn't seen the unspoken pleas until the last moment and for that he could only find room to blame himself. How could he ever have called himself this boy's friend? In anger, he had lashed out in his own anger and hurt the one he fought so well to protect! With the same sword he used to defend him, he had nearly broken him. He tried to save the boy by stopping the unwise decision to leave, but it was an unnecessary move. He had started it, Kenshin Himura, the instigator!
It was his mind that had been closed, not Sanosukes.
Not Sano. Devoted Sano.
He should have listened, should have seen what he was telling him, and then maybe he wouldn't have needed to open his eyes to the realization. It should have been obvious from the start.
Sanosuke had collapsed into his arms, and he tenderly held him, knowing he didn't deserve the brunette's forgiveness, but he smiled. He had smiled through all the torment in his mind, and whispered his apologies into the ear of a half conscious Sanosuke.
And even then, after Sanosuke's second crushing defeat to his Japanese sword he had come back. Returned like a puppy would to a master; tail waving and bright eyes gleaming with utter dedication and love.
It was the reason why it was sickening. His throat would tighten and his breath would catch and deny him oxygen. His stomach churned in pain from the crisp memories and he vaguely felt his hand clutch his gi with hazardous force.
How could he have come back so easily?
It wasn't... it wasn't right! He didn't deserve that kind of friendship from him! Why did he run back to him? Why did he continue to follow? Why did...
"Kenshin..." It was spoken softly, surrounding him with the warmth of Sanosuke's loving personality. It was with those thoughts fluttering through his hazy mind when he suddenly felt a warm circle close around him, drawing his tiny form forward, and tenderly cradling his head into the nook of a strong neck.
"What's this, Kenshin, what are these tears for?" The words were spoken with a tender murmur of concern.
Sano...
Tears? What tears...?
He was crying?
He hadn't noticed the wetness emerging from his eyes until now. Those searing rivers flowing down his cheeks from the tormenting anguish tearing him in two.
He felt a calloused hand brushing away the drops and pulling him closer into protective arms. They were protective. Even though Kenshin could defend himself from a physical enemy, he wasn't able to defend his mind from his haunting dreams, but Sano could. Sanosuke's presence forced his demons away, chased them, and backed them into a corner as if daring them to take a step forward. It had always been that way.
He relaxed into the younger man, surrendering to the ache to be held, and allowing the tears to continue. It had been so long since he last cried. All the people he killed and harmed in the past he had contained his weeping, but now he was silently shedding tears in the arms of his best friend.
There was no one else like Sano. How could someone be so strong, so powerful and experienced, and yet have a heart so deep you could fall for eternity in it and never find the end? No, there was no one that could compare to Sano. No creature alive possessed the strength he had. It was unmatchable.
"Sano," Kenshin released a quivering breath of air through his parted lips as he tightened his hands on the sash of Sanosukes blood red pants. He was so thin, unbelievably thin. Sanosuke responded to his name and gave the small man a slight and reassuring squeeze.
So thin, but so strong... He could hold the world on those shoulders.
IOIOIOIOIOIOI
It was the pounding of hooves that woke Kenshin from his slumber, slowly pushing at him, nudging him into awareness and reality. They were deep thuds, not the normal hollowed clopping of regular hoof beats.
Kenshin wondered dimly what Canyon was up to, but pushed the thought aside as he felt around. After a few moments of brushing wood and air, he set free a frustrated breath. Yahiko had his sword now and after several years he still searched for it every time he regained consciousness. Old habits were hard to break. He sighed in discontent and rolled onto his back.
"You alright, Kenshin?" He heard Sanosuke ask from the doorway. Kenshin lolled his head to the side in a lazy manner as he stared up at the man.
"Hai, Sano, I'm fine." He smiled softly, and silently wished he didn't have to rise.
A thought suddenly sliced through Kenshins mind. The want to stay down quickly vanished as he received an urge that he couldn't possibly deny.
"Sano?" Kenshin asked, hastily sitting up.
"Hm?"
"Are you busy?"
Sanosuke turned, looking at that mass of beautifully red hair, blinking curiously and wondering what he had in mind.
"Would you like to come with me, Sano?" Kenshin asked, eyes moving from the wall to Sanosuke. His violet spheres were soft and kind, as they nearly always were, and easily captured the young man's agreements.
Sanosuke smiled.
IOIOIOIOIOIOI