Author's Note: Ahoy everyone. Still taking suggestions for questions for PK to ask to JKR! Thank you all so much for all the reviews!! It was the most I've ever received for a chapter, and I'm therefore updating early!! Thank you!
"Where's Sirius?" Draco asked, looking at the hammock warily as he cautiously climbed on, making sure it wouldn't flip. He lied down facing Harry so they could talk better. He folded his hands behind his head as Harry shrugged and put down the book he was reading.
"He got an owl and said he had to go off again to talk with Professor Snape and then with Remus. Speaking of which, how did your talk with Sirius go earlier today?" Harry asked, hoping Draco got something out of it.
"It was good, actually. It was sort of weird at first since I don't know Sirius all that well, but he told me all about how his family disowned him and how he had to move out and everything…it's just nice to know I'm not the only one, I guess."
"Are you still mad about what he said last night?" Harry asked.
Draco shrugged. "Not really. Sev had a long talk with me last night and he said they were both just scared that we were so reckless with our safety and that they didn't mean the things they said, and only said them out of anger. He told me he'd never kick me out and wants me to stay there forever, preferably," he said with a slight grin.
Harry nodded. "That's good," he said, not knowing what else to say.
"Um, so, I guess your talk with Sev didn't go as well?" he asked cautiously.
"What makes you say that?" Harry asked nonchalantly.
"Oh, maybe how you were waiting for me by the fireplace and Sev wasn't even in the room and how you were out of there as soon as I came through. And possibly because Sev's gone into one of his potion-making frenzies where he makes a bunch of easy potions so he can do something and think at the same time, which he only does when he's stressed. So what gives?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.
Harry shrugged. "I don't know; it doesn't matter. So has Professor Snape figured out what your punishment is yet?" he asked, quickly changing the subject. Draco took the bait, always eager to whine to someone.
"Yes, he made me clean! I had to dust things and scrub things and polish things, all without magic! Like a Muggle or a house elf," he moaned in disgust. "Ugh, I had dust all over me and there was a spiderweb in my hair. Afterward I had to spend almost an hour in the shower to make sure it was all off and I still felt like I had spider webs all over me."
"Oh you poor thing," Harry said in mock-horror, "that must have been traumatizing!"
"It was," he pouted. "Anyway, I found something," he said seriously, pulling out the book they had gotten from Malfoy Manor. He opened it to a bookmarked page and handed it to Harry.
Harry looked from the picture in the book up to Draco, who had taken out his amulet and held it up. It was identical to the picture in the book.
"The Draco Amulet," Harry read. "Fitting."
"Yeah, that's why I figured I got it. Obviously, my name's Latin for dragon, so let's just say it's a common theme with gifts. Read on," Draco instructed. Harry lowered his eyes to the page.
The Draco Amulet has been in the Malfoy family for hundreds of years, passed down to those who the giver feels best deserves its protection. The majestic it was named after is not only a symbol of leadership and wealth; the dragon is also known for its extreme protectiveness, whether it be over its treasure or someone it cares for. Protection is precisely the amulet's function. The ancient magic will save the wearer's life when death is upon them, no matter the cause, and will only work if the wearer would die without it. Even the killing curse cannot break the amulet's protection. However, once the amulet is used, it will not work again for one hundred years. If the eyes of the silver dragon are green, the power can be used, and once used, the eyes will turn black for one hundred years until the amulet's power has returned.
"When my grandmother gave it to me, she said to use it well, and not to be foolish with it, and I hadn't the slightest idea what she meant. Of course, I thought she was a bit nutters, but really, she was probably one of the few sane ones in my family," Draco said.
"Wow, no wonder your father wants it so badly. It's like being given a second chance at life where you usually would have died," Harry said in awe.
"Yeah. I'm sure my dad's furious she didn't give it to him. She was his mother," he said, shaking his head in disbelief as he examined the charm with a newfound sense of respect. "Of course, now Sev forbids me to take it off," he said with a small smile.
"For good reason. You shouldn't take it off. So, why do you think your grandmother gave it to you?" Harry asked curiously.
"My grandmother…I didn't understand her for a very long time," Draco started explaining, sounding regretful. "When I was younger, she'd always pull me aside at family functions and tell me that I needed to make decisions for myself and never to let myself be controlled. I thought she was a bit insane at the time, to tell you the truth. When I was about thirteen, maybe, she told me how she never got a say in how my father was raised, because his father was so overbearing and controlling, and that he basically decided my father's life, and my father played right into it. I guess she saw that history was repeating itself with me, but of course, I didn't see that at the time. I thought I was making my own decisions and that my father was just giving me really good advice," he said with a hollow laugh.
"So what changed?" Harry asked.
"Well, as I've told you before, when the Dark Lord came back, it didn't take me that long to figure out it wasn't what I had expected. My father…he brought me to a lot of their meetings. He started teaching me all the protocol and how everything went, and it just sounded so…different from what I'd always thought. The whole thing was always glorified in my mind until I actually got the inside look; then it just started making me sick.
"So that Christmas holiday, my grandmother pulled me aside as usual and said she could see I was indecisive and that she was proud. She said that my father was trying to mold me into what he wanted me to be and that that wasn't going to change. She said not to let myself be molded and to do what I thought was right. That's when she gave me the amulet and the book and said to use the journal to organize my thoughts and never to take off the amulet. She said she had a feeling I was going to be the one to need it. I guess she was right."
"But you didn't change after Christmas, I mean, no offense, Dray, but you continued on being your charming old bastard self well on through the school year," Harry pointed out.
"You call it being a bastard, I call it helpful criticism," Draco said with a smirk.
Harry gave him a pointed look.
"Fine, fine. I was a bastard," Draco relented. "What can I say, I was bored and it was my only source of entertainment. And I was in a transitional phase and it was difficult. I didn't want to believe what my grandmother had said. Who wants to think they're father's just trying to mold you into his little tool? He kept saying to watch out for you because you were out to get anyone who might be in league with the Dark Lord, especially me. I was just trying to show you I was tough and could take you."
Harry couldn't help but laugh at this and neither could Draco.
"So what changed that?" Harry asked. "Because I know at one point you really backed off and then, of course, there was the whole not torturing me thing later, which I'm mighty grateful for, by the way."
"Because then, you had to pull your whole saving me as I plummeted from my broom stunt and wasn't even expecting anything in return. I mean what was that? You were supposed to hate me," Draco said almost accusingly.
"Sorry to confuse you at such a critical point," said Harry in mock-concern.
"Well you did confuse me because you were supposed to be my enemy but hell, I hated people I was supposed to be friends with more than you. Oh and I saw you telling off those Gryffindors and Ravenclaws for picking on Crabbe's little brother, which also made it seem that perhaps my father wasn't exactly up with his facts. I don't know, it just became more and more obvious throughout the year that I didn't want to be on the side I was on, and I guess I was forced to make my choice when they tried to get me to torture you, and well, you know the rest. You know, when that happened, I was only a week or two away from being initiated. A nice ugly tattoo burned into my arm. Can you imagine, marring up my perfect skin?" he asked in disgust.
"No, not your perfect skin!" Harry teased. "So, what did your grandmother say about your big decision?"
Draco looked down at the amulet with a dark expression. "She died right before it happened. She never knew."
"I'm sorry, Draco," Harry said sincerely. "I'm sure she knows, though, wherever she is, and I'm sure she's proud."
"You think?" Draco asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I do," Harry said honestly.
"Good. I hope that wherever she is, she's having a huge party to celebrate my existence, and maybe as a present she can send down some bolts of lightning and take out a few people I'm not too fond of," Draco said dreamily.
Harry shook his head with a chuckle.
"What?" Draco asked innocently.
.
"Okay," Harry said, looking at the list of things he wanted to tutor Ron about that night. It was only two days until Snape was due to give Ron the test to see whether he would be allowed into Advanced Potions and Ron needed serious studying help. Harry had briefly considered denying him, as part of his pushing people away idea, but Ron had never really hurt him and he couldn't bring himself to do that to him. It would be far too lonely without his best friend, and he wasn't sure he could handle it just then. "Where are we on the list?" he asked tiredly. "The Invigoration Draught?"
"No, we already covered that," Ron said, his voice tinged with worry as he snuck another glance at the dark circles underneath Harry's eyes. The raven-haired boy had been out of it throughout the whole study session. It was obvious he was exhausted but was also very adamant about getting through everything he had planned.
"We did? When?" Harry asked in confusion, trying to remember.
"Five minutes ago. Right before we did that potion that makes the drinker really tired, the Emalfni one."
"The Emalfni potion? I told you that it makes people tired?"
"Yeah."
"What did I tell you the Eugitaf potion does?"
"It warms up the drinker," Ron said proudly.
Harry groaned. "I mixed them up. Sorry, Ron. I don't even remember doing them, but it's the other way around. Emalfni heats people up, Eugitaf makes people tired. I'm sorry, I'm totally messing you up here."
"So I'm guessing the powdered Phoenix feather and that set of ingredients goes into the Emalfni then?" Ron asked sympathetically.
Harry paused and Ron thought he was thinking about the question before Harry blinked over at him.
"Wait, what was the question again?" he asked bashfully. "Sorry."
"Harry, let's end here for tonight, okay? You need some sleep and I'll just study this on my own," Ron said, starting to gather his things.
"No, no. I'm fine, really," Harry protested. "I was just sort of zoning out there. We need to get you into Advanced Potions."
"Harry, you need to sleep. You're mixing everything up anyways, and it would be better to do it when you're awake enough to do this," Ron said gently.
Hedwig hooted as if agreeing with Ron. The owl had started following Harry everywhere. He wasn't sure why, but Hedwig had ceased going hunting lately and had taken to trailing Harry all over the Lighthouse, constantly nuzzling against him lovingly and nipping at his ear whenever he entered the kitchen or grabbing pieces of food and flying it to him. Harry was baffled by his pet's bizarre behavior, but had to admit he enjoyed the company.
"But there's not enough time for that! He's testing you in a couple days," Harry insisted.
"Harry, no offense, mate, but you keep messing up with tutoring me tonight anyways," Ron said, trying not to offend his friend. "I mean, you've been doing an excellent job with tutoring me, but just not tonight."
Harry paused thoughtfully, blinking hard to try to keep his eyes open. He looked up at Ron with a wary expression. "I have an idea. You might not like it, but really, it's all we can do," he said, getting up. "Just wait here and try not to have a panic attack when I come back, all right?"
Ron nodded perplexedly as his friend left the kitchen of the Lighthouse. Ron looked back to his books and the notes Harry had helped him take and began to try to read ahead. He sighed. It wasn't working; he couldn't learn it just by reading it. It got far too confusing and didn't make any sense. He hadn't been lying before; Harry had been an excellent tutor. Ron just needed to have someone explain things to him because the book just didn't make any sense to him.
He tapped his pencil rhythmically on his Potions book as he tried to make sense of what the book was saying. He kept glancing up, wondering what was taking Harry so long and what his brilliant idea was. He got a silent chuckle out of the thought that perhaps Harry's brilliant idea was to go upstairs and go to sleep.
Finally, Harry returned, coming through the kitchen door with a cautious glance at Ron.
"Don't freak out," he mouthed before coming fully into the kitchen, leading someone in behind him.
"Malfoy?" Ron asked incredulously. "You brought Malfoy?"
Draco scowled at him, not looking too happy about being there himself.
"Look, Ron, Draco's better than me at Potions, and I'm just screwing you up tonight. We don't have enough time left to skip a night of tutoring. You need to get into Advanced Potions. Please, Ron, just try this?" Harry asked. Ron was about to protest but saw the desperation in Harry's eyes and the dark circles under them and relented.
"Fine," he grumbled.
Draco reluctantly sat down next to him.
"Er, I'll go make some tea," Harry said cautiously before walking to the other side of the kitchen. He started noisily bustling around to start making the tea.
"Look, Weasley, I don't want to be here either, but Harry looks like he's going to collapse so I'm doing this to help him. Just go along with it, okay?" Draco said quietly so that Harry couldn't hear.
"Fine. Let's just stick to Potions and not talk about anything else, okay? Then there's a lesser risk of me punching you in the face," Ron whispered back.
"Fine with me, Weasley," he said quietly before returning to a normal volume voice. "Okay, so Harry said he had a list of things he wanted to go over," he said in a business-like tone.
Ron reluctantly pushed over the list, feeling humiliated at all the things he didn't know. "We were up to there," he said, pointing to a spot on the list.
"Well, Harry said he's been messing up so far on some of them, so I'll go over them with you first, and if you already know one well enough, we'll skip it," Draco suggested. Ron nodded glumly and Draco began to go through them as Harry clumsily made tea.
Harry soon brought three steaming cups to the table and set two in front of his friends. The two both looked up at him each casting him uneasy looks. Harry just smiled reassuringly and slumped into the chair across from them as the two turned back to the books casually sipping their tea.
Harry watched them for a while, interjecting any helpful hints or occasionally making a comment to break some tension. But soon, exhaustion claimed him and he fell asleep at the table. The other two lowered their voices slightly.
"Do you understand?" Draco asked imperiously after explaining another concept to Ron.
"Yes," the redhead muttered.
"No you don't."
"Yes I do," Ron snapped.
"Then explain it back to me," Draco challenged.
Ron just glared back at him. "You know what? Fine, you're right! I'm a stupid idiot and I don't understand anything, okay? Are you happy?" he said angrily. Draco shushed him urgently as Harry began to stir.
"Weasley, the reason I think you're an idiot has nothing to do with your Potions skills, okay? Now keep your bloody voice down," Draco hissed.
Ron looked away in humiliation and anger.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Look Weasley, you suck at Potions. Deal with it. Everyone sucks at something. Harry sucks at choosing a decent place to sleep. I suck at Charms. Feel better?" he asked with a slight sneer at having to reveal one of his weaknesses to his worst enemy. "Besides, Harry and I both are getting tutored in Potions by my godfather. I don't think you're an idiot for needing tutoring. There are a great many other reasons I think you're an idiot, but that's beside the point," he said with a smirk. Ron shot him a glare. "Now, if you have a question, ask it, because I don't want to waste my time trying to figure out what your question might be, okay?"
"Fine," Ron said moodily. "I don't get why it matters which way you stir it and how many times you stir it. It seems like it would be all mixed up in the end anyways, so I just don't get it."
Draco listened to the question with a blank expression. Ron waited for the derogatory comment, but one never came.
"In potions, the ingredients being combined are often highly sensitive when mixed or brought to a higher temperature. Sometimes, if they are mixed together even one stir too much, it could cause them to have some very volatile reactions and if they aren't mixed enough, they might not combine properly. The direction can be important sometimes because certain ingredients have a tendency to sink to different depths of the mixture or repel other ingredients and end up separating from others in very distinct patterns. For example, in the Invigoration Potion, all the ingredients, after adding them, always fall into distinct patterns just because the nature of them repels the other ones to different degrees. So, when you go to stir the ingredients, you must start going clockwise because the Nimitiv needs to combine with the powdered Rakashka tail before it mixes with the Horntail claw, is that a bit clearer?" he said calmly.
Ron nodded truthfully, still surprised that Draco hadn't made fun of him.
The two continued through the list, with Ron less afraid to voice his questions.
At one point, their attention was caught when Harry's breath quickened noticeably. They both looked up worriedly to see Harry's eyebrows knitted together and a scared expression on his face.
"Harry?" Ron called worriedly, reaching over to shake his friend awake. As soon as he touched him, Harry shot up in his seat with a gasp, eyes lit up with fright.
His eyes immediately landed on his two friends, looking at him in concern. Harry looked away.
"How long have I been asleep?" he asked casually, his voice sounding very weary.
"About an hour and a half," Ron informed him. Harry smiled at them tiredly, taking a sip of his cold tea.
"Wow, and you guys haven't killed each other. I'm so proud," he teased. "How's the tutoring going?"
"Good," Ron said shortly, not wanting to flatter Draco too much, but not wanting to offend him either. It was the least he could do after the blonde had put so much effort into tutoring him. "Why don't you go back to sleep?" he suggested. Harry quickly averted his eyes.
"No, I'm not tired anymore," he lied, a slightly haunted tone to his voice.
Ron and Draco exchanged a look. Harry had always been a completely crap liar.
"Well, we're almost done, and then we can leave so you can get some sleep," Ron said, mentally knocking a few things off the list Harry had made. He could figure those out later.
Harry's head shot up. "You don't have to go," he said quickly, sounding slightly panicked. "Draco, do you have anything to add to the list I made? I mean you're probably more familiar with what Professor Snape will put on the test."
"Harry, you need some rest. If you want, I can come back tomorrow to tutor Weasley, but you've been really tired lately. You need to go to sleep," Draco said firmly.
"I don't want to go to sleep," Harry insisted pleadingly. "I don't need to go to sleep. I'm not tired anymore."
"Well, I'm getting tired, so we're going to call it quits soon," Ron lied. Harry obviously needed his sleep and he wouldn't get it if the two of them were there. Ron doubted Harry would get it even without them there, but at least there was a higher chance of it that way.
Harry looked down dejectedly. "Oh, okay. But don't feel rushed. Take as long as you like. I'm going to make some more tea if you guys want it," he said, getting up. He didn't want them to leave. It would be so much easier to stay awake if the other two were there to stay awake with him. He liked the company; he didn't want to be alone.
"Harry, don't make tea right now, it's right before bed," Draco pointed out. "It'll keep you up."
Ron thought that might be the point.
"It's fine. I'm not tired anyways," Harry said, though his body language said differently. As he sluggishly began to go through the motions of making tea, there were times when Ron was sure he was going to collapse onto the kitchen floor.
"Harry, have you been sleeping much lately?" Draco asked bluntly. Harry stiffened at the question and turned around with a confused expression plastered on to his face.
"Yeah, of course. Where are you guys on the list I made?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Almost done," Ron answered, frustrated that Harry was closing himself off. "It's kind of late, maybe I'll just stay the night. Is that all right, Harry?" Ron asked in a moment of inspiration.
Harry looked down at the floor. "Um, actually, tonight's not a good night, Ron. I have a…I have a healer's appointment tomorrow morning."
"I thought you had them Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays," Draco challenged. "Tomorrow's Saturday. Besides, Sev always goes with you to them and he would have told me if he was going to be gone tomorrow morning." He seemed to have realized that it would be good to have someone there to make sure Harry got to bed, or at least to find out how much sleep Harry was actually getting.
Harry looked somewhat flustered at having been caught in a lie. "Oh right. Just got confused with the days, I guess," he muttered. "Um…I think Sirius…"
"Said you two didn't have anything planned for tomorrow and that I was welcome to stay the night if I wanted," Ron butt in.
"Oh, okay. Then yeah, sure," Harry said awkwardly. It was obvious that he didn't want Ron to stay the night, but Ron didn't take it personally. He knew that Harry hadn't slept the night he spent at the Burrow, and he was suspecting this was a nightly pattern now, a pattern he was trying to hide from everyone.
"So stop making tea, Harry, because I'm exhausted and we're going to go to bed soon and I don't want to have you bouncing off the walls while I'm trying to sleep," Ron said sternly, sounding frighteningly like his mother, a fact that disturbed him a bit.
Harry sighed and looked longingly at the tea. "Okay," he muttered, before reluctantly putting it away.
Draco quickly explained one last potion to Ron before they quit, not bothering with the small bunch they had skipped.
"Er, thanks, Malfoy," Ron said awkwardly, as the blonde made to leave. Draco nodded curtly in acknowledgement before saying goodbye to Harry and Flooing back home.
Harry didn't even bother telling Sirius that Ron was staying, since the Animagus was already asleep. Ron quickly stuck his head through the fire to tell his parents he was staying at the Lighthouse for the night before the two boys went up to Harry's room.
With Ron's help, Harry dragged the extra mattress out from under his bed. Ron watched as Harry looked at his closet warily as he slowly walked toward it to get the linens. Ron dodged over and opened it before Harry got to it, grabbing the extra sheets off the top shelf and the extra pair of pajamas he'd stowed there. He felt a pang of guilt, wondering if the seemingly harmless prank with he and the twins jumping out of Ginny's closet in the dark had unintentionally worked its way into Harry's fears, though he doubted it was the three redheads Harry feared would be behind the door.
Finally the two flicked off the lights and crawled into their respective beds.
"Night, Ron," Harry said before turning over in his bed to face the window, his back toward Ron.
"Night, Har," Ron said, not letting his disappointment work its way into his voice. With Harry's back toward him, it would be nearly impossible to figure out if the raven-haired boy had gone to sleep.
Ron settled back into his pillow and settled for trying to listen for Harry's breathing to even out.
.
A little over an hour later, Ron was beginning to drift into sleep, when he was brought back to awareness by a choked sob. It took a few seconds for him to realize what was going on, but when he realized Harry was thrashing around on the bed above him, Ron scrambled off of the mattress and was immediately at his friend's side.
Harry's face was screwed up in terror and he was letting out the occasional sob as a few tears dripped down his face. He had gotten tangled up in his covers and was trying to kick and push them away.
"Harry! Harry wake up!" Ron hissed, grabbing Harry's shoulders and shaking them a bit.
Harry bolted upright in bed, with a great gasp. He frantically struggled to get away from Ron, not fully aware of what was going on.
"No, let me go!" he said quickly in a terrified voice. "No, please."
"Harry. Harry, it's me. It's Ron," Ron said calmingly, not letting go of Harry's shoulders.
Harry stopped fighting back.
"Ron?" he asked, squinting through the darkness. Ron handed Harry his glasses from his nightstand.
"Yeah, it's me."
Harry hit his arm. "You idiot. What the hell? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" he hissed, trying to calm down.
"You were having a nightmare," Ron explained, sitting down on the edge of Harry's bed.
Harry stilled. "Oh."
"What was it about?" Ron asked gently.
"I can't remember. Probably Sirius's cooking," Harry joked dismissively.
"You were crying," Ron said quietly.
"Was not," Harry snapped defensively.
Ron pointed to Harry's face, where several tears still clung to his skin. Harry wiped them away quickly and looked away.
"Was it about your uncle?" Ron asked softly.
"No," Harry said quickly. "Of course not. It was…it was nothing. Why don't we just go back to sleep?"
"Don't you mean me go back to sleep while you stay up for the rest of the night?" Ron asked with a slight edge to his voice. "Look, Harry, it's nothing to be ashamed about. Your family was horrible to you and hurt you every chance they got, when they were supposed to be there for you. And then your uncle attacked you after you thought it was all over. It would give anyone nightmares. Even I have nightmares from it occa…"
"It wasn't like that," Harry interrupted defensively.
"What wasn't like that?" Ron asked in confusion.
"Look, it wasn't as bad as you think. They weren't horrible to me. They took me in. They let me stay. They…"
"Harry!" Ron interrupted incredulously. "They abused you!"
"They did not!" Harry protested. "You don't know anything!"
"Your uncle beat you up and tried to kill you several times!"
"They were accidents!"
Ron gaped at him.
"You don't really think that," he said in disbelief.
"He just had a drinking problem. And a temper problem. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't help it and he didn't mean to…" Harry rationalized.
"Harry, why are you making excuses for him! He singled you out! He didn't touch your cousin or your aunt! He didn't lock them in a cupboard or starve them. He did it to you and he did it on purpose, can't you see that? For Merlin's sakes he hunted you down at the Stensons after all this time! Can't you see your family treated you like scum?" Ron asked incredulously.
"They…they…no! They didn't mean to! They wouldn't hurt me on purpose! They're my family and they love me!" Harry yelled.
He immediately fell silent and his eyes grew wide. He blinked several times in surprise, trying to register what he had just said. He didn't even know where that had come from. He couldn't actually believe something so clearly untrue, could he?
But he wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe it so badly, and had wanted to believe it for so long. Maybe he wanted it so badly that he had actually made himself believe it at some level. Maybe that's why it hurt so horribly.
"I…I-I…" he stammered, feeling the need to say something but not know what.
Ron was looking at him in shock.
"I didn't…I didn't mean that…I don't know where that came from. I don't really think that, really. I know…I know that's not true…I just…um…I need to go to the loo, excuse me," Harry said, still stunned. He pushed passed Ron and dazedly got out of bed.
"Harry, wait," Ron called, but Harry just ignored him, feeling utterly humiliated.
Out in the hall, he nearly collided with Sirius.
"Hey, Har. Is everything okay? I thought I heard yelling. Is someone else here? Did Ron stay over?" he asked worriedly.
"Yeah, yeah. Ron's…Ron's here," Harry said distractedly. "We're fine. Ron just saw a spider, that's all."
"Oh, okay," Sirius said in relief. "Oh hello, Ron. Don't worry about being afraid of spiders. They're really creepy with all those legs, even if Harry here's not afraid of them," he said as the redhead came into the doorframe, misinterpreting the look on Ron's face. He turned back to Harry. "You sure everything's okay then?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm just going to the loo. See you in the morning, Sirius," Harry said.
Sirius ruffled his hair and descended the stairs.
Harry quickly made his way to the bathroom and closed the door behind him and locking it. He sank down to the floor and stared at the opposite wall.
"Harry?" came the quiet call from the other side of the door.
"I'm fine. Go back to bed, Ron," Harry choked out, putting his head in his hands.
He heard the footsteps pad away and then come back. There was a scraping sound and a click before the door slowly opened. Harry nearly groaned as he realized the twins had obviously taught their brother how to pick locks.
Ron entered, shut the door behind him and sat down next to Harry.
"I could have been using the toilet, you know," Harry pointed out, eyes focused on his knees.
"Possibly, but I would have survived the trauma," Ron said with a small smile. Harry gave a sad chuckle, not breaking his eye contact with his knees.
There was a long pause where both were trying to think of what to say.
"Harry, about what you…"
"Ron," Harry interrupted, "just…just ignore everything I just said. I didn't mean it. I was half-asleep and I didn't know what I was saying. Really. I don't…I don't think that."
"You don't need them, Har. They were all horrible. You have better family now," Ron said seriously.
"Yeah, a godfather and a pet dog in one," Harry joked weakly.
"Harry, do you want to talk about…" Ron started cautiously.
"Ron, it was nothing, seriously," Harry interrupted firmly. "Let's just go back to bed."
"We both know you're not going to go to sleep," Ron challenged.
"I will. I'll go to sleep," Harry insisted, getting to his feet.
Ron reluctantly decided to give Harry the benefit of the doubt and followed him back to the bedroom.
Fifteen minutes later, Ron sat up.
"Harry, I've shared a dorm with you for five years now. I can tell when you're asleep and when you're just faking it."
"How?" Harry asked curiously, turning over.
"That's not the point. Have you been sleeping at all lately?" he asked incredulously. "Never mind, don't answer that, I already know. Why don't you have Snape get you a dreamless sleeping draught or something?"
"Because I don't need it," Harry said. More quietly, he added, "and because they're addicting and because I grew immune to the only one Hr. Callahan will let me have in two days."
"Two days?" Ron asked incredulously. "That doesn't seem right."
"Well, I took so many different potions last year when I was sick, a lot of them sleeping potions, that Hr. Callahan reckons I've grown immune to some of the common ingredients," Harry confided.
"Does Sirius know about this?" Ron asked worriedly.
Harry sat up in bed and looked at Ron seriously. "No, and don't tell him. It's not that bad. You're just seeing me on a bad night."
"Harry, I really think you should tell him."
"He has enough on his mind without having to worry about something as stupid as a slight bit of insomnia," Harry argued.
"Bollocks," Ron said angrily, though his anger wasn't directed at Harry, "it's not insomnia. You're forcing yourself to stay awake, aren't you? To avoid the nightmares you've been having."
"No!" Harry said indignantly.
"Harry, I'm your best friend! Please stop lying to me! Tell me what's going on with you!" Ron begged.
Harry looked slightly taken aback. "I'm not…I'm not lying…"
Ron cut him off. "You are, Harry, and you know it."
Harry stayed silent and looked out the window.
"Harry, talk to me. Please."
"I…I can't," Harry said in a near-whisper. "I don't know what to say."
"How about starting off with what's wrong?" Ron suggested hopefully.
Harry shook his head miserably. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's probably just a phase, something with all these potions I'm on for these stupid headaches."
"Harry…"
"Look, I'll try to figure out what's wrong and if I think of something I want to talk about, I'll come to you, okay?" Harry compromised. "For now, let's just try to go to sleep. I'm tired."
Ron sighed. "Okay, fine. As long as you promise to come talk to me if you need to."
"I will," Harry said firmly, lying back down.
Ron should have known he was lying.
.
"I swear, if Weasley doesn't pass this, and I wasted all my valuable time…" Draco ranted quietly.
"All your valuable time that you would have otherwise spent doing what, may I ask?" Harry pointed out.
"That's not the point."
It was finally the day of Ron's test to get into Advanced Potions and the redhead had been nearly shaking with nervousness. Harry and Draco were waiting outside Snape's lab. Harry had reluctantly come, only for moral support for Ron. When they had first arrived, he had made a point of avoiding Snape's gaze and answering any questions with short nods.
"Shall we go for another peek?" Draco suggested. Harry nodded.
The two boys crept over to the door and poked their heads in. Ron had apparently finished his written part and was on to the practical portion of it.
"Merlin's beard, Weasley!" Snape barked as Ron was about to add an ingredient, causing Ron to jump and nearly catch his hand on fire. "Have you read the directions at all or have you just gotten your common sense surgically removed?" he asked with a sneer. "What are you supposed to add next?"
"U-u-um, powdered hornblende?" Ron stammered nervously.
"Yes, and does the ingredient you hold in your hand look like powdered hornblende?"
"I-it says powdered hornblende on the label," Ron said, pointing it out.
"That is not what I asked. Ingredients can be mislabeled and you must be prepared for that," Snape said sternly, grabbing the jar from him and tapping the label with his wand, making it turn back to its real label. "This is powdered hornblende, since you obviously can't figure it out for yourself," he said, thrusting a jar at him.
Ron snuck a peek at the door and Harry gave him a thumbs-up and a reassuring smile. Ron gave him a shaky smile back and quickly returned to his potion.
Draco and Harry left the door to, once again, pace impatiently.
"Isn't that a little harsh with mislabeling the ingredients?" Harry asked. "We didn't have to do that on ours."
"Harsh? It's downright cruel. But it's really funny as long as it's Weasley in there and not me," Draco said with a smirk.
Harry rolled his eyes.
It didn't take long for a dazed Ron to join them in the waiting room of the lab and collapse on the couch.
"Well?" Harry asked anxiously.
"He's grading the written and he won't let me know about the practical yet. He'll be out in a few minutes," he said nervously.
A few minutes later, Snape emerged from the lab with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Weasley, I expect you to put all your effort into your work in my class or you will be kicked out faster than you can say Veritiserum, got it?"
"I'm in?" Ron asked incredulously.
"No, Weasley, I meant my knitting class," Snape said sarcastically. Draco sniggered. "Of course you're in if I expect you to attend my classes."
"Thank you, Professor. I'll try really hard, I swear," Ron said in relief.
"We'll see," Snape said with an imperious look.
"See you later, Draco," Harry said as he and Ron made to leave.
"Harry," Snape said quickly, "wait. I need to talk to you. Weasley, run along."
Ron hesitated momentarily, looking to Harry, but then nodded and left, telling Harry to stop by later.
"I need to get home," Harry said, avoiding Snape's gaze.
"Black will understand. Draco, will you excuse us?"
Draco nodded and left the room, amazingly without any complaint.
As the door shut behind the blonde, Harry shifted nervously and tried not to fidget too much, reminding himself that he was supposed cold and unfeeling.
"I really should be getting home," Harry insisted uncomfortably.
"Harry, sit down for a minute," Snape said gently. Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Snape cut him off. "Your godfather won't mind."
Harry reluctantly sat down and was rather surprised when Snape pulled up a chair to sit across from him.
"Harry, tell me about the Dursleys," he said determinedly.
Harry's eyebrows shot up. "What?" he asked in an unnaturally high voice.
"We can start wherever you want and if you don't know where to start, I have plenty of questions," Snape said, attempting to sound comforting, a feat difficult for the Potions master.
"Questions?" Harry choked. He hadn't expected anyone to ever actually start this conversation and the fact that it was so real now terrified him.
"Yes," Snape said patiently. "Questions about what you went through at your relatives' house. Why don't we start with the cupboard they kept you in?"
"My cupboard?" Harry asked dazedly. This was all happening so fast and he wasn't sure he was ready to think about all this stuff again. "My cupboard was just my room, it-it isn't a big deal."
"Harry, normal people do not shut children in cupboards, especially when they have other perfectly fine rooms that are not in use," Snape said firmly.
"But I'm not a normal…"
Harry trailed off and suddenly looked up at Snape with a different expression, one of hurt and anger. He stood up abruptly.
"I have to go," he said sharply and started toward the door.
"Harry, what…" Snape started in confusion at the sudden turn of events.
Harry spun around with an angry expression. "You don't care," he said shaking his head. "You're doing this because Sirius has been talking with Draco, or because Remus asked you to. You don't care about me, you never have, and I don't need your fake sympathy and I DON'T need your help."
"Harry…" Snape started, but Harry had already slammed the door behind him.
Snape sank down into his chair and put his head in his hands. He had really screwed up this time and he wasn't sure if he could ever make things right. And if he didn't make things right, he didn't want to think about what would happen to Harry.
A/N: Hey guys, I'm going to make some of these review responses a bit shorter than usual to try and get the chapter out quicker! Just thought I'd give you a heads up.
Wiccan PussyKat: lol, I'm so glad you liked the chapter so much! Lol, loved your little rant at the godfathers. I could almost see Sirius beginning to smirk at Sirius and then snap to attention and look guilty. He's such a little kid. They were mad, they were beyond upset, but they screwed up. Really badly at that. Sirius obviously didn't realize the impact of his words at the time, but poor Harry had to bay the price. And Sev really messed up as well. Harry hasn't really changed who he is, but he's so confused he's changed in other ways because he's just so lost. Looking back at the 'flawed perfection' conversation, one might get a good idea of where Harry's at mentally right now. Lol, don't worry, I love the ranting! I feed off it. I'm so glad to hear you say "as awful as their behaviour is sometimes, we can see where they're coming from." I think I could kiss you. (Don't worry, I won't, lol). Sure they do stupid things and mess up and go overboard, but I'm glad you see that somewhere in all that mess they've created, they might have their reasons or good intentions or at least you can understand why they might act the way they do. I'm glad you're seeing that even though it's easy to be angry with the two godfathers, they're quite lost themselves and are not intending to hurt the boys. Moving on, I must admit that writing Remus's rant was major fun and quite therapeutic. Lol, that would be hilarious if Lucius was just like, "I want that amulet!! It looks really good with my dress robes and I just can't find another one that looks so snazzy. And my mum says it accents the color of my eyes." Emerald eyes doesn't link the amulet to Harry for plot reasons, only symbolically. The amulet protects and saves lives, and so does Harry. Silver and green are Slytherin colors (the dragon is silver the eyes are green) and that was one of the reason those colors were chosen, but that connection with Slytherin is not important to the rest of the pot. I'll tell you that much. As Snape said earlier in the fic, there were wards/alarms that would alert them when Lucius entered the property. Sev does need to learn to apologize. Harry deserves that much.
Eowyn of Ithilien: I'm so glad you liked the chapter and hope that you like some of the others as much. Lol, you know, I never noticed that before, with the whole Harry holding Draco thing until someone brought up that they were in a closet together. Very symbolic. Lol. I'm glad to appease you though. Must admit I had fun writing that as well. The little slasher in me was apparently edging its way to the surface without me realizing it. Lol, buttery anger! Glad you enjoyed it. I can picture you rolling up your sleeves in fury and going off to try to find the Lighthouse to go after Sirius. Hahaha, Harry and Draco stuck in a cupboard together and then running off into the sunset…hmm…down slasher down! Man, I got to get control of myself I guess lol. I figured Remus calls Sirius "Padfoot" more often than anything else so it wouldn't be abnormal for him to just slip and use the nickname at any old time, but I can see your point. I never really saw it as a "term of friendly endearment" until you pointed it out, so I could definitely see what you mean. Yeah, Sevvy's messed up pretty bad as well, but at least Siri's out of denial and you can stop threatening him for awhile. I don't only test my dialogue in the mirror, but also just when I'm walking around thinking about my fic and dialogue strikes me and I have to say it aloud to feel it out, see if it seems right. This might indicate that I have something wrong with me mentally, but I guess you've probably guessed that by now just by reading this fic. Oh well! skips along talking to herself in the voice of Snape I do the same exact thing with my characters. Especially in school when I'm bored. I always think of different things throughout the day or random situations, both casual and intense, and think of how they'd react. That's sort of how Recnac started. Thinking, hmm…I wonder how they'd react if someone was dying…someone like…HARRY!! Well, I think to be a writer you have to be a bit insane. It's like having a bunch of characters running around in your head and putting them in different situations. Glad you can relate.
ParanoiaIn2005: Well, even if Lucius is a blatant asshole (excuse my French), it still must hurt for Draco that his father just dismissed him so easily, just like it still hurts Harry even though we all know the Dursleys are scum. I'm glad you see that Snape was angry because he was so upset. Lol, I do enjoy bringing up things and then making you all wait to see what they mean, or sometimes don't tell you at all until much much later. It keeps you on your toes. Well, be fair. Sev and Siri both acted the same during this whole episode. Everyone seems to be taking a side but they both screwed up royally and were both angry out of worry and parental instinct craziness. Like the Ron morph, btw. Lol. But writing Moony's rant was quite therapeutic I must admit. Sirius did finally understand what Remus was saying, it just took a bit longer for it to sink in. I'm sorry you thought the boys' reactions were off. They were freaked out and had a tough night, that's all I can offer. Harry's getting desperate now and is tired of being hurt so much. The only way to keep himself from being hurt is to push people away. Obviously, he isn't doing it with everyone, but Sev's been angry and cold with him, so Harry feels more justified in being angry and cold in return. Yeah, my beta's taken off for a bit, so I've been having a hard time catching some of my errors on my own, as I haven't had much time to look over them deeply with rapidly writing the rest of the chapters. Sometimes it's hard to catch your own mistakes, you know? Ah well, constructive criticism is good and helps me write better! Some of what I'm doing will make more sense later.
Luinlothana: Good observation about the attacks and stress. Doesn't look like the theory pans out does it? I'm glad you like Harry's reaction at the end of the chapter. It seems that Sirius was able to better handle talking to Draco, probably since they've been through the same thing and it's easier to determine how to handle it. Ooh, that's a good idea with the dream thing. When I read that I rapidly looked to see if I could fit it in anywhere but I can't, unfortunately. It's a cool idea though. True, Harry might show maturity just in the way he didn't recklessly try to play hero in that situation and put he and Draco into further danger. I like that. Lol, that's so funny that you're thinking of AU for my fic. Are you kidding? Of course I missed you! I do read through all my reviews and I notice when people are missing, especially my top reviewers such as yourself. Hahaha, no I don't have someone read through my reviews! Lol, I love them to death and read every one. Oh and JKR actually did confirm that Blaise Zabini is a guy.
Dana (SerpentandtheLion): Yeah, Sev really needs to know how much he hurts Harry when he reverts to his cold self. You're right, Harry has never felt like he's the most important person in anyone's life. He's barely felt needed at all. I like you articulating my points, so never fear. That way I know that somebody's understanding what I'm trying to say! I will make sure PK tells us all about it when it happens in August so we can all live vicariously through her.
Savoy Truffle: I'm so thrilled to have made you cry! Yay! Lol, really? I act out things from my story too, usually so I have a better idea of how to write them. I also practice dialogue and such, which might mean I'm a bit crazy, but oh well. I don't think Siri or Harry will be going to the Black House any time in this story, too many bad memories there for Siri. How do I think of the characters? You mean how do I see them or how do I figure out how to make them act? Any particular characters you have in mind?
ImaginaryFriendless: wow! I love the long review! Sev should have been more mature, but we've always known he has a bad temper and Harry and Draco scared him to death with their reckless behavior. I'm glad you can sort of understand where Sirius was coming from. They both said some stupid things, but they're trying to fix them now. Sirius wants to fix things, but he's so afraid of saying the wrong thing and screwing things up with Harry even more, that he needs all the advice he can get from Remy before hand. No, Harry's headaches are not related to the pendant, I'll tell you that much. Lol, yeah, the movie portrayed Draco as very wimpy. I though it was funny, but not really true to canon. (my friend was dressed as Draco at the premiere and kept exclaiming "It's just an act to fool you all" everytime Draco was being all whimpery)
Howl (well, thank you for reviewing! I love long reviews! I'm so thrilled you like the H/D friendship in the fic and so happy that you like Snape. He's the most difficult character to balance. I'm so glad you like my fics! Lol, I always thought it would be great to have Sev around a little kid, and Anna was just the one for the job. I'm glad to give you mood fluctuations as you read this. It's my goal! Of course I can't answer good v. evil questions. I love Snape too! Don't you just want to give him a hug, and then run very very fast before he realizes what you just did? That would be awesome!
tessbomb65 (I'm glad you like how I'm dealing with Harry's reactions to the abuse. Lol, I'm so happy you were scared at the beginning of the chapter! I've done my job properly then.), Dea Puella, M0rbidity, CentralsPrincess15 (It wasn't all Snape's fault, but he did screw up royally. He thought Snape could help Harry because Harry talked to Snape a lot the previous year and confided in him. Snape was the first to find out about the abuse as well.), voxenking, Lourdes (If you look to when Sirius is telling Harry to go to Snape Manor, that's when Draco floos in. That's how Harry realizes what's going on and decides to go over to Snape Manor), azntgr01, lmill123 (yeah, they sort of screwed up royally. Remy would be a good person to take them in for a bit, but it would really just be postponing the conversations that need to be had and widen the gap between the boys and their godfathers.), lonlyheart, Erin (give Harry a break? Lol, what kind of story would that be?), Stahchild (well, Sirius is out of his denial now and he's really trying to figure out what to do), AvengingKitty, megsleeps (thanks, I'm sure PK appreciated those links!), Kfelton, kamahpfan (I'm so glad you liked it. I'm glad you like angst because there's a lot coming up. I've taken a night class in psychology before, but we didn't really get into a lot of this stuff. I'm mostly taking this from personal experiences, experiences of people I know, and just putting myself in Harry's place and thinking of how I'd react.), harryandginnyforever, lyss33, A-Brighter-Dawn (I'm glad you liked that line. I rather liked it myself), Lorie1101 (lol, yay! I'm always glad to get people emotional. It lets me know I'm doing my job properly. Draco was in a bit of shock at the time and otherwise would have taken some blame for himself.), Avea (Oh, that sounds like a sad song. I've never heard it), MissLilyStar (Just so you know, JKR said Harry's not going to become an animagus, but good idea anyways. I hope your friend got through what they were going through. I know! Nobody updates these days!), corinnetkn24, athenakitty, Mormon Girl (thank you! FYI a Mary Sue is an original character who's annoyingly perfect and does things like fixes house rivalries and is loved by/ is friends with everyone. I'm glad you like Kota and my portrayal of Snape. Thanks!), kneh13, hpfanchrissy1502 (I hope I can write a book someday, that would be my dream come true), Alaranth-88 (I know this one. Bill Weasley's two years older than Charlie, who's two years older than Percy, who's two years older than the twins who are two years older than Ron. So when Harry's fifteen, Bill is 23.), Shadowarwen (yup, those two screwed up a bit. The Order definitely knew that Lucius had been there. Earlier in the fic, I said (through Sev's thoughts) that the Order had set up alarms to see if Lucius entered the house. The only ones to leave were Sev, Siri, and Remy.), Soft Willow, lost angel92, jessebelle, Marci018 (Yeah, that makes sense. If Lucius wasn't looking for them, he might overlook where they might be hidden. Glad you liked the chapter!), Siri Kat, Madame Moony (cowers lol, yes he deserves better, but it's so fun to torture him!), starwander, DreamersDisease (I'm so glad I made you cry!), sou85a, lilynjamesAAF, monica85 (not a problem at all. Tears are good), blulily07 (yay! Thank you! Well, I updated early!), Earthmom, Wynjara, Musicstarlover, Heather (I'm so glad you like it! And um, I only torture the people I love.), Lea Black (thanks! Glad you like Flawed! Harry's not going to make it easy for anyone to help him, but especially Snape), Kjkit, Von (No, Harry's always my favorite to torture, so never fear in that department. Yeah, stability's definitely not something he's been getting from Snape lately. He's really screwing with Harry's head, even if he doesn't mean to.), Dana (MP) (the climax of this fic is my fave part), Angel74 (yup, just another bump in the road, but as you said, definitely an important bump. I'm so glad you thought the reactions of the three adults were in character! Draco and Harry are alike in many ways, which is one reason they're so protective of each other. Me update? You update!! I'm going crazy waiting for the next chapters of either fic!), yellowpages (Harry's in a bad place right now, and you're right, even though he's acting a bit uncharacteristic, it makes sense, or at least I hope so. Draco was a bit in shock at the time, and otherwise would have took some responsibility for himself.), Myr Halcyon (Oh and more clues in the future, but please don't stop telling me your theories! That's my fave part of it all! Lol, I've heard the Ron=Dumbledore theory and it makes no sense to me. I guess I just can't picture Ron being all sage and wise. You'd probably give Snape a heart attack if you called him a teddy bear to his face. Thanks so much for the wonderful compliments!), torifire126 (yeah, they found it), ThreeToedSloth (Both Sev and Sirius screwed up and now Harry just can't handle it anymore and is pushing them away. Le sigh), Phoenixmarauder, DADAGinny (Thank you!), Tati1 (Well, Snape's not exactly a counselor. He doesn't really know what he's doing just as Sirius doesn't either. They're both trying to figure out this whole parenting thing as they go along.), Liz (I never felt Sirius changed drastically in the books. He was just a bit nutters in the third one. He's a bit like a big kid.), Nadia Greenleaf, Seta Kaede, James Milamber, Nation El-Diablo, Shawn Pickett, Wren Truesong, NathanPostmark, Ashaera, Howling Wolf 22, shadowsfriend, Arsenal, Nemati, MsHobgoblin, dominy (I'm glad you're seeing that Harry's turning into how Snape used to be. He's caught in the same place Snape was, so Snape should be the best person to help him, he just needs to wake up and smell the coffee), therese, hedwigs-biggest-fan (thanks! I'm glad you liked it! And hey, look, I did update early this week!), EriEka127, Toras (Thank you so much. It means a lot to have someone with some authority on the subject let me know that the two boys' reactions were right on. Many people were saying they were out of character, and it's nice to know that I'm not off like some seem to think.), Hp-Azn, texasjeanette (lol, yeah, Sev can be frustratingly dense at times), Kiki (lol, um my secret? I don't really have one, I just live by the rule that you can't tell your readers what to feel, you have to make them feel it. I write what makes me feel, and hope that others feel what I'm feeling. Does that make any sense? Thank you for the support!), SillyGillie, anonymous3 (I know the answers to one of the questions! JKR has confirmed that Blaise Zabini is a boy), musicgal, Shadow Wolf2418 (lol, you want to molest Remus, what? Lol, Just kidding. He's a major cutie.), lasach (wow, thanks for reviewing mine! Sorry it's stressing you out, but I did warn that it would be more angsty. Sorry!), BabyBlu4, Gypsy t. Potter (thanks for posting my fic on your site! I left a comment in your guestbook but when I sent it, it went sort of funky. Did you receive it?), Lupin123 (Remus would be a good person for Harry to talk to, but he also realizes that Harry needs to establish a trust with his godfather more than Remus who isn't around as often.), David, the ruler of all (lol, nice penname! Thank you! Lol, you guys confuse me so much, you tell me you like the fic and then say I'm being too mean to Harry. So confusing…), acciodanrad9 (The boys didn't deserve that much yelling, perhaps, but they really freaked out their godfathers by being so reckless with their lives when they're both always in danger. I'm glad you liked both chapters!), Thunder's Shadow, Ashley (Thank you so much!), ChildOfDarkness (lol, I'm glad you enjoy all the angst. I'm getting many people saying I'm too mean, but I'm glad I can make you happy lol. I'm pretty positive Harry's going to die, because in all the interviews I've read, she said if she makes an 8th book, it's not going to be a novel but one of those random school book type ones for charity, and the prophecy is worded to allow it.), walker-of-the-shadow-path (I'm glad you gave in and read them and am happy that you like them.), mickeymoose, UnlimitedUnknown (HAHAHA!! I'm thrilled that you and your friend are so fond of my fic! Thanks for the awesome review!)