Author's Note: Hey everyone! Important! Marci018 has been so completely awesome as to have started a yahoo group for me! I know some people have been thinking this fic's getting a bit too angsty, so I've cut out a lot of stuff and created an alternate ending for this chapter. I took out a whole subplot, basically. Anyways, the uncut version is at my yahoo group. The uncut version for this chapter shows the Weasley parents' attempt at a talk with Harry and an alternate ending to the chapter and will continue with the uncut version from this point on. On the site, I'll be posting deleted scenes from both fics, and eventually an alternate ending for Recnac where Voldie never attacks and therefore, Harry doesn't get cured of the cancer. There will be chats and polls about my fics (you guys can talk about your theories and such) and other HP stuff. Also, WE NEED ART!! We need someone to please design the home page of the website and any other fan art would be welcomed!! If you're interested, email me. PLEASE!!! You can also email me any ideas for polls or just ideas for the group in general. So, please everyone join and send me ideas! The link and my email address are at my Author's page since isn't being cooperative in letting me put it in this chapter.
BTW, thanks to my wonderful beta Senri who helped me figure out how to edit this chapter and helped me pick the ending to post here. Senri, you rock. I'm glad you're back.
Also, fanficnet's being really screwy right now so I have no idea how this chapter's going to come out.
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Draco took a calming breath as he looked at the fireplace. He couldn't think of somewhere he'd less want to go, except for maybe to wherever his father was. He sighed and took a pinch of Floo powder.
"I can't believe you're doing this," his godfather said from behind him.
"Neither can I, but he needs all the help he can get. Obviously neither of us can get him to talk enough to really help him, and Sirius would rather treat him like a piece of china than try to get him to talk about what happened," Draco said with a sigh. Even if he had known about Sirius's plans to talk to Harry, he would have done this anyway, since the man was just taking far too long.
"Well, I'm proud of you. This shows a lot of loyalty and bravery," Snape said.
They both glanced at each other and shuddered.
"Ugh, like a cross between a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor. Please allow me to go vomit," Draco said dramatically.
Snape smirked. "Later. Or have you decided to back out of your little errand?"
Draco made a face at his godfather. "No, I haven't."
"Good. Just remember that these are Harry's friends too, so he probably wouldn't appreciate you making any degrading comments about their home or other such insults."
Draco sighed. "Yeah, yeah." He threw the powder into the fire and stepped in and reluctantly said, "the Burrow."
Moments later, he stepped gracefully through into the small, cluttered room. The twins were in the room, along with their father. The three looked up and froze in shock as they realized who their visitor was.
"Who's here?" Ginny asked excitedly as she popped into the room. When she saw the blonde, her eyebrows shot up.
"Hi, is…Ron here?" he asked, nearly calling him Weasley. The twins shot each other a perplexed look. Everyone was too shocked to answer him and Draco resisted the urge to squirm under their stares.
Mrs. Weasley popped her head in and saw Draco. She froze momentarily but quickly recovered and walked in.
"Hello dear, if you're trying to find Harry, I'm afraid he's not here," she said warmly.
"Actually, I was trying to find Ron," he said awkwardly. He felt extremely guilty speaking with the woman he had made fun of so often to get a rise out of her sons. He glanced nervously over at the twins who seemed to have not forgotten that fact. The two were looking at him coldly.
"He's up in his room. I'll show you up," she said, gesturing for him to follow. He nodded and quickly caught up to her to escape the room where he was so unwelcome.
"I heard what you did for Harry. That was very brave of you. Sirius tells me you two are friends now," she said on their way up.
"Yes ma'am," he said politely.
"You don't have to be so formal, dear. Just call me Mrs. Weasley like Harry does. I've told him he's always welcome to invite you over here, and I'm sure he will once the rest of my family gets over their grudges." She dropped her voice. "Weasley men are very stubborn, you know. It takes them forever to get over a grudge, but they eventually will," she said with a bright chuckle, as she patted him on the shoulder reassuringly.
Draco looked at her in fascination. He had never met such a warm woman. He knew now what Harry meant whenever he described Mrs. Weasley as someone you'd want to adopt you after spending a few minutes with. He wished his own mother had been so affectionate and approachable. He felt a pang of jealousy toward Ron, something that slightly scared him.
"You know, Harry's really like one of the family. As long as you're friends with him, you're welcome here."
"Thank you," he said graciously, thinking of something nice to tell the woman, something he didn't know if he'd ever bothered with. "You know, Harry said your house is the best house he's ever been in."
"Did he really?" Mrs. Weasley asked with a delighted smile.
Draco nodded. He wished he could go on and tell the woman all the compliments Harry had ever said just to make her happy, but felt that telling her such things as Harry saying she was the closest thing to a mother he'd ever had would be betraying Harry's trust. He suddenly shook himself mentally, wondering what the hell he was doing. Harry was definitely right, there was something about this place that made you feel like you were home.
They stopped at a door that said "Ronald's Room" on it. Mrs. Weasley knocked on the door.
"Ron, you have a visitor," she called.
The door flew open seconds later and Ron froze in seeing Draco there.
"Well, I'll leave you two boys to talk. It was nice to meet you Draco dear," she said before turning down the stairs.
"It was nice to meet you too," he called after her before turning back to the slightly stunned Weasley boy.
"What are you doing here?" Ron hissed.
"I need to talk to you," he said non-chalantly.
"What on earth about?" he asked incredulously.
"It's about Harry."
Ron looked slightly taken aback.
"What about Harry?" he asked suspiciously.
"The way he's been acting ever since the thing with his uncle," Draco said bluntly. "Now can I come in?"
Ron looked indecisive for a moment before standing back to let the blonde in, shutting the door behind him.
Draco looked around at the brilliant orange room. It was tiny and he thought of a million insults within seconds, but held back from saying even a single one. He thought of how Harry described the Weasleys and realized that if he ever wanted to come back, he couldn't revert to the old Draco Malfoy ways. It scared him that he'd even want to come back. He sat on the edge of one of the two beds.
Ron looked at him suspiciously. "What, no comments about my small room?" he asked coldly.
"It's cool how your parents let you put up all your personal stuff. Mine was more for show. You're lucky you can do things like paint it the color of your Quidditch team, even if they'll never make it to the cup," he said in his usual drawling voice.
Ron wasn't sure how to respond to that. He was almost certain that Draco Malfoy had just given him some form of a compliment.
"But I'm not here to talk about your decorating or Quidditch teams, so let's get down to why I am here," he said superciliously. His expression then turned more casual, more worried. "Please tell me you've noticed the way Harry's been acting lately?"
"He's been avoiding the Burrow lately ever since my parents tried to strike up a chat with him about all the stuff he's been going through, but yeah, I've noticed," he said, taking a seat in his desk chair.
"So you've noticed that he hasn't been getting sleep?" Draco asked, skeptical of Ron's observational skills.
"Yes. And how he always looks sad even when he's trying to look happy," Ron added.
Draco nodded. "And how he's shut himself off from everyone, especially Sirius."
"Yeah, I noticed that. Has he been backing down from disagreements with you too? Just agreeing with you when you know he disagrees?" Ron asked in concern.
"Yeah, and he flinches whenever people touch him or even look like they're going to touch him. And has he spent the night with you at all since it happened?" he asked.
"Yeah, I found him reading in the bathroom at four in the morning the first time and the second time he..." Ron paused, unsure if he could trust Draco with the information.
"He had a nightmare?" Draco offered.
Ron nodded.
"Well, you know he stayed at my house that night. Now don't you ever tell Harry that I told you this, but he had some kind of panic attack with the nightmare he had. I think it's pretty obvious he hasn't been sleeping much ever since."
"Merlin," Ron sighed. "I don't think he's been eating much either."
"I agree. Now listen, I know a bit of what Harry's going through."
Ron looked at him awkwardly. "Your father?"
"Not anywhere near as bad and if you tell a soul I'll kill you. I'm only telling you this to help Harry," Draco said warningly.
"I won't tell a soul," Ron said truthfully.
"Well, anyway, what happened with Harry's uncle was not good. He was at a point where he thought he was safe, with people he thought he was safe with, and his uncle still got him. I'm sure he always thought that if his godfather or any of his magical friends were there, then they could protect him, but he was proven wrong. His feeling of safety is compromised and it'll probably be a while before he can start to relax again. Not to mention he's probably as embarrassed as all hell that you all saw that, especially you, his best friend, and Ginny, since it's obvious he fancies her."
"Yeah, try getting Harry to admit that," Ron muttered.
"Anyway," Draco continued, "some things aren't quite falling into place. Harry has had this kind of thing happen to him before without this sort of reaction, right?"
"Yeah, back when nobody knew and he was desperately trying to keep it a secret."
"Something more is wrong, like the anxiety with Sirius, and certain things with his behavior that doesn't quite fit. It's possible this was just one thing too many and Harry's passed his breaking point, but I think his uncle might've said something to him. He and Harry were alone in the kitchen, right? Sev said that Sirius told him he couldn't hear what Harry's uncle was shouting, but he said there was definitely some yelling in there."
"Yeah, I heard his uncle bellowing on about something, but it was muffled by the door and there was so much other noise with everyone trying to get in," Ron said regretfully.
"He must have said something to Harry," Draco said grimly.
"Like what?" Ron asked worriedly.
"Who knows? He's been tormenting Harry since he was dumped on their doorstep; he's probably become quite talented at knowing what Harry's weaknesses are," Draco said knowingly.
"Personal experience?" Ron asked cautiously. Draco looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
"You saw my father publicly disown me and cast the Cruciatus curse on me for embarrassing him, what do you think?" he snapped sarcastically.
"Sorry," Ron said. Draco rolled his eyes. "No really, I'm sorry. That's gotta be rough."
"Yeah, well what would you know of it?" Draco asked bitterly. "You've got the wonder family. I bet your father's never hit you in your entire life and your mother seems to want to keep all her little babies under her wing forever."
Ron glared at him. "Don't insult my family, Malfoy," he warned.
"Does it sound like I'm insulting your family, Weasel? If that's your definition of an insult no wonder your comebacks are so weak," Draco said haughtily. "And don't call me Malfoy. I'm not part of that family anymore, or has your disturbingly weak brain allowed you to forget that already?"
Ron jumped up. "All right, let's just get this straight. I don't care what Harry thinks, but just because you've suddenly got a different last name and chickened out of cursing Harry, does not make you a different person in my book. And no matter if Harry thinks you're now this great guy, I do not and will not believe it until you prove to me that you've changed. I don't like you and I know you don't like me, but I'm friends with Harry and you are also his friend, though Merlin knows why. Now we need to be civil for Harry's sake, especially now when the situation is so important. We're here about Harry so let's not get into a stupid argument right now, agreed?"
"Agreed," Draco said with a smirk. "Nice speech by the way."
"Oh shut the hell up," Ron muttered, slumping back down into his chair. "So do you have any ideas of what to do about all this?"
"We need to find out what that bastard said to him. Unfortunately, the only person who knows what that was is Harry, and he seems to be pretty good at keeping the secrets he wants to," Draco said with a sigh.
"No kidding, the only time he ever lets anything slip is when he breaks down and that's happened all of, what? One time? Maybe twice?" Ron said hopelessly.
"Well, then that's what we'll have to do," Draco said regretfully. Ron looked at him in disbelief.
"Are you suggesting that we try to make Harry have a break down?" he asked incredulously. "Yeah, that'll really help things," he said sarcastically.
"You know more than anyone how much crap he's gone through, Weasley. Do you really think it's a good time that he's only come close to confronting it once or twice? Everyone needs to let it out every once in awhile, but Harry won't let himself. Did you ever think that maybe the reason he starts blabbing his secrets when he can't control his emotions is because he needs to let them out? He needs help and we can't help him if we don't know precisely what the problem is," Draco said confidently.
"So what, we lock him in a room and start yelling at him until he cries?" Ron asked, looking at Draco as if he were insane.
"We want him to have an emotional breakdown, Weasley, not a mental one. Though locking him in a room is a good start."
"You're insane."
"Do you want to help him or not?"
"You're bloody mad."
"Are you in or am I going to have to try to do this myself?"
Ron sighed. "Fine. But if Harry ends up hating us for this, I'll kill you."
"Aw, but then we wouldn't get to have these lovely little chats."
"Shut it, Malfoy."
"Don't call me that," Draco snapped.
"Well what the hell do you want me to call you?"
"Your highness. Your majesty. Something along that line would be good."
"You're so annoying!"
"I try," Draco said with his famous smirk.
Ron took a few calming breaths. "So what exactly do you suggest we do?"
"I know some good dark curses that have been known to get people to talk," Draco said, twirling his wand. Ron shot him a death glare. "Okay, so we're not in a humorous mood. All right, we'll just have to work on him individually. I think if we try going to talk to him together, he'll feel like we're ganging up on him. You'll probably have more luck than me since you've known him longer and he trusts you more."
Ron looked proud at this, but Draco chose to ignore it.
"We'll just each have to try to get him alone and make sure he can't just run away. I think the best approach might be just to start talking about his uncle and keep asking him questions about it. That seems to upset him enough. Maybe you know some guesses as to what his uncle might have said that you can ask him about if that doesn't work."
"I can't believe I'm going to do this," Ron groaned.
"Well, start believing it. It's going to be hard, but somebody's got to do it, and everyone else is taking far too long."
"I just hope we're not too late," Ron said worriedly.
"We're not. I don't believe in a 'too late' unless a person's dead. Of course, with Harry, even that's not too late."
.
The first night on Hr. Callahan's potions had been blissful. No dreams and a full night of sleep, even after all the stuff that had happened at Malfoy Manor that day. Harry had been dreading the end of the week when they'd be over. The second night however, the potion didn't work. Absolutely no effect. Harry had been really disappointed and owled the healer, who encouraged him not to give up and to keep trying the potions. The night after Ron spent the night, the potions started working again.
That's when the problem occurred.
It was sort of how Hr. Callahan had predicted; Harry appeared to have become immune to several ingredients in the potion. Unfortunately, it only made the potion half-ineffective.
He knew something was wrong even right after he took the potion. Usually, after taking it, his mind would go blissfully blank and he would feel very tired. He felt tired, all right, but his mind continued running like normal. He tried to fight the pull of potion-induced sleep, but quickly failed.
That night, he was hit with a constant stream of nightmares that grew increasingly violent and frightening as they went on. When he couldn't wake up, he began to believe they were real and became so panicked he finally was able to rip himself from sleep, but even then, the potion's effects were so strong that he couldn't open his eyes, move, or make sound for nearly fifteen minutes.
When he finally wrenched himself into a more awake state, he had been hysterical, unable to stop crying or shaking. He had tried to get down to Sirius's room for the comfort of his presence that night, despite the risk of being caught again, but the potion kept him from being able to walk and he had nearly collapsed after two steps, barely making it back to his own bed. The rest of the night was spent desperately battling against the potion that was trying to drag him back to a horror-filled sleep.
After that, he quickly decided there was no way he'd risk trying another, despite Hr. Callahan's previous instructions to keep trying the different ones. No potions would mean little to no sleep, but anything was better than being trapped in his nightmares.
.
"Hi Sev," Laura greeted as she stumbled out of the fireplace, setting down her daughter. "Hi Draco. I have to go out of town on short notice and I was wondering if you could possibly watch over some things," she nodded at Anna behind her head so the little girl couldn't see and get too excited about the idea, "while I'm gone. If not, it's no problem, I can get someone else."
"No need for that. We can watch her," Sev said as Anna hugged his legs adoringly before running over to Draco. "Or, do you think maybe we could get Harry to? Like last time. You said it would do him some good, right?"
"I'm sorry Sev," Laura said regretfully. "As much as I want to help Harry in any way I can, you've seen how exhausted he is. I just can't leave Anna under his care when he might fall asleep. And actually, the last time I asked him, he seemed reluctant to do it."
"Did he say why?" Draco asked in confusion. "He normally loves baby…" he paused as Anna blinked up at him, "er…watching after your things."
"No. He eventually said yes, but when I dropped Anna off, he looked almost nervous or something," Laura said with a frown.
"Harry always looks nervous now a day," Draco said sadly.
Snape, on the other hand, suddenly remembered Nott's words when the two had fought, about Harry becoming like his uncle. He wouldn't be surprised if Harry had let that ignorant comment under his skin. Somebody needed to talk to him, but Harry was avoiding Snape Manor ever since they had last spoken.
"Where are you off to anyway?" Draco asked distractedly as Anna tugged his shirt, demanding to be picked up. "It seems you've been needing to leave town a lot lately."
Laura smiled at the blonde. "Never you mind, Draco. Just some business I have to take care of. I'll be back around seven or so and thank you so much for this."
"You're welcome as always, and shall we plan on having you for dinner?" Snape asked casually, now much more comfortable in asking Laura over since their first date.
"I'd love to, and we'll skip the bonfire this time," she made her usual joke.
"Bonfire! Bonfire!" Anna squealed excitedly.
"Who knew my daughter was such a pyromaniac?" Laura said with a chuckle.
Anna grinned proudly, having no idea what a pyromaniac was.
"And proud of it too," Snape pointed out.
Laura laughed and kissed Snape on the cheek before saying her farewells and leaving.
"You know, I'd coo and say how cute that was, but the whole situation's really far too disturbing," Draco said cheekily.
"Kissing's gross," Anna announced. "When are you and my mum going to get married?"
Snape glowered at both of them, causing Anna to burst out in giggles. Snape walked out, head held high, trying to hold on to the last scraps of his dignity.
.
Harry was sitting on the couch staring at a book. He was trying to read some Muggle book Kota had given him a while ago to get his mind off what had been happening lately. Sirius was off with Remus again, probably trying to figure out how to deal with him, since Harry had been avoiding him ever since the whole godson swapping thing the day before. Harry knew Sirius had been trying to get him alone, but Harry was still trying to put his distancing people plan in action, and so each time he sensed the man trying to get him alone, he'd slip out of the house or go take a shower or something similar. He felt a bit bad about it, but didn't believe Sirius really wanted to talk to him about things. He felt he was doing them both a favor. Of course, it made things a bit lonely, especially knowing Sirius wasn't in the house at all. He kept telling himself this was what was supposed to happen, but couldn't help missing his godfather and wondering if he was going to stop trying.
Suddenly he heard an unfamiliar ringing.
He had to search around the room a bit before finding the telephone Sirius and Remus had installed but never used.
"Hello?"
"Harry? It's Hermione," came the familiar voice over the phone.
"'Mione? Hey, how are you?" he asked in surprise, thankful to hear the comforting voice of his friend.
"Bored out of my mind."
"The last time I said that you told me to study to pass the time," Harry reminded her, smiling slightly.
"Oh shut it Harry, I need a break from the books and I've already finished all my homework," she whined. "Do you want to come over?"
"Really? Okay, let me just leave a note for Sirius."
"Where is he?"
"He said he had to talk to Remus about something, but who knows what they've been talking for practically the entire day about," Harry said, trying to sound casual, as he scribbled a note.
There was a long pause.
"Harry, are you all right? Is something the matter?" Hermione asked suspiciously, picking up on his sad tone. Harry closed his eyes briefly and put on a cheerful voice.
"Huh? No, nothing's the matter. I'm just a bit tired. I stayed up far too late last night," he lied. He had had a rough night, that was for sure, just not for the reason he told Hermione. He briefly thought back to the previous night's potion fiasco and shuddered. He definitely wouldn't be taking that again.
"All right," she said skeptically. "Well, my address is 27 Hurtsford Place."
"Alright, see you in a second," Harry said before hanging up the phone.
Harry put the note on the kitchen table before going through the fire to Hermione's Muggle home, glad to have an excuse to get away from the loneliness of the empty house.
He was met by the bushy-haired girl who smiled fondly as Harry sheepishly picked himself off the floor after tripping over a log in the fireplace. As soon as he climbed out, the fireplace returned to its original size.
Hermione hugged him hello and looked at him searchingly.
"Harry, are you sure you're all right? Did something happen?" she asked intuitively. He hadn't seen her since he and Draco had been caught at Malfoy Manor
"'Mione, nothing happened really. I'm just tired, that's all, really," he said with a convincing smile.
She nodded, deciding to drop it, and gestured for him to follow her into the kitchen.
"Is Ron coming?" Harry asked as Hermione grabbed a box of goldfish crackers out of the cupboard.
"Who knows," she said with a chuckle as she and Harry both dug their hands into the box. "As soon as we got the fire connected he started popping in here constantly without even warning me. I've been trying to teach him how to call first, but he doesn't seem to like the telephone." She paused to eat a handful of goldfish. "Besides, it's been forever since I spent any quality time with you," she said with a smile. Harry smiled softly.
"You poor thing," he said putting a hand over his heart. Hermione shook her head and tossed a cracker at his head.
"Want the grand tour?" she asked. Harry nodded and followed Hermione out of the kitchen with the box of goldfish.
As they walked around the house, Hermione pointing out each room, their conversation rolled around to Hermione's relationship with Ron.
"It's a great thing to fall for a friend. I guess we know each other so well that there's no risk of unwanted surprises of character, you know? It's like how you liked Cho and thought she was great. Then you realized that wasn't true, but it came as a complete surprise and if you had been dating her at the time, you would have ended up with some psycho girlfriend. But with Ron, I know him so well I know that the person I that I'm dating is the person I want to be dating; it's not a front or anything," she explained as they reached her room. Harry nodded along as he looked around at all the pictures she had framed. Muggle shots of Hermione and her family through the years and wizarding ones of the famous trio. Harry picked up one of Hermione and Ron dancing at the ball and smiled fondly as his two best friends slowly turned to the music.
"Yeah, I think that's the best way, the friend thing first, I mean. Especially for me. That way, I would know that it wasn't all about the scar and the whole defeating Voldemort thing," he said with a slight cringe at the thought.
Hermione smiled triumphantly, having led Harry exactly where she wanted. "Somebody who you've known awhile. Maybe someone you've trusted before finishing Voldemort off for good, right?"
Harry cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "Yeah. Right."
"Somebody, like Ginny, for instance?" she said with a smirk. Harry blushed crimson and pretended to examine some of Hermione's book titles on her shelves. "Harry?" she prompted. "Come on I already know. You can talk to me about it."
Harry sighed and sat down on the edge of Hermione's bed, setting the goldfish box on her nightstand.
"Well, yeah, somebody like Ginny I guess," he muttered.
"So, what are you going to do about that?" she asked eagerly, leaning against her desk.
Harry looked up at her in confusion. "What?"
"Well you've got to take a step to get you two together. You know, like telling her that you fancy her or something?"
Harry looked away. "I can't do that, 'Mione."
"Sure you can, Harry. It's easier than it looks and completely worth it," she protested.
"No, 'Mione. I mean I can't date Ginny. It wouldn't work. It would be better if she was with someone else who she'd be happy with," he said quietly.
Hermione furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you talking about Harry? You two are perfect for each other! She's fancied you forever! She'd be happy with you!"
"Hermione, you don't understand," Harry insisted with a pained expression.
The bushy-haired girl threw her hands up in frustration. "You're right, Harry, I don't. I don't understand it at all. You fancy her, you know she's mad about you, and you say you can't be with her? How does that make any sense?" Hermione asked, beginning to get upset. She couldn't comprehend why Harry was always making decisions that would prevent his own happiness when he deserved it so much.
"I'll mess things up with her. She deserves better. She deserves someone who doesn't have so much baggage," he said with sad resignation. "Besides, the Weasleys were the first real family I had. If I date Ginny, when I screw things up, I'll be losing even more than just her, and I don't think I could handle that."
"The Weasleys will always love you," Hermione said intently. Harry just shook his head sadly.
"No. With some people, love will always be conditional. Your parents will love you no matter what, even if you mess up, but I don't have that, Hermione! You think that when Ginny ends up hating me the Weasleys will still welcome me into their home? No! Sure, right now everybody's saying, 'Oh Harry, you can always come to us. We'll always love you,' but that's because I haven't done anything too wrong yet. I just defeated the Dark Lord so everyone's happy with me. It's going to be hard enough keeping that from fading away too quickly without me taking stupid risks that could end it all sooner. I don't want to lose them!" he cried.
Hermione gaped at him.
"Harry, is that how you really feel? That no one loves you unconditionally?" she asked in shock.
Harry sighed and shook his head sadly. "It's a fact, 'Mione," he said grimly. "It doesn't bother me though," he quickly lied.
"What about Sirius, or the Stensons, or me?" she asked wildly.
"Don't be offended, 'Mione. You're the best friend a guy could have and you've stood by me through a lot, but everyone has their limit. Trust me, you're going to get sick of me one day, and you won't want me around. The Stensons are the same. They're great and they treat me like one of them, but I did cure Mr. Stenson's cancer, so they're all enthused about me at the moment. But they've already let it slip before that they feel they hardly know me. I mean, I'm just some boy that they sort of got stuck with last summer, you know? But, they can't stay pleased with me forever. And Sirius…Sirius thinks he loves me for me but he really loves me because of my father. He still kids himself that I'm like him. I look the same and do similar things, so Sirius has himself trapped in this delusion that I'm somebody I'm not. And as soon as I make a mistake, he's going to realize that I'm not the great person my dad was. I mean I guess he'll figure it out eventually, but the longer it takes for him to do that, the longer I have with him, and I don't want to let go yet," Harry rambled, twisting the bottom of his shirt up in his hands and staring blankly at his knees.
Hermione looked at him aghast. "Even Ron?" she asked numbly, just above a whisper. Harry buried his head in his hands.
"Oh God, especially Ron. He's got to be so sick of me now after having to baby-sit me for the past few months. You too, Hermione, I'm so sorry, I've gotten in the way so much lately. I know you two have been going out of your way to try to include me in stuff, but you really don't have to. You really don't have to let me tag along everywhere. I don't want to be a burden and I…." Harry blurted out, speaking very quickly before he could even censor himself. Hermione interrupted him before he could continue.
"Harry, stop!" she shouted, cutting of his rant. He looked up with a puzzled expression. A cloud of sadness came over him when he came to the false realization that Hermione didn't want to listen to him talk anymore. After all, it was the first time he had really shared what he was feeling about this with anyone, and he now kicked himself for doing it. He looked away in shame and began to stand.
"Er…sorry about that. I'm just going to go now," he muttered.
"No, Harry, we need to talk," she said holding up a hand. She walked over and sat next to him on the bed, pulling him into a hug. She gently petted the back of his head and rubbed small, comforting circles on his back. Harry stiffened in her arms but slowly relaxed, resting his head on her shoulder.
"Harry," Hermione said quietly, "please listen to me and believe me. Everything you just said is not true. I know this way of thinking has been drilled into your head by that horrible family of yours, but it's wrong."
"Hermione, that's…" Harry started miserably, but she once again interrupted him.
"Harry, just listen to me," she said tenderly. "I don't know everything that happened to you at the Dursleys, but I've seen enough to know that they treated you beyond horribly. I don't know how many times they made you feel like a burden or feel bad about yourself. I will never know or be able to understand exactly how much they hurt you…"
"Hermione, please…" Harry pleaded, close to tears. He tried to pull away, but Hermione only held him tighter, kissing him on the side of the head before continuing.
"…but I do know that they were wrong. Harry, you are the best person I have ever met. You're so kind and selfless. You're funny and a good listener. I love every second I'm around you because you're my best friend and I love the person you are. Don't you understand, Harry? The people who love you: the Weasleys, Sirius, me, we love you for you, and no mistake you make would change that because you're still the same person, you're still Harry."
"No," he said with a voice strained with emotion, "I'm not those things you say I am."
"If you're not those things I said you were, then why do you think Ron and I are still friends with you?" she asked, trying to make Harry realize that what she was saying about him was true.
"I don't know! I don't understand it! Why do you guys put up with me, especially now when you should be able to spend time alone with each other? Why are you guys still around? I don't—I don't understand," he cried, desperately fighting tears while Hermione allowed hers to drip freely down her cheeks.
"Oh God, Harry, what have those people done to you?" she whispered.
She pulled back from their hug, quickly wiping the tears from her face. She planted her hands on either side of Harry's face and tilted his head up so their eyes met. His expression was both sad and confused.
"Harry, please, believe me. You're wrong. I don't know how you can think that you're a bad person or that Ron and I don't want to be friends with you," she said desperately. Harry averted his eyes. "No, Harry, look at me," she ordered. Emerald eyes reluctantly met hers. A couple of tears leaked out of Harry's eyes, causing the raven-haired boy to look ashamed. Hermione gently brushed them away with her thumbs. "Listen Harry. Even if you had no one else, you'd always have Ron and I. Just because Ron and I are dating, does not mean that we don't want you around. Sure, Ron and I love each other differently than we love you, but the love we have toward you is just as strong. You're our best friend."
"But…"
"But nothing. Ron loves you like a brother, probably even more than he does his actual brothers. Even if you two get into fights or occasionally get on each other's nerves, he'll always be your best friend," she said seriously. "And me. Harry, I love you. You've got to know that. And no matter what mistakes you end up making or fights we get into, that will never change. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't change it because you're you, and I'll never stop loving you no matter what," she said, looking directly into Harry's eyes to make sure he understood that she was being truthful, "no matter what relationship Ron and I are having."
Harry nodded slightly, but Hermione could still sense his doubt. She had expected when she and Ron had started dating that Harry might feel like the third wheel, but she hadn't guessed how much. She had never realized exactly how low his self-esteem was, which had probably reached a new low after his uncle's attack at the Stensons.
She sighed and hugged him tightly.
Suddenly Harry jerked away with a gasp and his hands pressed to his head.
"Harry?" Hermione asked worriedly.
"I'm okay, I need to…" he started standing up but the pain intensified ten-fold and Harry fell to the floor with a cry. He began screaming in pain, his eyes clenched shut and blood flowing from his nose.
"Harry!" Hermione shrieked. Harry had told her about these attacks and she knew it would pass, but she hadn't known they were so bad.
She jumped off her bed and knelt beside him.
"Oh God. Oh Merlin," she muttered in a panic as she grabbed her pillow from her bed and ripped off the pillowcase, pressing it to Harry's nose to catch the blood. She pulled his head onto her lap and petted the side of his face as his own hands pressed against his forehead. "Harry?" she called, scared tears running down her face.
"AHHHHH!!!" Harry screamed, his back arching with the pain. "PLEASE!!!! PLEASE STOP!!!"
Soon, the pain abruptly ended, leaving only a dull throbbing. Harry groaned and started to sit up, but Hermione held him in place, gently wiping up the blood and pulling his hands away.
"I'm sorry, 'Mione. Don't cry. I'm okay really. I didn't mean to scare you or anything," Harry said, looking up at her apologetically.
"Oh shush, you. No more apologies for things you don't need to apologize for," she said with a small smile. She began massaging his temples. Harry's eyes slipped closed in relaxation.
"Mmm, that feels good," he murmured. Hermione chuckled.
"Yeah, my mum used to do this to me when I was sick or to get me relaxed when I was too hyper for bedtime."
"'Mione, forget being a professor; you should be a masseuse," he muttered. Hermione laughed.
"And let me guess, since you're my friend you'd get massages free of charge?"
When Harry didn't answer, she looked down and wasn't very surprised to find that Harry had fallen asleep. He was obviously exhausted.
She maneuvered herself so Harry could still lay his head on her lap while she reached over and grabbed her phone. She dialed the Weasley's phone number and, as expected, Ginny picked up. Being the only one who'd taken Muggle Studies, Ginny was the only one aside from her father who appreciated the device. Mrs. Weasley didn't like how it sounded and since the only people who called on it were either Hermione or one of Ginny's muggleborn friends, she was allowed to put it in her room.
"Hello?"
"Ginny. It's Hermione. I have a nice sleeping Harry here in my room just waiting for you," she said quietly with a smile.
"Oh shut it, Hermione," Ginny admonished.
"No, I'm serious, Ginny. He's just had one of those headache attacks and he's fallen asleep right on my floor. You're welcome to come over if you'd like. He needs a human lap as a pillow and someone to caress his face lovingly," she teased, but suddenly heard the dial tone. "Ginny?"
A breathless Ginny appeared at her bedroom door seconds later. "Harry caresser reporting for duty," she joked quietly before gazing at Harry. "Oh Merlin, he's so lovely," she said with a loving sigh.
The two girls carefully switched spots, trying not to laugh at the thought of Harry's reaction when he woke up.
Ginny frowned and gently wiped a bit of blood from his face with her sleeve. Hermione covered Harry with a blanket. Ginny leaned down and kissed his forehead softly, removed his glasses, and then went to gently and slowly massaging his temples as she and Hermione quietly chatted and ate goldfish.
.
Quite a few hours later, Harry woke to be very surprised indeed. There was a lot of stammering and blushing on Harry's part before the three made their way to the kitchen to order pizza.
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A/N: For the alternate ending/uncut version, join my yahoo group!
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Wiccan PussyKat: yes, an early update just for you!! And all the other people, but you too! Poor Draco having to clean, I'm afraid he'll need a therapist after that. Hahaha. Draco has informed Sev about the amulet (and is ordered to keep it on at all costs), he's washed his hair, and he's dragged Harry into the shower with him to help get out the spider webs…okay, so maybe the last one hasn't happen, but hey, you never know what's going on behind closed doors wink lol. I'm glad you think my characters are believable! I do try! Well, even if Harry can sort of hide how bad he's doing, he can't hide it from trusty old Hedwig!! Woot woot, go Hedwig! Hahaha, yeah, if Harry needs a psychologist, I'll send him to you. Of course, I'm training to be a masseuse, so I'm sending Harry to myself for that! He needs to relax after all! Well, now that Ron's in Advanced Potions, he can partner up with his girlfriend and Harry can partner up with Draco, so rejoice! Dances around wildly I'm in a strange mood, btw. And the stars on my computer don't work. Sigh. (btw, you might want to take a look at Luinlothana's review for question for JKR)
Luinlothana: I'm glad you like Ron so much! I love him. He's so adorable. That's about all we'll hear about Draco's grandmother, I just wanted to get in that one little tidbit about her. The amulet can work with people outside the Malfoy family, they just try to keep it within the family for honors sake, and especially since once it's used, it's a hundred years before it can be used again and they want to use it to protect the Malfoy line. I like the idea for the scene! You should write AU for my fic! That would be so awesome! Lol, I have AU for my fic as well, and now I get to post all my alternate scenes/endings on my yahoo group! But if you really wanted to write an AU for my fic, just ask and I think it would be awesome! Oh I like the question for JKR, I'll have to point it out to PK. Have fun in France!
ParanoiaIn2005: I'm glad you liked the little bit of background info on Dray. That's true, Harry is being a bit thickheaded, but can you blame him? He's in a bad place right now and a bit screwed up at this point in time. He's nearing a break down and he's not really thinking clearly. But I'm glad you're seeing that it's not necessarily everyone else's fault here, that they're trying, but Harry, even though it's not his fault, isn't exactly making it easy to help him. Lol, yeah, completely made stuff up for that stirring the potions thing, I always wondered it, so I just randomly made up an explanation to ease my mind. Lol, you gave me the funniest mental image of Voldie sitting on Harry's bed with him in the middle of the night patting him on the back going, "there there, Harry, it's alright. Don't be sad! I'll just AK those Dursleys, how about that? I could arrange for a Dementor to suck out your uncle's soul if you want. Now, don't you want me as your godfather? Yes, I thought so. Come here, big hug!" lol. I'm glad you liked the last scene with Snape. Too bad he didn't try having that conversation a while ago before he killed his trust with Harry. Sigh. Well, we'll just have to see what happens, I guess.
Leah: I really try to catch my grammar errors, but when I'm trying to get the chapters out this quickly with a beta who's only on call some of the time, it's hard to find them and Word hasn't picked up on any that have made it through. Sometimes, I think it's a bit harder to find errors in your own work, you know? I'm not sure what you mean about the tangent thing, but if I ever go off on something seemingly random, it might not be as random as you think. I do write some scenes in different ways, but I do that on purpose to create different moods and such. I'm glad I could make you and your boyfriend cry, though. And I'm pretty sure your attacks might just be migraines or something because most of the cancer stuff I deal with doesn't follow what happens with real Leukemia, since Harry's magic messes things up and I can put in whatever I'd like as his symptoms. I'm glad you are still rooting for Siri, because you're right, he's not had an easy life either and he is trying. Harry cares what Snape thinks because he looks up to Snape in a strange way. Snape was there for him a lot the previous year and Harry used to trust him more than a lot of others. They got close the previous year and into the summer. If you've read book five, you know that Sirius can get angry quite easily. And parents often get really angry when their kid does something that makes them worry so much. Sirius is immature and has a bit of a temper at times, that's how JK wrote him, so I'm sticking with that. Ron's in a tight spot because he wants to help Harry, but doesn't want to do anything to betray his trust or push him away, so he can't just go telling everyone everything Harry says to him.
Marci018: My angel!! Once again, I can't thank you enough for the yahoo group! But back to the review, do you really think Sev didn't screw up? He did yell, he reverted to calling Harry "Potter" and accused him of being an arrogant show off, and told him he (Snape) didn't feel as if he needed to keep his word to Harry. I'd say, he screwed up royally. Of course, at least he's asking Harry the blunt questions. I think I feel a poll question being inspired!
ImaginaryFriendless: Well, if Lucius wants the amulet, it might be because he's planning something. Just a possibility. wink Of course, he is the head of the Death Eaters now. And no, there's no way to revive Voldie. He's dead and buried. Yeah, Snape's really messed up the trust thing, huh? Mr. and Mrs. Weasley try to give him a talk in the uncut version, which you can read at my yahoo group. It was going to start out this chapter, but it didn't make the cut, I'm afraid. And Harry keeps in touch with Kota all the time, but the Stensons are currently in the middle of moving and though this all has taken many chapters, it's really only been a matter of weeks, and only a few of days since the Malfoy Manor incident. Harry has mastered sounding good in letters when he's really doing horribly. Harry took a week off from testing the day of the Malfoy Manor incident, so he doesn't have another doctor's appointment still for another few days.
angel74: If I was continuing this into the next year, that would be so great! I could totally see Draco tutoring Ron to help him become a healer and help Harry. I'm so glad you like Harry and Ron's friendship. They have some great moments in the future of this story. Speaking of your fics, when are you going to update? I'm having withdrawals! Well, if you can't give Harry a hug yourself, that's when you make one of the other fictional characters go hug him (like Ron or Draco, hint hint.) lol, but really, update soon!!
Savoy Truffle: Okay, I love these questions, lol, I picture Remus as a softly handsome guy, a little worn looking, with a really sweet smile, and when he gets mad, he can get really frightening, but still look strangely kind. Sirius, I picture as really hot, but sort of grungy hot, lol. The whole, "I haven't taken a bath in 13 years but you still want me" sort of hot. Harry, I think of as adorable with a shy look about him. He manages to look completely innocent, but has this sort of aura of a leader about him at times, and of course, he's completely gorgeous with his messy black hair and green eyes. He's not too buff, and he's a bit on the skinny side, but he's nicely toned and if he had a wet shirt clinging to his body, you'd be panting. And Ron, I picture Ron as taller than Harry, but not towering over him, and sort of awkward looking, but still cute. Freckles on his face, but mostly across the bridge of his nose and on the cheeks where the sun's concentrated. I picture him as always looking a bit self-conscious, but more carefree than Harry and Hermione. I think of him as one of those people you look at it and you know they know they're not cool, so you just want to go be friends with them. Lol, okay so that's probably more than you needed to know. I see them differently than the movie versions of them, especially Remus and Sirius, even though the actors did awesome jobs. I don't have msn, though, sorry!
Creative reader (well, I've actually just cut out a lot of the angsty stuff I was going to go into and posted it as an alternate/uncut version somewhere else, so I hope that helps, but keep in mind that this is categorized as a drama/angst fic, not a romance/humor one, so things are a bit heavy), RDC (The Weasleys aren't oblivious, but they're seeing Harry from a different side than we are, they don't have the inside info. I cut out a scene of the Weasley parents trying to talk to Harry at the beginning of the chapter, but if you'd like to read that, you can read it at my yahoo group. Well, you got some Ginny in this chapter! And as Ron says in this chapter, Harry's been avoiding the Burrow lately.), lyss33, ThreeToedSloth (I'm glad you finally got to the chapter. When that happens to me, sometimes you can just go to the person's story and change the number at the end of the URL to the chapter you want. Hmm…lighter might not be the best word, but somewhat soon, I'll be switching from angst to drama and it's lighter in a sense), Lorie1101 (lol, I'm glad you enjoyed the early update! Lol, you chuck that microwave at him! I'm glad you haven't stopped loving Sirius because he's really been trying, even if he's been failing so far.), Dana (MP) (I personally completely outline the story and write as much of it as I can before I even start posting. I always try to stay at least a few chapters ahead of what I'm posting, and I already have the climax and parts of the ending written, so I can work on them whenever I'm feeling stuck and also see where I can plug in bits of foreshadowing and clues and such. Hope that helps!), Gypsy t. Potter, Padawan Jan-AQ, Moonchildling (don't you just want to hug Harry? I want to bring him home as well, but my intentions probably wouldn't be as pure as yours since Harry's more my age and a sex-god. Lol), Magic Marauder, K, sou85a, Musicstarlover, blulily07, SilverCentaur (lol, aren't brother's so sweet. I'm glad you find it realistic though, and yeah, they definitely have seen each other at their worst), kamahpfan, HP-Azn, Shawn Pickett, denaumo, Lupin123, yellowpages (I'm glad you liked the knitting joke. It gave me a nice mental image), corinnetkn24, Black-Rose1243 (no, I know what you mean, Harry's made of some strong stuff. He's made it through all of this and is still the great person he is, even if he's been having a few problems as of late), lilynjamesAAF, kneh13, torifire126, Charlie Quill, Madame Moony, musiclover, ChildOfDarkness (oh you make me so happy! Yes, don't you love celebrating Harry's b-day with a good chapter full of emotional torture. Thanks for the puffskein and niffler! I'm cuddling them right now!), FaeRhapsody (lol, I'm glad my perspective on Siri can reach the masses! Or maybe just your friend, lol. Just tell her that Siri and Remy are together! She'll never know they're not! Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment! I'm so happy my fics make you think!), MsHobgoblin, Sauron the Deciever (We are in the twenties of July), holly (thanks!), Ashaera (well, the entire fic is during the summer. It's not going into the school year, so that might explain why it's still in the summer lol), azntgr01, acciodanrad9, Shadowdancer, SiriusWolf, athenakitty (Draco already told Sev about the amulet and Sev told him to keep the thing on! Lol, a teddy bear for Harry! That would be adorable. Yeah, Dudley will probably be going back to public school, and I'll have to let you decide if you think Petunia and Dudley will ever see the light.), alternativelyspliced (Yeah, Harry's not doing so well on the psychological level here, now is he. Not saying he's going crazy, but you know what I mean. I'm glad you see that they do care about him, but just don't know what to do. Well, this fic is going to be as long, or slightly longer than Recnac in actual length, but since I used to do about 4 pages per chapter and now do about 12, it'll be much shorter in chapters. We're on 18 right now, I'd guess in the mid-twenties maybe?) MissLilyStar (of course, I can't answer your questions, but if you keep reading, you'll find out!), Snuffles, Siri Kat, Shadow Wolf2418, bean, Xanadrine, EriEka127, Kfelton, Trevor the Enchanter (lol, yes, the twins would have much fun with the Dursleys. I'm glad I've captured it well! Lol, I've done a lot of random internet research for these fics, mainly with health things. Concussions, fevers, cancers, I'm becoming a pro!), Howl (lol, so would I! Let's go hug Snape and then run! Oh, I really want to become a real author. I sometimes act out interviews in the shower, lol. I never hate questions! I can't always answer them, but they're great anyways. And I love my frayed ribbon. I've pinned it to my shirt!), texasjeanette (ooh, I really like the pensieve idea. I never even thought of that, but it's great!), Hekate101, Pirrip (I'm glad you like this one so much! I know, unfortunately, many people want me to make Harry suddenly happy again, but I don't know how I could do that and still have it be realistic. I'm glad you appreciate what I'm doing though), gina87, dominy (you know, I'm glad you pointed that out, and because of that, I'm just shifting my update scheduleso you guys don't have to wait longer. I'll do it again if I ever update early again. Wow, so if you're deprived of sleep, you start hallucinating? That could be very bad for Harry. You'll just have to see what happens to the poor kid), DumDum124 (lol, yeah, Eloise rocks. I'll see what I can do), Dea Puella, Crystal113, Opal Rain Dragon (lol, mark me as well informed. I'm so glad you decided to give my fics a chance and that you actually liked it! I mean, er…hated it, even though you would like the next chapter. #nods# Aren't grilled cheese sandwiches great? If I ever become an author and do book signings, I'm going to have great big stacks of them…all for me of course. I'm glad you're no longer anorexic looking and can enjoy grilled cheese), lost angel92, singukusa