One Step Closer
Stormy Eaton
I cannot take this anymore,
I'm saying everything I've said before.
All these words, they make no sense -
I find bliss in ignorance -
Less I hear, the less you'll say;
You'll find that out anyway.
He won't let me be. I have to be the way he thinks I should. He makes me hate him. He tells me that I'm weak and not worthy of being his host. Constant insults - I'm sick of it. I'll show him - somehow.
Just like before...
He's coming to me now. I can tell he wants to tell me something - I already feel anger toward him bubbling up in my chest. I look away quickly.
"Hello, Ryou. Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks with false courtesy.
"Hmph. Being trapped in my own mind isn't really my idea of a good time," I shoot back at him.
"Ah, so you wish to be let out? Not yet, my pet. I still have work to do - work you could never manage," he sneers. I can feel my face turn red. I'm so mad. I wish I I had the nerve to hit him. My eyes start to fill because of my disgust in myself.
"Oh, did I make my poor, ickle Hikari cry..?" he taunts.
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge,
And I'm about to break.
I need a little room to breathe,
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge,
And I'm about to break.
My rage won't be controlled. I lunge at Bakura, fists raised.
"I hate you!" I scream, flailing about pointlessly - he has grabbed my wrists and is looking at me, half shocked, half amused.
"Hate is such a strong word, my dear..."
"Well, I have some pretty strong feelings! I can't stand it when you put me down. You make me feel inferior. I hate you!" I shout.
"If you hate me so much, then why does my teasing bother you so? Why don't you just ignore me..?" he questions slyly.
I find the answers aren't so clear.
Wish I could find a way to disappear.
All these thoughts - they make no sense.
I find bliss in ignorance.
Nothing seems to go away -
Over and over again.
I lower my gaze to our feet. I know the answer, but it doesn't make sense to me. It bothers me because I love him - thinking of him makes me feel safe. I hate him because I love him. I begin to cry harder now, yelling at him with a my might.
"What does it matter?! It just really pisses me off!"
Shut up when I'm talking to you.
"I want to know," he says softly and with a hint of innocent curiosity.
"Because..." I'm struggling. Part of me wants to tell him, the other part wants him to suffer by not knowing.
"Go on, Ryou. Tell me," he whispers, close to my face. I look up at him - into brown eyes that are like mine, but at the same time so different.
"I want you to like me. I don't want to fight with you; I hate fighting," I finally choke out. It's not a lie; I do hate fighting. He looks at me suspiciously, but then smiles.
"I do like you, Ryou. You're fun to tease." I frown.
"I'm kidding! Seriously, though, you're a cute kid. I think we can get along okay." He ruffles my hair and leaves me to ponder his words. Maybe I still have a chance...