Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. (Goodness, that felt strange. Usually I'm denying ownership of Inu-Yasha.)
Author's Note: Uh. . . yeah. So here it is, my first Teen Titan's fanfic. Yea! ::cues cheer sign:: I hope you guys enjoy this short little ficlet in Raven's PoV.
Quick notes, first though- I wasn't quite sure where the Titan's tower was located. I know in the original comic it was in San Francisco, but in the anime (which is what I watch), I assume it's Tokyo. (Judging by the kanji you can occasionally see on the buildings, anyway.)
Also, I've only seen- hmm- maybe fifteen Teen Titans eppies, and they haven't delved much into the individual characters yet. So. . . I apologize if any of this is contradicted in the shows. ::sweat drop::
Finally- if any of you can suggest a good Robin/Starfire fic, I'd love you forever. I went searching for one last night and had no luck. T.T
Well, that's it! Like I said, I hope you enjoy (even if it is a little early, holiday-wise)- and remember: reviews are very much appreciated. Thankies! XD
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The Ravens
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"The Raven," by Edgar Allen Poe, is not a story I am unfamiliar with. In fact, I've heard of it and read it constantly. Hard not to, when you share a name. A name, and- others have told me-, personalities. Many have stated that the poem reminds them of myself- dark. Sad. Scary. Difficult.
It's not the first time someone's called me difficult, either- in those many or fewer words. I've been called stolid and monotone quite frequently as well. Boring comes up once in a while, though is quickly taken back when the idiot or idiots comprehend the whole "superhero" thing.
I suppose they're right, though. I can be a "handful". I can be sarcastic and cruel, and more often than not a little rude. I can be unemotional.
But it doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I have plenty. Mainly I feel. . .
Cold. And not just because of the temperatures.
Sighing, I gracefully sweep my arms out from underneath my long cloak; pushing the heavy flaps of cloth behind my back as I find my bench in the cold gray park. This shall be my last time here, I think blankly, taking in the familiar scenery. After I leave, I'll never come back.
"Nevermore. . ." I breathe, the air floating in soft puffs around my head today. Winter is here. The sky is clouded and thick with the promise of snow; though currently the grass is almost an electrifying green in the shadowy smog that is Tokyo. The leafless trees sway and dance in the brisk breeze, but they are hardly bare. Countless black ravens rest in the branches, their glossy feathers ruffling in surprise as they notice my presence.
I am a bit early, I suppose, but it doesn't matter. Not like they had anything better to do, the little scavengers.
Reaching into my small knapsack, I find the desired pouch- pulling the large sack of assorted seeds from its depths. The countless birds straighten as I dump the treats into my pale, slender hand- lifting it into the sky. Within a moment they have fled their tree, taking off so suddenly and so quickly that the trunk trembles dangerously.
"Calm down," I admonish quietly, an eyebrow cocked in surprise as the birds encircle me rapidly, swooping and diving as I toss the treats in the air. "It's not like I haven't got any more." I brought more today than usual, on account of the fact that I won't be returning next week, like I normally do.
Few heed my words however, and begin to aggressively fight for the seeds in the air, cawing and crowing until their little bird voices are sore. The smart ones, however- the ones that know me best- relax at the sound of my call, fluttering gently near my face. One lands on my right hand, another on my left- poised and collected as both balance on my fingers- and a third rests on my shoulder.
After a moment of watching the ravens I blow out my cheeks and sit on the icy plastic bench. The bird on my left flies off in a whirl of feathers at my sudden movement, leaving my hand free to stroke the creature on my right. I don't mind much, nor am I too shocked at his unexpected escape. In fact, my expression barely changes in the slightest, my eyes blankly taking in his swooping movements. He wastes no time in joining the others again, who have finally began to settle on the ground near by, pecking up the treats I had scattered. They react angrily to him for a moment, furious that he should try and steal from them, but soon warm up to him and allow him into their little group. And he allows himself to join. Odd birds, they are. At least, this pack is. Ravens don't usually fly in flocks, do they?
I sigh again, stroking the head of the bird on my hand. "I don't know. . ." I murmur, eyes traveling towards the sky. "I don't belong here. I'm going to leave." Yes- leave. This time for sure. I wrote a letter and everything explaining it to the others. There's no backing out now.
All of the ravens pause as I speak, casting me a brief glance before returning to their mooching. The ones perched on me, however, proceed to bestow upon me their attention, rapt and interested.
"I don't know if I should be a superhero. I don't know if I ever should have been a Teen Titan," I mutter softly, still stroking one bird's head. The others slowly begin to crowd around my feet and sit themselves next to me on the bench, waiting for food in addition to listening. "I'm not like them." I don't belong- like in that game they like to play. I'm the one that's not like the others- cold inside, maybe even a little pessimistic.
I'm not even like these other ravens, abnormal as they may be, I think a bit flatly, a small smile on my face as I watch them flap their long wings. I'm not comfortable in groups. I prefer books to company and solitude to fun. Meditation to pizza. Perhaps that's why I don't feel like I belong.
"They're all. . . friends," I bite my bottom lip, clenching the hand that previously was used for stroking, eventually reaching to pull my hood up. I feel safer in the dark. "And they call me friend. I call them friends. But. . . I don't know if I want to be. I don't know if I ever was."
The ravens tilt their heads and squawk as another harsh wind blasts through, bringing with it the far-away tinkling of 'Carol of the Bells' from a department store. As the breeze upsets the birds and causes my cloak to flare dramatically on one side I remain as still as a statue, seemingly oblivious.
"I had few childhood friends," I confide in the settling birds, as I always confide in them. "And none that I would have ever called 'friend' today. Perhaps 'peer' or 'ally'- but never friend. I wasn't even supposed to have those- it was always practice and schooling. Emotions and feelings were meant to be suppressed- they presented weak points. Fear was unacceptable. Surrender was unacceptable. Friends. . . they were, too. Friends could betray you." I knew of some that had. In time the others would too, leaving me alone in some asylum to rot. Perhaps the very one Starfire had seen in her visit to the future.
I pause, eyes half lidded as I stare at the ravens around me. Yes, friends were not natural. At least, not when I was growing up. . . Starfire is not the only 'alien' unused to certain customs.
"But the other Titans are friends," I continue, the faintest of desperate notes in my voice. "They laugh and joke and gorge and watch stupid movies. And I am a Titan. I do those things with them, too. I 'party'. I go places with them. I eat pizza and laugh. Sometimes.
. . . Well, I'll smile.
Sometimes."
It has begun to snow- large, puffy chunks of fluffy ice drift down to nestle on my nose, eyelashes, and on the warm feathers of the ravens. Annoyance that it can be, it is a little pretty, I guess.
None of this is getting me anywhere. The birds shift from one clawed foot to another, and I toss out a few more seeds for their restless enjoyment. Like putting a quarter into one of those arcade games to play, I can pay them to listen. I get one more try to explain myself- try to work these things out in my mind with the ravens- the ones I turn to talk to. It's easier to talk to them- they listen, only listen, without giving opinions or making judgements or telling people how I feel- that I feel.
"I don't completely understand how I should allow myself to react to friends, so I don't react at all. I'm unemotional because that's how I was raised to be. It's odd enough to have people around, much less interacting with and reacting to them. What should I have said when Starfire asks me to talk? What should I have done when Cyborg asked me to help him with his car? When Robin asked for tactic advice? When Beast Boy asked for a tofu-eating buddy? . . . Apart from say no, of course." Another tiny grin crosses my face as I think of each person and their bumbling personalities. Not one of them seems to worry about such trivial things as I, and yet. . .
Yes, leaving is the right decision. I shall get 'out of their hair', and still have my own to pull out over more important matters. More important and less confusion. Less frustrating. Less. . . everything. Maybe this cold, unsure feeling inside of me will go away if I do first.
"Don't look at me like that," I glare at the birds, who seem to have developed disappointed- if not angry- twinkles in their eyes. "They're big boys and girls. It's not like I'm abandoning them- I'm doing this for everyone's good. You can't make me feel guilty about this."
. . . Or perhaps they can. The cold feeling grows as I downcast my eyes. Maybe I should explain.
"It's not. . . It's not that I planned to leave them," I whisper after a moment, returning to the petting of the birds near by. "I just didn't know. . . don't know how to- - - how. . . .
I know spells, enchantments, and power like the back of my own hand. I know fighting techniques and battle skills like my hand, too. But what I didn't and don't know is how to use that hand to reach out to others."
"Then let us show you how."
"- - -?!"
Snapping to a sudden, stunned attention on the bench as all of the other ravens screech and rise into the air simultaneously, I gape in embarrassed surprise to find Starfire, Cyborg, Robin, and Beast Boy standing before me, dressed in their winter clothes, each holding out their hands.
For the first time in my life I am stunned stupid. "Wh- what are you gu- - -?"
"We were worried," Robin interrupts, usual quirked grin on his lips. "We hadn't seen you all day."
"Mhm!" Starfire nods emphatically, emerald eyes wide with innocence. "We could not find you anywhere at home. We were about to partake in covering our dead tree in shiny balls and tiny lights, but could not start without you."
"Bu- - -"
"Yeah!" Beast Boy chimes, beaming. "And who else would decorate the cookies with black frosting? Can't break tradition!"
"But I- - -"
"Now, what was that about leaving?" Cyborg sneezes, a slightly annoyed look on his face. "Because I'd sure like to leave- and get back home. I put all that work into making a nice fire with that fruitcake an- - -!"
"You what?! But I had just made that!"
"You had? 'Oops'- sorry, Star."
"Oh. . . it is no bother," the girl cheers up. "I'll just make another! Huh? Why do you groan like that? Are you sick?"
As the others interact animatedly I can't help but blink stupidly. What was- - -?
"They were really worried about you," the team leader's voice echoes gently in my ear. I glance back at Robin as he drapes an extra coat around my shoulders, the one he had been carrying in his arms. "You shouldn't have left without telling us you were going."
Confusion etches itself on my face. "But I did," I insist, brow furrowing. "I left a note in the kitc- - - . . ." I fall silent as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the remains of a torn up letter- destroyed as if to say he'd known I wouldn't go through with it.
Or that he wouldn't allow it.
I remain silent for a moment before carefully choosing my new reply: "I didn't want to worry you."
The scraps of parchment soar away in the next wind.
He smiles as he pulls back my hood and snaps a pair of earmuffs over my ears- the big, lime-and-magenta ones that Starfire had made me. "Of course we'd worry. We're your friends, Raven- your family. We care about you. We love you. So don't plan on ever leaving again!"
With that, he calms the others down, glaring at the retching Beast Boy and Cyborg before taking a bewildered Starfire's hand, waving for them to all come along. I pause a moment before I go, casting one last glance towards the sky. The ravens have flown off by now, of course, not leaving one straggler in their wake. Doesn't matter. They have finally taught me my lesson:
Strange as they may be, those ravens live in a group. Why shouldn't this one?
Suddenly, I feel a lot warmer inside.
"Nevermore. . ." I promise softly, though no one can hear me. "Nevermore."
I follow my friends home.
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". . .But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered-
Till I scarcely more than muttered, 'Other friends have flown before-
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, 'Nevermore.'"
Selection of "The Raven," Edgar Allen Poe
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