Author's Note: Hey all! Sorry this chapter's out so late, but the internet connection here's really shaky. I've been checking religiously, waiting for it to go up, so here it is! Thank you all for being so patient. BTW, formatting on this is really weird and it's stopped accepting pretty much any scene breaks I try to do, so now we got this cool HPHPHP line break, just so you know what that means! To those confused about the portkey Draco and Harry used, it was Hermione's first attempt at making a portkey out of Harry's shoe. The relevance of Ron's wand wasn't because it was a portkey, but because it was a wand that Draco could use when his own had been taken from him. Hope that clears some stuff up! Also, thanks to all those who wished me good luck in college. So far, it's going really great. My roommates and I are getting along fantastically. Only issues are the internet connection, the little amounts of time I seem to be having, and the no hot water in the showers issue. Lol, otherwise, I'm having a blast! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!
HPHPHPHPHarry was sitting in his cupboard back at the Dursleys. It was so dark and Harry was afraid. He was reminded of times when he was little and the storms would scare him, but there was no one he could run to, nowhere to go to escape the darkness.
He crept to the door and cracked it open. Behind it was a very large empty black space with a bunch of familiar people standing in the blackness. Aunt Petunia scowled at him, while Dudley laughed derisively. "Professor," Harry called weakly as he spied Professor Snape. The Potions master scowled at him.
"Don't you get it yet, Potter? I hate you. Your presence is an annoyance to me. You were right. I should have let you die," he spat. Sirius walked up next to Snape and glared at Harry.
"You ruined my life, Harry. You're such a burden. I thought you were going to be like your father but you're just a huge disappointment. I wish I could send you back to your relatives, but for now, at least, I seem to be stuck with you and waste my days having you around. I might as well be back in Azkaban."
"I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry said desperately. "I didn't mean..."
"Of course you didn't. You just ruin lives," he sneered.
Ron stepped out from nowhere and shook his head at Harry in disgust. "You are such a burden, Harry. I had to babysit you all last year when I could have been out being a typical teenager. I had to waste my time watching after you while you were puking. It was disgusting. You even threw up on me and got blood on me during your uncle's punishment. You couldn't even stand up to him, a Muggle. To think I used to respect you. We should have let him beat you to death."
Hermione stepped up next to Ron. "Harry, when are you going to realize you're getting in our way? Ron and I are trying to have a relationship and you're always intruding. You're a third wheel. We don't want you in the trio anymore, don't you get it? We don't want you anymore."
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley stepped up next and rolled their eyes at him.
"I can't believe you actually thought we cared about you, Harry," Mr. Weasley said.
"You should have listened to your relatives. Nobody will ever care about you. We'll pretend but we could never love you," Mrs. Weasley said. "Hugging you makes my skin crawl."
"I'm sorry Harry, but we never meant for you to get the idea that we thought of you as part of the family. You jump to conclusions far too easily," Mr. Weasley said with a shrug before they both walked off into the darkness.
Dumbledore came ("You're only a weapon, Harry."), as did Ginny ("Are you kidding? Why would I want you?").
Uncle Vernon glared menacingly at him and started toward the cupboard. Harry slammed the cupboard door shut and dissolved into tears on his dilapidated little cot, hugging himself for comfort. He never wanted to go back out there.
He noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and looked into the corner of the cupboard. It had seemed to expand slightly to accommodate a rather large mirror. Harry got up and stood in front of it, realizing what it was, the Mirror of Erised.
His parents stood there grinning and waving at him. Harry gazed into it longingly. He sunk to the floor in front of it and watched his parents, wishing he were with them.
Snape had been left in the room alone with Harry. He had been there the entire time, watching in a sort of horror as Harry's life line kept going flat just to be barely brought back to a weak pulse. It all seemed unreal as the healers kept shouting out for his advice, for him to do things to help. He had always prided himself as being unlike the others in regards to Harry, always being very aware of the boy's mortality. But in that room, he realized that wasn't true. Sure, Harry had practically died the previous year, but one week later, Snape had brought him back to life. Somehow, this had just made him believe right along with everyone else that Harry was somehow immortal. But seeing him lying there, looking so incredibly vulnerable as the healers did everything they could think of just to keep him alive for another minute while they tried to come up with a plan to save him, his beliefs were shattered.
He had always counted on the fact that he could be mean and cold to Harry today, but that the Gryffindor would see in time that Snape didn't really mean it. And now it was very probable that there would not be a tomorrow, and when the healers concluded that Harry would make it if he only had the will to live, but that he was giving up, Snape felt shame like he had never thought possible. He had known Harry was falling, but had let him fall, not wanting to push his pride away enough to catch him. He had told himself that someone else would catch the boy, or that if all else failed, Snape could catch him later. Now later had been erased, and if someone didn't catch Harry now, he'd finally hit the ground.
As the healers left to go talk to those waiting in the hall, Snape sat down next to Harry and took his hand in his.
"Harry, it's Professor Snape. It's Sev. I should have invited you to call me that so long ago. I've been a coward. Even after you went out on a limb and invited me to use your first name, I couldn't do the same in return, even when I let Draco and Anna call me it. You risked trying to have a casual relationship with me but I kept getting afraid and pushing it back into student-teacher mode. It's like that conversation we had a while ago, about the flawed perfection. You said that sometimes people are afraid to take risks in letting people in. You said that it could destroy a person and that they could get lost in it until someone pulled them out of it. Well, I used to be there, and you helped pull me out, and yet, I ignored that. I didn't want to acknowledge that it was you who had helped me since I hated your father so much. It was a great blow to my pride, but you saved me. You came along and dragged me out of my little dark cave of self-pity and forced me to look around at my life and see that I didn't have to be drowning all alone in the flaws of life. You made me see that just because bad things had happened to me in life, it didn't mean everything was lost. I didn't believe you at the time, but I do now.
"Now you're in the same place I was and I know that I've been a big part of the reason that you're there. I have never been more sorry about anything in my entire life. I'm here with a whole lot of other people who want to pull you back out, just as you did for me. I am finally acknowledging that there's a vast difference between you and your father, and I uh, I care for you very much. If your godfather was out of the picture, I'd...I'd like nothing better than to adopt you as my son, right along with Draco. I don't know why I've been so harsh with you except that I was still in the process of coming out of the dark place I've been in for so long, and I was afraid. I was afraid of you because you brought me out. I'm not afraid anymore, though. I promise you, that if you come back, things will change. I will never call you by your surname to be cruel again. I won't make you treat me as nothing more than your professor. And I'll always be there for you to talk to if you want. And this time, if I say we're going to talk about something, we will, whether you like it or not. No more leaving it up to other people. Come back, Harry, and I promise you things will be better."
As Harry sat in his dark cupboard, he looked up to see Snape sitting on his cot. Harry blinked at him in surprise but remained sitting on the floor facing the mirror.
"Harry," the man said sadly, "you have to come back."
"Come back where?" Harry asked tiredly.
"Out there," he said, pointing toward the door.
Harry shook his head. "I don't like it out there. I'd rather stay here," he said looking back at his parents.
"You can't stay, Harry. You're going to have to choose soon. Come back, Harry, and I promise you things will be better."
Harry looked up to ask what he meant and if he was being honest, but Snape had disappeared again.
Harry brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin on his knee and went back to watching the mirror.
Sirius entered Harry's room. Snape looked up from his seat near Harry's bedside and nodded at Sirius in acknowledgment. He rose from his chair and gave Harry's hand one last squeeze before setting it down gently. No words were passed between the two as Snape left, closing the door quietly behind him.
Sirius stood near the doorway momentarily and looked at his godson. Harry was looking very peaceful lying there, as if he were just sleeping. Sirius was violently reminded of the period of time when Harry had been dead; how the world had seemed to end without Harry there.
He made his way to the chair at Harry's bedside and gently sat down, never tearing his eyes off the raven-haired boy. Harry's hair was messy as usual, flopping strategically over his scar as if hiding a terrible blemish. Sirius was reminded of how Harry compulsively flattened his fringe over his forehead every time he was in public.
Sirius gently brushed the raven locks away to reveal the lightning-bolt shaped scar. He swallowed sharply and began to speak.
"You're always so embarrassed by your scar, Harry. You shouldn't be. You've earned the fame it gives you. You should be proud of all you've done. I know I am," Sirius said quietly, taking a calming breath.
"There's so much to say and I can't even think of where to begin. I've been such a let down as a godfather to you, Harry, but you don't even seem to notice it. You're like that, you know. You look so hard for the good in people that you miss their faults. But with yourself, it's just the opposite. I wish you could see in yourself what everyone else sees in you, Harry. Maybe then, you'd fight a little harder to come back to us.
"I've missed you these past few weeks. I know if you were awake right now, you'd look at me like I was crazy, but it's true. We've been living under the same roof, but ever since that thing with your uncle, you've been different. You smile but your eyes are so sad, and I know something's been killing you inside. But I did nothing about it. I kept thinking it would go away and I didn't want to try to fix it because the idea of there even being a problem was so frightening to me. I wanted you to think of me as a cool godfather, so I avoided talking to you about anything serious, or hugging you, or even showing that I care. Really, I didn't do any of the actual parenting stuff. And you know what? Right now, I don't feel like a cool godfather. Right now you're lying here looking so much like you did when you were dead and you're giving up on life because you don't feel loved, because I never bothered to let you know how much you mean to me and I'm left wondering what on earth I was thinking.
"You know, Harry, I was planning on giving you this long, in depth talk to start fixing things, but then you got sick and then Ron was taken and I never had the chance. And now I might lose you because you've never heard what I wanted to say. I really wanted to give you this talk when you were awake and could be part of it, but I guess we'll have to do the first run now, and I just have to pray that you'll hear me somehow."
Sirius shakily took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and straightened the crinkles from it. It was a list he had made of things he wanted to talk to Harry about. He hadn't wanted to forget anything. Sirius looked up at Harry's unconscious form with a nervous smile.
"If you were awake right now you'd think I was such a prat. I have a list here to make sure I remember to say all I want to say, even though I'm not sure if I'll be able to cover all of it now without you awake. I was never good at sentimental talks or even being serious for a long period of time. I'm a little bit rusty on all this human interaction stuff. I guess eleven years in an isolated prison cell and a bad relationship with my parents took its toll. First, I know you overheard me saying it would be easier to go back to being a free bachelor. You see, to me, it's almost like I've been thrown into a time machine. I was twenty-one when I was put in Azkaban and time just didn't run the way it's supposed to. Only once I met you did I start truly regaining my sanity. Now I'm thirty-six and I have you, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing. Sure, it would be easier to be back to my swinging bachelor days, but I would never want to go back. I love having you stay with me. I love trying to do this responsible godfather thing. I love all the difficulties that go along with it. It makes me feel like a real parent. For the first time in a long time, I have some purpose to my life. You're my purpose, Harry. You make me jealous of James, because I wish I could claim you as my own creation. You were the best thing that James ever did.
"Speaking of James, I know I've been...um...comparing you a lot to your father lately. I never meant to give you the impression that I was disappointed in you for not being more like him, but I guess I did. I swear to you Harry," Sirius's voice caught in his throat with a burning sensation. A tear rolled down his cheek. "I never wanted you to be more like James."
Sirius took Harry's limp hand and held it to his cheek. "James was my friend, the greatest one I ever had, but you're my godson and I love you in a way I never loved James. You don't know it, but you make me so proud, Harry, and not just because you're always saving the day. It's everything about you: how you try to learn from bad experiences, how you can't stand seeing anyone else suffer, how you somehow seem to remain innocent even after experiencing so much evil in the world, how you always seem to be able to figure out how to reach whatever person you're communicating with. The list could go on forever.
"I don't know what's going on in your head right now, Harry, but don't leave me. I know it might seem peaceful and better on the other side, but it's not your time to go there. There are too many people here who need you, Harry. I need you. I need to teach you how to fly my motorcycle and you need to teach me how to play that Muggle card game you were telling me about. The one about the fish? You need to be here to make me laugh like I haven't been able to for so many years in Azkaban. I love you, Harry. You're my son, even if I'm not your biological parent. I never wanted to take James's place, but if you're trying to decide whether to go to him or come back to me, right now, I beg you, Harry, pick me. Come back to me. You can't leave me now, Harry. You just can't. This isn't meant to be an end, it's supposed to be the beginning."
Harry was surprised to see Sirius sitting on his cot where Snape had just been.
"Sirius, I'm sorry," Harry said tearfully. "I'm so sorry." But Sirius didn't seem to hear him.
"Harry, you can't leave me. You have to come back out there," he said, pointing to the door.
"Sirius, I can't," Harry said, looking at the door in fright. "It's safer here. Look, my parents," he said, pointing at the mirror.
"Pick me," Sirius said.
"What? I don't understand," Harry said.
"Choose me instead of James. I love you, Harry. You're my son."
Harry blinked at him in confusion. "Who are you?"
"I'm Sirius. I'm your godfather."
"Sirius doesn't love me. And he doesn't want me, he wants my dad," Harry said sadly.
"It's me, Harry. I promise," Sirius said with pleading eyes.
"You always promise things that aren't true, though. How do I know it's really you? What if you change again and don't want me anymore?" Harry asked desperately.
"Come back. You have to take the risk, Harry," he said, getting up and heading toward the door. "I'll be out there."
"Sirius, wait! Just stay here with me!" Harry cried, jumping to his feet, but Sirius was already gone. Harry cautiously opened the door and stared out into the blackness. He could vaguely see the people he knew all glaring at him. "Sirius?" he called into the black. "Sirius, please, I don't know what to do!"
Suddenly, Uncle Vernon emerged from the dark, looking furious and Harry slammed the door in fright as the man began to yell about what a freak Harry was.
Harry sunk back to the floor and curled back into his ball, looking into the mirror to help him forget his fears.
"Umm...I was wondering if I could talk to Harry," Ginny said tearfully. "I have some things I need to say."
Sirius reluctantly nodded. He kissed Harry's hand before gently placing it back down on the bed. He left the room as Ginny took his seat. She sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at Harry. She took his hand in hers and gently rubbed her thumb on the top of his hand as tears dripped silently down her cheeks.
"Hey Harry, it's me, Ginny," she said with difficulty. "I have to make this quick since everyone else wants a chance to talk to you as well. Remember when I was a first year how I was so scared to be around you because of my humongous crush on you? I sent you that stupid singing valentine that embarrassed the hell out of both of us. Just a few months ago we were sitting on the Gryffindor common room couch talking about how silly I was, but you know what? I think, in a way, it was back then that I had the right idea. You see, just because I can act human around you now, doesn't mean you don't still have the same effect on me. Yet, I stupidly started to hide how much I adore you when I should have been making sure you knew. Even right now, with you lying here looking like hell, I think you're gorgeous. I always have. I think it's your eyes, mainly, that have got me hooked, and Harry, I can't go without seeing them ever again. I can't go without hearing your voice or your laugh. I can't go without your wonderful smile. I can't let you leave without telling you all my secrets, and I can't let you leave before you let me know some of yours. Because when I'm a crazy old bat, I want you to be there with me to listen to the stories of all my crazy jobs, even though you will have heard them all already a thousand times. I want you there when the stories are being made.
"And you can't let our first kiss be our last. I couldn't stand that. I swear to you, if you come back, you'll always have a safe bet for the future because I'll never feel the same way about anyone else, whether you choose to be with me or not." She stood up, leaned over and brushed her lips against his forehead. "I love you like you wouldn't believe," she whispered in his ear. She brushed away her tears and left the room.
Harry looked over at Ginny with wide eyes."Ginny?" he asked in surprise. She smiled at him and shook her head slightly.
"I love you like you couldn't believe," she said softly.
Harry's eyes widened before he looked down at the floorboards. "Ginny, you don't want me. I'm such a mess."
Ginny got up and kissed him on the forehead, but it just felt like a warm breeze.
"I don't want to give up my future with you," she whispered before leaving.
"You deserve better," he whispered as the door shut behind her.
Remus raced down the hall of the hospital, coming up to the group sitting around in chairs, looking very dazed and upset. Sirius looked like he didn't realize the world was still spinning around him.
He had been trying to track everyone down to make sure the kids were all okay, and once he found they weren't at any of the houses, he knew they must have gone to St. Mungo's. After all, Ron had been tortured for three days and he'd heard that Harry and Draco might have their own sets of injuries as well. He hadn't been prepared for the nurse informing him that Harry could be found in intensive care. He had raced off when she wouldn't give him any more information, praying that Sirius had just overreacted and forced the hospital to allow him to stay in that wing.
"What's wrong with Harry?" he asked desperately. "Why is he in intensive care?"
He waited for less than a second before pushing open the door into the hospital room. His heart plummeted.
The Stensons were sitting around his bed looking distraught. Kota was talking quietly to Harry, who was unmoving and looking like death.
"What's wrong with him?" Remus asked breathlessly.
"He's in a coma. They're not sure if he'll make it through the night," Mr. Stenson informed him in a choked voice. "They said we could try talking to him. They said it might be a good idea to say goodbye."
Remus momentarily stopped breathing. "What?"
Mr. Stenson took him aside and spoke quietly. "The doctor said that Harry's giving up on pulling through this. He's been through so much lately, he doesn't want to live anymore," he said, looking blankly at the floor.
"We're just finishing up and you can talk to him," Mrs. Stenson said quietly.
Kota sniffed and kissed Harry on the forehead.
"Come on, Harry, you've got to pull through this, okay? We need you so much. And you know I like happy endings. I need them. You can't...you can't give up, all right? We love you too much," she said in a teary voice. "I can't lose you again."
"Come on, Kota," her father said softly, giving Harry's hand a squeeze before putting it down. "Let's give Remus some time with him."
Kota nodded reluctantly and let Remus take her spot as the three Muggles went out into the hall.
Remus sank down into the chair beside Harry's bed and looked at the boy in shock. He brushed back a lock of Harry's hair, which sprung back into his face. That was the thing about Harry's hair, you could smooth it back as much as you wanted and it would eventually fall back into his face, even if he didn't move.
"Oh gods, Harry, you can't do this to me," Remus said in a choked voice, taking Harry's hand and covering it with both of his own. "Werewolves aren't allowed to be parents, did you know that? That's why I never came to visit you at the Dursleys, because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear not being able to take you home with me. You're the closest thing I'll ever have to a son and you can't leave me now. Being a werewolf is hard, but I've never hated it as much as I did when I met you and saw what a great kid you were. I wanted more than anything to just take you home with me, but I couldn't. I have to admit that I'm jealous of Sirius more than either of you could ever know because he's your godfather and I'm not. I hate to admit this to anyone, but sometimes I come back from visiting you and Sirius at the Lighthouse and I just feel so bitter because I can't ever have the same relationship with you that Sirius does when I knew you first. And I know that I want that so much that I have to watch myself so I don't unintentionally try to steal you away from Sirius, especially when I see him messing up. I just want you to know that if I ever have seemed to have distanced myself from you, it's because I'm trying to save myself from the pain of being around you, knowing that I could have had the relationship with you that Sirius does.
"I'm not saying goodbye because I refuse to resign myself to you giving up. You can't give up. When I was teaching you, you never gave up, even if it was nearly impossible, you wouldn't give up. You don't give up and I refuse to believe you'd give up now," Remus said firmly, looking down at Harry's peaceful expression. "You can't give up because even if I could never have you as a son, that's what you'll always be to me."
A few tears dripped down Remus's face and he held Harry's hand to his cheek
Suddenly Remus appeared on Harry's cot and Harry's heart clenched when he realized the man was crying.
"Remy? What's wrong?" Harry asked, sitting next to his ex-Defense professor.
"I won't say goodbye," Remus choked out tearfully.
Harry was a bit confused but nodded sympathetically, nonetheless.
"Are you going to stay with me for awhile?" Harry asked hopefully. Remus looked up at him.
"I want what Sirius has," he said longingly.
"What's that?" Harry asked, wondering what Sirius had that Remus would be jealous of.
"You," he said simply.
Harry blinked at him, speechless.
Remus buried his head in his hands and started to cry, but even though he was crying into his own hands, Harry looked down in confusion at the teardrops splashing onto his right hand, as if it had been the one Remus had been crying onto.
"Hey, Harry," Ron said quietly, sitting beside his best friend and taking his hand. Harry looked too still and pale for Ron's comfort.
Ron carefully turned over the hand he was holding and looked at the scar on his wrist from the wire that had dug into it and nearly killed him. The scar made him remember the night Harry's uncle had attacked him and was too painful to look at anymore. Ron placed two fingers on Harry's wrist, finding the pulse. He shut his eyes tightly in relief and lowered Harry's hand back to the bed.
"Harry, how can you just be giving up?" Ron choked out tearfully. "I don't know what happened. This summer started out so perfectly. We were all so determined to make sure you knew how much you meant to us so we would never have to lose you again because you didn't think we cared. But then nobody ever made sure you knew, even when it was so obvious that you were doubting it, even after we knew your stupid uncle made you doubt it. We're all such idiots, Harry, I don't know how you can stand us. We were given a second chance and we blew it. It seems almost wrong to ask for a third. Of course, that's not going to stop me. We'll get it right, this time. I promise."
Harry was sitting in his cupboard, gazing longingly at his parents, when something changed. His mother, instead of merely standing there and waving, beckoned him forward with a smile. Harry stood, his gaze transfixed on the image, and walked toward the mirror. He put his hand up to the glass to find that it was no longer solid, but a liquid substance.
He looked back at the cupboard door. The world would be better off without him. He turned back to the mirror and stepped toward it. There was no reason to go back.
Suddenly, there was a long beep sound in Harry's hospital room. Ron looked up in alarm, not knowing what that meant. Several healers burst into the room looking frantic.
The healers surrounded Harry and began checking him over.
"We're losing him," one said urgently.
Ice-cold panic poured over Ron. He grabbed Harry's hand into his own.
"Harry, no! Don't go! No Harry, please! You can't leave me, damnit! You can't do this to me again! Harry, please! You have to live! You have to come back!" Ron screamed, tears streaming down his face.
Harry whipped around as he heard someone scream behind him. Standing there, was Ron, crying.
"Harry, no! Don't go! Please! You have to come back!" he cried.
"Ron?" Harry asked, scared to see his friend so upset. He took a step away from the mirror. "Look, Ron. My parents," he said, pointing at the mirror, excitedly. "They want me. They want to be with me. They don't mind if I'm around!"
"Don't," Ron said frantically, shaking his head. "Come back."
"Ron, nobody back there wants me," Harry said tearfully. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"Get him out of here," one of the healers ordered. Two healers walked over to Ron. One laid a hand on his shoulder, but Ron shrugged it off violently. The two healers roughly pulled Ron from Harry and began dragging him toward the door.
Suddenly Ron disappeared from the cupboard and Harry let out a sob, hugging himself tightly. He quickly turned toward his parents and went to the mirror.
Ron violently fought back, kicking and screaming.
"No! Let go of me! Let me talk to him! He doesn't want to be alone!" he screamed. He didn't know where that last statement came from, but somehow just knew it was true.
"Wait!" another healer yelled. "He was doing better and now he's slipping again. Oh shit, get his friend back here, NOW!"
The healers immediately let go of Ron, who raced back to Harry's side, grabbing his hand desperately.
"Harry, I need you! I can't do this without you! And not only me, a lot of people need you! Hermione needs you to keep her sane. Sirius loves you! You're his family and you can't leave him! He's out there freaking out right now. I can hear him screaming out in the hallway because they won't let him in, but he really wants to be here with you. And Snape, you've made Snape actually care about something! He cares about you! You can't leave him now or he'll go back to being miserable. And Malfoy, Harry, Malfoy. You're his only friend. You're better than the rest of us; you gave him a chance even after everything he did to you. Without you, he'll have no one. He'll have no friends and be all alone. You need to be here for him, because he needs you for support to be able to be able to face going back to school and seeing all his old friends. You need to be here to stick up for him! You have to be here for Ginny, because she loves you and you have to be here for the twins because they think of you as their little brother, right along with me. But Harry, you have to be here for me! You said you'd be there for me, you bloody promised! I swear, I'll be there for you too, if you just come back!" he said through his sobs.
"Hey sonny," one of the healers said as they monitored Harry's vitals, "keep it up. Whatever you're saying is helping. Keep going."
Ron determinedly wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Harry, come back. If you don't, think of all the things you'd be missing. There's Quidditch. There's Advanced Potions, which isn't all that exciting, but you helped me get in it and you need to help me through it and you have to see the Slytherin's faces when Snape's nice to you. And you have to be there to shock everyone with your friendship with Malfoy. And even though you were teasing that day when I found Eloise's plan for your future, Hermione and I will probably end up getting married and having a bunch of kids, and of course, you'll be one of their many uncles, whether you end up with Ginny or not. But you'll be their favorite because you'll live right next to me and be over all the time because I won't stand you not visiting daily. Harry, please, I can't do it without you. I need you. You're my best friend and I need you. So don't you dare leave me because I can't do it on my own, and I swear you won't have to do it alone anymore either. You'll never have to feel alone again, even if I have to move in with you and spend every night on the mattress next to your bed, okay? You won't be alone anymore, I swear to you."
Harry had stepped almost all the way through the mirror when Ron was suddenly screaming behind him again, even more desperately than before.
"Harry! Please, I need you! Don't leave me!" he screamed hysterically.
Harry looked longingly toward his parents who were waiting for him with gentle smiles on their faces. He looked back at Ron through the liquid mirror.
"Ron, you don't need me, I make your life horrible," Harry explained sadly.
"I need you! You promised you'd be there for me!" the redhead cried desperately. "You're my best friend and I can't do it without you. You have to be there for me and all of us who need you."
Harry was torn. He didn't want to go back to a world of pain and doubts and loneliness. He didn't feel like he belonged there.
"You won't be alone anymore, I swear to you," Ron said determinedly. His eyes shone with sincerity.
Harry wanted time to think about this all. The whole idea of going back seemed too risky when on this side of the mirror, his parents were there and safe and ready to accept him, to love him. He was feeling a vague pull to go toward his parents.
Suddenly, Harry realized that the edges of the mirror were becoming solid and working its way toward the middle. He had to make a choice.
He turned toward his parents and prayed he was making the right decision.
With one last look at his mother and father, Harry stepped back through the mirror, back into the cupboard.
He turned back toward the mirror and saw that it had solidified and now was cracked. He couldn't go back through it, at least not now.
"Thank you, Harry," Ron said sincerely. "Let's go." Ron started toward the door.
"No, I can't. I don't want to go out there," Harry said tearfully. "Can't you just stay here?"
"I can't forever, Harry. Neither can you. But when you come back, we'll be waiting there for you."
"Are you going to leave me alone again?" Harry asked tearfully.
Ron wordlessly sat down on Harry's cot. Harry slowly sat down next to him. The two sat there in silence for a long time, as Harry looked at the broken mirror, wondering if he had made the right choice.
"He's stabilized," one of the healers announced. Everyone breathed with relief as Ron looked up at them hopefully, tears still trickling down his face.
One of the healers patted his back.
"You saved him, kid. He's lucky to have a friend like you," the healer said with a warm smile.
"Is he going to be alright?" Ron asked tearfully.
"Well, everything's looking good. Now we'll just have to wait until he's ready to come out of his coma, but I think that was the last close call of the night," the healer said reassuringly.
"He can't be alone right now, okay?" Ron said firmly, wiping at his tears. "Someone he knows needs to be with him at all times, alright?"
"Okay," the healer said with a nod.
The healers filed out of the room and Ron just held Harry's hand tightly.
HPHPHPHPMeanwhile, the hall was filled with frantic shouting and crying as nurses attempted to calm the situation. Minutes earlier, several healers had raced into Harry's room screaming instructions at each other. One had said Harry was "crashing" and though those in the hall weren't familiar with emergency room lingo, they all knew what it meant, especially when they heard Ron's desperate screaming and sobbing from inside.
Immediately Sirius and Snape rushed toward the door, only to be thrown back by spells cast by two nurses trying to explain to them that they couldn't go in. They tried to explain they were Harry's godfather and physician, but the nurses still made them stay outside, claiming they'd be a distraction to those trying to save him.
Draco and Hermione tried to get in as well, shrieking that they were his best friends and that they hadn't even gotten to talk with Harry yet and that they wouldn't let Harry give up. Hermione even bit one of the arms of someone trying to restrain her, but still was unable to get through the door.
Ginny was carried away from the door screaming by two orderlies, using a variety of curse words her parents never dreamed she knew.
The twins were also attempting to break in, shouting that they were Harry's brothers. The nurses looked at the two with raised eyebrows so Fred and George insisted that they were his adoptive brothers and that the similarities between them and some of the others was purely coincidental; they'd never seen those Weasley people before in their lives.
Mrs. Weasley had gotten the farthest toward the door and it had taken no less than six orderlies to drag her away.
The Granger parents were watching in a stunned and sympathetic fashion, doing the best they could to calm people. Mr. Weasley was sitting in a chair sobbing into his hands.
Having been informed by owl of what had happened by Ginny, who had believed that Harry needed as many friends there as possible, Neville, Eloise, and the Stensons chose that time to arrive. It didn't take them long to find out what was happening and all rushed the door themselves.
It was still a crisis the hospital talked about years later, taking all the staff that could be spared to stop the situation before duels broke out, though several orderlies had ended up multi-colored by the end of it.
Finally, they had administered calming potions to all those who were a threat and as a precaution, stuck them to the waiting hall chairs with some simple charms. Their wands were all confiscated and would be given back to them only when they were leaving the hospital. A few orderlies stayed to interrogate Fred and George on what would get their skin to stop flashing neon-orange, but the furious, panicked twins refused to tell them until they brought information about Harry.
The healers finally emerged, informing the group that though they had just nearly lost him, Harry was now stabilized. Of course there was the grim news that Harry was still in his coma and they couldn't tell if he'd come out of it. They just needed to be given the support he so clearly needed right now and they'd have to see what happened from there.
HPHPHPHPMr. Weasley slipped into Harry's room. It had been hard to get a moment where Harry was unguarded, but the healers had shoved everyone out of the room and had insisted they either go home or at least go to the tearoom for a bit so they could check over Harry. Arthur had made an excuse to get away, and nobody stopped him as the tension between he and Sirius was unbearable. He went straight down to Harry's hospital room and waited until the healers left. He hadn't felt like he deserved to demand time alone with Harry so he waited until he didn't need to ask anyone else for it.
His breath caught in his throat as he saw Harry lying on the hospital bed, with monitoring spells making beeping sounds and Harry looking so pale and still. Some might say he looked like he was sleeping, but Harry had stayed at the Burrow enough for Mr. Weasley to know see how unnatural it was. Harry never slept on his back. He always curled up on his side, almost into a protective ball, looking peaceful but alone, as if he was trying to protect himself from the harsh world while in such a vulnerable state. The only time he relaxed from that position was when someone was near him while he slept, and both Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had, on occasion, secretly snuck up to Ron's room to sit next to Harry while he slept, just to see the tension in his features truly disappear.
But Harry had never slept on his back.
Arthur sat in the chair next to Harry and sadly took the boy's hand.
"Hey Harry," he said quietly. "It's Mr. Weasley. Pretty much everyone wants to kill me right now for encouraging you to go on that rescue mission for Ron. They think I don't care about you. I want you to know that I do...care about you, that is. I don't know how to explain what I did and I don't even know how I feel about it. But I do know how I'm feeling now. I'm so scared that you might not come out of this. I don't care much what other people think about me right now, I just care about the fact that you're here in this hospital, that you so nearly died and now are just clinging on and aren't even sure why you should hold on. I feel guilty, of course, knowing that I had a hand in this uncertainty and the whole thing itself. I can't tell you how I felt when I realized you and the Malfoy boy were still back there and that you had been caught by Death Eaters. I was just stunned. I don't think it even registered. I just took Ron to the hospital and I knew, I just knew, that you'd show up as soon as I left, perfectly fine, with some heroic tale about how you escaped, leading the Malfoy boy to safety. That's just how you are. You always come out the victor and you always make sure everyone gets back safe. That's why I just knew that with you in charge of this rescue mission, everyone would get back okay, because that's how it always goes. That's how it's supposed to go. And the fact that it didn't go like that just didn't register until...maybe even until I saw you here just a few moments ago.
"I think I fell into the trap, the Boy Who Lived trap. I know you're just a teenager like my kids and like every other kid your age, and I never thought I'd be one of those people who just blindly put their faith in you...no, that's not what I meant to say, because I've always had faith in you and I still have faith in you; none of it was blind...I meant to say those people who put burdens on your shoulders and stupidly believe that you're some rock that can just hold it all and never get hurt. Those people who think you're immortal. But you know, that's what I did, wasn't it? I didn't protect you like I would have of any other kid. I wouldn't even have let Hermione or Draco go if you hadn't gone along. I told you it was your job to get him back, and whether you would have or not without my encouragement isn't the point. The point is that I let you down and momentarily forgot that you were Harry, not the Boy Who Lived. I let you down where it mattered, in the only area that ever really mattered to you. And for that, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself," he said, taking a moment to shut his eyes and stop talking in order to fight back his emotions.
"I guess I just wanted you to know that I do care about you, despite what you or anyone else might think. You don't have to forgive me or even talk to me ever again, but you have to come back, Harry. You have to wake up and go back to playing Quidditch in our backyard and complimenting Molly's cooking and sleeping in your curled up ball on your side. And I will never make the mistake of treating you like anything other than who you really are ever again." He paused and looked at the boy in front of him. "I think your friends have it down, but some of us adults really need to start seeing you as Harry. Just Harry."
HPHPHPHPHPHPParanoiaIn2005: Ah, I had a late chapter so you are allowed a late review. Well, you know those Death Eaters and their power trips. Hahaha, you're right, Harry and glass don't mix well. Lol, I know, I do torture Harry incessantly, but he does seem to have rotten luck, so there you go. Plus I'm sadistic, I guess, so that might explain things a bit. Thank you! I'm so glad you liked that scene between the two boys on the side of the road. Yes, Harry is definitely a tortured soul, that's exactly what JKR had in mind for him, I'd say. I'm just playing off that, lol. Yeah, Draco wasn't thinking too clearly putting Harry under a tree, but it's not like in his high-class household, he'd ever be out in storms and therefore wouldn't know these types of things. He'd probably put Harry next to a lightning rod and be clueless. I know, isn't Draco such a cutie? (except for the whole nearly getting Harry struck by lightning deal, lol). I'm sooo thrilled you liked the part with Sev hugging Draco so much! I rather liked it too, but I think you're the only person to mention it, so for that I thank you!! Yeah, I've always been very fond of the twins, they're just so cool!! Lol. Er...I didn't mean to depress my readers...just tug at their heartstrings a little...just a little tug, that's all, really!! Lol. Well, I did review responses this time just for you!! I hope you enjoy!!
Wiccan PussyKat: Well, there are only a few chapters left, but I'm not sure if they'll be weekly or bi-weekly as they are unfinished and I have so little time, but either way, I think I should have it done fairly soon. I will try my absolute best to get the next one out by next week. I know, these villains dawdle far too long. Did you end up finding out about Ozymandias? Yeah, Draco was a bit emotional and disturbed at that moment...it wasn't his finest hour. Lol, yeah, I guess that could come across as a bit slashy, but oh well. All the slashers can jump for joy and all the non-slashers can rest assured that Harry's heart lies with Ginny. Yeah, it took the twins long enough, but as Mrs. Weasley said earlier in the fic, Weasley men are very stubborn and it takes them a long time to get over a grudge, but they eventually do.
Myr Halcyon (lol, so did you figure out what closets symbolize? Probably not, and that's okay because it's not obvious. You're right, many villains aren't portrayed as smart, and the heroes are all really intelligent, but then you have Ron, lol. In this fic, Voldie was intelligent, and so was Callahan, actually, but it was really Lucius who was the brilliant one but was still overcome by his desire to see his enemies suffer and his underestimation of them. His ego brought him down. I'm so glad you like what I've done with Draco as I have many skeptics over what I've done with that character, and I personally think it's realistic. I'm so glad I swayed you to my belief that Draco's a character of many layers that haven't yet been explored, only hinted at: his overbearing father, the pressure being put on him by friends and family to become a D.E. and how he's still naïve to what being a D.E. entails. I could never see him as a D.E. and will be disappointed if JKR simply sends him on that path, which I still don't think is what she has in mind for his character. Right, now back to relevant matters. By "Harry's internal ruminations" did you mean something similar to what I did put in the chapter?
moonlight-madness: at least you didn't get a cliffie this time around! I didn't leave you in the middle of Harry's near-death call or anything, you should be proud! I'm so glad you like this one! Oh, I love it when people ask me questions about my writing and I'd be more than happy to answer. I'm posting the answers (since it's quite long) on my yahoo group under a post saying something about a review response to you. If you can't get to my yahoo group, just remind me and I'll put a cut down version of it in my next review response. I did have a lot of fun answering those questions though.
Angel74: Wow! That's a really long review!! Thanks! Yeah, luckily the boys had enough sense to remember to let people know where the headquarters was. Poor Draco, having to live with the fact that he killed his own father. He had a little freak-out moment there where he forgot how far he'd come and who he really is, but luckily Harry was able to get some sense into him. As you can see, Draco and Harry have rubbed off on each other, and Harry sometimes shows Slythering cunning, while Draco can show the Gryffindor bravery. Well, as I said before in Recnac, levitating someone is very slow (which is why Snape always carried Harry rather than levitated him). Draco had to make a quick decision as to which would be quicker, and he obviously decided that he could make it to the Burrow and get people back to Harry faster than he could levitate him or carry him there, does that make sense? I must admit I do enjoy torturing the poor kid, I can't help it! Yeah, I'm sure Ron's going to be having a bit of a guilt trip about the whole thing, even though it's obviously not his fault. Hmm...I've just realized how many characters are guilt-tripping right now. Lol, oops.
Musicstarlover, monica85 (good luck with college yourself! I'm a 1st year as well), Firestar038 (Thank you!), Wynjara, Shawn Pickett, Bluerain22 (lol, well hey! I'm glad to hear you got emotional over it, it mean's you're a good reader!), gizachick, maya100, japanese-jew, blink gurl017 (actually, more than one people asked for this, but I had already worked out this chapter and unfortunately, that didn't fit into what I had in mind. What happened in Harry's "cupboard" was all in Harry's head, hearing slightly what others were saying, projecting things from his past into his dreams. There's a lot of meaning behind how I chose to do this chapter so I couldn't vary from what I had intended for it, sorry! Maybe I'll do a "deleted" scene about it), Lupin123 (I know, poor Harry, but at least he survives the chapter! Aren't you pleased with me? There was a lot of confusion about the Portkey. I'll try to clear some of that up in the author's note. If you go back and read the part where they made it, it describes what it turning purple means.), Zaptor, ChristinaLupin01442 (er...cowers Love ya guys!), DreamersDisease, XxGoddessOfImaginaryLightxX, Stellaluna Melonballer (oops, sorry, there's your last-straw near-death experience for Harry. Sorry you feel that way. I don't look at it like Harry's a damsel in distress. He did a lot of ass-kicking, but he's not untouchable and everyone has a breaking point.), Jenn the Freak (lol, thank you for such a wonderful compliment. I love to hear it when readers are moved to tears. Shows me they're getting emotionally involved. Hopefully you thought this chapter had the quality you were looking for), Marci018 (Lol, Harry survives yet another chapter. No ritualistic killings of Celebony quite yet. Sorry about the late chapter. Stupid internet access problems....grr..), Catiechan (aw, aching heart syndrome, I got that while writing the thing. You're not the only person to ask for a Harry meet the parents scene, but unfortunately, that didn't fit into the plan I had for the scene. This was one of the most planned scenes and so much in it has deliberate meaning that even if most don't catch it, I didn't want to change it. I'll see about making a "deleted" scene about it though.), ThreeToedSloth (yeah, applying for college sucks, but actually being in it, at least for me, is a blast. I absolutely love it. I know what you mean! I keep referring to "when Harry was dead" and it just doesn't sound right.), Babylon for Life (wow, you got hit by Hurricane Ivan? Well, hopefully everything's going alright with that! Actually, I got two good roomies), lyss33, Bu, Whispyraven, HaRrYrOxMuhSox, Dominey (really? Yeah, I guess last chapter was pretty sad, hopefully you'll think this one is pretty emotional as well.), PaddycakePadfoot, Painted Fire (Thank you so much for the encouragement!), tati1 (Okay, actually you're the only one to point that out and you have a very good point that honestly just slipped through my radar! Count it as a mistake and please forgive me!), Rhiain, Lourdes, mysticxesperanza, katclaws29, lost angel92, Tatshing (I know! College life is definitely challenging just keeping up! After this story, there won't be another sequel. I don't know exactly what my plans will be at the moment. I think a bit of a break is in order, at least. I need to catch up with my school work and sleep!), Dana (MP), AuroraEvanstar (thank you so much!), stahchild (yeah, you underestimate the level of my sadism, but I only torture the characters I love. You'll see where Dumbledore is a bit later.), Magic Marauder (sadist in a past life? Harry would attest that I'm a sadist in this life, lol), sou85a (I definitely left packing to the last minute, but it all worked out okay.), Liz (thank you! "atmospheric", eh? Yay!!), Riannya (you're very welcome for putting this up. Yeah, it's been extremely hectic right now, and I must admit that I'm in a pretty zombie-like state right now, but after I finish answering my wonderful reviewers, I'm going to crawl into bed and finally get some sleep.), Ms. Hobgoblin, aneedtoslashify, Aishwarya (lol, thanks! I always love to hear when a reader's emotionally involved with my work), BlxckHeartBroken, leontine (yeah, I definitely had the valley of cliffs for awhile, sorry about that. They're so fun though! You're spot on though about Harry hearing the voices of those that talk to him.), istalksiriusonweekends, htbmny, shadowsfriend, Impish Delight, GhostMagic19, Lorie1101 (I'm so glad you like the Harry angst! I like it too, but some people seem to be thinking it's too much. C'est la vie! I'm so glad you could picture everything in your head...that's a really big compliment for me.), azntgr01, kneh13, SarahtheBardess (Oh wow, I'll have to go check out what scene inspired you and what you did with it. That's very flattering that you'd use something of mine for inspiration.), Leena7, EriEka127, Zork the Unbearable, Laterose, RaNdOmNeSs RuLeZ (thank you! I'm so glad you like both of my fics so much!!), TheSerpentAndTheLion (lol, your entry was really great for the first contest and I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you so much for the comment about my writing. My dream is to be a writer. Anywho, after this one, I have a completely different fic idea, but first I'm going to need a nice long break before I decide whether to tackle it or not. I may write a few drabbles here and there when I'm bored. I guess we'll have to see.), insanelittleone, hpfanchrissy1502, sami1010220, ChildOfDarkness (ooh, you got hit by the hurricane too! Wow, I hope things have smoothed over with that!), eagle, Cynthia1850, Kjkit, venus4280, m, Benevolence (I know! I'm evil, it's bad. Don't worry, I promise not to abandon the fic. Besides, it's almost over!), The Black Quill, curlybean (thank you! I promise I'm not abandoning the story, it's just been a hectic time full of shaky internet access. Actually, I almost did have Draco cover Harry with the invisibility cloak before quickly realizing what a bad idea that would be.), emsubeme (Laura and Anna will be back, they're just taking a small vacation right now.), Hekate101, elyssalyn (thank you! I'm so glad you like my work. I'm sorry you're not an H/G shipper. Luckily, I don't put too much of it in the story.), icaro, Amy Da Great, shamanogler, SiriusWolf (Well, if you are a Raiders fan, I got the name from the coach, or ex-coach (I'm not sure), or more precisely, his son, who I knew and was very, very unfond of. Hmmm...kill Harry to spite Sirius? I think you've been exposed to me for too long, lol.), Jessikat (Thanks!), acciodanrad9 (I'm so glad you liked Ch 23! It was definitely a more action-packed chapter, especially in comparison to Ch 24. The spell wasn't to make Harry feel pain where he got injured but just a spell to make all his stomach muscles cramp up painfully. Ch. 24 is definitely a change in pace. Don't you love Harry, he may be in pain, but that doesn't stop him from being a good listener, lol.), Julie, K, Melindaleo (thank you so much for reviewing so many chapters! I like to see people's thoughts as they work their way through and don't get that too often now that Recnac is done), americanpie, oxpearxo, Flaignhan (thank you as well for reviewing so many chapters! It's really helpful and entertaining for me! I hope you're better!), Benevolence