I don't need you: Next
"He's crying." She sighed. "He went in there and threw a few things about, breaking something. Next thing we heard, he was crying."
Higgy nodded and took a deep breath; however before she could go over to the door DL grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "What?"
"He's different from the others." She whispered. "The mood swings are too close together and too short. Something's not right."
"I know. Just remember, he wasn't brought up like the others. He had no idea what was coming. And he was already 'humanised' before we found him. Maybe he has too much humanity in him too cope." She brushed past when the other girl nodded and went to crouch beside Red. "Spike?" she whispered. "It's Higgy. Are you okay?"
There came a shuddering breath and a quiet reply of, "I...I don't think so."
"What did you do Spike?" Higgy asked gently. "You can say, we wont get mad." There was a long pause where Higgy deduced that Spike was shaking his head and trying to stop crying unsuccessfully.
"Please Spike. We just want to help." Red whispered, trying to soothe him.
"I...I'm so stupid. I smashed something; I don't know what it was. I'm sorry." He pleaded, almost childlike through the door, gaining sympathy even from Amy. "I...I'm so sorry." Here he broke of and began sobbing behind the door, making Higgy wish she had removed that lock.
"Spike? Please stop crying." Cheryll tried again only to receive more sobs than before. She looked pleadingly into Higgy's eyes. The Carer put a comforting hand on her shoulder; she knew Red hated it when they cried; it always made her feel helpless.
"Amy?" she asked her friend. "Could you? You know? Just go to see him?"
Amy smiled reassuringly. "Sure Higgs. I'm here to help." And with that she closed her eyes and slowly faded from view, letting herself fade into the bathroom. Having not quite mastered how to disappear and reappear she could only see into the room and not be seen by the vampire. Which was probably a good thing.
"What do you see?" Cheryll asked.
"He's curled up in the corner crying his little undead heart out." She muttered, despite not being able to be heard by Spike. "He smashed a glass bowl. Higgy I think...I think he's hurt himself pretty badly. There's blood. A lot of blood."
"Okay, come back to normal and we'll try to get him out of there and tend to his wounds." Slowly Amy faded back into view and went to get the first aid kit from the kitchen. This looked bad.
"Spike? I need you to come out of the bathroom for me." Higgy gently spoke through the door. "Could you do that please?" she stood up and dragged Cheryll to the side and waited. Slowly the door opened to reveal a red eyed Spike, with tears still poring down his cheeks. "There we go. Now come with me back into the living room." She held out a hand and he slowly took it but didn't move.
"Here." Cheryll held out her hand also and he took it, albeit a little slower than he did Higgy's. Slowly the girls led him to the living room and sat on the sofa with him between them, now able to see the full extent of the damage. There were slashes up and down his arms and particularly deep across his wrists. Bite marks were running along the forearms and blood was still dripping from the punctures.
Amy came over with the first aid kit and knelt in front of him. "Spike?" she carried on when he looked up from the floor into her eyes. "I'm going to clear up the blood and bandage your arms. It's going to sting a little bit. Okay?" When he nodded she pressed an alcohol soaked cloth onto one of his wounds and he winced and tried to pull away. Luckily Amy had hold of his wrist and the two girls beside him were gently but firmly holding him still.
As she moved the cloth up his arms and cleaned away the blood he began to whimper and tried to curl in on himself. Higgy felt pity and turned so he could bury his head in her arms and cry into her shoulder while Amy worked. Cheryll sat rubbing the vampire's back in soothing circles and hushing him gently. Amy had soon put a soothing balm on the cuts and had bound the wounds. When she had finished she stood and put her arms around the shaking vampire and began whispering in his ear. After five minutes of this, Spike had calmed down and was now sitting with his head leaning against Higgy's shoulder while the other two sat beside and made sure they were helping with calming him down.
"Spike?" Higgy broke the silence. "You need to tells us what you felt. It could help us understand what stage you're at."
Drawing a shuddering breath Spike sat up and wiped at his eyes, clearing them of blurriness. He avoided looking at any of the girls directly and spoke quietly. "I felt so stupid. I wanted to get away. When I heard Angelus I got so angry. He abandoned me. Why does he pretend he cares? So I yelled and went and locked myself in the bathroom and yelled at him for being a stupid wanker who left me. I was only 20 when he left. Then I threw the glass thing. It smashed into a million pieces and I picked one up and cut myself. I kept doing it again and again. I...I..."
After a while Spike fixed his gaze to a point on the floor and didn't look like he would continue. "Spike?" Red began. "You what?"
"I thought I was human again." He put his head in his hands and his shoulders shook as he let out a few more tears with each girl soothing him. "I wanted to die. I didn't want him to care. I didn't want to deal with this on my own. I got so confused. I was so angry I vamped out and I began licking up the blood without realising. Then I remembered and bit myself, then I thought I was human again and tried to stop I got so confused."
"It's okay Spike." Hushed DL. "This happens to all vampires. Your memory plays tricks on you and you get confused. You're not stupid. Not at all."
Spike dried his face and sighed to himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burst into tears like that. It just happened."
"Don't be sorry Spike. You have no control over what's happening. It happens to all vamps and you're doing well. Isn't he Higgy?" Red added, smiling at the vampire to try and raise his spirits. He smiled shyly back and looked to Higgy for an answer.
She positively beamed at him. "He's doing fantastically. There's just one more thing I need to know Spike. Are your fangs hurting at all?" when Spike nodded she closed her eyes for a second and continued. "Welcome to stage two."
"He's crying." She sighed. "He went in there and threw a few things about, breaking something. Next thing we heard, he was crying."
Higgy nodded and took a deep breath; however before she could go over to the door DL grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "What?"
"He's different from the others." She whispered. "The mood swings are too close together and too short. Something's not right."
"I know. Just remember, he wasn't brought up like the others. He had no idea what was coming. And he was already 'humanised' before we found him. Maybe he has too much humanity in him too cope." She brushed past when the other girl nodded and went to crouch beside Red. "Spike?" she whispered. "It's Higgy. Are you okay?"
There came a shuddering breath and a quiet reply of, "I...I don't think so."
"What did you do Spike?" Higgy asked gently. "You can say, we wont get mad." There was a long pause where Higgy deduced that Spike was shaking his head and trying to stop crying unsuccessfully.
"Please Spike. We just want to help." Red whispered, trying to soothe him.
"I...I'm so stupid. I smashed something; I don't know what it was. I'm sorry." He pleaded, almost childlike through the door, gaining sympathy even from Amy. "I...I'm so sorry." Here he broke of and began sobbing behind the door, making Higgy wish she had removed that lock.
"Spike? Please stop crying." Cheryll tried again only to receive more sobs than before. She looked pleadingly into Higgy's eyes. The Carer put a comforting hand on her shoulder; she knew Red hated it when they cried; it always made her feel helpless.
"Amy?" she asked her friend. "Could you? You know? Just go to see him?"
Amy smiled reassuringly. "Sure Higgs. I'm here to help." And with that she closed her eyes and slowly faded from view, letting herself fade into the bathroom. Having not quite mastered how to disappear and reappear she could only see into the room and not be seen by the vampire. Which was probably a good thing.
"What do you see?" Cheryll asked.
"He's curled up in the corner crying his little undead heart out." She muttered, despite not being able to be heard by Spike. "He smashed a glass bowl. Higgy I think...I think he's hurt himself pretty badly. There's blood. A lot of blood."
"Okay, come back to normal and we'll try to get him out of there and tend to his wounds." Slowly Amy faded back into view and went to get the first aid kit from the kitchen. This looked bad.
"Spike? I need you to come out of the bathroom for me." Higgy gently spoke through the door. "Could you do that please?" she stood up and dragged Cheryll to the side and waited. Slowly the door opened to reveal a red eyed Spike, with tears still poring down his cheeks. "There we go. Now come with me back into the living room." She held out a hand and he slowly took it but didn't move.
"Here." Cheryll held out her hand also and he took it, albeit a little slower than he did Higgy's. Slowly the girls led him to the living room and sat on the sofa with him between them, now able to see the full extent of the damage. There were slashes up and down his arms and particularly deep across his wrists. Bite marks were running along the forearms and blood was still dripping from the punctures.
Amy came over with the first aid kit and knelt in front of him. "Spike?" she carried on when he looked up from the floor into her eyes. "I'm going to clear up the blood and bandage your arms. It's going to sting a little bit. Okay?" When he nodded she pressed an alcohol soaked cloth onto one of his wounds and he winced and tried to pull away. Luckily Amy had hold of his wrist and the two girls beside him were gently but firmly holding him still.
As she moved the cloth up his arms and cleaned away the blood he began to whimper and tried to curl in on himself. Higgy felt pity and turned so he could bury his head in her arms and cry into her shoulder while Amy worked. Cheryll sat rubbing the vampire's back in soothing circles and hushing him gently. Amy had soon put a soothing balm on the cuts and had bound the wounds. When she had finished she stood and put her arms around the shaking vampire and began whispering in his ear. After five minutes of this, Spike had calmed down and was now sitting with his head leaning against Higgy's shoulder while the other two sat beside and made sure they were helping with calming him down.
"Spike?" Higgy broke the silence. "You need to tells us what you felt. It could help us understand what stage you're at."
Drawing a shuddering breath Spike sat up and wiped at his eyes, clearing them of blurriness. He avoided looking at any of the girls directly and spoke quietly. "I felt so stupid. I wanted to get away. When I heard Angelus I got so angry. He abandoned me. Why does he pretend he cares? So I yelled and went and locked myself in the bathroom and yelled at him for being a stupid wanker who left me. I was only 20 when he left. Then I threw the glass thing. It smashed into a million pieces and I picked one up and cut myself. I kept doing it again and again. I...I..."
After a while Spike fixed his gaze to a point on the floor and didn't look like he would continue. "Spike?" Red began. "You what?"
"I thought I was human again." He put his head in his hands and his shoulders shook as he let out a few more tears with each girl soothing him. "I wanted to die. I didn't want him to care. I didn't want to deal with this on my own. I got so confused. I was so angry I vamped out and I began licking up the blood without realising. Then I remembered and bit myself, then I thought I was human again and tried to stop I got so confused."
"It's okay Spike." Hushed DL. "This happens to all vampires. Your memory plays tricks on you and you get confused. You're not stupid. Not at all."
Spike dried his face and sighed to himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burst into tears like that. It just happened."
"Don't be sorry Spike. You have no control over what's happening. It happens to all vamps and you're doing well. Isn't he Higgy?" Red added, smiling at the vampire to try and raise his spirits. He smiled shyly back and looked to Higgy for an answer.
She positively beamed at him. "He's doing fantastically. There's just one more thing I need to know Spike. Are your fangs hurting at all?" when Spike nodded she closed her eyes for a second and continued. "Welcome to stage two."