This is rated like pg – lots of drama!! Hope you like it...
When they arrived at CTU, Tony took Michelle's hand and led her into the office. It felt nice that they didn't need to worry about hiding their relationship and he just felt so proud to have her by his side. They looked around them, the place was still in such a mess. It bought them both crashing back down to reality so quickly. There were dark stains on the floor that were obviously from people's blood. Desks were still over- turned and papers were everywhere. Michelle had to remind herself to keep breathing, she griped Tony's hand very tightly trying to let him know how she was feeling.
Tony knew exactly what Michelle must be feeling, because he felt the same way. He squeezed her hand back to let her know he knew and he was there for her. They both just stood still for a few minutes just trying to take the whole situation in. Tony knew that it was so important for him to be strong right now, for his staff and also Michelle. He needed to guide all of the workers with putting the pieces of their office back together, he wanted though to show Michelle just how much she could lean on him, how strong he was, that he wasn't going to crumble. Michelle and Tony began making their way around the office greeting everyone and checking how they were doing. Tony met with Jason, the other director of CTU who worked the opposite shifts to Tony. They sat and started discussing their approach to the situation for the next month or so. Although Tony was not due back at work for another few days, he offered Jason his support 24 hours a day, making sure he knew he could count on him whenever he needed.
Chappelle then rounded Tony and Michelle so that they could be taken in for their debriefs for all of their events and actions on the day of the bomb. Everyone had to be debriefed on their own and so he was going to have Michelle go to room 5 and Tony to room 3. He hoped they would both be done in roughly an hour.
Tony took Michelle aside to say goodbye, "Are you ok to do this sweetheart?"
"Yeah I guess. Kinda hits you coming back here though hey? I just hate having to think about it all again."
"I know its hard baby, but we just have to get through this and then we can work on moving forward. I'm just down the hall if you need me, ok? I'll tell you what, once we are done here, I'll take you out for a nice lunch – just the two of us."
Michelle kissed Tony on the cheek. "You're such a sweetie. Lunch sounds great. Tony, this is just as hard on you too, I want you to know that I am here for you as well. You don't have to be the strong one all the time."
Tony gave Michelle a smile and a wink and then headed into room 3. He sat at the table in the middle of the room and nervously played with the side of his face. John came into the room and took a seat across from Tony. "Now Tony, we are going to need to start right at the beginning of the day and work through everything you remember." Tony showed he understood by nodding his head and waited for the questions to begin.
As the two men worked through the day Tony couldn't believe how much had actually fit into the time frame. He had a bit of trouble remembering what happened when, but with a little prompting from John he was able to put the pieces together. It was a lot harder thinking back on it all then Tony had thought it would be. He choked over his words when he told about watching Mason leave CTU for the last time and also when he learned it would be Jack who took the plane down. He felt as though he was reliving the emotions of the day again – he almost felt elated when he reported that he had been the one to tell Kim her Dad was still alive. He felt sick to his stomach when he told of how he knew Michelle was keeping things from him about Jack so he asked Carrie to help him monitor her. Although he didn't want too, he also mentioned how he had grabbed Michelle by the arm outside the bathrooms and gruffly whispered into her ear that she had better not be lying to him. He told of how he pulled a gun on Jack – but he didn't mention how weak and pathetic he had felt when Jack dropped him in two seconds flat. It was another emotion he had to deal with right now though and add to the pile. He started to feel really hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. He wondered how Michelle was doing.....was she finding it this hard?
They talked about Michelle's brother coming in and attacking Carrie and how he had gone after Michelle to see if she was ok. He chose not to tell John what Michelle had cried about, that was personal for her – instead he just said that she was so tired and scared, which was the truth anyways. He told John that they kissed then for the first time. John offered Tony a small smile and then moved right along. They got to the area when things started to get sticky because he and Michelle began breaking protocol to help Jack. This was the part he was so angry at himself for – he was so ashamed that he had brought Michelle into it all, that he had actually taken her help in committing treason. How could he have done something so stupid? How could he have put her entire future on the line to help him out? He was her boss, what if he had made her feel like she had to agree with what he was doing? What if Jack hadn't pulled through with enough evidence to get them off the hook, Michelle would be sitting in a jail cell right now – all because of him. There were so many things he could have done differently that day. If he had been more aware of what was going on, he could have evacuated earlier and maybe so many people wouldn't have had to die. The pile of emotions that had been building in Tony's mind finally fell and it was like he was suppose to deal with them all at once. He didn't know how too. He felt like such a bad person. Tears started falling from his eyes and he just couldn't stop them.
Michelle had finished her debrief and was waiting for Tony. It had been hard, and she had cried but she still believed what her and Tony had done that day was right and she was happy to stick by their actions. The hardest parts had been when Michelle remembered that at first she didn't want to evacuate....if she hadn't stalled would more people have lived? Also when her brother had caused the scene at work – it wasn't just him by that point though, it was everything. She wondered what was taking Tony so long. She looked up to see John walking out of the room by himself, he came straight over to Michelle, "We are all done. Ummm Michelle you might want to go in and see Tony, he is very upset – I figured he wouldn't have wanted me in the room any longer but I am sure he would want to see you."
Michelle's stomach did a flip. She thanked John and headed for room 3. She walked into the room and closed the door behind her. Tony was sitting with his head between his legs. He looked up to see who it was. She couldn't believe it....he had tears streaming down his cheeks. His face was puffy and his eyes were all red and swollen – he was a mess. He quickly wiped his eyes and lowered his head again, he spoke with a very stern voice, "Michelle please go, I don't want you to see me like this."
"Tony, I am here for you, its ok." She started to walk over to him but he jumped out of the chair and backed up against the wall, "Just go! I can't have you in here right now." He waited but she didn't budge. "MICHELLE – GET OUT OF HERE" he screamed at her.
"No Tony, I am not going anywhere. You know you wouldn't leave my side, and I am not going to leave yours. We can work through this together baby."
"No we can't Michelle. There is nothing to work through, it is all perfectly clear to me just how much I stuffed everything up the other day. I am quitting CTU. I don't deserve to be with you Michelle...." He was bawling now, there were so many tears he couldn't see at all. He could barely talk, and it felt like he choked on every word that tried to leave his throat. "How could I have let all this happen? How could I have dragged you into all that mess Michelle? What kind of person does that to someone they love?"
Michelle felt so sick. She had never seen Tony like this before and it completely broke her heart. She ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck, "Tony, you did nothing wrong. I love you...Tony baby, I am not use to seeing you like this...." He took her arms off from around his neck and cut her off before she could finish what she was saying, "Yeah I know, I am meant to be strong, just another way I have let you and everyone down. I tried to be strong Michelle, but I just can't, not when I think about the way I have acted. I am sorry you are seeing me like this."
"Tony, I am not sorry. I need to know how you are feeling so we can work through this together. I don't expect you to be strong all the time Tony – you have been through hell and you have been there for me every second, it's your turn to lean on me honey." Tony turned away from her to face the wall so that she wouldn't see a new batch of tears streaming down his face. Michelle grabbed some of the huge books and folders that were on the desk and put them on the ground behind Tony. She then stood on them behind his back so that she now reached just a little bit taller than him. She put her left arm around Tony's neck and rested it on his chest, she then put her right hand just above his right ear and stroked his hair. She spoke softly into his ear, "Tony, you need to listen to me. I was there all day – I watched everything you did, you should be proud of every single move you made all day. Tony I admire you for how you handled yourself, you were everyone's rock, including mine and none of us could have gotten through the day with out you. How can you possibly be angry with yourself?"
Tony was listening to Michelle. He loved her, and he heard every word she spoke. Even though he hated her seeing him like this, he felt so comforted having her hold him the way she was. She kept stroking his hair and rubbing his chest, her head was rested on his shoulder. "But what about what I had you help me do to Chappelle? What if Jack didn't pull through for us Michelle? You would be in jail right now."
"Tony I played just as big a part in all of that as you. You didn't make me do anything – don't forget I was the one who started by working behind your back in the first place, even if you hadn't have gotten on board, I would have kept helping him anyway – because that is what I believed was the right thing to do Tony. Your right, if Jack had been wrong, we'd be in jail right now, but that's not your fault and you know what Tony....I still wouldn't regret my actions. I'd be in jail because I followed my heart, just like you did. I just felt so lucky that I had you by my side. I respect you more than I respect anyone in this world Tony, so knowing you believed in what I believed made everything feel so right. AND we were Tony, we did make the right choices that day and everything worked out.......don't you see that Tony?"
"Yeah I do see that Michelle. You know that is something I love about you so much...the fact that you do what you believe is right in a situation no matter what the consequences are for you."
"Tony, that's exactly what you are like too. I have always loved that about you, in fact you are the reason I have the strength to do that.....because I have watched you be like that many times over the last year."
"What about all the people that died Michelle, maybe I could have done more."
"Tony, every single person involved could say the same thing. Hell, I was just thinking that to myself before, but we can't live in the 'what-if's' because it is not going to change anything. You did what you felt was right at the time and you need to trust in that, trust in yourself. You are a good agent Tony....the best – stand by the decisions you made that day. You saved so many lives. I know we lost people, and it is just so unfair, it's ok to feel sad about them but you cannot blame yourself."
Tony felt a lot better. Michelle had managed to say exactly what he needed to hear. He put his hand over Michelle's hand that was on his chest, "Thanks Michelle." He then turned around so that they were facing one another and threw his arms around her and hugged her so tightly. She held his embrace as firmly as she could. She rubbed his back with both of her hands. She pulled back slightly and placed her hands on his cheeks, "Tony do you trust me? Do you believe what I say?"
"Yes Michelle, of course, I trust you with my life." He was a little confused where this was leading...
"Do you believe me then when I tell you that you could not have done anything more to save those people?"
"Yes Michelle, I do."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that I made my own decision to help you against Chappelle and I did what I thought was right.....that it wasn't your fault?"
Tony hesitated for a moment, but he knew what she was saying was right, "Yes, I do believe you."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that you acted admirably and that you couldn't have done anything more than you did?"
"Ummm...."
"Tony!!"
"Ok, yes – I do."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that I love you? That I think you are the most amazing person in the world?"
Tony smiled and leant in to kiss Michelle – but she pulled back, "Answer the question Tony!"
Tony held Michelle's hand and kissed the top of it, "Yes sweetheart, I believe you – I think your crazy......but I believe you."
They both leaned in and began to kiss. It was very soft and gentle. They tugged on each other's lips and rubbed noses. Tony looked deep into Michelle's eyes, "thank you my Chelle, I don't even know what to say....I am sorry I was such a mess."
"Don't be sorry, just promise me that you will always come to me when you are sad. That's what I am here for Tony....I'm not just all good looks ya know" she laughed.
Tony laughed back. She always made him laugh. He wiped his eyes, "God, I must look a real sight. I can't go out there like this."
"You wait here, I'll go grab you a wet towel to wash your face. Then you will be fine. I've been thinking.....I am going to take you to lunch today babe, there is somewhere I have in mind."
Michelle closed the door behind her on the way out. Tony didn't move positions at all, he just stood there thinking about how much better she made him feel. He had gotten so upset, he was surprised at himself. He just had too many emotions built up inside that he hadn't known how to deal with. When Michelle had laid it all out for him though, it was so much easier to think about and handle. He truly believed everything she had said to him. At the bottom of his heart he knew he was a good person and that he always tried to do his best at work, Michelle was right – he just needed to trust in himself.
Michelle came back into the room with some water and a wet towel. She sat Tony on the chair and bent down between his legs, she gently wiped the towel across his tear stained eyes. He held her hand, "I've never felt as close to somebody as I do right now with you Michelle." She put the towel down and sat on his knee, he put his arms around her waist to hold on to her. "Tony, me too. You are so special."
The hugged again and stayed in each other's arms for quite a few minutes – just enjoying holding each other. Michelle whispered into Tony's ear, "Let's go babe, I think you will like what I have got in mind for us this afternoon."
Alright, that's that chapter – pretty full-on, I know. If you want another one – I promise it will be more romantic again. (It's good to have this stuff though so you understand just how close they are)
When they arrived at CTU, Tony took Michelle's hand and led her into the office. It felt nice that they didn't need to worry about hiding their relationship and he just felt so proud to have her by his side. They looked around them, the place was still in such a mess. It bought them both crashing back down to reality so quickly. There were dark stains on the floor that were obviously from people's blood. Desks were still over- turned and papers were everywhere. Michelle had to remind herself to keep breathing, she griped Tony's hand very tightly trying to let him know how she was feeling.
Tony knew exactly what Michelle must be feeling, because he felt the same way. He squeezed her hand back to let her know he knew and he was there for her. They both just stood still for a few minutes just trying to take the whole situation in. Tony knew that it was so important for him to be strong right now, for his staff and also Michelle. He needed to guide all of the workers with putting the pieces of their office back together, he wanted though to show Michelle just how much she could lean on him, how strong he was, that he wasn't going to crumble. Michelle and Tony began making their way around the office greeting everyone and checking how they were doing. Tony met with Jason, the other director of CTU who worked the opposite shifts to Tony. They sat and started discussing their approach to the situation for the next month or so. Although Tony was not due back at work for another few days, he offered Jason his support 24 hours a day, making sure he knew he could count on him whenever he needed.
Chappelle then rounded Tony and Michelle so that they could be taken in for their debriefs for all of their events and actions on the day of the bomb. Everyone had to be debriefed on their own and so he was going to have Michelle go to room 5 and Tony to room 3. He hoped they would both be done in roughly an hour.
Tony took Michelle aside to say goodbye, "Are you ok to do this sweetheart?"
"Yeah I guess. Kinda hits you coming back here though hey? I just hate having to think about it all again."
"I know its hard baby, but we just have to get through this and then we can work on moving forward. I'm just down the hall if you need me, ok? I'll tell you what, once we are done here, I'll take you out for a nice lunch – just the two of us."
Michelle kissed Tony on the cheek. "You're such a sweetie. Lunch sounds great. Tony, this is just as hard on you too, I want you to know that I am here for you as well. You don't have to be the strong one all the time."
Tony gave Michelle a smile and a wink and then headed into room 3. He sat at the table in the middle of the room and nervously played with the side of his face. John came into the room and took a seat across from Tony. "Now Tony, we are going to need to start right at the beginning of the day and work through everything you remember." Tony showed he understood by nodding his head and waited for the questions to begin.
As the two men worked through the day Tony couldn't believe how much had actually fit into the time frame. He had a bit of trouble remembering what happened when, but with a little prompting from John he was able to put the pieces together. It was a lot harder thinking back on it all then Tony had thought it would be. He choked over his words when he told about watching Mason leave CTU for the last time and also when he learned it would be Jack who took the plane down. He felt as though he was reliving the emotions of the day again – he almost felt elated when he reported that he had been the one to tell Kim her Dad was still alive. He felt sick to his stomach when he told of how he knew Michelle was keeping things from him about Jack so he asked Carrie to help him monitor her. Although he didn't want too, he also mentioned how he had grabbed Michelle by the arm outside the bathrooms and gruffly whispered into her ear that she had better not be lying to him. He told of how he pulled a gun on Jack – but he didn't mention how weak and pathetic he had felt when Jack dropped him in two seconds flat. It was another emotion he had to deal with right now though and add to the pile. He started to feel really hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. He wondered how Michelle was doing.....was she finding it this hard?
They talked about Michelle's brother coming in and attacking Carrie and how he had gone after Michelle to see if she was ok. He chose not to tell John what Michelle had cried about, that was personal for her – instead he just said that she was so tired and scared, which was the truth anyways. He told John that they kissed then for the first time. John offered Tony a small smile and then moved right along. They got to the area when things started to get sticky because he and Michelle began breaking protocol to help Jack. This was the part he was so angry at himself for – he was so ashamed that he had brought Michelle into it all, that he had actually taken her help in committing treason. How could he have done something so stupid? How could he have put her entire future on the line to help him out? He was her boss, what if he had made her feel like she had to agree with what he was doing? What if Jack hadn't pulled through with enough evidence to get them off the hook, Michelle would be sitting in a jail cell right now – all because of him. There were so many things he could have done differently that day. If he had been more aware of what was going on, he could have evacuated earlier and maybe so many people wouldn't have had to die. The pile of emotions that had been building in Tony's mind finally fell and it was like he was suppose to deal with them all at once. He didn't know how too. He felt like such a bad person. Tears started falling from his eyes and he just couldn't stop them.
Michelle had finished her debrief and was waiting for Tony. It had been hard, and she had cried but she still believed what her and Tony had done that day was right and she was happy to stick by their actions. The hardest parts had been when Michelle remembered that at first she didn't want to evacuate....if she hadn't stalled would more people have lived? Also when her brother had caused the scene at work – it wasn't just him by that point though, it was everything. She wondered what was taking Tony so long. She looked up to see John walking out of the room by himself, he came straight over to Michelle, "We are all done. Ummm Michelle you might want to go in and see Tony, he is very upset – I figured he wouldn't have wanted me in the room any longer but I am sure he would want to see you."
Michelle's stomach did a flip. She thanked John and headed for room 3. She walked into the room and closed the door behind her. Tony was sitting with his head between his legs. He looked up to see who it was. She couldn't believe it....he had tears streaming down his cheeks. His face was puffy and his eyes were all red and swollen – he was a mess. He quickly wiped his eyes and lowered his head again, he spoke with a very stern voice, "Michelle please go, I don't want you to see me like this."
"Tony, I am here for you, its ok." She started to walk over to him but he jumped out of the chair and backed up against the wall, "Just go! I can't have you in here right now." He waited but she didn't budge. "MICHELLE – GET OUT OF HERE" he screamed at her.
"No Tony, I am not going anywhere. You know you wouldn't leave my side, and I am not going to leave yours. We can work through this together baby."
"No we can't Michelle. There is nothing to work through, it is all perfectly clear to me just how much I stuffed everything up the other day. I am quitting CTU. I don't deserve to be with you Michelle...." He was bawling now, there were so many tears he couldn't see at all. He could barely talk, and it felt like he choked on every word that tried to leave his throat. "How could I have let all this happen? How could I have dragged you into all that mess Michelle? What kind of person does that to someone they love?"
Michelle felt so sick. She had never seen Tony like this before and it completely broke her heart. She ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck, "Tony, you did nothing wrong. I love you...Tony baby, I am not use to seeing you like this...." He took her arms off from around his neck and cut her off before she could finish what she was saying, "Yeah I know, I am meant to be strong, just another way I have let you and everyone down. I tried to be strong Michelle, but I just can't, not when I think about the way I have acted. I am sorry you are seeing me like this."
"Tony, I am not sorry. I need to know how you are feeling so we can work through this together. I don't expect you to be strong all the time Tony – you have been through hell and you have been there for me every second, it's your turn to lean on me honey." Tony turned away from her to face the wall so that she wouldn't see a new batch of tears streaming down his face. Michelle grabbed some of the huge books and folders that were on the desk and put them on the ground behind Tony. She then stood on them behind his back so that she now reached just a little bit taller than him. She put her left arm around Tony's neck and rested it on his chest, she then put her right hand just above his right ear and stroked his hair. She spoke softly into his ear, "Tony, you need to listen to me. I was there all day – I watched everything you did, you should be proud of every single move you made all day. Tony I admire you for how you handled yourself, you were everyone's rock, including mine and none of us could have gotten through the day with out you. How can you possibly be angry with yourself?"
Tony was listening to Michelle. He loved her, and he heard every word she spoke. Even though he hated her seeing him like this, he felt so comforted having her hold him the way she was. She kept stroking his hair and rubbing his chest, her head was rested on his shoulder. "But what about what I had you help me do to Chappelle? What if Jack didn't pull through for us Michelle? You would be in jail right now."
"Tony I played just as big a part in all of that as you. You didn't make me do anything – don't forget I was the one who started by working behind your back in the first place, even if you hadn't have gotten on board, I would have kept helping him anyway – because that is what I believed was the right thing to do Tony. Your right, if Jack had been wrong, we'd be in jail right now, but that's not your fault and you know what Tony....I still wouldn't regret my actions. I'd be in jail because I followed my heart, just like you did. I just felt so lucky that I had you by my side. I respect you more than I respect anyone in this world Tony, so knowing you believed in what I believed made everything feel so right. AND we were Tony, we did make the right choices that day and everything worked out.......don't you see that Tony?"
"Yeah I do see that Michelle. You know that is something I love about you so much...the fact that you do what you believe is right in a situation no matter what the consequences are for you."
"Tony, that's exactly what you are like too. I have always loved that about you, in fact you are the reason I have the strength to do that.....because I have watched you be like that many times over the last year."
"What about all the people that died Michelle, maybe I could have done more."
"Tony, every single person involved could say the same thing. Hell, I was just thinking that to myself before, but we can't live in the 'what-if's' because it is not going to change anything. You did what you felt was right at the time and you need to trust in that, trust in yourself. You are a good agent Tony....the best – stand by the decisions you made that day. You saved so many lives. I know we lost people, and it is just so unfair, it's ok to feel sad about them but you cannot blame yourself."
Tony felt a lot better. Michelle had managed to say exactly what he needed to hear. He put his hand over Michelle's hand that was on his chest, "Thanks Michelle." He then turned around so that they were facing one another and threw his arms around her and hugged her so tightly. She held his embrace as firmly as she could. She rubbed his back with both of her hands. She pulled back slightly and placed her hands on his cheeks, "Tony do you trust me? Do you believe what I say?"
"Yes Michelle, of course, I trust you with my life." He was a little confused where this was leading...
"Do you believe me then when I tell you that you could not have done anything more to save those people?"
"Yes Michelle, I do."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that I made my own decision to help you against Chappelle and I did what I thought was right.....that it wasn't your fault?"
Tony hesitated for a moment, but he knew what she was saying was right, "Yes, I do believe you."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that you acted admirably and that you couldn't have done anything more than you did?"
"Ummm...."
"Tony!!"
"Ok, yes – I do."
"Do you believe me when I tell you that I love you? That I think you are the most amazing person in the world?"
Tony smiled and leant in to kiss Michelle – but she pulled back, "Answer the question Tony!"
Tony held Michelle's hand and kissed the top of it, "Yes sweetheart, I believe you – I think your crazy......but I believe you."
They both leaned in and began to kiss. It was very soft and gentle. They tugged on each other's lips and rubbed noses. Tony looked deep into Michelle's eyes, "thank you my Chelle, I don't even know what to say....I am sorry I was such a mess."
"Don't be sorry, just promise me that you will always come to me when you are sad. That's what I am here for Tony....I'm not just all good looks ya know" she laughed.
Tony laughed back. She always made him laugh. He wiped his eyes, "God, I must look a real sight. I can't go out there like this."
"You wait here, I'll go grab you a wet towel to wash your face. Then you will be fine. I've been thinking.....I am going to take you to lunch today babe, there is somewhere I have in mind."
Michelle closed the door behind her on the way out. Tony didn't move positions at all, he just stood there thinking about how much better she made him feel. He had gotten so upset, he was surprised at himself. He just had too many emotions built up inside that he hadn't known how to deal with. When Michelle had laid it all out for him though, it was so much easier to think about and handle. He truly believed everything she had said to him. At the bottom of his heart he knew he was a good person and that he always tried to do his best at work, Michelle was right – he just needed to trust in himself.
Michelle came back into the room with some water and a wet towel. She sat Tony on the chair and bent down between his legs, she gently wiped the towel across his tear stained eyes. He held her hand, "I've never felt as close to somebody as I do right now with you Michelle." She put the towel down and sat on his knee, he put his arms around her waist to hold on to her. "Tony, me too. You are so special."
The hugged again and stayed in each other's arms for quite a few minutes – just enjoying holding each other. Michelle whispered into Tony's ear, "Let's go babe, I think you will like what I have got in mind for us this afternoon."
Alright, that's that chapter – pretty full-on, I know. If you want another one – I promise it will be more romantic again. (It's good to have this stuff though so you understand just how close they are)