Michelle didn't know how to control herself. She pushed her face deeper
into Tony's chest trying to muffle her sobs. All of her emotions from the
entire night just kept flooding her head and she didn't know how to deal
with them. Above everything else she felt so afraid. In her head she knew
she was safe now but the rest of her body didn't seem to understand that,
and the pain of petrifying fear hurt like nothing else had ever before.
Her body was shaking violently and no matter how much he clung onto Tony
she couldn't stop it.
Tony was trying to hold her tight but he didn't want to hurt her. "Chelle, its ok you didn't lose me, I was so scared of that too baby. But it is alright now, we are safe – I'm here, its ok now."
Michelle pulled her head out from his chest a little. "No, no no it's not ok. Nothing is ok. I'm a trained agent and I couldn't even look after myself, he beat me to a pulp Tony, I am such a disappointment to me, you – to everyone who trained me...."
"Chelle you didn't have a choice – they had a gun, you were already hurt – you were protecting me." He couldn't believe how bad she was shaking, he caught eyes with her doctor, Dr. Sims to see what he was thinking. The doctor was instructing a nurse to go and get something.
"Tony, where are they now? Where are they? How did they get into your place? God Tony I am so scared.....I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What would I do if I had lost you? I could have so easily lost you. Are you still so angry with me? I'm sorry I made you so mad at me. Look at what they have done to me – I'm so ugly, how can you even bare to look at me?" Michelle knew she was repeating herself and not making any sense but she was just all over the place and she didn't know how to make any sense of everything she was thinking. She felt like her life was just falling apart around her. She pushed him away by pushing her hands on his chest. She couldn't deal with this anymore and she didn't expect Tony too either. She was completely losing it and she didn't want him to see her like this anymore. She began to struggle out of his grip.
Tony didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say or even where to start. He knew he couldn't let her out of his arms though, there was no way he was letting her out of his sight or giving her even 1 minute on her own to feel even more alone than she already did. "No Michelle...you are not going anywhere. I love you, I love you." His eyes pleaded with the doctor to help him and he moved himself behind her a little again so he could wrap both his arms around her arms and cross them over her chest so that she couldn't move at all. He could feel her still trying to resist but he had her so tightly she could barely move. He just kept repeating so softly in her ear, "its ok, I'm here....I'm not letting you go."
The nurse re-entered the room and handed Dr. Sims something. He stepped in closer to the bed. "Tony, I am going to give Michelle an injection that will calm her down. She has just been through too much to digest at the moment." Tony nodded. The doctor lifted Michelle's chin so he could see her eyes. They were so swollen and the tears were flowing so fast. Looking at the cut on her eye he knew he needed to get it stitched up as soon as possible. "Michelle, I'm going to give you something that is going to help you feel better, ok?! It will help the pain as well." Tony laid back in the bed a little and brought Michelle back with him so she lying down more and he still kept his arms around her, he hadn't loosened his grip on her at all for her benefit as much as his own. He couldn't believe how much her body was still shaking even though he was trying to keep her still. Through her back on his chest he could feel how short and shallow each breath was. As the doctor put the injection into Michelle's thigh Tony spoke to her, "Chelle you have to hang in there for me....I promise you – I am going to get you through this, I'm so sorry my angel, I promise you I will get you through this."
Michelle's body went warm straight away – she could feel the fluid from the injection flowing throw her blood. As the warmth made it to different parts of her body she felt her muscles relax and the pain immediately sank away. Her eyes became heavy and within just a few minutes she had fallen into a very deep sleep.
Tony could feel her breathing begin to return to normal and finally the shaking stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief. Dr. Sims stepped to his side of the bed, "Tony its ok, she is sound asleep – she will be out for a couple hours. Why don't you hop off the bed and give yourself a little bit of a break."
Tony didn't want to leave her. "Its ok thanks, but I really don't want to leave Michelle."
"Tony, trust me Michelle will not know for a second that you are not there with her – she is in a medicated induced sleep and there is no way she will wake for a couple hours. Besides I need to finish examining her and then I'll need your help getting a gown on her. I also know there are a couple police officers waiting outside to talk to you."
Tony reluctantly unwrapped his hands from Michelle and slid out from underneath her. She didn't show any signs what-so-ever of stirring. Once he was standing he walked to the opposite side of the bed that Dr. Sims was on so he could see what he was looking at. He took extra care to explain to Tony what he was finding. "I know how horrifying it all looks Tony, but these bruises and the swelling will go down lots over the next couple of days. I will get some x-rays though to make sure there is no other damage." He rolled Michelle's body onto her side and Tony helped support her. Tony let out a huge gasp when he saw the boot shaped bruise on her back. "Son of a bitch – I swear to God if I ever get my hands on those bastards again...." Tony cut himself of mid sentence when he noticed blood had begun to seep through the blanket covering her legs. He pulled the blanket up to find a deep cut about 5cm long on the side of her right thigh. He picked up her pants to check and found a slit in them, the insides were also covered in basically dry blood. He couldn't believe it hadn't been noticed yet. "Doc, how the hell could we have missed this?"
Dr. Sims studied the wound, "Tony this is the first chance I have had to examine Michelle, and as far as I know Michelle wouldn't let anyone near her before she was brought in. The wound is deep, and sometimes when it is deep like this they won't bleed as much as a normal cut."
"He was flashing the knife in our faces, but I didn't think he had used it. What the hell.....I was trying to watch every damn thing he did to her while I wrestled with the other one....I can't believe I missed that. How could he have done that? What sick, sick bastards!!"
"Tony......Tony calm down. Don't get yourself worked up, I need your help – and Michelle needs you." Dr. Sims put his hand on his shoulder to offer some support. "We can just get this stitched up right now along with the cut on her eye – it's ok." Tony nodded and thanked him. "Tony, I'll get you to step outside and talk to the officers while we take care of the stitches, ok!?"
"Please just call me as soon as I can come back in." Tony kissed Michelle on the forehead and then left the room. Jack and a couple officers were waiting patiently outside. Jack jumped up as soon as he saw Tony, "How's Michelle doing? Is she ok?"
Jack shook the police officers hands and patted Jack on the arm to show his appreciation for them waiting. "She really isn't good. She is so frightened and experiencing so many different emotions at the same time.....it's all just been too much and to make it worse she really thought she was going to lose me one – either that I'd leave her or that they were going to do something to me, so I need to make her really realize and trust I'm not going anywhere. She was pretty hysterical and so the doctor had to give her and injection to relax – she is sound asleep now and will be for a little while yet. We found a stab wound in her thigh and so they are stitching that and her eye up now."
They were all shocked and the officers expressed their deepest sympathy for what had happened. Jack just couldn't believe what they had been through in the last week. He wondered how they were both going to get through it all. He put his arm right around Tony, "I don't even know what to say Tony, this is all just so messed up and you guys are the last ones in the world that deserve this shit to happen to them. I am so, so sorry. Did you and Michelle sort out all that stuff between you?"
"No, not really. Basically as soon as I walked in Michelle cried to me how sore and uncomfortable she was. I know she was so distraught over what had happened between us but I think she felt so scared and was in too much pain not too reach out for some help and comfort. I climbed onto the bed and held her and tried to soothe her but she kept getting more and more upset, I think the last straw for her was when Dr. Sims and I actually saw for the first time all of the bruises – she was so worried I would be turned off by them. I explained really quickly how sorry I was and where I was coming from, and we agreed to talk it over later. God Jack, you should have seen how violently she was shaking and how rapid her heartbeat was."
They were interrupted by a nurse asking if Tony would like them to contact her parents or any siblings. "No thanks – they are not around."
He turned back to Jack, "I just...it's...I..."
The officers sat down to offer them a little privacy. Jack patted Tony's back, "What is it Tony? You just what?"
Tony's body slumped to the ground and he tucked his knees under his chin. "Jack, she doesn't even have parents to come in and be here for her. She has no family at all. Imagine not having any family around you at a time like this."
"Tony we will be her family then. We can be everything she needs us to be. She has got lots and lots of friends that all love her as family. Together we can all help her. What about you Tony – you were there too, how are you feeling?"
"I'm lucky Jack, I mean they punched me that once, but other then that they didn't invade my personal space and comfort zone. That is what will make Michelle so distraught – the pain the inflicted on her broke all boundaries between people. They broke any feeling of comfort and safety she felt.
I'll never ever be able to block out the images I have in my head of seeing them hurt her Jack. I felt emotions I had never experienced before and the pain of the whole situation was worse than anything I have ever felt before. It's still there and I just feel so sick from it. You should have seen her Jack, I had to hold her so tightly in my arms because she was struggling to get up and leave – like she couldn't face it anymore. She was trying to ask questions and tell me how she was feeling but it was all over the place – she was having trouble even making sense of her thoughts. I hate this, I really hate this."
Jack rubbed his shoulder and said a few times, "I know, I know....it will be ok."
Tony excused himself for a moment and then used his cell phone to call his parents. His Dad answered and was panicked straight away to be receiving a call from Tony at that time of night. Tony blurted everything out that had happened, he barely even stopped to take a breath. He begged his parents to come to the hospital because he needed them. "Tony, of course we will be there – we are leaving now son and will be there in a couple minutes. Things are going to be ok."
"Dad, Michelle doesn't any family. She hasn't seen her parents for so many years and they were horrible people. I can't imagine how that would feel when she is going through something like this."
"Tony, your Mom and I will do everything we can for Michelle. You know we absolutely loved her tonight. We can all try and make her feel all the love and support of a family together."
Tony thanked them and hung up saying he'd see them soon. He wondered back to the police officers and told them he was ready to answer any of their questions. They only had a couple as Jack had filled every single detail that he knew – they just needed to know how it all began. Tony patiently answered everything he could. After about 20 minutes they said they had what they needed for now – but that they would be in tomorrow to see both him and Michelle again. Dr. Sims came out and told Tony he could come back in now.
Tony was relieved to see that they had cleaned Michelle up. There was no more blood smeared across her face or leg. The wound on her head looked very neat with the stitches. She had a fresh hospital gown on, Tony knew Michelle would feel better for all that when she woke up. He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it, then he kissed her forehead, followed by her cheek, her eye, her neck and finally her lips.
"Tony..."
He spun around to see his parents standing in the doorway. His mom had tears running down her cheeks and his dad's face was one of despair. Tony rushed into their arms....it was he first chance to be comforted after everything that had happened – it was hard to fall apart in front of anyone else except his parents. Michelle had become the first person outside of his family that he had ever 'lost it' in front of.
As soon as he had seen them and his mind knew he didn't need to suppress his feelings anymore, he could feel the angry rising in his body again. When his mom asked him if he was hurt, and how Michelle was, he let his anger explode in his answer. He knew his parents wouldn't take it personally.
"How the hell could this happen to us? I'm not fine, Michelle is not fine – I don't know how we are ever supposed to deal with this. Why did this have to happen to Michelle – she is the most perfect, kindest most beautiful person in the world, she doesn't deserve this." His Dad pulled him in again and hugged him – held him close. His mom rubbed his back. Tony's voice became so desperate, "Dad how do I make her feel safe again? You have to tell me how I can take her pain away."
"Tony there is no easy answers to those. You need to just keep holding her and comforting her and she will come around at some point and feel safe. You can't take away her pain Tony but you can try and share it with her. Make her open up and talk to you about how she is feeling and make sure she knows it is ok to feel whatever it is that she is feeling. Tony you have a wonderful character, I have no doubt you will be everything Michelle needs." They all stood there in silence for a few minutes. Tony was taking in what his Dad had said and his parents didn't want to make any kind of move until they new what Tony was going to say or do next.
A weak voice cut through the silence in the air. "Are you ok Tony?"
All 3 of them turned at the same time to see Michelle with her eyes half open. Tony rushed to her side. Michelle got so swept up in the feelings of wanting to be as close to him as possible that she started to sit up reach her arms out for his neck. Tony could see in her face the movement had caused her some pain. "Aww Chelle be careful, I'll come to you." He scooped her up in his arms. His entire body came up into the hug pulling her out from under the covers – she was kneeling on her knees and the rest of her body was pressed into his. They both felt so good to be in each other's arms. Michelle looked over his shoulder to recognize that the other 2 people were not in fact doctors like she had originally thought but rather Mr. and Mrs. Almeida. (Alex and Jessica) She gave them a smile and a small wave.
Tony thought back over the last year with Michelle, no hug had ever felt as good as this one. She was clingy onto him as if he was all she needed, which suited him just fine. Michelle pulled her head back so she could look at his face. "I'm so sorry about before Tony....." He cut her off... He spread his hands on her cheeks and wiped her tears with his thumb, "Don't ever be sorry." He kissed her cheeks, then her tears. "You are everything to me Chelle." He pressed his lips against hers and so tenderly kissed her. "Oh my god, you feel so good in my arms. How are you feeling right now?"
"I can barely feel my body at all, which is the best."
Jessica and Alex approached Michelle and Tony. Jessica placed her hand on Michelle's neck, "Hi Sweetie, it's good to see you up. Do you need anything?"
"Hi – thank you for coming in, it must be late. I am totally fine, I don't need anything at all."
They all couldn't believe how up beat Michelle seemed. Compared to just 2 short hours ago she was completely different. This worried Tony and almost immediately he thought Michelle was trying to make everyone think she was fine, he knew this was really unhealthy. "Michelle before you slept you had asked me a pile of questions that I didn't get to answer, but I will now."
"Don't worry Tony, we don't need to talk about any of that stuff. Let's just forget about it all." Michelle was almost speaking through her teeth she was trying so hard not to show any emotion about it. It was already really hard for her to keep up this cover – she felt like it wouldn't be long till she caved again.
Tony's Dad, Alex sat on the end of the bed. "Michelle I know you only just met us today, but you made such a big impact on us. That mixed with how perfectly you treat our son, we already love you. We want to be here for you, we want you to feel like you can talk to us and we will support you. You have been through such a traumatic experience you need to tell people how you are feeling."
"But I am feeling fine, there really is nothing to say. I don't want anyone worrying about me. Do you think they will let me go home soon?"
Tony really began to panic thinking that Michelle had decided to shut everybody out. Did she feel like she couldn't talk to Tony? Had he handled things so badly with her before the injection that she didn't want to do that again? Did she feel like she couldn't handle it? He decided to test her a little to try and figure it all out. She was holding onto him so tightly, that he knew right there she wasn't ok at all. He gently took his hands off her body and then took her hands and moved them off him. He did it in a way as if he was just having her lie down again. The expression on her face changed instantly. "Well Chelle if you are feeling pretty good then, do you mind if we leave to go and get something to eat? We will come back later."
Jessica and Alex caught on to what their son was doing straight away and played along. Jessica agreed with Tony, "That sounds like a good idea, I'm starving."
They all watched as Michelle instantly became vulnerable. She sank into the bed and lowered her head breaking all eye contact. Her eyes were beginning to get watery.
"That's fine.....Jacks here right? Can he come in?"
"Thanks Chelle. Jacks not here though. No one else is here at the moment. I'll switch your lights off and you can just get some sleep while we are gone." Tony felt bad saying all this to Michelle but he could see it was working. Nothing in the world mattered to him more than comforting Michelle – he needed her to know how important she was, just how much he loved her.
Michelle panicked. There was no way in this world she would be able to stay here on her own, especially with the lights out. Her heart began racing, her hands started to shake and her stomach started doing flips. Her breathing started to get heavier and her bottom lip began to quiver. She thought she would seriously have a panic attack if Tony left her right now, she couldn't bare to be alone with her thoughts. Her mind raced trying to find a reason to make him stay. "You know, I bet the hospital would bring you up some sandwiches to the room – I'll order them for you."
Tony could see how quickly she was falling apart, and it broke his heart. "It's probably best for you if we let you get some rest Michelle. Unless you want me to stay...."
"I don't need more sleep." Michelle was so close to breaking point but she just stopped herself. She felt so pathetic that she was so freaked out about having to be left by herself. The whole reason she was acting like this to Tony was because wanted to be able to prove to herself and him that she was a good, strong agent. She had felt so disappointed with herself that, that guy had so easily beaten her up. She also didn't want to bring him down with her, looking at her black and blue scarred body she didn't feel good enough to have Tony. On top of that she just didn't know how to talk about it, deal with it or face it. It was hard enough just picturing it all, never mind having to discuss it as well – she had tried that earlier and look where that got her, so messed up they had to drug her to calm her down.
"Chelle, its ok to admit you want me to stay.......I can understand why you wouldn't want to be left alone. I just can't understand why all of a sudden you are trying to pretend things are fine – when I know that couldn't be further from the truth."
Michelle looked at his parents who were nodding their heads along with what Tony was saying. Even they had seen through her pathetic attempts. It felt kinda nice to have parent figures being there for her. It was hard to imagine them sticking around for her when they realize all her faults. If her own parents could care less about her, what hope did she have with anyone else?! She knew she shouldn't get to close too them.
Tony stepped closer to her, "Come on Chelle, we are not buying any of your 'I'm fine' attitude.
Michelle's lip quivered even more and she knew as soon as she opened her mouth the tears were going to start. She found herself almost yelling at Tony and his parents. "Ok, Ok! Please don't leave me... You are the one that got up to go and leave me. Didn't you want to hug me anymore?"
Tony felt relieved she had hit this point, he knew once he got her to weaken a little he wouldn't have much trouble opening her up from there. He took another couple steps in closer to her. "I did that because I knew this would be the best way to get you to open up to me again. I love hugging you Chelle – more than you could imagine."
"I'm so glad I'm so easy to figure out. I don't understand Tony, why can't you just hold me in your arms like before?"
Tony got to the side of the bed where Michelle was basically lying down, he instinctively went to run his hand across her stomach but got a harsh reminder at the site of the bruise that it wasn't the place for that at the moment. Instead he gently traced her neck and should line at the top of her chest. "Is that what you want me to do Michelle?"
Michelle closed her eyes as she responded to Tony, "You know I need to be in your arms Tony." She felt angry with him that he didn't realize how much she needed him. "Even after everything this last week, have you forgotten that it's in your arms that I feel safe?"
Tony felt shocked – he hadn't realized how important it was to her. Even though he knew she was kinda upset with him, what she had just said made him feel so good. After what had happened tonight he had been so afraid that because he hadn't really been able to protect her and it happened with him at his apartment that the last place she would consider as safe was with him. "I didn't think after everything that had just happened that you would still feel this way. Especially when just before we gave you the injection to sleep you were trying to leave and get away but I had to put my arms around you so tight and not let you move. I had no idea Michelle how you would still feel....how am I suppose to know?"
"I don't know Tony.........you just should! Don't you get it? It's you that makes me feel so good because it's you! So to have you wrap me up and cover my body with yours makes me feel like I'll be ok. It makes me feel like I am special to you Tony. If I am wrapped up your arms....you wouldn't let anything bad happen to me right?? You are just supposed to know!!"
"Awww my Chelle. Nothing would ever happen in my arms. I love hearing how much you like being that close with me. I want you to feel special in my arms because you are just so special in my life."
Tears rolled down Michelle's face, she spoke through quiet cries, "So why can't you hug me then? Can't you please hold me just for a bit without making me talk and think about everything? I'm begging you Tony...please don't make face last night right now, I can't, I just need a break for a bit. I just want to be able to feel 'OK' for awhile and I know I can if you will hold me."
Tony lifted his body up behind her on the bed. "Baby, I'll hold you as long as you want. We don't have to discuss anything you don't want to, I promise. Chelle, you know I feel so much better myself when I've got you in my arms." Tony sat behind her so that she was sitting in between his legs which ran down each side of her body. He slid her gown down the tiniest bit, just enough to reveal her shoulder. He tenderly kissed her shoulder slowly moving the kisses up her neck. Once he reached her ear he made his way back but this time it was with more passion as he used his tongue with each kiss. For that brief time Tony's touch made her forget everything else that was going on. As always she completely just melted to his touch. It was such a meaningful intimate moment between the two of them. He then wrapped his arms around her waist, "Michelle where can I put my hands so it doesn't hurt?" Michelle pulled the gown to the side to reveal her stomach. They both found the strip right under her bra line that wasn't bruised the whole way across. Michelle picked up his hands and put them on the strip of bare skin. He then pulled her body back in close to his, he even crossed his leg over the top of hers – now he really did have her whole body covered with his. She rested her head back into his chest and he nuzzled into her neck and licked her ear lobe making her giggle in a way that let him know she wanted more. They were both completely lost in their own little world together.
Alex and Jessica Almeida were still standing stationary in the same spot in absolute awe as they witnessed the unbelievable love between the two. After hearing the words they exchanged with each other, it was so obvious their love for each other ran very deep and was just so real. They watched as Tony climbed up onto the bed and pulled Michelle in close to his body. He kissed her shoulder and they could see just how tender and gentle he was with her. They felt so proud of their son as they saw him be everything Michelle needed him to be, they knew right then that this was the girl he would spend the rest of his life with. They loved that idea – Michelle was everything and more they had hoped Tony would find. Even when Michelle was feeling weak and upset herself she still managed to word things to Tony in a way that let him know how much she cared for him. The chemistry between them was unmatched and something to admire. They walked over to Tony and Michelle. Michelle had her head leaning on Tony's chest, she was stroking his forearm with her fingers and telling Tony a story of a time when she was a lot younger and on vacation. Tony was listening intently, occasionally laughing at some of the funny things she got up too. Michelle stopped telling the story when she noticed Alex and Jessica and lifted her head up off Tony's chest.
"Mr. and Mrs. Almeida I...."
"Michelle, please call us by our first names." Alex said with a smile.
"Ok, Alex and Jessica – I am so sorry for everything you have seen tonight. You have no idea how nervous I was to meet you both and make a good impression. I've never had a family and so I really didn't know what to expect and to be honest I was even worried I wouldn't know how to act properly. I want you to know that Tony means everything to me and there was nothing more important than doing everything I could to be someone you would be happy to see your son with.
Not even that could go right – I mean the first night you meet me and all this happens. I am just so sorry...." As Michelle was speaking Tony started saying, "Chelle, no. No Chelle." And then Jessica put her hand on Michelle's leg and cut her off, "Michelle, don't say any of this. We really...."
Michelle stopped both Jessica and Tony from continuing. She forgot and sat forward too quickly causing a sharp pain to shoot through her stomach. She yelped in pain and clutched her stomach. Tony freaked out and pulled Michelle back so she was lying against his chest again, "Chelle you've gotta be more careful, I don't want you getting worked up. Just stay lying back against my chest where you know it doesn't hurt."
"I will, I will, I just really need you guys to hear me out please." Alex, Tony and Jessica all nodded their heads like they would let her continue.
"I don't want you to think I am the sort of person who can't control my emotions. Most of all I hope you know that usually I can look after myself better. I am ashamed that I couldn't defend myself better last night and now because of that I have these hideous bruises all over me and even on my face. Anyone can say what they want to be nice to me but I'm not blind and know what a turn-off and mess I am right now." Michelle looked at Tony, "don't think I don't appreciate what you are putting up with." Above everything I'm sure you are not impressed with the fact that I can't face what has happened. I have no excuse for that, I don't even know what to say about that now – but it is definitely not something I am proud of. I am just so sorry you have had to see all these sides to me basically the first day you meet me. All I can say is that I really do care so much for Tony and what I want is for him to be happy....."
Michelle was interrupted by a nurse walking in to the room to give her another pain injection. Silence filled the room the entire time the nurse administered the injection. The nurse would have felt the tension in the room. Tony moved his body so he was next to Michelle, he needed to be able to see her face. He could see both his parents were about to speak to her but he put his hand out and said he just wanted to say something first.
"This comes from your self-confidence Chelle. Exactly what we were talking about the other night. Why are you so rough on yourself?"
Michelle was quick to defend, "I'm not rough on myself, and I just tell it how it is. If I can see it about me, so can everyone else."
"No Michelle, you look at all of the situations in such a different way to everyone else. That's what brings your confidence down, because you have to find a fault in everything you do."
"Ok how Tony? Tell me where I am wrong with all this then....are you going to look my in the eye and tell me that you do not find my bruises ugly or hard to look at?"
"That's not a fair question Chelle."
"Why, because if your honest with me then you'd be agreeing with me. That's fine, let's do another one. Wouldn't I be better off right now had I been able to defend myself better from that guy? Or Tony, are you going to tell me that it doesn't matter at all that when an image of last night comes into my mind my whole body tenses up to the point I feel so sick and frightened, and my body starts to shake and I can't think straight?"
Tony got of the bed, and stormed around the room. He had no idea how he was suppose to respond to all of her questions. He was so angry, this was not how he intended this conversation to go. Even Jessica and Alex felt stumped. Jessica attempted, "Michelle, Alex and I adore you. We have since the moment we met you. We don't want you worrying about fitting in or making a good impression because we already think the world of you. Michelle you put our son's health and safety above your own and because of you he is ok right now. Because you did the most brave and generous thing you are hurt right now – and it is so natural for you to be scared and everything else right now, you have been through more than any of us could ever imagine, never mind actually handle."
Tony butted in and yelled from the other side of the room. "Yeah exactly, it's because of me you are going through all this. It should be me going through all those things Chelle – not you. God I can't stand this, it isn't right." Tony was pacing back and forth. He pointed his finger at Michelle in anger, "It was so not fair of you to ask me those unfair."
"Why was it so unfair of me?"
"How the hell do you expect me to answer them?"
"You are only angry with me because I was right with what I had said. I don't care Tony, I know it's all true...."
"No, Michelle, that's not it at all. I am not angry – especially with you, I am just frustrated over how to answer them in a way that won't offend that you." He walked straight up to Michelle and held her face in his hands. "Baby how can you be so worried about these bruises – they will go away?"
"Cause they look so ugly now. I saw your face when you first saw my stomach. It's such a big reminder of what happened – I've never seen me look like this before, I feel so horrible. It looks so disgusting. You must be so turned off when you look at me." She lifted her shirt sleeve so they could see the finger print marks on her arm. "It's like no matter what I can't get rid of him, just seeing his finger marks makes my skin crawl – I can't get away from him."
Just as Michelle was finishing her sentence she had an itch on her thigh that she scratched. As she scratched she felt something strange on her leg, she lifted the covers back to see – Tony and his parents all watched a little confused as to what she was doing. Tony put his arms around her to bring her in close to him, but she didn't move into his arms. "Hang on a second, I can feel something strange on my leg." Even though the covers were already back it took Michelle a long time to lean her body forward enough to see. She saw a clear largish bandage protecting what looked like stitches.
"Tony is that stitches? Why have I got them there?"
Tony couldn't believe that Michelle either had blocked it out or didn't know that she had been stabbed by the knife. "Michelle you don't remember being cut by the knife?"
The doctor poked his head through the door and Alex and Jessica excused themselves to go out and talk to him and give him an update.
"I remember the knife, he was waiving it everywhere, but he never got me with it – that was the one thing I managed to escape."
"No you didn't escape Michelle, he must have done it while you were passed out."
"Why would he do that to me Tony? How could he have done that while I was just laying there unconscious. When he looked at me, he must have just hated me so much that he could just keep doing all of that stuff."
"I don't know Chelle, he was just a sick, sick man."
Michelle started to slide her body off the bed. Tony put his hands sown to stop her, "What are you doing?" Michelle removed his hands from her body and kept moving, "I want to be able to look at it in the mirror." Tony didn't want her too but knew it wasn't worth arguing about. He helped keep her steady as she very slowly shuffled her feet along the ground to the mirror. Once there Michelle pulled up her gown and looked at her thigh. "How many stitches?"
"I'm really not sure Michelle, but I do know that because it was deep they did a couple layers of stitches."
Michelle studied her leg for a moment longer and mumbled to herself but Tony still heard her, "that will leave a scare forever." Then she looked at the finger marks on her arm again and then back at her thigh. Tony was grateful that Michelle didn't know about the boot mark on her back. He watched her keep looking between her arm and leg. Finally Michelle turned her body around so she was facing Tony. They held each other's gaze for a moment but then Michelle burst into tears.
"Why do you think they did it Tony?"
He put his hands on her cheeks so that he could wipe her tears with his thumbs. It was also good too because Michelle kept trying to look down and this way Tony was able to direct her gaze. "I don't know sweetheart, I just don't know."
Tony kept having to lift Michelle's head up so he could look at her eyes. As she cried, her breathing was becoming shallow and faster. Tony felt Michelle put one of her hands flat on his chest and then slowly use her fingers to grip on to him. At anytime Tony got the slightest feeling that Michelle actually needed him he tried to soak it in as much as he could. He just loved feeling Michelle grip his chest like that. As if she knew what he was thinking Michelle grabbed at his t-shirt with her other hand. Her body was shaking, but this time she slowly raised her head to meet Tony's gaze. Tony watched as her bottom lip quivered and he put a finger on her lip to try and stop it.
Michelle's voice was quiet, nervous and shaky. "Did I.....do I deserve this Tony?"
Tony took a second to make sure he had actually taken in what Michelle had said. He stepped in as close to her as possible. "Chelle, oh God No." He stroked her hair. "How could you possibly think that?" Tony felt tears rise in his eyes. "I don't know. What else could it be?" She used his t-shirt to pull herself in closer to him. He was looking into her eyes just repeating over and over 'No.' Some of Tony's tears reached his shirt. Michelle used one of her hands to wipe his face – first his left cheek and then his right. As she moved her hand down Tony grabbed her hand in his mouth and started passionately kissing it – his tongue was sliding across her hand to her wrist and back. He was desperate for her and she was just as desperate for him. She stood on her tippy toes and pulled her hand out of his mouth replacing it with her lips. He groaned as she pulled his bottom lip down and forced her tongue across into his mouth. They both still had tears running down their faces. Tony pulled his mouth apart from hers but kept it wide open and so close to hers they could still just about feel each other. He went to say something but she caught him by surprise by leaning in and putting her lips around his tongue. He loved this and he put his hand behind her head pulling it in as close as possible to him. After they had kissed for another minute he pulled his head back again as he had before. "I love you, I love you so much Chelle." Michelle groaned as she heard those words. "I love you Tony, more than you can imagine."
They were interrupted by Dr. Sims and Tony's parents coming back into the room. Tony helped Michelle back into bed and got her settled under the covers. They held hands while they waited to see what her doctor had to say.
Wow that was the longest chapter I have ever written. I hope you really liked it. Thank you so much to everyone for all of your reviews – they are so encouraging - thank you for taking the time for that!!
Tony was trying to hold her tight but he didn't want to hurt her. "Chelle, its ok you didn't lose me, I was so scared of that too baby. But it is alright now, we are safe – I'm here, its ok now."
Michelle pulled her head out from his chest a little. "No, no no it's not ok. Nothing is ok. I'm a trained agent and I couldn't even look after myself, he beat me to a pulp Tony, I am such a disappointment to me, you – to everyone who trained me...."
"Chelle you didn't have a choice – they had a gun, you were already hurt – you were protecting me." He couldn't believe how bad she was shaking, he caught eyes with her doctor, Dr. Sims to see what he was thinking. The doctor was instructing a nurse to go and get something.
"Tony, where are they now? Where are they? How did they get into your place? God Tony I am so scared.....I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What would I do if I had lost you? I could have so easily lost you. Are you still so angry with me? I'm sorry I made you so mad at me. Look at what they have done to me – I'm so ugly, how can you even bare to look at me?" Michelle knew she was repeating herself and not making any sense but she was just all over the place and she didn't know how to make any sense of everything she was thinking. She felt like her life was just falling apart around her. She pushed him away by pushing her hands on his chest. She couldn't deal with this anymore and she didn't expect Tony too either. She was completely losing it and she didn't want him to see her like this anymore. She began to struggle out of his grip.
Tony didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say or even where to start. He knew he couldn't let her out of his arms though, there was no way he was letting her out of his sight or giving her even 1 minute on her own to feel even more alone than she already did. "No Michelle...you are not going anywhere. I love you, I love you." His eyes pleaded with the doctor to help him and he moved himself behind her a little again so he could wrap both his arms around her arms and cross them over her chest so that she couldn't move at all. He could feel her still trying to resist but he had her so tightly she could barely move. He just kept repeating so softly in her ear, "its ok, I'm here....I'm not letting you go."
The nurse re-entered the room and handed Dr. Sims something. He stepped in closer to the bed. "Tony, I am going to give Michelle an injection that will calm her down. She has just been through too much to digest at the moment." Tony nodded. The doctor lifted Michelle's chin so he could see her eyes. They were so swollen and the tears were flowing so fast. Looking at the cut on her eye he knew he needed to get it stitched up as soon as possible. "Michelle, I'm going to give you something that is going to help you feel better, ok?! It will help the pain as well." Tony laid back in the bed a little and brought Michelle back with him so she lying down more and he still kept his arms around her, he hadn't loosened his grip on her at all for her benefit as much as his own. He couldn't believe how much her body was still shaking even though he was trying to keep her still. Through her back on his chest he could feel how short and shallow each breath was. As the doctor put the injection into Michelle's thigh Tony spoke to her, "Chelle you have to hang in there for me....I promise you – I am going to get you through this, I'm so sorry my angel, I promise you I will get you through this."
Michelle's body went warm straight away – she could feel the fluid from the injection flowing throw her blood. As the warmth made it to different parts of her body she felt her muscles relax and the pain immediately sank away. Her eyes became heavy and within just a few minutes she had fallen into a very deep sleep.
Tony could feel her breathing begin to return to normal and finally the shaking stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief. Dr. Sims stepped to his side of the bed, "Tony its ok, she is sound asleep – she will be out for a couple hours. Why don't you hop off the bed and give yourself a little bit of a break."
Tony didn't want to leave her. "Its ok thanks, but I really don't want to leave Michelle."
"Tony, trust me Michelle will not know for a second that you are not there with her – she is in a medicated induced sleep and there is no way she will wake for a couple hours. Besides I need to finish examining her and then I'll need your help getting a gown on her. I also know there are a couple police officers waiting outside to talk to you."
Tony reluctantly unwrapped his hands from Michelle and slid out from underneath her. She didn't show any signs what-so-ever of stirring. Once he was standing he walked to the opposite side of the bed that Dr. Sims was on so he could see what he was looking at. He took extra care to explain to Tony what he was finding. "I know how horrifying it all looks Tony, but these bruises and the swelling will go down lots over the next couple of days. I will get some x-rays though to make sure there is no other damage." He rolled Michelle's body onto her side and Tony helped support her. Tony let out a huge gasp when he saw the boot shaped bruise on her back. "Son of a bitch – I swear to God if I ever get my hands on those bastards again...." Tony cut himself of mid sentence when he noticed blood had begun to seep through the blanket covering her legs. He pulled the blanket up to find a deep cut about 5cm long on the side of her right thigh. He picked up her pants to check and found a slit in them, the insides were also covered in basically dry blood. He couldn't believe it hadn't been noticed yet. "Doc, how the hell could we have missed this?"
Dr. Sims studied the wound, "Tony this is the first chance I have had to examine Michelle, and as far as I know Michelle wouldn't let anyone near her before she was brought in. The wound is deep, and sometimes when it is deep like this they won't bleed as much as a normal cut."
"He was flashing the knife in our faces, but I didn't think he had used it. What the hell.....I was trying to watch every damn thing he did to her while I wrestled with the other one....I can't believe I missed that. How could he have done that? What sick, sick bastards!!"
"Tony......Tony calm down. Don't get yourself worked up, I need your help – and Michelle needs you." Dr. Sims put his hand on his shoulder to offer some support. "We can just get this stitched up right now along with the cut on her eye – it's ok." Tony nodded and thanked him. "Tony, I'll get you to step outside and talk to the officers while we take care of the stitches, ok!?"
"Please just call me as soon as I can come back in." Tony kissed Michelle on the forehead and then left the room. Jack and a couple officers were waiting patiently outside. Jack jumped up as soon as he saw Tony, "How's Michelle doing? Is she ok?"
Jack shook the police officers hands and patted Jack on the arm to show his appreciation for them waiting. "She really isn't good. She is so frightened and experiencing so many different emotions at the same time.....it's all just been too much and to make it worse she really thought she was going to lose me one – either that I'd leave her or that they were going to do something to me, so I need to make her really realize and trust I'm not going anywhere. She was pretty hysterical and so the doctor had to give her and injection to relax – she is sound asleep now and will be for a little while yet. We found a stab wound in her thigh and so they are stitching that and her eye up now."
They were all shocked and the officers expressed their deepest sympathy for what had happened. Jack just couldn't believe what they had been through in the last week. He wondered how they were both going to get through it all. He put his arm right around Tony, "I don't even know what to say Tony, this is all just so messed up and you guys are the last ones in the world that deserve this shit to happen to them. I am so, so sorry. Did you and Michelle sort out all that stuff between you?"
"No, not really. Basically as soon as I walked in Michelle cried to me how sore and uncomfortable she was. I know she was so distraught over what had happened between us but I think she felt so scared and was in too much pain not too reach out for some help and comfort. I climbed onto the bed and held her and tried to soothe her but she kept getting more and more upset, I think the last straw for her was when Dr. Sims and I actually saw for the first time all of the bruises – she was so worried I would be turned off by them. I explained really quickly how sorry I was and where I was coming from, and we agreed to talk it over later. God Jack, you should have seen how violently she was shaking and how rapid her heartbeat was."
They were interrupted by a nurse asking if Tony would like them to contact her parents or any siblings. "No thanks – they are not around."
He turned back to Jack, "I just...it's...I..."
The officers sat down to offer them a little privacy. Jack patted Tony's back, "What is it Tony? You just what?"
Tony's body slumped to the ground and he tucked his knees under his chin. "Jack, she doesn't even have parents to come in and be here for her. She has no family at all. Imagine not having any family around you at a time like this."
"Tony we will be her family then. We can be everything she needs us to be. She has got lots and lots of friends that all love her as family. Together we can all help her. What about you Tony – you were there too, how are you feeling?"
"I'm lucky Jack, I mean they punched me that once, but other then that they didn't invade my personal space and comfort zone. That is what will make Michelle so distraught – the pain the inflicted on her broke all boundaries between people. They broke any feeling of comfort and safety she felt.
I'll never ever be able to block out the images I have in my head of seeing them hurt her Jack. I felt emotions I had never experienced before and the pain of the whole situation was worse than anything I have ever felt before. It's still there and I just feel so sick from it. You should have seen her Jack, I had to hold her so tightly in my arms because she was struggling to get up and leave – like she couldn't face it anymore. She was trying to ask questions and tell me how she was feeling but it was all over the place – she was having trouble even making sense of her thoughts. I hate this, I really hate this."
Jack rubbed his shoulder and said a few times, "I know, I know....it will be ok."
Tony excused himself for a moment and then used his cell phone to call his parents. His Dad answered and was panicked straight away to be receiving a call from Tony at that time of night. Tony blurted everything out that had happened, he barely even stopped to take a breath. He begged his parents to come to the hospital because he needed them. "Tony, of course we will be there – we are leaving now son and will be there in a couple minutes. Things are going to be ok."
"Dad, Michelle doesn't any family. She hasn't seen her parents for so many years and they were horrible people. I can't imagine how that would feel when she is going through something like this."
"Tony, your Mom and I will do everything we can for Michelle. You know we absolutely loved her tonight. We can all try and make her feel all the love and support of a family together."
Tony thanked them and hung up saying he'd see them soon. He wondered back to the police officers and told them he was ready to answer any of their questions. They only had a couple as Jack had filled every single detail that he knew – they just needed to know how it all began. Tony patiently answered everything he could. After about 20 minutes they said they had what they needed for now – but that they would be in tomorrow to see both him and Michelle again. Dr. Sims came out and told Tony he could come back in now.
Tony was relieved to see that they had cleaned Michelle up. There was no more blood smeared across her face or leg. The wound on her head looked very neat with the stitches. She had a fresh hospital gown on, Tony knew Michelle would feel better for all that when she woke up. He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it, then he kissed her forehead, followed by her cheek, her eye, her neck and finally her lips.
"Tony..."
He spun around to see his parents standing in the doorway. His mom had tears running down her cheeks and his dad's face was one of despair. Tony rushed into their arms....it was he first chance to be comforted after everything that had happened – it was hard to fall apart in front of anyone else except his parents. Michelle had become the first person outside of his family that he had ever 'lost it' in front of.
As soon as he had seen them and his mind knew he didn't need to suppress his feelings anymore, he could feel the angry rising in his body again. When his mom asked him if he was hurt, and how Michelle was, he let his anger explode in his answer. He knew his parents wouldn't take it personally.
"How the hell could this happen to us? I'm not fine, Michelle is not fine – I don't know how we are ever supposed to deal with this. Why did this have to happen to Michelle – she is the most perfect, kindest most beautiful person in the world, she doesn't deserve this." His Dad pulled him in again and hugged him – held him close. His mom rubbed his back. Tony's voice became so desperate, "Dad how do I make her feel safe again? You have to tell me how I can take her pain away."
"Tony there is no easy answers to those. You need to just keep holding her and comforting her and she will come around at some point and feel safe. You can't take away her pain Tony but you can try and share it with her. Make her open up and talk to you about how she is feeling and make sure she knows it is ok to feel whatever it is that she is feeling. Tony you have a wonderful character, I have no doubt you will be everything Michelle needs." They all stood there in silence for a few minutes. Tony was taking in what his Dad had said and his parents didn't want to make any kind of move until they new what Tony was going to say or do next.
A weak voice cut through the silence in the air. "Are you ok Tony?"
All 3 of them turned at the same time to see Michelle with her eyes half open. Tony rushed to her side. Michelle got so swept up in the feelings of wanting to be as close to him as possible that she started to sit up reach her arms out for his neck. Tony could see in her face the movement had caused her some pain. "Aww Chelle be careful, I'll come to you." He scooped her up in his arms. His entire body came up into the hug pulling her out from under the covers – she was kneeling on her knees and the rest of her body was pressed into his. They both felt so good to be in each other's arms. Michelle looked over his shoulder to recognize that the other 2 people were not in fact doctors like she had originally thought but rather Mr. and Mrs. Almeida. (Alex and Jessica) She gave them a smile and a small wave.
Tony thought back over the last year with Michelle, no hug had ever felt as good as this one. She was clingy onto him as if he was all she needed, which suited him just fine. Michelle pulled her head back so she could look at his face. "I'm so sorry about before Tony....." He cut her off... He spread his hands on her cheeks and wiped her tears with his thumb, "Don't ever be sorry." He kissed her cheeks, then her tears. "You are everything to me Chelle." He pressed his lips against hers and so tenderly kissed her. "Oh my god, you feel so good in my arms. How are you feeling right now?"
"I can barely feel my body at all, which is the best."
Jessica and Alex approached Michelle and Tony. Jessica placed her hand on Michelle's neck, "Hi Sweetie, it's good to see you up. Do you need anything?"
"Hi – thank you for coming in, it must be late. I am totally fine, I don't need anything at all."
They all couldn't believe how up beat Michelle seemed. Compared to just 2 short hours ago she was completely different. This worried Tony and almost immediately he thought Michelle was trying to make everyone think she was fine, he knew this was really unhealthy. "Michelle before you slept you had asked me a pile of questions that I didn't get to answer, but I will now."
"Don't worry Tony, we don't need to talk about any of that stuff. Let's just forget about it all." Michelle was almost speaking through her teeth she was trying so hard not to show any emotion about it. It was already really hard for her to keep up this cover – she felt like it wouldn't be long till she caved again.
Tony's Dad, Alex sat on the end of the bed. "Michelle I know you only just met us today, but you made such a big impact on us. That mixed with how perfectly you treat our son, we already love you. We want to be here for you, we want you to feel like you can talk to us and we will support you. You have been through such a traumatic experience you need to tell people how you are feeling."
"But I am feeling fine, there really is nothing to say. I don't want anyone worrying about me. Do you think they will let me go home soon?"
Tony really began to panic thinking that Michelle had decided to shut everybody out. Did she feel like she couldn't talk to Tony? Had he handled things so badly with her before the injection that she didn't want to do that again? Did she feel like she couldn't handle it? He decided to test her a little to try and figure it all out. She was holding onto him so tightly, that he knew right there she wasn't ok at all. He gently took his hands off her body and then took her hands and moved them off him. He did it in a way as if he was just having her lie down again. The expression on her face changed instantly. "Well Chelle if you are feeling pretty good then, do you mind if we leave to go and get something to eat? We will come back later."
Jessica and Alex caught on to what their son was doing straight away and played along. Jessica agreed with Tony, "That sounds like a good idea, I'm starving."
They all watched as Michelle instantly became vulnerable. She sank into the bed and lowered her head breaking all eye contact. Her eyes were beginning to get watery.
"That's fine.....Jacks here right? Can he come in?"
"Thanks Chelle. Jacks not here though. No one else is here at the moment. I'll switch your lights off and you can just get some sleep while we are gone." Tony felt bad saying all this to Michelle but he could see it was working. Nothing in the world mattered to him more than comforting Michelle – he needed her to know how important she was, just how much he loved her.
Michelle panicked. There was no way in this world she would be able to stay here on her own, especially with the lights out. Her heart began racing, her hands started to shake and her stomach started doing flips. Her breathing started to get heavier and her bottom lip began to quiver. She thought she would seriously have a panic attack if Tony left her right now, she couldn't bare to be alone with her thoughts. Her mind raced trying to find a reason to make him stay. "You know, I bet the hospital would bring you up some sandwiches to the room – I'll order them for you."
Tony could see how quickly she was falling apart, and it broke his heart. "It's probably best for you if we let you get some rest Michelle. Unless you want me to stay...."
"I don't need more sleep." Michelle was so close to breaking point but she just stopped herself. She felt so pathetic that she was so freaked out about having to be left by herself. The whole reason she was acting like this to Tony was because wanted to be able to prove to herself and him that she was a good, strong agent. She had felt so disappointed with herself that, that guy had so easily beaten her up. She also didn't want to bring him down with her, looking at her black and blue scarred body she didn't feel good enough to have Tony. On top of that she just didn't know how to talk about it, deal with it or face it. It was hard enough just picturing it all, never mind having to discuss it as well – she had tried that earlier and look where that got her, so messed up they had to drug her to calm her down.
"Chelle, its ok to admit you want me to stay.......I can understand why you wouldn't want to be left alone. I just can't understand why all of a sudden you are trying to pretend things are fine – when I know that couldn't be further from the truth."
Michelle looked at his parents who were nodding their heads along with what Tony was saying. Even they had seen through her pathetic attempts. It felt kinda nice to have parent figures being there for her. It was hard to imagine them sticking around for her when they realize all her faults. If her own parents could care less about her, what hope did she have with anyone else?! She knew she shouldn't get to close too them.
Tony stepped closer to her, "Come on Chelle, we are not buying any of your 'I'm fine' attitude.
Michelle's lip quivered even more and she knew as soon as she opened her mouth the tears were going to start. She found herself almost yelling at Tony and his parents. "Ok, Ok! Please don't leave me... You are the one that got up to go and leave me. Didn't you want to hug me anymore?"
Tony felt relieved she had hit this point, he knew once he got her to weaken a little he wouldn't have much trouble opening her up from there. He took another couple steps in closer to her. "I did that because I knew this would be the best way to get you to open up to me again. I love hugging you Chelle – more than you could imagine."
"I'm so glad I'm so easy to figure out. I don't understand Tony, why can't you just hold me in your arms like before?"
Tony got to the side of the bed where Michelle was basically lying down, he instinctively went to run his hand across her stomach but got a harsh reminder at the site of the bruise that it wasn't the place for that at the moment. Instead he gently traced her neck and should line at the top of her chest. "Is that what you want me to do Michelle?"
Michelle closed her eyes as she responded to Tony, "You know I need to be in your arms Tony." She felt angry with him that he didn't realize how much she needed him. "Even after everything this last week, have you forgotten that it's in your arms that I feel safe?"
Tony felt shocked – he hadn't realized how important it was to her. Even though he knew she was kinda upset with him, what she had just said made him feel so good. After what had happened tonight he had been so afraid that because he hadn't really been able to protect her and it happened with him at his apartment that the last place she would consider as safe was with him. "I didn't think after everything that had just happened that you would still feel this way. Especially when just before we gave you the injection to sleep you were trying to leave and get away but I had to put my arms around you so tight and not let you move. I had no idea Michelle how you would still feel....how am I suppose to know?"
"I don't know Tony.........you just should! Don't you get it? It's you that makes me feel so good because it's you! So to have you wrap me up and cover my body with yours makes me feel like I'll be ok. It makes me feel like I am special to you Tony. If I am wrapped up your arms....you wouldn't let anything bad happen to me right?? You are just supposed to know!!"
"Awww my Chelle. Nothing would ever happen in my arms. I love hearing how much you like being that close with me. I want you to feel special in my arms because you are just so special in my life."
Tears rolled down Michelle's face, she spoke through quiet cries, "So why can't you hug me then? Can't you please hold me just for a bit without making me talk and think about everything? I'm begging you Tony...please don't make face last night right now, I can't, I just need a break for a bit. I just want to be able to feel 'OK' for awhile and I know I can if you will hold me."
Tony lifted his body up behind her on the bed. "Baby, I'll hold you as long as you want. We don't have to discuss anything you don't want to, I promise. Chelle, you know I feel so much better myself when I've got you in my arms." Tony sat behind her so that she was sitting in between his legs which ran down each side of her body. He slid her gown down the tiniest bit, just enough to reveal her shoulder. He tenderly kissed her shoulder slowly moving the kisses up her neck. Once he reached her ear he made his way back but this time it was with more passion as he used his tongue with each kiss. For that brief time Tony's touch made her forget everything else that was going on. As always she completely just melted to his touch. It was such a meaningful intimate moment between the two of them. He then wrapped his arms around her waist, "Michelle where can I put my hands so it doesn't hurt?" Michelle pulled the gown to the side to reveal her stomach. They both found the strip right under her bra line that wasn't bruised the whole way across. Michelle picked up his hands and put them on the strip of bare skin. He then pulled her body back in close to his, he even crossed his leg over the top of hers – now he really did have her whole body covered with his. She rested her head back into his chest and he nuzzled into her neck and licked her ear lobe making her giggle in a way that let him know she wanted more. They were both completely lost in their own little world together.
Alex and Jessica Almeida were still standing stationary in the same spot in absolute awe as they witnessed the unbelievable love between the two. After hearing the words they exchanged with each other, it was so obvious their love for each other ran very deep and was just so real. They watched as Tony climbed up onto the bed and pulled Michelle in close to his body. He kissed her shoulder and they could see just how tender and gentle he was with her. They felt so proud of their son as they saw him be everything Michelle needed him to be, they knew right then that this was the girl he would spend the rest of his life with. They loved that idea – Michelle was everything and more they had hoped Tony would find. Even when Michelle was feeling weak and upset herself she still managed to word things to Tony in a way that let him know how much she cared for him. The chemistry between them was unmatched and something to admire. They walked over to Tony and Michelle. Michelle had her head leaning on Tony's chest, she was stroking his forearm with her fingers and telling Tony a story of a time when she was a lot younger and on vacation. Tony was listening intently, occasionally laughing at some of the funny things she got up too. Michelle stopped telling the story when she noticed Alex and Jessica and lifted her head up off Tony's chest.
"Mr. and Mrs. Almeida I...."
"Michelle, please call us by our first names." Alex said with a smile.
"Ok, Alex and Jessica – I am so sorry for everything you have seen tonight. You have no idea how nervous I was to meet you both and make a good impression. I've never had a family and so I really didn't know what to expect and to be honest I was even worried I wouldn't know how to act properly. I want you to know that Tony means everything to me and there was nothing more important than doing everything I could to be someone you would be happy to see your son with.
Not even that could go right – I mean the first night you meet me and all this happens. I am just so sorry...." As Michelle was speaking Tony started saying, "Chelle, no. No Chelle." And then Jessica put her hand on Michelle's leg and cut her off, "Michelle, don't say any of this. We really...."
Michelle stopped both Jessica and Tony from continuing. She forgot and sat forward too quickly causing a sharp pain to shoot through her stomach. She yelped in pain and clutched her stomach. Tony freaked out and pulled Michelle back so she was lying against his chest again, "Chelle you've gotta be more careful, I don't want you getting worked up. Just stay lying back against my chest where you know it doesn't hurt."
"I will, I will, I just really need you guys to hear me out please." Alex, Tony and Jessica all nodded their heads like they would let her continue.
"I don't want you to think I am the sort of person who can't control my emotions. Most of all I hope you know that usually I can look after myself better. I am ashamed that I couldn't defend myself better last night and now because of that I have these hideous bruises all over me and even on my face. Anyone can say what they want to be nice to me but I'm not blind and know what a turn-off and mess I am right now." Michelle looked at Tony, "don't think I don't appreciate what you are putting up with." Above everything I'm sure you are not impressed with the fact that I can't face what has happened. I have no excuse for that, I don't even know what to say about that now – but it is definitely not something I am proud of. I am just so sorry you have had to see all these sides to me basically the first day you meet me. All I can say is that I really do care so much for Tony and what I want is for him to be happy....."
Michelle was interrupted by a nurse walking in to the room to give her another pain injection. Silence filled the room the entire time the nurse administered the injection. The nurse would have felt the tension in the room. Tony moved his body so he was next to Michelle, he needed to be able to see her face. He could see both his parents were about to speak to her but he put his hand out and said he just wanted to say something first.
"This comes from your self-confidence Chelle. Exactly what we were talking about the other night. Why are you so rough on yourself?"
Michelle was quick to defend, "I'm not rough on myself, and I just tell it how it is. If I can see it about me, so can everyone else."
"No Michelle, you look at all of the situations in such a different way to everyone else. That's what brings your confidence down, because you have to find a fault in everything you do."
"Ok how Tony? Tell me where I am wrong with all this then....are you going to look my in the eye and tell me that you do not find my bruises ugly or hard to look at?"
"That's not a fair question Chelle."
"Why, because if your honest with me then you'd be agreeing with me. That's fine, let's do another one. Wouldn't I be better off right now had I been able to defend myself better from that guy? Or Tony, are you going to tell me that it doesn't matter at all that when an image of last night comes into my mind my whole body tenses up to the point I feel so sick and frightened, and my body starts to shake and I can't think straight?"
Tony got of the bed, and stormed around the room. He had no idea how he was suppose to respond to all of her questions. He was so angry, this was not how he intended this conversation to go. Even Jessica and Alex felt stumped. Jessica attempted, "Michelle, Alex and I adore you. We have since the moment we met you. We don't want you worrying about fitting in or making a good impression because we already think the world of you. Michelle you put our son's health and safety above your own and because of you he is ok right now. Because you did the most brave and generous thing you are hurt right now – and it is so natural for you to be scared and everything else right now, you have been through more than any of us could ever imagine, never mind actually handle."
Tony butted in and yelled from the other side of the room. "Yeah exactly, it's because of me you are going through all this. It should be me going through all those things Chelle – not you. God I can't stand this, it isn't right." Tony was pacing back and forth. He pointed his finger at Michelle in anger, "It was so not fair of you to ask me those unfair."
"Why was it so unfair of me?"
"How the hell do you expect me to answer them?"
"You are only angry with me because I was right with what I had said. I don't care Tony, I know it's all true...."
"No, Michelle, that's not it at all. I am not angry – especially with you, I am just frustrated over how to answer them in a way that won't offend that you." He walked straight up to Michelle and held her face in his hands. "Baby how can you be so worried about these bruises – they will go away?"
"Cause they look so ugly now. I saw your face when you first saw my stomach. It's such a big reminder of what happened – I've never seen me look like this before, I feel so horrible. It looks so disgusting. You must be so turned off when you look at me." She lifted her shirt sleeve so they could see the finger print marks on her arm. "It's like no matter what I can't get rid of him, just seeing his finger marks makes my skin crawl – I can't get away from him."
Just as Michelle was finishing her sentence she had an itch on her thigh that she scratched. As she scratched she felt something strange on her leg, she lifted the covers back to see – Tony and his parents all watched a little confused as to what she was doing. Tony put his arms around her to bring her in close to him, but she didn't move into his arms. "Hang on a second, I can feel something strange on my leg." Even though the covers were already back it took Michelle a long time to lean her body forward enough to see. She saw a clear largish bandage protecting what looked like stitches.
"Tony is that stitches? Why have I got them there?"
Tony couldn't believe that Michelle either had blocked it out or didn't know that she had been stabbed by the knife. "Michelle you don't remember being cut by the knife?"
The doctor poked his head through the door and Alex and Jessica excused themselves to go out and talk to him and give him an update.
"I remember the knife, he was waiving it everywhere, but he never got me with it – that was the one thing I managed to escape."
"No you didn't escape Michelle, he must have done it while you were passed out."
"Why would he do that to me Tony? How could he have done that while I was just laying there unconscious. When he looked at me, he must have just hated me so much that he could just keep doing all of that stuff."
"I don't know Chelle, he was just a sick, sick man."
Michelle started to slide her body off the bed. Tony put his hands sown to stop her, "What are you doing?" Michelle removed his hands from her body and kept moving, "I want to be able to look at it in the mirror." Tony didn't want her too but knew it wasn't worth arguing about. He helped keep her steady as she very slowly shuffled her feet along the ground to the mirror. Once there Michelle pulled up her gown and looked at her thigh. "How many stitches?"
"I'm really not sure Michelle, but I do know that because it was deep they did a couple layers of stitches."
Michelle studied her leg for a moment longer and mumbled to herself but Tony still heard her, "that will leave a scare forever." Then she looked at the finger marks on her arm again and then back at her thigh. Tony was grateful that Michelle didn't know about the boot mark on her back. He watched her keep looking between her arm and leg. Finally Michelle turned her body around so she was facing Tony. They held each other's gaze for a moment but then Michelle burst into tears.
"Why do you think they did it Tony?"
He put his hands on her cheeks so that he could wipe her tears with his thumbs. It was also good too because Michelle kept trying to look down and this way Tony was able to direct her gaze. "I don't know sweetheart, I just don't know."
Tony kept having to lift Michelle's head up so he could look at her eyes. As she cried, her breathing was becoming shallow and faster. Tony felt Michelle put one of her hands flat on his chest and then slowly use her fingers to grip on to him. At anytime Tony got the slightest feeling that Michelle actually needed him he tried to soak it in as much as he could. He just loved feeling Michelle grip his chest like that. As if she knew what he was thinking Michelle grabbed at his t-shirt with her other hand. Her body was shaking, but this time she slowly raised her head to meet Tony's gaze. Tony watched as her bottom lip quivered and he put a finger on her lip to try and stop it.
Michelle's voice was quiet, nervous and shaky. "Did I.....do I deserve this Tony?"
Tony took a second to make sure he had actually taken in what Michelle had said. He stepped in as close to her as possible. "Chelle, oh God No." He stroked her hair. "How could you possibly think that?" Tony felt tears rise in his eyes. "I don't know. What else could it be?" She used his t-shirt to pull herself in closer to him. He was looking into her eyes just repeating over and over 'No.' Some of Tony's tears reached his shirt. Michelle used one of her hands to wipe his face – first his left cheek and then his right. As she moved her hand down Tony grabbed her hand in his mouth and started passionately kissing it – his tongue was sliding across her hand to her wrist and back. He was desperate for her and she was just as desperate for him. She stood on her tippy toes and pulled her hand out of his mouth replacing it with her lips. He groaned as she pulled his bottom lip down and forced her tongue across into his mouth. They both still had tears running down their faces. Tony pulled his mouth apart from hers but kept it wide open and so close to hers they could still just about feel each other. He went to say something but she caught him by surprise by leaning in and putting her lips around his tongue. He loved this and he put his hand behind her head pulling it in as close as possible to him. After they had kissed for another minute he pulled his head back again as he had before. "I love you, I love you so much Chelle." Michelle groaned as she heard those words. "I love you Tony, more than you can imagine."
They were interrupted by Dr. Sims and Tony's parents coming back into the room. Tony helped Michelle back into bed and got her settled under the covers. They held hands while they waited to see what her doctor had to say.
Wow that was the longest chapter I have ever written. I hope you really liked it. Thank you so much to everyone for all of your reviews – they are so encouraging - thank you for taking the time for that!!