Tony excused himself from Jack and the girls and then asked Chappelle for a word in private. They stepped outside the room. Tony never knew how he felt about this guy. One day he would act like a total prick and then the next he would just be normal and nice. Chappelle had such a thing for division and loved dangling his power over everyone else's heads. Since the bomb though Chappelle was everyone's best friend because of how well CTU handled the situation. Once outside Chappelle put a hand on Tony's shoulder. Tony just about fell over, this was the first time they had ever had any form of physical contact.
"Thanks for coming in, hopefully Chelle wakes in minute so she can see you."
"Tony, I am just so sorry for what has happened, I can't believe what you guys have had to go through."
"Thanks, it certainly has been a really rough time."
Chappelle was shaking his head as he spoke. "How is Michelle going? What is the extent of her injuries?"
It made Tony felt so sad even having to explain this stuff. He had been trying to keep his mind busy on everything else so he didn't think about that night – images of the man with his hands over Michelle kept flying through his head. Talking about Michelle's injuries wasn't much better, it was hard enough having to just see her lying there like that. "Things are really tough at the moment. She has such deep internal bruises that moving around is extremely painful. Just before, she moved to fast and the pain was so bad her entire body tensed up, she couldn't open her eyes and she bit her mouth so hard it started bleeding. That's why they gave her such a strong dose. I know its early days still but I just can't stand seeing her go through all this. There are just so many things we will have to deal with from all of this but I want to wait until she is a lot stronger."
"That's a good idea, no need to force issue's that she is not ready to deal with yet. Did I hear right that Michelle was actually stabbed?"
"Yes she was, in her thigh. They knocked her out cold and continued to hit and kick her. They must have done it then because none of us knew until we were actually at the hospital. I am so grateful Jack was able to come and help us."
"Bauer is not one to let his best friend down. Those bastards will pay for this. I wanted to tell you that we can process and charge them through division as their attack was against 2 federal agents. We can make sure they get the maximum time."
Tony felt good hearing Chappelle say that he was Jack's best friend. It was nice to know someone else noticed the bond that had formed through their personal experiences with Nina and at the office they were the only 2 that trusted each other completely.
"Take them in and bring them down for me Chappelle. It would be best if all of this could be done without either Michelle or I having to see them again."
"I'll do my best Almeida."
"Ryan, there was something else I needed to talk to you about. Obviously it's going to be awhile before Michelle is back at work – is there anything I need to do about that? Also, I would like to take some of my days owed to me now if that's ok."
"I'll get some forms to you to fill out for Michelle that just outlines her absence from work – I'll take care of everything else. Obviously Michelle can take as much time as she needs, I have already bought in a sub from division. I had already figured Almeida that you would need time off too – after all Tony, you went through all of this as well. Physically your fine but I am sure you have a lot to work through. You are actually owed close to 6 months leave from the last 5 years – you know we would rather you use the time then us having to pay you out for it. Take what you want, just keep me in the loop about what is going on, I'll bring in Troy from Division to replace you."
Tony couldn't believe how cool Chappelle was being. "Thank you so much, it is a relief to know we can just concentrate on getting through this. We are actually going to move into a new place as soon as possible – not interested in going back to my apartment and its good I can take care of that. I was thinking I'd be like 4-5 weeks, but I will keep you posted as things progress."
They joined everyone else back in the room again. Michelle had woken up already and was still as high as a kite. Angie, Sarah and Jo were huddled around her.
"It must have been so scary.....What were you thinking while it was happening? What's going to happen to the guys? The police caught them right?"
Michelle's eyes felt heavy but her brain felt wired to go. It felt like everything around her was going in slow motion and people's voices sounded a little bit strange. She felt like saying every single thought that popped into her head. She was having trouble working out which things she should say out loud and which things should just be kept as thoughts – whatever popped into her head seemed to dribble straight out her mouth. Looking around the room Michelle felt surprised to see so many faces, especially to see Chappelle. She felt comforted having And, Jo and Sarah with her – they were her best friends and she really needed them. She didn't want to answer these questions though, she didn't want to think about it.
"Nah....don't worry about all that – I have nothing to say. How are you guys?"
Jack and Tony shot each other a look, they were both a little concerned with Michelle's answer.
Sarah pressed the issue. "We are worried Chelle, you scared the hell out of us – we need to know how you are really doing – please talk to us."
"I...I....I can't, I don't know how to." Even as Michelle said just that, an image of the man holding a gun at Tony flashed through her mind, then the man punched him. She felt her whole body tense up and she started grinding her teeth. She didn't know how to make it disappear – she forced her eyes to open wide and search for Tony. He was talking to Jack and Chappelle – Michelle just tried to keep repeating to herself over and over 'he's ok, he's ok'.
Her friends could see her body was shaking, they put it down to her being nervous about discussing it. Jo took Michelle's hand. "Chelle that's ok, we understand how hard this must be for you. We are your best friends and we want to help you get through this. We will do anything in the world for you babe, you just name it. But you need to talk about it, you can't bottle this stuff up – you know you can tell us anything."
Jack had been watching Michelle out of the corner of his eye as he was chatting to Tony and Chappelle. He had heard some of what had been said and he could see Michelle's body become tense. He broke the conversation with the guys. "Tony, Chelle seems to be a little stressed out. Her body is tense and I'm not sure but it looks like she is shaking." The 3 of them all watched and listened to what was going on.
Michelle's head felt it was going to explode. She was trying to sort through her thoughts before they came out of her mouth but she was struggling and it wasn't working very well. She felt so frustrated – didn't they understand that she was having a hard enough time putting sentences together as it was, that she couldn't talk about this while she was feeling this way? Her eyes were tired and it was an effort just trying to concentrate on what was going on in the room. To top it all off – she didn't want to talk about it anyway, she didn't even want to think about it. Didn't they know how much it freaked her out? She tried to come up with an answer that would end the conversation.
"I know I can tell you anything but I truly don't have anything to say. Totally nothing at all. I am having trouble trying to figure out what I should be saying to keep everyone happy. I'm asking really nicely – can we please drop this now?"
"Chelle, you don't need to keep anyone happy. We know you, you are putting barriers up because you are upset. What were you thinking while it was happening?"
Michelle pictured the man making her stand up. She remembered how much trouble she had trying to get her legs to support her. She felt so out of it, she wasn't sure if she was going to die or not, she could hear Tony fighting with the other one but didn't know what was happening. Her feet curled up and she could feel tears were on the way so she covered her eyes with her hands. Michelle didn't see Jack, Chappelle and Tony approach the bed.
"Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you listen to me? You know what....maybe it's a good thing if I have barriers up. There is no point talking about it, it's not like it will change anything. You are making me picture things I don't want too, that is so unfair – stop messing with me."
She felt someone touch her hand, it surprised her and she didn't want to have to open her eyes and look at anyone. She turned her head and hands to get away from which ever girl it was trying to make her take her hands away from her face. She was shaking so much that she tried to push her body and head as hard as she could into the bed to try and make it stop.
Tony had been the one who had touched Michelle's hand, and it freaked him out when she pulled away from him. Her body was shaking almost as violently as it had been just after she had been bought into the hospital. He reached for her arm but as soon as he touched it she yanked away again. He looked at Jack and Chappelle and then the girls – they also looked extremely upset. Angie started talking as soon as she saw Tony look at her.
"We are so sorry. Chelle we didn't mean to upset you, we are so sorry. We don't know what to do. We haven't handled this very well. I am so sorry, we love you so much."
Jack turned to the girls. "It's ok, it's ok. I don't think any of us really know how to handle this. It's so helpful that you came in, and I know Chelle knows how much you love her."
Tony lent in closer to Michelle. "Sweetheart, it's me. Will you take your hands away?"
"No."
Tony was shocked. "Come on baby, you are shaking, it's ok – give me your hand."
"Please don't make me Tony. I don't want to talk about it. Nobody wants to see me crying. Angie, Jo, and Sare – I love you guys too. It's ok – trust me."
Jack motioned for all the girls to follow him out of the room. They bumped into Alex and Jessica who were on their way back from having coffee. "Girls, I know this is hard. Michelle isn't ready to talk openly about any of this yet. I know her and Tony have talked which is excellent because they both understand exactly how the other one feels. You didn't do anything wrong, you just need to give it all some more time."
Alex, Jack and Jessica all stayed talking to the girls for a few minutes.
Chappelle looked at Tony who looked frantic over what he should do. Michelle seemed to be getting worse by the minute – her body was moving all over the place from the shaking.
Tony tried again. "Jack took the girls outside, it's just me and Ryan now. We are not going to make you talk about anything – you don't need to say a word sweetie. I just want to give you a hug is all. Can I get up on the bed with you?"
Tony held his breath while he waited for her reply. She nodded her head. Tony and Chappelle looked at each other and smiled with relief. Tony got on the bed and shuffled his body up the bed. He was on his side and as he put his hand out and touched her arm she all of a sudden dropped her hands and threw her arms around his neck burying her head into his shoulder. Tony put his arm around her head and held her tightly. "It's ok, I'm here, I'm here."
When Michelle had turned her body a little bit in towards Tony her gown had moved across her body revealing a small part of her stomach. Chappelle was horrified to see the deep black bruise. Although he knew she had shocking bruising, he hadn't expected it to look that bad. He felt a little awkward to do so but he moved her gown back down and then pulled the blanket up over her.
Even with the blanket over most of her body you could still see how much she was moving. Tony asked Ryan if he could stand at the end of the bed and hold her ankles to see if they would stop moving. He kissed her on the head a couple times. "Chelle, your body is shaking so much and you are so tense – what can we do to stop it? How bad is your pain?"
Michelle pulled her head out of his shoulder and put her head back onto the pillow. "I don't know, I don't know how to make it stop. It's making my body hurt even more."
"We will get a nurse. Can you try and relax a little bit sweetie? You are safe with me - what do you keep thinking about? Share it with me honey."
"When the guy was making me stand up but I couldn't and he kept yelling at me and then he picked me up and forced me to stand. I didn't know how to get my legs to support me anymore. I could hear you fighting with the other one but I couldn't see you and I didn't know if you were ok. Tony, when they had a gun at your head and punched you, I just wanted to be able to go to you. I can't stop picturing them pointing the gun at you. God Ryan, I am so sorry you have to see me like this, sorry."
Tony pushed for a nurse and let Chappelle speak first. He also need a second to pull himself together, after hearing Michelle say that he could feel tears in his own eyes. Jack came back in with Tony's parents and they headed over to the bed.
Chappelle rubbed Michelle's arm. "Please don't even think that Michelle. I am just so sorry this has happened. I want to do anything I can to help, I am here for you both."
Tony took a couple deep breaths, he was worried if he opened his mouth to talk he would cry. He took her fist and unclenched her fingers with force, then he put his leg across hers pushing them down trying to stop the shaking. He looked around at everyone watching him, no one said a word. Tony looked back at Michelle who had tears still running down her cheeks, his bottom lip started to quiver – he kept trying to push his lips together to stop it but it wasn't working. He saw that she had clenched her fist again so he reached for it. Seeing as he couldn't speak yet he had to do something to try and calm his nerves. All he could picture was Michelle on the ground and them kicking and punching her. He felt the anger flowing through his body, he wished he could just have 5 minutes alone with the 2 men. His own body tensed up and he began trying to unclench her fingers again. She was keeping it closed tight though and so he started getting rougher and rougher. He couldn't hold the tears any longer and they began to roll down his cheeks and onto Michelle.
Everyone watched but was unsure of what to do. They knew it was important that they both express their emotions and what they were feeling instead of keeping it bottled up. The nurse came in with the doctor and they stood next to Jack to see what was happening for a minute. The more worked up Tony was getting the rougher he was with Michelle. They all began to worry he was hurting her so Alex went to Tony and very gently put his hand over his sons to give him the message to stop what he was doing. It worked, Tony looked at his Dad and then back at Michelle and then he really began to cry. He was loudly sobbing making noises from the back of his throat and sniffing. Tony's cries filled the room and every body's heart broke. The doctor ordered the nurse to go and get some injections for him.
Tony didn't know how to direct his hurt and anger. The more upset he became the more images from that night seemed to run through his head. Before he even realised what he was doing he had begun to direct everything at Michelle. Through his cries he started yelling, his voice broken with sobs.
"You have to stop shaking! I want you to stop shaking!" He pushed his leg down on hers even harder then he took both of her arms and put her right one under his body so he was lying on it and then he used his hand to pin her left hand to the bed.
Tony wasn't hurting Michelle but he was upsetting her. She had never seen Tony cry so loudly before and he was distraught – for the first time he seemed like he was not in control. Everything had overwhelmed him. Even though she couldn't move her arms and legs her body still shook, her muscles were so tight it hurt and the tears wouldn't stop. She tried to talk to him.
"I can't Tony, I don't know how too. It's ok Tony, we are both ok"
"I see him kicking and punching you and then making you hold your body up. I don't want you to hurt anymore." He turned his head the other direction to face everyone else and screamed, "How do I make the pain go away?" He put his hand to Michelle's face and started wiping away her tears, "Don't cry, don't cry."
He then ran his hand up and down her arm and then tried to pin it again. She pulled her hand away from his grasp and pushed him on the chest, "Stop Tony, don't do this."
He put his hand firmly on her shoulder. "I don't want to think it anymore, I don't want you to think it anymore. I can't get the look of pain and fear you had in your eyes out of my head." He kissed her eyes and she could feel his tears dripping onto her face.
Jessica and Alex couldn't just stand back watching their son in so much pain. They walked over to Michelle's side of the bed so that they would be in front of him. Tony tried to grab her hand again but she pulled away, he tried again but she pushed him on the chest with it. He is so much bigger and stronger than Michelle that his body didn't even move when she pushed him, he grabbed at her wrist successfully and held it back down on the bed. "It's ok, it's ok – I'll keep your body still."
Michelle cried harder. "Tony, I love you – I love you so much. Stop worrying about me so much, what about you? It doesn't have to be this way, lie down and put your head on the pillow – let me hold you too Tony."
Jessica put her hand on Tony's shoulder which was close because he was leant so far over Michelle holding her. "Tony, we are all here to help you through this. It's good that you are opening up but we really need you to relax?
"Relax? How the hell am I suppose to relax? Could any of you relax when the person you love is in hospital in this much pain. That they are so scared that every time it is brought up they violently shake, their body becomes so stiff they can barely move and you are watching tears take over their face. But wait, that's not all......what if every time you closed your eyes all you could see was the person you love being kicked and punched. Even when they are unconscious on the ground the beating doesn't stop and you can't do anything about it. They are holding a knife in her face and you really don't know if she is going to even make it. So tell me, would you be able to relax?"
Everyone's heart sank. After hearing that it made everyone wonder how Tony and Michelle had even made it this far. Jack walked over behind Tony. He put his arm Tony's chest and held on to his arm with his other hand. "Come on buddy." He pulled Tony's body back from Michelle so that he was on the side of the bed. Tony didn't even struggle, he almost just collapsed into Jacks arms. As Jack lay him down Michelle turned her body as much as she could in towards Tony, she put her hand on his cheek. He picked his head up and buried it into her shoulder and neck. Jessica came around and rubbed his shoulder, "It will get easier, I promise. We are all going to help you both every step of the way. We love you so much."
The nurse came back in and handed the doctor a tub of injections. He motioned for Alex and Jessica to come over to him.
Michelle could feel her neck and shoulder getting really wet. She spoke softly to Tony, "Honey...." He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. Their faces were inches apart. "You know what Tony.....you and I are going to get through this, I promise you that. It's so hard sweetie, but like your mom said, it will get easier. I am glad you are crying because you need to get all this out just as much as me – you keep being so strong and looking after me but you need someone to hold you too."
"Sometimes I think I am ok and then out of no where it all hits me and it feels like my whole world falls down around me. I do need you Chelle. I just want you to be ok, I feel so useless."
"You have already done more for me Tony then anyone has in my entire life. I am ok because I have you – but I need you to be ok too."
Tony buried his head back into her shoulder and neck and they held each other as tight as possible.
The doctor was explaining what he wanted to do to Alex and Jessica. "I would like to sedate both Tony and Michelle. It will calm them both down and then make them sleep through the rest of the night. It will give them a break and escape from all the pain they are feeling. It will also relax both of their muscles which is very important, and it will stop Michelle shaking. The sleep will do them both good."
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Alex spoke, "Good Idea. I've never seen Tony so distraught before. They will never sleep otherwise."
The doctor walked over to the bed, "Tony, Michelle?" They both looked up and gave him their attention. "I am going to give you both a needle to help you calm down and sleep. You will feel better within minutes and it will help you get through the night."
"Doctor, will it help my pain?"
"This one won't Michelle, but I will be giving you another one at the same time for pain – just like you had before."
Michelle nodded her head but Tony wasn't as convinced. "I'm not having one."
"I strongly advise you do Tony. You have been distraught and this will help you."
"I'm not having it, no way."
"Tony, you need it...."
"Why? Because I am upset? I thought it was ok for me to be upset."
Jack and Chappelle walked over.
Jack jumped in for the doctor. "Of course you can be upset, everything you are feeling is completely normal. But Tony, I have never seen you so worked up before, you have been completely distraught and you need to have this help you through the night."
"I'm sorry about everything, sorry I yelled..." He turned and looked at Michelle, "I'm sorry I grabbed your hands and kept trying to hold you down.....I was just trying to stop the shaking – I wanted to be able to control what was happening and I was going crazy knowing you were shaking because you were so scared. I'm sorry." He looked back at everyone else, "I'm sorry I freaked out, I am sorry I shouted, I am sorry I cried. I am an idiot, I know that – but I'll calm down and I'll be totally fine."
Tony began to get up to get off the bed but Jack stopped him by holding his arm and chest. "Get out of my way Jack." Chappelle and his Dad went and stood with Jack, Tony knew he had no hope now. Jack was gently pushing him to lie back down, "No one is sorry any of that happened Tony, you needed it. We all completely admire how well you both are doing to get through all this, we are proud of you."
Tony's face was a mess. It was very tear stained, wet with fresh tears, his eyes were red and swollen. He was breathing very heavily. The room went quiet as they stared at one another. All that could be heard was Tony's breathing.
Chappelle broke the silence. "Come on Tony. You are the most level headed guy I know, you are also one of the most intelligent leaders CTU will have. You know you need the injection and you know if the situation was reversed you would make us take it as well – because it is the right thing to do. I am sure you want Michelle to have it right?"
Tony looked beaten. He nodded his head, "Yes."
"Ok, so if you expect Michelle to have it, it is only reasonable that we are expecting you to take it too."
Tony nervously nodded his head and then began to lie back down next to Michelle. He didn't say a word but when Michelle took his hand he squeezed it tightly. The doctor began administering the needles. He told Tony to pull his shirt up. Jessica had gotten a couple wet, warm face towels, she gave one to Alex and they both walked to the end of the bed on opposite sides. Jessica wiped Michelle's tear stained face and it made her feel so much better. Alex did the same to Tony.
They had both fallen into a very deep sleep within 10 minutes. Alex pulled the bars up on the sides of the bed so they wouldn't fall out and Jessica covered them both with the blanket.
They were distressed over the entire evening and so Alex, Chappelle, Alex and Jessica had coffee together before they headed home.
Please review if you would like me to continue. It is such a good help hearing what people think!! Thank you