As the days went by, Lily found herself loaded with homework and falling into the normal routine. Professor Binns still taught with extreme bore, Transfiguration was still difficult, and Professor Trelawney still sucked at Divination. And Charms was still her best subject.

"No, no, James! I simply do not understand why you can't perform a simply charm!" Professor Flutenick yelled at James as she usually did. What she was screaming rarely varied. "Let Lily help you. Lily, Lily, LILY!"

Distracted, Lily jumped up when she heard her name called. "Yes, Professor Flutenick?"

"Help James with his Cleaning Charm."

"Okay, Professor Flutenick," she said, and moved over to help James.

"Hey, Lils," James said at her approach. He was hoping this would happen. James had purposely screwed up the charm so Flutenick would assign Lily to help him.

"Hello, James," she said sleepily.

"Not sleeping well?" he asked, concerned.

"I'll live. Try the charm for me," she said in a businesslike tone.

"Clemarun Deviosa!" James called, moving his wand in a "swish and flick" motion. However, his concern for Lily caused him to mess up the incantation and lilies sprouted out of the desk he was supposed to be cleaning.

"James!" Lily exclaimed. "Why did you do that?"

"I didn't do it on purpose," he muttered and promptly made the lilies disappear.

"Now could you perform the correct charm?" Lily demanded. When James just looked at her with his mouth wide open, she shook her head. "Just do the charm, James."

"Whatever." Just then, the class ended and the students rushed to pack up their things. "Lily, what's the matter?" he asked, hurrying to catch up with her.

"Nothing."

"Slow down, for Merlin's sake."

"I can't. I have to meet Remus before Transfiguration," she said as they rounded the corner. Seeing Remus up ahead, Lily abruptly stopped, causing James to almost fall when he tried not to hit her. "Turn around, James. Let's go," Lily said as she changed directions and grabbed James's hand. Getting a glimpse of Remus, he tried to pull her the other way. "Now, James," she demanded.

"But, wasn't Remus just back there?"

"Yes."

"So didn't you want to meet him?"

"I did."

"So why are we going in the opposite direction of him and Transfiguration?"

"Because I don't want you to kill Remus and we're skipping Transfiguration."

"What?! Lily, what are you talking about?" James said, stopping and pulling Lily around so he could see her face. "What is -"

"I'll tell you in a minute. Let's go to the Head Lounge so we can be alone."

"Okay," James immediately agreed. And it wasn't because Lily wanted to be alone with him. It was because when he looked in her eyes, he saw a sheen of tears and knew he'd better comply. "Orange Peels," he said and the painting that served as a cover for the entrance to the Head Lounge. James pulled Lily to the couch and told her to sit. When she wordlessly obeyed, he knew something was really wrong. Lily was not the kind of person to do whatever people tell her to do. "Spill."

"Remus was - he was - I saw him -" Lily stuttered with the tears she tried to hold back flowing freely down her face.

"It's okay," James soothed as he put his arms around her. "You can tell me."

"He was kissing another girl," she sobbed miserably into his shoulder.

James was flooded with a rage so great, he thought he would burst. He couldn't believe it. He gave up the only woman he had every loved for his best friend and he was cheating on her. Why would Remus want anyone but Lily? James thought. She's perfect. What could any other girl possibly have to offer? "How long has this been going on?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I - I don't know. I think about a week," she mumbles. Without James's warmth, Lily found herself frigidly cold and huddled in the corner of the couch, trying to find a warm spot. Her teeth were chattering and she couldn't seem to make her fingers move enough so she could conjure up a fire in the fireplace.

"A week! A goddamn week!" James yelled, finally turning around to look at her. When he saw Lily, his heart softened immediately. She looked so sad, cold, and vulnerable. And she looked helplessly adorable. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked in a softer voice, moving over to where she was sitting and knelt in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to hurt him. Because I - I" she said, hugging herself, "I love him."

"Remus? You love Remus?" he said, dumbfounded. "Why, do you love Remus?"

"Because he's everything you're not. Or I thought he was. I thought he would never go for another girl while I was with him, but I was wrong. He's just like you, James. Just like you. And I'm not sure if I like that," she finished in a harsh whisper.

"Why am I so horrible to you, Lily?" he asked as he stroked her cheek. "Why do I seem so ugly and horrid in your eyes?"

"It's the only way I know how to see you. Is it cold in here? Why is it so cold?" she said, not seeing the hurt that flashed in James's eyes. Not seeing the pain that haunted them.

"Are you okay, Lily?" James asked tenderly.

"No, I'll never be okay. Ever since last summer, I changed. I'll never be okay."

"Lily," he began as he sat on the couch and pulled her onto his lap, "you'll be fine. Everything will be okay."

"You won't hurt Remus, will you James? I don't want you to hurt him."

"I won't hurt him, my love. I want to, for him hurting you so much. But I won't. I do love you, Lily." When she didn't say anything, he looked down and saw that Lily was asleep in his arms. The idea was oddly comforting and he slipped into sleep as well.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

"Have you guys seen Lily?" Cassandra asked as she sat down to eat. "She wasn't in the common room."

"She wasn't in Transfiguration. As a matter of fact, neither was James," Sirius added. "I saw them going out of Charms together. I wonder where they are."

"I dunno. Where's Remus?" Sol asked, gazing around the room.

"Maybe he's with Lily," Sirius said with a mischievous grin.

"I saw him in the common room," Cassandra said "and Lily wasn't with him. Where's James?"

"What do you care when you've got me, my dear?" Sirius said, drooping an arm over her shoulder. "We all know you love me. You can't hide it."

"Get real, Sirius. You've got a girlfriend. Who is it this week? Kara Miller?" she said, removing his arm.

"Nope. Samantha Stuart. Kara was not really a good snog. Unlike you, my dear Cassandra," he said, and promptly kissed her. Everybody, including Sirius, laughed as she smacked him directly across the face.

"Hey, guys, look who's here," Peter whispered.

"Hmm, interesting, Wormtail, very interesting," Sirius said as he saw James and Lily enter the Great Hall together.

"Common room. Now," James demanded as reached their table. And then he walked back out, practically dragging Lily.

"Uh, I guess we should go, right?" Sol said hesitantly.

"Yeah, I guess," Sirius said and got up.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

In the common room, the Marauders, Sol, Cassandra, and Lily sat quietly. Nobody said anything because people were still mingling in the common room and the gang sensed this was not meant to be heard by bystanders. While waiting for people to leave, Cassandra and Sol tried to talk to Lily, but it was no use. Lily just sat and stared unblinkingly at the fire.

Why did you do it, Remus? Lily thought. Am I not enough? Don't you love me, Remus? Why, my love? Why? Suddenly, she came up with an idea. "James?" she whispered. Everybody jerked up, surprised that she spoke.

"Yes, Lily?" he replied, just as softly.

"We could use the Head Lounge."

"Good idea. Everybody, follow me," James, said standing. Lily was the first to rise and walked right past Remus without noticing him. Everyone solemnly followed James and Lily, unsure of what was happening. "Orange Peels," James said and the painting of a field of flowers swung open. Everyone except James took a seat. He stood next to the chair Lily was sitting in. When Remus pulled his chair closer to Lily's and laid a hand on hers, she jerked away as if she had been burned.

"James, what is this all about?" Sirius asked, seeing the by-play between Lily and Remus.

"It's for Lily to say," he said. Immediately, all eyes were on her.

"James, do all these people have to be here?" Lily wondered.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"To be witnesses."

"Do I want witnesses?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because misery enjoys company."

"I don't understand."

"You will."

"Will I?"

"Yes. Trust me, Lily. Just trust me."

"I do."

"Then begin."

"All right," Lily said with a sad sigh. She slowly turned her gaze to Remus. "Before I go on, you have to know that I love you and I always will."

"I know," Remus replied, obviously confused. "I love you, too."

"Do you, Remus? Then your version of love is mutilated, twisted, and deformed. Your version of love is something that can only last so long before it dies and becomes nonexistent."

"Lily, what do you-"

"Be quiet," Lily demanded as her anger began to rise. "I loved you, Remus. I loved you without boundaries and then I find you snogging another girl! I thought you were different, Remus Lupin! I thought you actually cared! Shows how easily I was fooled. I believed that you were different from James and Sirius! I thought you gave a flying fuck! Well, this just shows that you're like every other man on the fucking planet! Just a fucking dickhead who thinks women who don't know how to tell when something is wrong!"

"Lily, what is this about?"

"What's this about? I'll tell you what this is about. I was on my way to meet you before Transfiguration today, and what do I see? I'll tell you what I saw! I saw you snogging another girl!"

"Lily, I -" Remus began, his face going ash white.

"Go ahead! Try and deny it! I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself!" Lily now was standing up and screaming as loud as she could. But a telltale tear ran down her cheek that showed she was cut deeply by Remus's betrayal.

"I won't deny it, Lily. Yes, I was kissing another girl. I'm sorry. There are no words that can explain how sorry I feel."

"Remus, how could you?" Cassandra asked, stunned that her friend could do this.

"Lily, I truly am sorry," Remus whispered as he ignored Cassandra. A tear fell slowly down his face.

"You think your fucking apology is going to make it better?" James demanded while holding a grief-stricken Lily. "Do you honestly think that?"

"Who was it Remus?" Lily asked, lifting her face out of James's robes.

"It was, uh, it was-"

"Me. It was me," Sol declared as she stood up. "I'm terribly sorry, Lily. I know I shouldn't have, and I'll understand in you don't forgive me, but I'm sorry and I love you. If anybody needs me, I'll be in the common room," she said and exited the room.

"Don't hate me," Remus whispered and kissed Lily on the forehead. "Good night," he said, and left.

"Lily, are you okay?" Sirius asked. She only nodded for an answer.

"I'll be in my dormitory if you need me," Peter said. "Hand in there, Lils," he said as he swung the painting open.

"I'm here if you need me," Cassandra said as she pulled Lily into a tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered back.

"Night, kids. Don't stay up too late," Sirius said as he climbed out the hole after Cassandra.

"That wasn't so bad," James half-joked.

"Oh, James," Lily moaned as he threw her arms around him. "My life is so screwed up."

"What else is wrong, Lily? You can tell me."

"I - I just need someone to hold me. Will you hold me for a bit?"

"Of course, Lily," he said as he sat down and pulled her into his lap. And he wasn't the lease bit guilty to feel happy with her in his lap. "Lily, why don't you love me?" he asked after a few seconds.

"Because it would hurt."

"But doesn't loving Remus hurt?"

"Yes . . ."

"They why don't you love me?"

"I used to. But you didn't love me back."

"I know how that feels." When she just looked at him, not understanding, he shook his head. "Don't you know? Lily, I love you. And I know how it feels to see you with another guy and have it hurt. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out. Because you don't love me back."

"I have to go," she mumbled, feebly pushing at his chest.

"Won't you give me a good night kiss?"

"No. Let me go."

"Okay," he grumbled as he gave in. "Good night. I love you."

"Good night," she called.

And quite suddenly, James found himself all alone in the spacious room. James got up and quickly left the room.