As the days went by, Lily found that the holidays had an effect on her. The
only time she seemed to be truly happy was when she was with James. Despite
the fact the Lily never got to see her mother during the holidays, she felt
depressed at the fact that she couldn't write to her and wish her Happy
Christmas. And there wasn't even any snow outside. Sure, it was a week
until the holidays began, but at least the weather could have the decency
to cooperate at the moment. Usually the rain brightened her day, it always
reminded her of her old home, before she moved to Britain. Now it only
depressed her.
She sat down in front of the fire in the common room, trying to block out the noise of the cooped up Gryffindors. Accepting the fact that she would never be able to concentrate in the common room, she got up and made her way to the Head Lounge.
James came down the steps just in time to see Lily get up and go out the portrait. I wonder where she's headed, he wondered. He was just about to follow her when Sirius came up behind him.
"Where you going, pal? Don't you remember that you called for a Quidditch practice today?" Sirius said, steering James to his dormitory. "You're not even ready yet. Where is your mind these days? Now hurry up and get ready," he said as he shoved James into his room, "I'll wait for you in the common room."
"All right, jackass," James mumbled as Sirius shut the door behind him. James quickly changed into his robes and hurried to the common room to get Sirius. Today was going to be a very short practice. He had to see what was up with Lily.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
As James rushed out to the Quidditch field with Sirius, Lily was making herself comfortable in the Head's Lounge. Finally I can be alone, in blissful quiet, she thought. She settled into a big chair near the fireplace and watched the flames lick against the brick of the fireplace. A nice fire always made her feel better. And it never seemed to be too hot. Lily scooted her chair closer to the fire and curled up in the chair. She laid her head on the back and fell easily into a deep, disturbing sleep.
Dream Sequence
"Lily, he's here! Take Harry and run! I'll try and hold him off. Now!" James screamed at her. Lily ran quickly to the back room and shut the door quickly behind her. A child was crying in her arms as she frantically looked for a hiding place.
"Where is the child?" she heard a cold voice say from the other room.
"You can't have him!" James yelled back.
"He's been mine since the day he was born. Give him to me!"
"I'd rather die first!'
"And so you shall." The cold voice said and incantation and green light flashed under the door. Lily heard a thud on the floor and the door opened. "Give me the boy."
"No. Take me instead. Take me, just don't take Harry!" she heard herself scream as she put the boy down on the bed behind her and turned to face the man.
"I'll take you both," the man in front of her claimed with a sneer. The baby was still screaming as the man said the same incantation and a green light flashed.
End Dream Sequence
"Lily, wake up. Lily, wake up," someone said as they shook her.
"I'm up, calm down. Leave me alone," she said with her eyes closed. When she finally opened them, she saw that she was no longer in the Head's Lounge. Lily looked over and saw James crouched next to the bed she was in, dirt on his face and concern in his eyes. "James? Where am I?"
"In my dormitory."
"In your - Why am I in your dormitory, James?" she asked as she sat up. She quickly laid back down as she felt a wave of dizziness. "What is going on?"
"I came to find you after Quidditch practice and found you in the Head's Lounge. You were laying on the floor, all curled up near the fire and shivering. The fire was so high, it went up into the chimney, but you were shivering. But when I picked you up you were burning hot."
"Then why didn't you bring me to the hospital wing?"
"My dormitory was closer. I was just about to go get Madame Monte, but then you started muttering stuff. Something like 'Take me, take me', but I'm not sure."
"That dream," she said, realizing what James was talking about. "I had this really weird dream. You were in it, and there was a child, a baby, and we were trying to save him. But we couldn't. A man came - a man with horrible red eyes - and he killed you. You tried to stall him, tried to give me time to get away, but he killed you in a flash. He killed me too. With a spell. Something with green light," Lily said, struggling to remember. "And - I can't remember anymore."
"It's okay. It's sounds a lot like - no, it couldn't be," James said.
"Like what?"
"Nevermind. It's not important. Are you okay?" James asked and said down on the bed next to her. He softly stroked her cheek so tenderly, it made her eyes swell up.
"Yeah, I suppose so," she said, trying to hold back the tears that she knew would come. One lonely tear escaped and slid onto James's hand.
"Lily, are you crying? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" James asked concernedly and brushed the tears that now flowed steadily down her face.
"Oh, James, I don't deserve you!" she announced as she sat up. "Why don't you go find a girl who you could love and she could love you in return? Forget about me! I'm not worth it!"
"Lily? What are you talking about, love?" he asked, confused.
"You love me, and I try so hard to love you back, but I simply can't. And I can't help but feel that if you moved on to someone else, you could find the right person to love you back!"
"That's so silly, honey," he said soothingly as he pulled her into his lap. "I couldn't ever love anybody else. And I couldn't stop loving you if I tried."
"That's ridiculous, James! We're only seventeen, we have plenty of time to love other people. You could find someone else to love. Who knows, the woman for you could be out there right now, but you're too stubborn to find her. James," she said as she framed his face with her hands, "you're wasting your love on me. My heart is too cold and black to be able to love someone as good as you."
"Your heart isn't cold or black. And I'm not wasting my love. And if I was, it is mine to waste. And I can love only you," he said as he took one of her hands and kissed the center of her palm.
"James, just listen to me for once. Forget me," she said as she slipped her hand out of his grip. "Leave me. Find someone else. Someone else you can love. Someone who could love you in return."
"You listen to me, Lily. I can't love anyone else. I can't forget you. I can't leave you. Because even if I did leave you, I wouldn't be complete. You have part of my, Lily. And I only feel complete when I'm with you."
"Oh, James."
"So please don't push me away. Because I'm afraid I would die if you did. I'm afraid you would walk away with the most important part of me. I'm afraid that without you, I could never be complete again."
"James, you're so - so - so hopeless!" she yelled and pushed off of James's lap and buried her head in a pillow. James laid down next to her and softly stroked her hair.
"Don't push me away, Lily love," he pleaded.
"I won't," she said as she lifted her head out of the pillow.
"Will you stay with me?" he asked abruptly.
"What?"
"Will you stay with me tonight? I promise I won't try anything."
"All - all right," she said and settled under the covers. James crawled in next to her and Lily rest her head on his chest. When she put a hand on his stomach, James knew that there was no way he could be happier than at this very moment. They both slipped easily into a blissful and dreamless sleep with their arms around each other and James's hand tangled in Lily's hair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hey, everybody! It's me again! How do you like it? It's a little sappier then I tend to write things, but I figured it went good with the story. And I know I promised more stuff with Sirius/Cassandra, but I suppose I lied. And I guess I also lied about Peter being in the story more because he wasn't even in this one. Oh well. I promise they WILL show up in later chapters more often. Keep your eyes out for the next chapter. At this moment and time, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. I LOVE YOU ALL!! YOU ARE ALL GOD!! And I would like to give a very hearty thank you to (drum roll please) moonlight and midnight an!! (applause, applause) They have been with me since the beginning and have inspired me countless times. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you guys! In the mean time, REVIEW LIKE MAD COWS!! Thank you.
She sat down in front of the fire in the common room, trying to block out the noise of the cooped up Gryffindors. Accepting the fact that she would never be able to concentrate in the common room, she got up and made her way to the Head Lounge.
James came down the steps just in time to see Lily get up and go out the portrait. I wonder where she's headed, he wondered. He was just about to follow her when Sirius came up behind him.
"Where you going, pal? Don't you remember that you called for a Quidditch practice today?" Sirius said, steering James to his dormitory. "You're not even ready yet. Where is your mind these days? Now hurry up and get ready," he said as he shoved James into his room, "I'll wait for you in the common room."
"All right, jackass," James mumbled as Sirius shut the door behind him. James quickly changed into his robes and hurried to the common room to get Sirius. Today was going to be a very short practice. He had to see what was up with Lily.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
As James rushed out to the Quidditch field with Sirius, Lily was making herself comfortable in the Head's Lounge. Finally I can be alone, in blissful quiet, she thought. She settled into a big chair near the fireplace and watched the flames lick against the brick of the fireplace. A nice fire always made her feel better. And it never seemed to be too hot. Lily scooted her chair closer to the fire and curled up in the chair. She laid her head on the back and fell easily into a deep, disturbing sleep.
Dream Sequence
"Lily, he's here! Take Harry and run! I'll try and hold him off. Now!" James screamed at her. Lily ran quickly to the back room and shut the door quickly behind her. A child was crying in her arms as she frantically looked for a hiding place.
"Where is the child?" she heard a cold voice say from the other room.
"You can't have him!" James yelled back.
"He's been mine since the day he was born. Give him to me!"
"I'd rather die first!'
"And so you shall." The cold voice said and incantation and green light flashed under the door. Lily heard a thud on the floor and the door opened. "Give me the boy."
"No. Take me instead. Take me, just don't take Harry!" she heard herself scream as she put the boy down on the bed behind her and turned to face the man.
"I'll take you both," the man in front of her claimed with a sneer. The baby was still screaming as the man said the same incantation and a green light flashed.
End Dream Sequence
"Lily, wake up. Lily, wake up," someone said as they shook her.
"I'm up, calm down. Leave me alone," she said with her eyes closed. When she finally opened them, she saw that she was no longer in the Head's Lounge. Lily looked over and saw James crouched next to the bed she was in, dirt on his face and concern in his eyes. "James? Where am I?"
"In my dormitory."
"In your - Why am I in your dormitory, James?" she asked as she sat up. She quickly laid back down as she felt a wave of dizziness. "What is going on?"
"I came to find you after Quidditch practice and found you in the Head's Lounge. You were laying on the floor, all curled up near the fire and shivering. The fire was so high, it went up into the chimney, but you were shivering. But when I picked you up you were burning hot."
"Then why didn't you bring me to the hospital wing?"
"My dormitory was closer. I was just about to go get Madame Monte, but then you started muttering stuff. Something like 'Take me, take me', but I'm not sure."
"That dream," she said, realizing what James was talking about. "I had this really weird dream. You were in it, and there was a child, a baby, and we were trying to save him. But we couldn't. A man came - a man with horrible red eyes - and he killed you. You tried to stall him, tried to give me time to get away, but he killed you in a flash. He killed me too. With a spell. Something with green light," Lily said, struggling to remember. "And - I can't remember anymore."
"It's okay. It's sounds a lot like - no, it couldn't be," James said.
"Like what?"
"Nevermind. It's not important. Are you okay?" James asked and said down on the bed next to her. He softly stroked her cheek so tenderly, it made her eyes swell up.
"Yeah, I suppose so," she said, trying to hold back the tears that she knew would come. One lonely tear escaped and slid onto James's hand.
"Lily, are you crying? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" James asked concernedly and brushed the tears that now flowed steadily down her face.
"Oh, James, I don't deserve you!" she announced as she sat up. "Why don't you go find a girl who you could love and she could love you in return? Forget about me! I'm not worth it!"
"Lily? What are you talking about, love?" he asked, confused.
"You love me, and I try so hard to love you back, but I simply can't. And I can't help but feel that if you moved on to someone else, you could find the right person to love you back!"
"That's so silly, honey," he said soothingly as he pulled her into his lap. "I couldn't ever love anybody else. And I couldn't stop loving you if I tried."
"That's ridiculous, James! We're only seventeen, we have plenty of time to love other people. You could find someone else to love. Who knows, the woman for you could be out there right now, but you're too stubborn to find her. James," she said as she framed his face with her hands, "you're wasting your love on me. My heart is too cold and black to be able to love someone as good as you."
"Your heart isn't cold or black. And I'm not wasting my love. And if I was, it is mine to waste. And I can love only you," he said as he took one of her hands and kissed the center of her palm.
"James, just listen to me for once. Forget me," she said as she slipped her hand out of his grip. "Leave me. Find someone else. Someone else you can love. Someone who could love you in return."
"You listen to me, Lily. I can't love anyone else. I can't forget you. I can't leave you. Because even if I did leave you, I wouldn't be complete. You have part of my, Lily. And I only feel complete when I'm with you."
"Oh, James."
"So please don't push me away. Because I'm afraid I would die if you did. I'm afraid you would walk away with the most important part of me. I'm afraid that without you, I could never be complete again."
"James, you're so - so - so hopeless!" she yelled and pushed off of James's lap and buried her head in a pillow. James laid down next to her and softly stroked her hair.
"Don't push me away, Lily love," he pleaded.
"I won't," she said as she lifted her head out of the pillow.
"Will you stay with me?" he asked abruptly.
"What?"
"Will you stay with me tonight? I promise I won't try anything."
"All - all right," she said and settled under the covers. James crawled in next to her and Lily rest her head on his chest. When she put a hand on his stomach, James knew that there was no way he could be happier than at this very moment. They both slipped easily into a blissful and dreamless sleep with their arms around each other and James's hand tangled in Lily's hair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hey, everybody! It's me again! How do you like it? It's a little sappier then I tend to write things, but I figured it went good with the story. And I know I promised more stuff with Sirius/Cassandra, but I suppose I lied. And I guess I also lied about Peter being in the story more because he wasn't even in this one. Oh well. I promise they WILL show up in later chapters more often. Keep your eyes out for the next chapter. At this moment and time, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. I LOVE YOU ALL!! YOU ARE ALL GOD!! And I would like to give a very hearty thank you to (drum roll please) moonlight and midnight an!! (applause, applause) They have been with me since the beginning and have inspired me countless times. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you guys! In the mean time, REVIEW LIKE MAD COWS!! Thank you.