Lily closed the door behind her and saw James, occupying the bed farthest
from the door. She began to walk over there, then simply couldn't contain
herself and ran all the way to his bedside. "James?"
"Lily. Is that really you?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes, it's really me, James," Lily said with a half smile as she sat on the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she ran a hand through his unruly hair.
"I'm okay, I suppose. Madame Monte fixed me up pretty good."
"Yeah. You got pretty beat up, James. I was - I was afraid you were dead," she said, struggling to hold back tears.
"But I wasn't. And I'm not going to die. I'm strong, Lily. I'll live through this."
"Yes. You will," she said in a teary whisper.
"Love, are you crying?"
"Yes," she admitted, with tears coming down her face.
"Why?"
"Because I thought you were dead!"
"You're crying for me?"
"Yes, you stupid git. I hate crying over guys, even if they did have a near death experience."
"Come here, love," James said as he held open his arms. Lily laid down next to him and rest her head on his shoulder and let the tears come. "You really care that much?"
"Of course. James, you were almost dead. I didn't think you would pull through. I though you were going to die. And I couldn't do anything. James, what exactly did happen?"
"Huh?" James replied distractedly. He couldn't seem to be able to escape the beautiful scent of her. Lilies and green grass. Spring scents. Scents that reminded him of moonlit walks.
"What happened last night?"
"I'm not sure."
"James, just tell me."
"It was really weird. When it happened, I thought I was still dreaming. I didn't really realize that it was real. Everything was sort of slow, and exaggerated."
"What happened, James."
"Lily, dear! You have to go," Madame Monte called. "Professor Dumbledore wants to talk to you."
"I supposed I have to go," Lily said with a sigh.
"I don't want you to."
"I don't want to either. But I have to. Anybody in particular you want me to send in next?"
"Yeah, send Sirius in. We can cook up a plot to get me out of here. I'll go nuts in another hour or so."
"Okay," Lily said, and gave James a quick kiss before she sat up. "Just make sure you're up to your normal strength by Saturday. We have a game against the Slytherins, and the team won't be able to do it without their Seeker and Captain."
"I'll be fine. I love you, Lily."
"I'll see you later, James."
"See you," he replied and watched the love of his life leave the room. He couldn't believe she still didn't love him. He loved her with all his heart, and she still didn't love him. Women were such fickle creatures. James heard Sirius enter the room (he never could seem to be quiet) and sat up as much as he could. He'd be damned if he was going to look sickly in front of Sirius.
"Hey, Prongs old pal," Sirius announced as he plopped into a chair next to James's bed.
"How's it going Padfoot?" James replied, fixing a smile on his face.
"Pretty good, pretty good. I dumped that Missy Milicity. She wasn't a good of enough snog."
"So who's the lucky girl now?"
"Oh, nobody yet. I'm taking my time. Maybe I won't go out with anybody until after the holidays."
"Why don't you just ask out Cassandra? We all know you like her."
"Because she doesn't like me like that. It's not a big deal," Sirius said with a half shrug, "it's not like I can't get anyone else."
"You love her, don't you?"
"Huh? What? No! I don't love Cassandra! What are you smiling at?" Sirius demanded.
"You're in love with Cassandra. Just ask her out Padfoot. The worst she could do is say no."
"Yeah, that's what you say, all happy with your little Lily flower," Sirius said sarcastically and saw the smile fade from James's face. "What? What's wrong James?"
"It's nothing," James mumbled half-heartedly. How was he supposed to explain to Sirius how he felt? Most likely Sirius would just laugh at him.
"Come on, everybody knows you love Lily, and she's going out with you, so what's the problem?"
"I said it's nothing, Padfoot. Now just leave it alone."
"Fine, Prongs. I just don't like to see you unhappy. It's not good for the general moral of the Marauders. If one of us is unhappy, so are the rest of us."
"I'm not unhappy. Just . . . confused," James corrected. Faintly he heard Madame Mote's clacking heels. "You have to go now, Sirius."
"But-"
"Your time's up, dearie," Madame Monte called to Sirius.
"Yeah, it is. I'll see you later, Prongs."
"See you later, Padfoot. And Padfoot? Find someway to get me out of here."
"No problem."
"Thanks, pal," he said and fell back on the covers. His head still felt faint from Lily's kiss and her scent.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Two days later, James made his way happily out of the hospital wing. He hated being in those hospital beds. They brought back too many bad memories. On impulse, he jumped up and clicked his heels. He felt bloody fantastic! As James approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, he was it swing open and a certain redhead come out. With a huge smile on his face, James ran to Lily, picked her up, and spun her around.
"James! What are you doing? Put me down, you stupid git!" she squealed. (A/N: I really do call people stupid gits.) Despite her protests, Lily had a smile on her face that mirrored James's for sure.
"How are you today, fair maiden?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he gave her an enthusiastic kiss. "I feel wonderful. How about we sneak away to the Head Lounge and neck?"
"Uh, don't you want to see everybody first?" she asked half-heartedly.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said and started to drag her to the painting of a field of flowers.
"But, everybody will be worrying about you, James," she protested.
"No they won't. They're smart enough to put two and two together."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"With both of us gone - vitalus - they'll realized we're together. And we have to talk anyway." James led her to the couch and sat down. Still holding her hand, James pulled Lily onto his lap.
"James, I think you should at least see your friends," she said softly, but didn't protest as he traced kisses along her neck.
"I'm busy at the moment," he replied huskily and gave her a kind kiss. "They can wait."
"All right. You convinced me." Lily stopped trying to protest and ran kisses up his neck. She lifted her face and eagerly kissed his lips. She heard James moan and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She teasingly ran her tongue over James's lips, urging them open. Lily was only half- aware that James was lowering her to the couch and stretching over her. He bent his head and scraped his teeth lightly over her throat. When James's hands slid under her shirt to slide along her ribs, she shivered in anticipation.
Lily's skin felt like satin under James's hands. He wanted to give her a kiss on the little birthmark she had right next to her bellybutton. He started to remove her shirt, she wasn't moving as cooperatively a moment ago.
"James," she said breathlessly, "we have to stop."
"I know," he replied into her ear. "I just need you so much."
"I feel the same way. I just can't, James, do you understand?"
"Yes." James reluctantly sat up, but blocked her from sitting up. He ran a hands softly over her beautiful hair. "I really do love you."
"I know."
"Lily, what do you feel for me? What's hidden in your heart?"
"I don't know."
"Don't you love me, Lily?"
"I don't know. Can I sit up?" Lily felt uneasy with James's pierce gaze boring into her with such intensity. James shifted reluctantly and she quickly jumped off the couch.
"How can you know so much about everything else, but be so unwise about your own heart?"
"I just am." Lily kept her back to James and walked over the to the fireplace. "It's the way I am."
"But how can you not know what's in your very own heart?'
"I guess I don't look hard or often enough."
"Why don't you take a look as a favor to me?" James began to walk towards Lily.
"I don't know if I'm willing." James was now directly behind her, she could feel his breath on the tip of her head.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid," she admitted hesitantly.
"Afraid of what? Me?" he asked when she didn't answer.
"Yes."
"Why are you afraid of me?" James spun Lily around and took hold of her arms. "Do you still think I'm some kind of monster? I love you, Lily!"
"I know you do!"
"They why don't you love me?!" Lily could tell he was angry, but - dammit - so was she. She hated how James poked and prodded at her constantly.
"Because I can't! I've been through this with you, James. I can't love you because I'm horrible and disgusting and repulsive. You're too sweet for me."
"Too sweet? I'm too sweet?!" James lifted Lily up off the floor and shook her not so lightly. "Am I too sweet now? I love you, Lily. And nothing will stop me from loving you."
"Don't you think I know that? But that's what my father told my father, and he wasn't true to his word."
"Don't you dare compare me to him! I'm nothing like your father!" he exclaimed and dropped Lily back to her feet.
"He's the only person I can compare you to! What else am I supposed to do?" she said furiously.
"Not compare me to him! Lily Evens, I love you and I'll stop at nothing to have you." He stalked away from her and began pacing.
"What, am I just something you think you can win? Like some goddamn trophy?!" Oh, she was mad now. That Irish temper that she hid so well was out in full, and James had no idea what he was in for. "I'll be no man's prize, James Harold Potter!"
"If I want you, I'll have you! And nothing will stop me!" he declared and stopped his pacing to look at Lily. She was simply quivering with anger.
"I will stop you. I should have known you were such an arrogant bastard, Potter! With your rich family and fancy upbringing."
"The way I raised has nothing to do with this! This is between you and me, Lily."
"So, between you and me, huh? And you think that I'll let you have me, no protests?"
"Yes, because I love you."
"That doesn't sound like love to me, Potter. It sounds like a greedy demand."
"I will have you, and nothing will stop me!"
"I will stop you. I will stop you, if only to prove you wrong. And now nothing will make me love you," she said, stalking up to him so she could look directly in his face. There was no emotion in her voice, only severely controlled calm. "From this day on, I will loathe and despise the very sight of you. I will await eagerly for the day to come when I can be free of you, and the hatred the comes with you. I will not take you back, even if you come to me with your head on a platter."
Saying this, Lily stepped briskly past him and made her way to the room exit. She turned around one last time and saw James frozen in the same spot. "In other words, Potter, we're through. Finished. No longer an item." And she left the room.
James was, in one word, shell-shocked. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Had lily really broken up with him? Did the woman he love with all his heart just ripped him apart and fed him to the dogs? It felt like it. It felt like Lily had ripped out his heart still beating and trampled it - no, shredded it - until nothing was left but a bloody mass. And it hurt like hell.
"Lily. Is that really you?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes, it's really me, James," Lily said with a half smile as she sat on the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she ran a hand through his unruly hair.
"I'm okay, I suppose. Madame Monte fixed me up pretty good."
"Yeah. You got pretty beat up, James. I was - I was afraid you were dead," she said, struggling to hold back tears.
"But I wasn't. And I'm not going to die. I'm strong, Lily. I'll live through this."
"Yes. You will," she said in a teary whisper.
"Love, are you crying?"
"Yes," she admitted, with tears coming down her face.
"Why?"
"Because I thought you were dead!"
"You're crying for me?"
"Yes, you stupid git. I hate crying over guys, even if they did have a near death experience."
"Come here, love," James said as he held open his arms. Lily laid down next to him and rest her head on his shoulder and let the tears come. "You really care that much?"
"Of course. James, you were almost dead. I didn't think you would pull through. I though you were going to die. And I couldn't do anything. James, what exactly did happen?"
"Huh?" James replied distractedly. He couldn't seem to be able to escape the beautiful scent of her. Lilies and green grass. Spring scents. Scents that reminded him of moonlit walks.
"What happened last night?"
"I'm not sure."
"James, just tell me."
"It was really weird. When it happened, I thought I was still dreaming. I didn't really realize that it was real. Everything was sort of slow, and exaggerated."
"What happened, James."
"Lily, dear! You have to go," Madame Monte called. "Professor Dumbledore wants to talk to you."
"I supposed I have to go," Lily said with a sigh.
"I don't want you to."
"I don't want to either. But I have to. Anybody in particular you want me to send in next?"
"Yeah, send Sirius in. We can cook up a plot to get me out of here. I'll go nuts in another hour or so."
"Okay," Lily said, and gave James a quick kiss before she sat up. "Just make sure you're up to your normal strength by Saturday. We have a game against the Slytherins, and the team won't be able to do it without their Seeker and Captain."
"I'll be fine. I love you, Lily."
"I'll see you later, James."
"See you," he replied and watched the love of his life leave the room. He couldn't believe she still didn't love him. He loved her with all his heart, and she still didn't love him. Women were such fickle creatures. James heard Sirius enter the room (he never could seem to be quiet) and sat up as much as he could. He'd be damned if he was going to look sickly in front of Sirius.
"Hey, Prongs old pal," Sirius announced as he plopped into a chair next to James's bed.
"How's it going Padfoot?" James replied, fixing a smile on his face.
"Pretty good, pretty good. I dumped that Missy Milicity. She wasn't a good of enough snog."
"So who's the lucky girl now?"
"Oh, nobody yet. I'm taking my time. Maybe I won't go out with anybody until after the holidays."
"Why don't you just ask out Cassandra? We all know you like her."
"Because she doesn't like me like that. It's not a big deal," Sirius said with a half shrug, "it's not like I can't get anyone else."
"You love her, don't you?"
"Huh? What? No! I don't love Cassandra! What are you smiling at?" Sirius demanded.
"You're in love with Cassandra. Just ask her out Padfoot. The worst she could do is say no."
"Yeah, that's what you say, all happy with your little Lily flower," Sirius said sarcastically and saw the smile fade from James's face. "What? What's wrong James?"
"It's nothing," James mumbled half-heartedly. How was he supposed to explain to Sirius how he felt? Most likely Sirius would just laugh at him.
"Come on, everybody knows you love Lily, and she's going out with you, so what's the problem?"
"I said it's nothing, Padfoot. Now just leave it alone."
"Fine, Prongs. I just don't like to see you unhappy. It's not good for the general moral of the Marauders. If one of us is unhappy, so are the rest of us."
"I'm not unhappy. Just . . . confused," James corrected. Faintly he heard Madame Mote's clacking heels. "You have to go now, Sirius."
"But-"
"Your time's up, dearie," Madame Monte called to Sirius.
"Yeah, it is. I'll see you later, Prongs."
"See you later, Padfoot. And Padfoot? Find someway to get me out of here."
"No problem."
"Thanks, pal," he said and fell back on the covers. His head still felt faint from Lily's kiss and her scent.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Two days later, James made his way happily out of the hospital wing. He hated being in those hospital beds. They brought back too many bad memories. On impulse, he jumped up and clicked his heels. He felt bloody fantastic! As James approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, he was it swing open and a certain redhead come out. With a huge smile on his face, James ran to Lily, picked her up, and spun her around.
"James! What are you doing? Put me down, you stupid git!" she squealed. (A/N: I really do call people stupid gits.) Despite her protests, Lily had a smile on her face that mirrored James's for sure.
"How are you today, fair maiden?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he gave her an enthusiastic kiss. "I feel wonderful. How about we sneak away to the Head Lounge and neck?"
"Uh, don't you want to see everybody first?" she asked half-heartedly.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said and started to drag her to the painting of a field of flowers.
"But, everybody will be worrying about you, James," she protested.
"No they won't. They're smart enough to put two and two together."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"With both of us gone - vitalus - they'll realized we're together. And we have to talk anyway." James led her to the couch and sat down. Still holding her hand, James pulled Lily onto his lap.
"James, I think you should at least see your friends," she said softly, but didn't protest as he traced kisses along her neck.
"I'm busy at the moment," he replied huskily and gave her a kind kiss. "They can wait."
"All right. You convinced me." Lily stopped trying to protest and ran kisses up his neck. She lifted her face and eagerly kissed his lips. She heard James moan and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She teasingly ran her tongue over James's lips, urging them open. Lily was only half- aware that James was lowering her to the couch and stretching over her. He bent his head and scraped his teeth lightly over her throat. When James's hands slid under her shirt to slide along her ribs, she shivered in anticipation.
Lily's skin felt like satin under James's hands. He wanted to give her a kiss on the little birthmark she had right next to her bellybutton. He started to remove her shirt, she wasn't moving as cooperatively a moment ago.
"James," she said breathlessly, "we have to stop."
"I know," he replied into her ear. "I just need you so much."
"I feel the same way. I just can't, James, do you understand?"
"Yes." James reluctantly sat up, but blocked her from sitting up. He ran a hands softly over her beautiful hair. "I really do love you."
"I know."
"Lily, what do you feel for me? What's hidden in your heart?"
"I don't know."
"Don't you love me, Lily?"
"I don't know. Can I sit up?" Lily felt uneasy with James's pierce gaze boring into her with such intensity. James shifted reluctantly and she quickly jumped off the couch.
"How can you know so much about everything else, but be so unwise about your own heart?"
"I just am." Lily kept her back to James and walked over the to the fireplace. "It's the way I am."
"But how can you not know what's in your very own heart?'
"I guess I don't look hard or often enough."
"Why don't you take a look as a favor to me?" James began to walk towards Lily.
"I don't know if I'm willing." James was now directly behind her, she could feel his breath on the tip of her head.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid," she admitted hesitantly.
"Afraid of what? Me?" he asked when she didn't answer.
"Yes."
"Why are you afraid of me?" James spun Lily around and took hold of her arms. "Do you still think I'm some kind of monster? I love you, Lily!"
"I know you do!"
"They why don't you love me?!" Lily could tell he was angry, but - dammit - so was she. She hated how James poked and prodded at her constantly.
"Because I can't! I've been through this with you, James. I can't love you because I'm horrible and disgusting and repulsive. You're too sweet for me."
"Too sweet? I'm too sweet?!" James lifted Lily up off the floor and shook her not so lightly. "Am I too sweet now? I love you, Lily. And nothing will stop me from loving you."
"Don't you think I know that? But that's what my father told my father, and he wasn't true to his word."
"Don't you dare compare me to him! I'm nothing like your father!" he exclaimed and dropped Lily back to her feet.
"He's the only person I can compare you to! What else am I supposed to do?" she said furiously.
"Not compare me to him! Lily Evens, I love you and I'll stop at nothing to have you." He stalked away from her and began pacing.
"What, am I just something you think you can win? Like some goddamn trophy?!" Oh, she was mad now. That Irish temper that she hid so well was out in full, and James had no idea what he was in for. "I'll be no man's prize, James Harold Potter!"
"If I want you, I'll have you! And nothing will stop me!" he declared and stopped his pacing to look at Lily. She was simply quivering with anger.
"I will stop you. I should have known you were such an arrogant bastard, Potter! With your rich family and fancy upbringing."
"The way I raised has nothing to do with this! This is between you and me, Lily."
"So, between you and me, huh? And you think that I'll let you have me, no protests?"
"Yes, because I love you."
"That doesn't sound like love to me, Potter. It sounds like a greedy demand."
"I will have you, and nothing will stop me!"
"I will stop you. I will stop you, if only to prove you wrong. And now nothing will make me love you," she said, stalking up to him so she could look directly in his face. There was no emotion in her voice, only severely controlled calm. "From this day on, I will loathe and despise the very sight of you. I will await eagerly for the day to come when I can be free of you, and the hatred the comes with you. I will not take you back, even if you come to me with your head on a platter."
Saying this, Lily stepped briskly past him and made her way to the room exit. She turned around one last time and saw James frozen in the same spot. "In other words, Potter, we're through. Finished. No longer an item." And she left the room.
James was, in one word, shell-shocked. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Had lily really broken up with him? Did the woman he love with all his heart just ripped him apart and fed him to the dogs? It felt like it. It felt like Lily had ripped out his heart still beating and trampled it - no, shredded it - until nothing was left but a bloody mass. And it hurt like hell.