Disclaimer: I do not own anything from InuYasha. Though I would love to Sesshoumaru!
Chapter 4-
Kagome's eyes had widen as she heard what Sesshomaru had said to her, and widened even more when she realized that his arms were around her.
"I'm so sorry, Kagome. I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, but I want to be apart of your and Rin's life. If you allow me to be. I'm sorry, Kagome you have to believe that. I wouldn't lie to you....I can't lie to you."
Kagome felt Sesshomaru bury his head in her hair, and she felt wetness on her scalp.
'He's crying?!' Kagome thought in wonder, she felt her resolve against him weakening, she didn't know what to do, she wanted Rin to have her father. Rin deserved a family, but how could she trust Sesshomaru to not leave again?
Kagome made sure her eyes weren't watering and she looked up at Sesshomaru and asked,"Why did you leave me five years ago Sesshomaru? Why?"
She saw him take a deep breath,"Kagome, I'm sure Sango told you aobut my half-brother, The Vampire. Well, what you probably don't know is that InuYasha killed my parents and Miruko's parents. He was in jail for it, even though he was a minor. He was in jail while we were still in highschool. That day five years ago, I was going to ask you to leave with me, because I had been receiving threatening letters from him, while he was in jail. I needed to find out how he was able to send those letters. Then you told me you were pregnant with our child. I was so happy, so elated I forgot for a moment about InuYasha and the danger. Then I remembered and realized how selfish I was being, what if something happened to you and our child? I couldn't allow that to happen, so I left you and our child. It was so hard to leave you there, crying in the highschool garden, even harder when I heard you had no home. Kagome I am so sorry, but that can never take away everything I put you through."
Kagome was a little shocked she didn't know what to do. Did she want him back in her life? Yes, she did. Did she trust him? With her and Rin's life, but she didn't trust him not to run off again. That was the problem.
"I don't know what to say Sesshomaru. I mean you could have told me that before you left, but you didn't. How do I know you won't leave again? Can you prove to me that you won't leave again?"
"How can I prove to you that I won't leave? I don't know how I can. You would just have to trust me, but I know you can't do that, and I won't pretend that I expected you to trust me, because I didn't think you would. No one can blame you for that, you have every right to not trust me. Kagome, you have to understand that I want to get to know our daughter, I want you to trust me again. I need you to love me again. I can't live without, it was too hard the first time and I won't do it a second time. If you decide to never love me again, fine but I will not leave, I will live close so I can be apart of Rin's life, and so I can be apart of your life, even if we can only be friends."
Kagome could feel tears threaten her eyes, and she knew she wanted to take the chance he was asking her, indirectly, to take, but the only question was, could she put Rin in the situation that might leave her hurting for her father who decided he wanted some better life, that he could not have being tied down by a child and the mother of his child? She wasn't sure she could take that risk with Rin's life, if it were only her own life, than she would take the risk, but she had to remember when it came to Sesshomaru, Rin had to play a big part in her decisions.
"Sesshomaru, I don't want to risk Rin's pain, if you suddenly decide you don't want to be tied down by our daughter and her mother."
She had to look away when she saw Sesshomaru's pained look, whether it was from his wounds or if it was from her statment she didn't know and was sure she didn't want to know.
"What if I was willing to court the mother and slowly bring myself into our child's life?"
Suddenly Kagome laughed, it was extremely funny, who was Sesshomaru thinking he was kidding? She knew him, and the him she knew, didn't know how to do things half-way, eventually he would bring himself fully into her life, and sooner rather than later. She then felt him stiffen, and realized it was because she laughed, and he had not said anything funny.
"Why are you laughing?" Sesshomaru asked, slightly curious, slightly hurt at her laugh.
"I was laughing because you, Sesshomaru, you do not know how to do anything slowly or halfway. You would want to tell Rin that you are her father."
"Oh, well I can try. Kagome, if thats what you really want, I will do it, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
He said it so sincerely and earnestly she wanted to believe him so badly, but she was still hurt from that day all those years ago. How was she supposed to move past in a day or two? Luckly he realized she was uncomfortable and let her go, then tried to sit up, and cursed his inability to do so.
"Let me help." Sesshomaru almost outright refused but saw her eyes and knew that she needed to help him, she wanted to trust him again. She would slowly trust him again if he was willing to swallow his pride and accept help.
Sorry it took so long to update, for once my life has been busy, Sorry!!!!