Hello readers! Before you read the next chapter, I just wanted to answer a
few questions. Well, actually one question. I know I was supposed to start
tutoring, and it will happen. I promise. Just right now there is a lot of
stuff going on and it was kind of hard to put that all in. I think tutoring
starts in Chapter 19 or something like that. In the mean time, read these
chapters and tell me what you think. Thanks!
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"Lily, what's the matter?" Cassandra asked. Her, Lily, and Sol were lazily sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Lily shrugged for an answer. She had been very non-conversational lately, and - being one of Lily's best friends - Cassandra was pretty sure she knew what was wrong. "Did you and James have a fight?"
"Not exactly."
"What do you mean 'not exactly'? What happened, Lily?" Sol asked tenderly.
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied and stood up. "I'm going to the Library. I have to work on some things for Transfiguration." Both Sol and Cassandra stared after Lily. She was never this moody.
"This doesn't bode well," Cassandra mumbled under her breath.
"Look at James," Sol said. James was looking at Lily leave. He had an expression of such pain and sadness on his face that it ripped Cassandra apart (being the hopeless romantic she was). "I wonder what happened between those two."
"I'm going to do more that wonder," she announced and made her way to where the Marauders were sitting. She comfortably sat on the arm of Sirius's chair. "Hey, guys. What's up?"
"Nothing," James replied, still looking at the portrait where Lily had exited. "Where did Lily go?"
"She went to the Library. She had some Transfiguration to do," Cassandra said casually. She way paying too much attention to Sirius's hand that was lazily stroking her back to notice the warning in Sol's eyes.
"I'll be back, guys," James mumbled as he stood up. He quickly left the room
"Cassandra!" Sol hissed. "Why did you tell him where Lily was?"
"Hmm? Oh, why not?" she said as she sat up straight. Sirius had been massaging her back and had hit a particularly sensitive spot. "What happened with them, anyway. When we asked Lily, all she said was that she didn't want to talk about it."
"Yeah, Remus, do you know what happened?" Sol asked as she sat next to him on the couch.
"I'm not sure, he didn't tell me."
"They broke up," Peter said abruptly.
"Yeah, they did," Sirius added unnecessarily.
"Why didn't he tell me?" Remus said, obviously hurt by James's actions.
"I guess he still feels he can't trust you," Sirius replied.
"Why, what have I done to him?"
"It's what you did to Lily. He loves her, you know. With all his heart," Cassandra said as Sirius pulled her into his lap. "And she still loves you." At Remus's astonished expression, she merely laughed bitterly. "Take the blinders off, Remus. She brightens up whenever you enter the room, with Sol or not. She told you she would always love you. And she will, deep in her heart."
"But that's ridiculous!" he protested.
"That's Lily," she retorted. There were a few moments of thoughtful silence until Sol spoke.
"I wonder who broke up with who," Sol pondered.
"I think she broke up with him. He does love her, as Cassandra so wisely pointed out," Sirius reasoned.
"I think so, too," Cassandra replied with a sigh. "What are we going to do with those guys? All they do is argue."
"I don't know. I simply don't know," Remus said with a shake of his head.
However, one of them knew exactly what to do. He was to do what he had been told to do. He would follow orders perfectly and have tons of fun in the process. He couldn't wait to see James Harold Potter destroyed, and if Lily Evens happened to get in the way, she'd be destroyed just as efficiently. A waste of a fine woman, but she was stupid to hang around with Potter. Yes, he would enjoy destroying the both of them.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
James hurried tot he Library so he could talk to Lily. But he was afraid she wasn't going to speak to him. He was afraid Lily would keep her promise and never speak to him again. He was afraid Lily had already damned him to hell and back again. He was afraid Lily would never forgive him. He was afraid Lily would hate him for all eternity. And he was afraid of a life without the joy Lily brought to it.
James entered the Library and casually pretended to look at the books that lined the shelves as he searched for Lily. He finally found her pouring over a book at a table, all alone. Quickly scanning the area, he saw that they were the only two people there. He cautiously made his way to where Lily sat, her hair falling graciously about her face.
"Need help?" he asked casually as he sat. When Lily lifted her head, James felt every shimmer of hope he held disappear. She looked right through him. She looked back at her book and continued to read as if he had never spoken. "Lily, I want to talk to you."
She didn't answer.
"I need to talk to you."
She kept reading.
"Lily, won't you speak to me?"
No answer.
"Not even to say hello?"
No answer.
"Why can't you even be civil towards me?"
She turned the page with a slightly shaking hand and continued reading.
"Did I hurt you that badly?"
Still, no answer.
"I love you."
No answer.
"I really do, you know." James sighed and placed his hand over Lily's, hoping for some reaction now that he touched her. It brought a reaction, but not the way he hoped or thought. Lily didn't hold it or scream or swear or fight or curse him. No, she did none of those things.
Lily slowly moved her hand out from under his - not even quickly like she couldn't bear his touch, but as if his touch was something treasured that she couldn't have and she wanted to hold onto it as long as possible, but had to let go - and cradled it in her other hand. Then she brought it to her cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped. She sighed, closed her book, and walked away. She walked away with that hand on her cheek and more tears escaping every second. And she walked away knowing she could never accept the love that she yearned so much for. That's when she knew that there was only one choice left. Lily made her way to her dormitory with lines of the poem she would soon write dancing in her head.
James sat awestruck and heartbroken, thinking about what had happened. Lily hadn't spoken to him at all. She had ignored him. And she had looked so hurt and vulnerable before she had left; the mere memory of it made him ache with sadness. What had he done? Oh, what had he done to the only woman he could ever love? "What have I done?" he mumbled miserable aloud and put his aching head in his hands. "Oh, dear god, what in the world have I done?"
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Lily sat on her bed in her room with a piece of parchment, a quill, and an inkwell. Then she began her poem:
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.
I wish this wasn't happening, I wish I didn't have to go.
I wish I wasn't leaving, but you'll think of me, I know.
I shall miss every one of you, and think of you wherever I am.
All the words I say are true, and I shall be with you when I can.
I love you all and will stay within your heart.
But now I must take that final fall and I'm sorry I must part.
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.
Love, Lily
Lily carefully folded her parchment and put it on the pillow of her bed. On another piece she wrote:
"Dear Sol, Cassandra and my beloved Marauders,
None of this is your fault. I simply cannot bear living anymore. Life is becoming too difficult and depressing. I love you all, every single one of you, and will remember you wherever I am. Don't follow in my footsteps, I am a coward. I'm sorry.
Sol, I know you'll treat Remus well and love him rightly. I love you.
Remus, I love you with all my heart. Take care of my little sunshine.
Cassandra, I love you. I'll miss you. I'll miss your quick laughter and impeccable ability to cheer me up. I'll be waiting for you.
Peter, I'll miss you my little friend. Keep Sirius and James in check, make sure they don't get in too much trouble without me.
Sirius, you silly fool. I'll miss you immensely. Especially that silly crooked grin you always get right before a good prank. Make sure you don't get in too much trouble (what am I saying, this is you I'm talking about!).
James, I know you'll blame this on yourself because that's just how you are. But it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. So don't sulk too long on my part. Get Malfoy and Snape good for me, the stupid gits.
Love, Lily"
She then placed that over her poem and returned her quill and inkwell to their rightful places. Lily put her wand on top of the letters and considered that the final touch. She took a deep breath and realized she felt unusually calm. Slowly, she made her way to the Astronomy Tower. Everybody would be at dinner now and she would hopefully be able to make it there without being noticed.
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Don't hate me, don't hate me! It gets better, I swear! Just don't hate me and review! I promise that it gets better and . . . well, good stuff happens. Just trust me and review.
P.S. - Here's a nice little special note to Bic Papermate: I know that her name means sun in Spanish (as well as a few other languages) and I thought I'd call her Sol because, well, my middle name is Sol. I figured that way I was in the story!
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"Lily, what's the matter?" Cassandra asked. Her, Lily, and Sol were lazily sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Lily shrugged for an answer. She had been very non-conversational lately, and - being one of Lily's best friends - Cassandra was pretty sure she knew what was wrong. "Did you and James have a fight?"
"Not exactly."
"What do you mean 'not exactly'? What happened, Lily?" Sol asked tenderly.
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied and stood up. "I'm going to the Library. I have to work on some things for Transfiguration." Both Sol and Cassandra stared after Lily. She was never this moody.
"This doesn't bode well," Cassandra mumbled under her breath.
"Look at James," Sol said. James was looking at Lily leave. He had an expression of such pain and sadness on his face that it ripped Cassandra apart (being the hopeless romantic she was). "I wonder what happened between those two."
"I'm going to do more that wonder," she announced and made her way to where the Marauders were sitting. She comfortably sat on the arm of Sirius's chair. "Hey, guys. What's up?"
"Nothing," James replied, still looking at the portrait where Lily had exited. "Where did Lily go?"
"She went to the Library. She had some Transfiguration to do," Cassandra said casually. She way paying too much attention to Sirius's hand that was lazily stroking her back to notice the warning in Sol's eyes.
"I'll be back, guys," James mumbled as he stood up. He quickly left the room
"Cassandra!" Sol hissed. "Why did you tell him where Lily was?"
"Hmm? Oh, why not?" she said as she sat up straight. Sirius had been massaging her back and had hit a particularly sensitive spot. "What happened with them, anyway. When we asked Lily, all she said was that she didn't want to talk about it."
"Yeah, Remus, do you know what happened?" Sol asked as she sat next to him on the couch.
"I'm not sure, he didn't tell me."
"They broke up," Peter said abruptly.
"Yeah, they did," Sirius added unnecessarily.
"Why didn't he tell me?" Remus said, obviously hurt by James's actions.
"I guess he still feels he can't trust you," Sirius replied.
"Why, what have I done to him?"
"It's what you did to Lily. He loves her, you know. With all his heart," Cassandra said as Sirius pulled her into his lap. "And she still loves you." At Remus's astonished expression, she merely laughed bitterly. "Take the blinders off, Remus. She brightens up whenever you enter the room, with Sol or not. She told you she would always love you. And she will, deep in her heart."
"But that's ridiculous!" he protested.
"That's Lily," she retorted. There were a few moments of thoughtful silence until Sol spoke.
"I wonder who broke up with who," Sol pondered.
"I think she broke up with him. He does love her, as Cassandra so wisely pointed out," Sirius reasoned.
"I think so, too," Cassandra replied with a sigh. "What are we going to do with those guys? All they do is argue."
"I don't know. I simply don't know," Remus said with a shake of his head.
However, one of them knew exactly what to do. He was to do what he had been told to do. He would follow orders perfectly and have tons of fun in the process. He couldn't wait to see James Harold Potter destroyed, and if Lily Evens happened to get in the way, she'd be destroyed just as efficiently. A waste of a fine woman, but she was stupid to hang around with Potter. Yes, he would enjoy destroying the both of them.
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
James hurried tot he Library so he could talk to Lily. But he was afraid she wasn't going to speak to him. He was afraid Lily would keep her promise and never speak to him again. He was afraid Lily had already damned him to hell and back again. He was afraid Lily would never forgive him. He was afraid Lily would hate him for all eternity. And he was afraid of a life without the joy Lily brought to it.
James entered the Library and casually pretended to look at the books that lined the shelves as he searched for Lily. He finally found her pouring over a book at a table, all alone. Quickly scanning the area, he saw that they were the only two people there. He cautiously made his way to where Lily sat, her hair falling graciously about her face.
"Need help?" he asked casually as he sat. When Lily lifted her head, James felt every shimmer of hope he held disappear. She looked right through him. She looked back at her book and continued to read as if he had never spoken. "Lily, I want to talk to you."
She didn't answer.
"I need to talk to you."
She kept reading.
"Lily, won't you speak to me?"
No answer.
"Not even to say hello?"
No answer.
"Why can't you even be civil towards me?"
She turned the page with a slightly shaking hand and continued reading.
"Did I hurt you that badly?"
Still, no answer.
"I love you."
No answer.
"I really do, you know." James sighed and placed his hand over Lily's, hoping for some reaction now that he touched her. It brought a reaction, but not the way he hoped or thought. Lily didn't hold it or scream or swear or fight or curse him. No, she did none of those things.
Lily slowly moved her hand out from under his - not even quickly like she couldn't bear his touch, but as if his touch was something treasured that she couldn't have and she wanted to hold onto it as long as possible, but had to let go - and cradled it in her other hand. Then she brought it to her cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped. She sighed, closed her book, and walked away. She walked away with that hand on her cheek and more tears escaping every second. And she walked away knowing she could never accept the love that she yearned so much for. That's when she knew that there was only one choice left. Lily made her way to her dormitory with lines of the poem she would soon write dancing in her head.
James sat awestruck and heartbroken, thinking about what had happened. Lily hadn't spoken to him at all. She had ignored him. And she had looked so hurt and vulnerable before she had left; the mere memory of it made him ache with sadness. What had he done? Oh, what had he done to the only woman he could ever love? "What have I done?" he mumbled miserable aloud and put his aching head in his hands. "Oh, dear god, what in the world have I done?"
*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*
Lily sat on her bed in her room with a piece of parchment, a quill, and an inkwell. Then she began her poem:
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.
I wish this wasn't happening, I wish I didn't have to go.
I wish I wasn't leaving, but you'll think of me, I know.
I shall miss every one of you, and think of you wherever I am.
All the words I say are true, and I shall be with you when I can.
I love you all and will stay within your heart.
But now I must take that final fall and I'm sorry I must part.
I'm sorry it had to be like this, but how can I explain how I feel?
I'm sorry, but I truly do wish that none of this was real.
Love, Lily
Lily carefully folded her parchment and put it on the pillow of her bed. On another piece she wrote:
"Dear Sol, Cassandra and my beloved Marauders,
None of this is your fault. I simply cannot bear living anymore. Life is becoming too difficult and depressing. I love you all, every single one of you, and will remember you wherever I am. Don't follow in my footsteps, I am a coward. I'm sorry.
Sol, I know you'll treat Remus well and love him rightly. I love you.
Remus, I love you with all my heart. Take care of my little sunshine.
Cassandra, I love you. I'll miss you. I'll miss your quick laughter and impeccable ability to cheer me up. I'll be waiting for you.
Peter, I'll miss you my little friend. Keep Sirius and James in check, make sure they don't get in too much trouble without me.
Sirius, you silly fool. I'll miss you immensely. Especially that silly crooked grin you always get right before a good prank. Make sure you don't get in too much trouble (what am I saying, this is you I'm talking about!).
James, I know you'll blame this on yourself because that's just how you are. But it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. So don't sulk too long on my part. Get Malfoy and Snape good for me, the stupid gits.
Love, Lily"
She then placed that over her poem and returned her quill and inkwell to their rightful places. Lily put her wand on top of the letters and considered that the final touch. She took a deep breath and realized she felt unusually calm. Slowly, she made her way to the Astronomy Tower. Everybody would be at dinner now and she would hopefully be able to make it there without being noticed.
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Don't hate me, don't hate me! It gets better, I swear! Just don't hate me and review! I promise that it gets better and . . . well, good stuff happens. Just trust me and review.
P.S. - Here's a nice little special note to Bic Papermate: I know that her name means sun in Spanish (as well as a few other languages) and I thought I'd call her Sol because, well, my middle name is Sol. I figured that way I was in the story!