Disclaimer: Don't own it, so don't sue me!
Author's Note: Hmm.. this time I don't have an excuse for the delay in updating. What can I say? I can get some really bad cases of Writer's Block. I can't blame it all on that, though. I have to be honest. I'm guilty of running about five stories at once, though not all of them are up on the sight. I figure that would be a tad bit too much pressure. So.. without further ado.. THE CHAPTER!!
......................................................................................................................................................
Madame Monte made Lily stay in the Hospital Wing for the next five days to make sure she was fully recovered. She claimed that people who had been in comas needed the most rest than any other sick person, and was reluctant to allow any visitors in to see the girl. However, Lily managed to convince the Madame that she would find the most rest with friendly faces surrounding her. Cassandra and Sirius were by her side most of the time and blocked Lily from the truth as to why her other friends weren't visiting her. Each time they came, they had a new excuse as to why Sol, Peter, Remus, or James couldn't be there to see Lily in her recovery.
In reality, things weren't so innocent and the couple was beginning to get fed up with the other four and making up excuses for them. Sol was too busy with her new boyfriend, a Hufflepuff this time. Peter was becoming increasingly anxious and disappeared for long periods of time with no more of an explanation than "he needed fresh air". Remus didn't want to see Lily, in fear that his heart would break more than it already had and that she might try to convince him that they could be together. He couldn't put himself through that again. James knew that Lily hated him and never wanted to see him again, despite what Remus told him. He wouldn't be able to see her look on him with hate in her eyes.
But he visited her while she slept and was always careful to leave before her eyes fluttered open.
At the moment, it was one of those rare times when Lily was alone, and couldn't fall asleep. Usually, the minute one of her friends left, she found herself exhausted and dropped off into a sleep laced with unsettling dreams. Sirius and Cass had just left from a visit to go to dinner, but she couldn't get to sleep. So instead she picked up a book that Cass had brought her called "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test". She had meant to read it before, but never had the chance.
She was just about to start when she heard to door open. She quickly dropped the book and pretended she was asleep, thinking that it must be Madame Monte, checking up on her. Lily waited for the sound of the door closing, but instead she heard footsteps approaching her bed, and it wasn't the click of the Madame's heels. She heard the person sit in the chair next to her bed and let out a breath. Lily had to stop herself from jolting when she felt a light touch on her forehead. A hand brushing back her hair.
"God, Lils, I'm so sorry," the person said on a sigh after a few minutes, his voice laced with tears. "I never meant to hurt you so much, baby. I just wasn't thinking. I don't know what I'll do without you. I need you to survive. I love you so much, Lily."
Lily thought she recognized the voice but she couldn't believe it. She opened her eyes a sliver and saw him with tears running down his face.
James.
It was James.
James spilling his heart out to her, thinking she was asleep.
She closed her eyes again as she saw James's hand reach out. She felt him lightly take her hand and lace his fingers around his. Lily forced herself not to curve her fingers around his, not to give in to the urge to open her eyes and say the words that were aching to escape from her heart.
Lily heard him take in a shaky breath. Her hand was lifted and she felt it pressed to James's lips. Merlin, she didn't know if she could take this. Did James do this everyday while she was sleeping? Did he whisper the words of his heart to her while she dreamt of him? Should she open her eyes and tell him that she loved him too, that she couldn't live without him, that he was all she ever wanted?
Whatever she did, she couldn't let it go on like this.
She let her eyes flutter open and she murmured James's name. When Lily opened her eyes fully and looked at James. He still held her hand but was looking at her with wide eyes. "James?" Lily said as she sat up. James quickly let go of her hand and folded his in his lap. "What are you doing here?"
"I... um... I just wanted to see you, Lily," James said, fumbling for an excuse. "I haven't seen you since the day you woke up."
"I know," she said, sounding sad. "I've been waiting for you to come around. I wanted to say sorry for how I acted. You just wanted to see me, and I acted like a total bitch."
James blinked and nodded, finding himself speechless. Lily? Apologizing? What the hell was this? "I... um... I thought you hated me. I was visiting you while you were sleeping."
Now was the time to tell him. Tell him what she had heard. "I know. Well, I kinda figured it out just now. I mean... I wasn't sleeping." Lily cringed, not believing how much she had really stumbled over those words. What happened to simple sentences?
James's face paled noticeably. "Then... you heard what I was saying? About.. well, you know." Lily nodded. "Oh, then I guess I'll go. I'm sorry I bothered you."
Without giving Lily a chance to say anything, James hurried out of the Hospital Wing. "What was that all about," Lily wondered to herself. Too unsettled to try to get to sleep, she picked up the book Cass had brought her and started to read.
.......................................................................................................................................
Dear Diary,
Hmm... It feels more that a little odd to be writing in a diary when I'm seventeen. I just need somewhere I can think. My boyfriend is totally useless as an outlet to my emotions – besides horniness – since he usually can't tell when a person's sad. Even if he does, he insists that they're just sick. I can't figure out if he's just stupid or if it's his way of distancing himself from people. Anyway, I think there's something wrong with my friend Lily. Well, I know there's something wrong with Lily. Exactly what, I don't know. She's tried to kill herself twice this year, that we know of. All because of James. Stupid stupid James. I would LOVE to kill that boy. Lily loves him, for reasons unknown, so he'll have to stay alive. Unless, of course, he decides to be more of a prat than he is now. I find that highly likely considering past events. The major problem with Lily is that she doesn't open up enough. She never told James about Voldemort. He talked to her – in Hogwarts, for Merlin's sake – and she never said a word to her bloody birdbrain boyfriend. Damn my stubborn friends. As far as I know, the only people that have heard of this incident are Dumbledore and myself. Today she's coming back from the Hospital Wing, Madame Nazi kept her there for five days, and I'm sure she's restless. Last time I visited her, she seemed more quiet than usual. I noticed that James stopped going while Lily was asleep. That's something to ponder on a bit. I've got to get myself some new, sane, normal friends. Not like I'll ever find them in a place like Hogwarts.
Cassandra
Cassandra finished her diary entry with a flourish and nibbled on the end of her Sugar Quill. Lily would be in the common room any minute, renewed, refreshed, and prepared the face the day. On the outside. The red head could never hide anything from her best friend, and Cassandra knew that something was going on in that pretty head of hers. And by the way James was acting, that something was about him.
Bloody birdbrain.
She sighed as she stood up and made her way down to the common room. When Cassandra got there she couldn't help but grin at the sight that presented her. And because it was a rare one, she had to tease him about it.
"What's this?" she asked as she sat on the couch next to her boyfriend. "Sirius Black studying? It must be the apocalypse." Sirius took out a moment of his studying time to glare at his amused girlfriend.
"It's Charms. Exams are coming up soon and I'm terrible at that subject," Sirius said with a sigh. He scribbled one last word on the piece of parchment, threw down his quill and leaned back on the couch. "I hate studying. Can you believe that we're taking our N.E.W.T.S. in one week? We'll be out of school in two."
Cassandra stretched her legs out over his and laughed a little. "Scared?"
"No," he replied automatically. "Well, just a little. Jesus, I wish I had Lily's skills in Charms."
"Did I hear my name?" Cassandra and Sirius looked up at the same time to see Lily Evans standing in front of the fireplace, hands on her hips, a cocky smile on her lips.
Cassandra squealed and jumped off of the couch and launched herself into Lily's arms. "Look at you! You're standing!"
"I know, I feel like I've never used my legs before," Lily replied with a laugh. She saw Sirius stand out of the corner of her eye and look at them with a smile on his face. "Come on, you.. Group hug!" Sirius laughed and wrapped his arms around both Cassandra and Lily. They laughed together and slowly let go to sit on the couch with Lily in the middle.
"I'm glad you're back, Lils. I mean, I just saw you yesterday, but I had to watch out for Hitler so she wouldn't yell at me," Sirius said as he threw and arm around her shoulders. "Now we have the freedom of the Gryffindor common room!"
Lily laughed and looked around the room. As she looked in the direction of the fireplace she couldn't help but blush. "Guys, was that really necessary?" The couple looked in the direction she was pointing and laughed.
Over the fireplace was a huge sign that read, "Welcome Back, Lils!" in bold letters. On either side of the statement were beds and Z's, as if someone was sleeping there. "Of course, Lily my dear. We needed to announce your arrival to all the Gryffindors." Cassandra said with a laugh as Lily blushed more.
"Speaking of Gryffindors," Lily said, her blush receding a little, "where's the rest of the group.?"
Sirius and Cassandra glanced at each other and nodded. This time they would tell the truth. "Well, we have no idea, but we can guess," Sirius said casually. "Remus is in the Library, he's been acting weird lately. He doesn't see you anymore and whenever we mention your name he kind of mumbles to himself and walks away."
"Sol is making out with her new boyfriend in a discreet corner of Hogwarts. I think she's going out with a Ravenclaw by the name of Mundungus Fletcher," Cassandra picked up. "Odd name, that is."
"Peter is somewhere being mysterious and nervous and biting off all his fingernails, or scurrying around like the rat he is."
"And James..." Cassandra sighed and looked over at Sirius. "James is sulking by the lake because of some mishap or another that he refuses to talk to anyone about besides saying that he's ruined his life."
"And that's everyone," Sirius finished. Lily looked back and forth between the two of them and then stared at the fire. They sat in silence with only the sound of the crackling fire for a few more minutes before anyone spoke up.
"James really said that?" Lily asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure how to feel about James yet, he was confusing her.
"Yeah, over and over and over and over and over and – well, I'm sure you get the point," Cassandra said, rolling her eyes. "Did something happen between you guys?"
Lily paled, shook her head a little. After a few more moments of staring broodily at the fire, she jumped up, startling Sirius and Cassandra. She mumbled something about going to the Library before she dashed through the portrait.
"What the hell is up with her?" Sirius stared at the spot where Lily had been sitting. His arm that had been slung over her shoulders fell to the cushion.
"Like I'm supposed to know? She's loony."
"Hey, she's your friend, my love," he said with a smirk. "You know what they say.. Birds of a feather..." As Cassandra glared at him with her arms crossed, he knew he was in for a major ass kicking, followed by a major make out session. He was quite happy with the idea.
............................................................................................................................................................
Author's Note: ::hides behind the couch, dodging flying rotten tomatoes:: Yeah, I know. For the long wait, it wasn't worth it. At all. And the ending sucked. Sorry! I promise, the next chapter WILL be longer, and it WILL be better. I don't know what it's going to get put up, but I WILL work on it ASAP. Just.. don't give me too many death threats in the process. To my reviewers:
James'Gurl215 – I think it's fate that I got your review right before I was about to update. Nice timing there, chica. This way, you don't have to worry about not being patient. Lily will give someone a chance, soon. I just plan on it to be sad and not fun. And in the next few chapters or so. ::evil laugh::
Xo DaNiElLe 03 oX – Thanks for the review, and sorry that I haven't had the chance to read your stories yet. I will though! I promise!
LilsProngs4eva – ::bandages her hands:: Yeah, that probably would have been a smart thing for old Voldie to do. But my story is just a TAD bit AU, so he kinda wants Lily for.. umm.. "other purposes", if you catch my drift. I know, I know, sick. And he wanted to show James that he was this almighty god person and he could do whatever he wanted, as long as he held the threat of hurting Lily against him. He wants James to suffer for touching Lily. So.. yeah.. That's my reasoning.
joelilmea – You'll figure it all out soon enough. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen yet. Whenever I go to write whatever it was I planned, it ends up being bumped back to the next chapter. But it will be soon..
Emma3 – James is a prick. End of story. He's too stupid to look deep enough to see what REALLY is going on, and takes everything for face value. Personally, I would have loved Lily to end up with Remus cuz he's my favorite character, but that would be inaccurate. Too bad. JK should have written something like "Yeah, Lily was going to leave James because he's a total prick for his best mate, Remus Lupin." Because that would make me so amazingly happy.
Annmarie – Wow. That was probably one of the coolest reviews I have ever received. I've never seen anyone so enthusiastic. It's the best compliment an author can get. Sorry I haven't emailed you back, I'll probably do that right after I update this blasted thing, so I'll blab to you there. See ya then!
californiagurl – Aww.. Thanks for the computer sympathy. My there is that it's a homosexual male and doesn't like women, therefore – it doesn't like me. Hey, so you're from CA? Where? I used to live in Santa Cruz, does it ring a bell?
Thanks to: little-angel123452000, AtwistedAngel13, luv-tree, and Luna Moonglade
Author's Note: Hmm.. this time I don't have an excuse for the delay in updating. What can I say? I can get some really bad cases of Writer's Block. I can't blame it all on that, though. I have to be honest. I'm guilty of running about five stories at once, though not all of them are up on the sight. I figure that would be a tad bit too much pressure. So.. without further ado.. THE CHAPTER!!
......................................................................................................................................................
Madame Monte made Lily stay in the Hospital Wing for the next five days to make sure she was fully recovered. She claimed that people who had been in comas needed the most rest than any other sick person, and was reluctant to allow any visitors in to see the girl. However, Lily managed to convince the Madame that she would find the most rest with friendly faces surrounding her. Cassandra and Sirius were by her side most of the time and blocked Lily from the truth as to why her other friends weren't visiting her. Each time they came, they had a new excuse as to why Sol, Peter, Remus, or James couldn't be there to see Lily in her recovery.
In reality, things weren't so innocent and the couple was beginning to get fed up with the other four and making up excuses for them. Sol was too busy with her new boyfriend, a Hufflepuff this time. Peter was becoming increasingly anxious and disappeared for long periods of time with no more of an explanation than "he needed fresh air". Remus didn't want to see Lily, in fear that his heart would break more than it already had and that she might try to convince him that they could be together. He couldn't put himself through that again. James knew that Lily hated him and never wanted to see him again, despite what Remus told him. He wouldn't be able to see her look on him with hate in her eyes.
But he visited her while she slept and was always careful to leave before her eyes fluttered open.
At the moment, it was one of those rare times when Lily was alone, and couldn't fall asleep. Usually, the minute one of her friends left, she found herself exhausted and dropped off into a sleep laced with unsettling dreams. Sirius and Cass had just left from a visit to go to dinner, but she couldn't get to sleep. So instead she picked up a book that Cass had brought her called "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test". She had meant to read it before, but never had the chance.
She was just about to start when she heard to door open. She quickly dropped the book and pretended she was asleep, thinking that it must be Madame Monte, checking up on her. Lily waited for the sound of the door closing, but instead she heard footsteps approaching her bed, and it wasn't the click of the Madame's heels. She heard the person sit in the chair next to her bed and let out a breath. Lily had to stop herself from jolting when she felt a light touch on her forehead. A hand brushing back her hair.
"God, Lils, I'm so sorry," the person said on a sigh after a few minutes, his voice laced with tears. "I never meant to hurt you so much, baby. I just wasn't thinking. I don't know what I'll do without you. I need you to survive. I love you so much, Lily."
Lily thought she recognized the voice but she couldn't believe it. She opened her eyes a sliver and saw him with tears running down his face.
James.
It was James.
James spilling his heart out to her, thinking she was asleep.
She closed her eyes again as she saw James's hand reach out. She felt him lightly take her hand and lace his fingers around his. Lily forced herself not to curve her fingers around his, not to give in to the urge to open her eyes and say the words that were aching to escape from her heart.
Lily heard him take in a shaky breath. Her hand was lifted and she felt it pressed to James's lips. Merlin, she didn't know if she could take this. Did James do this everyday while she was sleeping? Did he whisper the words of his heart to her while she dreamt of him? Should she open her eyes and tell him that she loved him too, that she couldn't live without him, that he was all she ever wanted?
Whatever she did, she couldn't let it go on like this.
She let her eyes flutter open and she murmured James's name. When Lily opened her eyes fully and looked at James. He still held her hand but was looking at her with wide eyes. "James?" Lily said as she sat up. James quickly let go of her hand and folded his in his lap. "What are you doing here?"
"I... um... I just wanted to see you, Lily," James said, fumbling for an excuse. "I haven't seen you since the day you woke up."
"I know," she said, sounding sad. "I've been waiting for you to come around. I wanted to say sorry for how I acted. You just wanted to see me, and I acted like a total bitch."
James blinked and nodded, finding himself speechless. Lily? Apologizing? What the hell was this? "I... um... I thought you hated me. I was visiting you while you were sleeping."
Now was the time to tell him. Tell him what she had heard. "I know. Well, I kinda figured it out just now. I mean... I wasn't sleeping." Lily cringed, not believing how much she had really stumbled over those words. What happened to simple sentences?
James's face paled noticeably. "Then... you heard what I was saying? About.. well, you know." Lily nodded. "Oh, then I guess I'll go. I'm sorry I bothered you."
Without giving Lily a chance to say anything, James hurried out of the Hospital Wing. "What was that all about," Lily wondered to herself. Too unsettled to try to get to sleep, she picked up the book Cass had brought her and started to read.
.......................................................................................................................................
Dear Diary,
Hmm... It feels more that a little odd to be writing in a diary when I'm seventeen. I just need somewhere I can think. My boyfriend is totally useless as an outlet to my emotions – besides horniness – since he usually can't tell when a person's sad. Even if he does, he insists that they're just sick. I can't figure out if he's just stupid or if it's his way of distancing himself from people. Anyway, I think there's something wrong with my friend Lily. Well, I know there's something wrong with Lily. Exactly what, I don't know. She's tried to kill herself twice this year, that we know of. All because of James. Stupid stupid James. I would LOVE to kill that boy. Lily loves him, for reasons unknown, so he'll have to stay alive. Unless, of course, he decides to be more of a prat than he is now. I find that highly likely considering past events. The major problem with Lily is that she doesn't open up enough. She never told James about Voldemort. He talked to her – in Hogwarts, for Merlin's sake – and she never said a word to her bloody birdbrain boyfriend. Damn my stubborn friends. As far as I know, the only people that have heard of this incident are Dumbledore and myself. Today she's coming back from the Hospital Wing, Madame Nazi kept her there for five days, and I'm sure she's restless. Last time I visited her, she seemed more quiet than usual. I noticed that James stopped going while Lily was asleep. That's something to ponder on a bit. I've got to get myself some new, sane, normal friends. Not like I'll ever find them in a place like Hogwarts.
Cassandra
Cassandra finished her diary entry with a flourish and nibbled on the end of her Sugar Quill. Lily would be in the common room any minute, renewed, refreshed, and prepared the face the day. On the outside. The red head could never hide anything from her best friend, and Cassandra knew that something was going on in that pretty head of hers. And by the way James was acting, that something was about him.
Bloody birdbrain.
She sighed as she stood up and made her way down to the common room. When Cassandra got there she couldn't help but grin at the sight that presented her. And because it was a rare one, she had to tease him about it.
"What's this?" she asked as she sat on the couch next to her boyfriend. "Sirius Black studying? It must be the apocalypse." Sirius took out a moment of his studying time to glare at his amused girlfriend.
"It's Charms. Exams are coming up soon and I'm terrible at that subject," Sirius said with a sigh. He scribbled one last word on the piece of parchment, threw down his quill and leaned back on the couch. "I hate studying. Can you believe that we're taking our N.E.W.T.S. in one week? We'll be out of school in two."
Cassandra stretched her legs out over his and laughed a little. "Scared?"
"No," he replied automatically. "Well, just a little. Jesus, I wish I had Lily's skills in Charms."
"Did I hear my name?" Cassandra and Sirius looked up at the same time to see Lily Evans standing in front of the fireplace, hands on her hips, a cocky smile on her lips.
Cassandra squealed and jumped off of the couch and launched herself into Lily's arms. "Look at you! You're standing!"
"I know, I feel like I've never used my legs before," Lily replied with a laugh. She saw Sirius stand out of the corner of her eye and look at them with a smile on his face. "Come on, you.. Group hug!" Sirius laughed and wrapped his arms around both Cassandra and Lily. They laughed together and slowly let go to sit on the couch with Lily in the middle.
"I'm glad you're back, Lils. I mean, I just saw you yesterday, but I had to watch out for Hitler so she wouldn't yell at me," Sirius said as he threw and arm around her shoulders. "Now we have the freedom of the Gryffindor common room!"
Lily laughed and looked around the room. As she looked in the direction of the fireplace she couldn't help but blush. "Guys, was that really necessary?" The couple looked in the direction she was pointing and laughed.
Over the fireplace was a huge sign that read, "Welcome Back, Lils!" in bold letters. On either side of the statement were beds and Z's, as if someone was sleeping there. "Of course, Lily my dear. We needed to announce your arrival to all the Gryffindors." Cassandra said with a laugh as Lily blushed more.
"Speaking of Gryffindors," Lily said, her blush receding a little, "where's the rest of the group.?"
Sirius and Cassandra glanced at each other and nodded. This time they would tell the truth. "Well, we have no idea, but we can guess," Sirius said casually. "Remus is in the Library, he's been acting weird lately. He doesn't see you anymore and whenever we mention your name he kind of mumbles to himself and walks away."
"Sol is making out with her new boyfriend in a discreet corner of Hogwarts. I think she's going out with a Ravenclaw by the name of Mundungus Fletcher," Cassandra picked up. "Odd name, that is."
"Peter is somewhere being mysterious and nervous and biting off all his fingernails, or scurrying around like the rat he is."
"And James..." Cassandra sighed and looked over at Sirius. "James is sulking by the lake because of some mishap or another that he refuses to talk to anyone about besides saying that he's ruined his life."
"And that's everyone," Sirius finished. Lily looked back and forth between the two of them and then stared at the fire. They sat in silence with only the sound of the crackling fire for a few more minutes before anyone spoke up.
"James really said that?" Lily asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure how to feel about James yet, he was confusing her.
"Yeah, over and over and over and over and over and – well, I'm sure you get the point," Cassandra said, rolling her eyes. "Did something happen between you guys?"
Lily paled, shook her head a little. After a few more moments of staring broodily at the fire, she jumped up, startling Sirius and Cassandra. She mumbled something about going to the Library before she dashed through the portrait.
"What the hell is up with her?" Sirius stared at the spot where Lily had been sitting. His arm that had been slung over her shoulders fell to the cushion.
"Like I'm supposed to know? She's loony."
"Hey, she's your friend, my love," he said with a smirk. "You know what they say.. Birds of a feather..." As Cassandra glared at him with her arms crossed, he knew he was in for a major ass kicking, followed by a major make out session. He was quite happy with the idea.
............................................................................................................................................................
Author's Note: ::hides behind the couch, dodging flying rotten tomatoes:: Yeah, I know. For the long wait, it wasn't worth it. At all. And the ending sucked. Sorry! I promise, the next chapter WILL be longer, and it WILL be better. I don't know what it's going to get put up, but I WILL work on it ASAP. Just.. don't give me too many death threats in the process. To my reviewers:
James'Gurl215 – I think it's fate that I got your review right before I was about to update. Nice timing there, chica. This way, you don't have to worry about not being patient. Lily will give someone a chance, soon. I just plan on it to be sad and not fun. And in the next few chapters or so. ::evil laugh::
Xo DaNiElLe 03 oX – Thanks for the review, and sorry that I haven't had the chance to read your stories yet. I will though! I promise!
LilsProngs4eva – ::bandages her hands:: Yeah, that probably would have been a smart thing for old Voldie to do. But my story is just a TAD bit AU, so he kinda wants Lily for.. umm.. "other purposes", if you catch my drift. I know, I know, sick. And he wanted to show James that he was this almighty god person and he could do whatever he wanted, as long as he held the threat of hurting Lily against him. He wants James to suffer for touching Lily. So.. yeah.. That's my reasoning.
joelilmea – You'll figure it all out soon enough. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen yet. Whenever I go to write whatever it was I planned, it ends up being bumped back to the next chapter. But it will be soon..
Emma3 – James is a prick. End of story. He's too stupid to look deep enough to see what REALLY is going on, and takes everything for face value. Personally, I would have loved Lily to end up with Remus cuz he's my favorite character, but that would be inaccurate. Too bad. JK should have written something like "Yeah, Lily was going to leave James because he's a total prick for his best mate, Remus Lupin." Because that would make me so amazingly happy.
Annmarie – Wow. That was probably one of the coolest reviews I have ever received. I've never seen anyone so enthusiastic. It's the best compliment an author can get. Sorry I haven't emailed you back, I'll probably do that right after I update this blasted thing, so I'll blab to you there. See ya then!
californiagurl – Aww.. Thanks for the computer sympathy. My there is that it's a homosexual male and doesn't like women, therefore – it doesn't like me. Hey, so you're from CA? Where? I used to live in Santa Cruz, does it ring a bell?
Thanks to: little-angel123452000, AtwistedAngel13, luv-tree, and Luna Moonglade