Disclaimer: All things I write now or in the future will involve characters, settings, and other items from an original author's imagination. I cannot lay claim to them, nor can I buy or inherit or trade anything for them. And let us hope that I take care to treat their creations better than the one thing I can lay claim to as my own—my car, which I abuse on a daily basis.

While trying to finish a rather long, angsty chapter of my very long, angsty fic, I ran into a problem. I was feeling far too nice to put my heroes through the grotesque plot they were about to encounter. So I wrote something mildly amusing instead. This is also a test to see how this stuff works 'cuz I've never posted before.

An Unexpected Victory

—dedicated to Kevin, who obnoxiously insisted on

referring to my beloved humanoid typhoon as "bipolar"

The gunman and the psychopath begin the face off with some typical hero/villain banter.

"So, Vash, you have come back for more pain."

"You're sick, Legato. You know that, right?"

"Surprising of you to pay me a compliment when you are so close to death."

"Let's just finish what we started."

"I have every intention of finishing. I have every intention of winning."

"Strange, I thought you were the one who wanted death. Now you say you want to beat me."

"This is different! This is beyond you and me! I shall teach you the pain of living by making you suffer a most humiliating defeat. My philosophy has not changed. Merely my strategy."

"Well, we'll see who is right... and who is dead."

"You? You would kill me? You would ascend to that level?"

"No one has the right to take the life of another. You shall live a long life with your own self-inflicted misery. That, I will ensure."

"And you would add this wound of your own to my so-called 'masochistic' pain."

"Call it a bonus. I believe in winning too. Get started. You're stalling, you coward."

The battle that had been in full heat a few days earlier was getting off to a slow start. Victory was close at hand... for either. Spectators gathered to watch, placing side bets on who would bring the other down first. A hush fell over the crowd as Legato reached out a hand.

"Hey! No telepathing. And no telekinesis. We're both doing this thing handicapped, remember? I'm not allowed to use my arm and you're not allowed to use... well... uh... my arm."

Legato mumbled something about what's the use of being a god among insects if you can't demonstrate your power. He gritted his teeth and looked the humanoid typhoon straight in the eye. Time slowed. The opponents could hear their hearts beat. Slowly now, then faster... faster... it was deafening! What was he waiting for? Suddenly, the stillness was broken as Legato spoke the words that brought everything to an end.

"B... eight..."

"NOOOO!!!" Vash was horror-stricken. After all this time, to finally lose was unexpected and unbearable. He looked into the crowd and saw Meryl. That's it. He would face this defeat like the pillar of strength she saw him as. He stood slowly, raised his head... and cried out like a wounded chihuahua. "Battleship sunk!"

"HA! Your whole fleet... gone! I win! I win! I win all the donuts!" As Legato went into a comical victory dance, the baffled crowd watched, and two girls pushed their way through to follow the losing opponent.

"Aww, man. Aww... why does this stuff always happen to me?" Vash slumped over dejected as he walked slowly into the sunset.

So, you can review, I guess. PLEASE!! I won't beg. I'M ON MY KNEES! I don't need it. BESTOW UPON ME THE PRIASE MY LIFEFORCE REQUIRES! If you don't, I'll live. MAY MY DEATH BE UPON YOUR HEAD!!