All of This

Chapter Twelve

Everything Inside Of My Heart

Dear friend

What's on your mind?

-Zack's POV-

How am I supposed to know what to feel like at 15? I mean, I loved Summer with everything I had inside of me, but people... they just don't understand just how much I really loved her. They don't understand everything that I feel. Everything inside of my heart right now doesn't feel... right. Things just won't be right until she's back in my arms and everything's the way it was again. But, as much as I want all of that to be true- I know it won't ever be. So, for now, I've just got to live with things the way they are. No matter what, as I lay in Shady Hill Park every Saturday night just like we used to, I will always feel her there with me in my arms, as I remember how her eyes got lost in the night as they grazed the stars.

-No POV-

You don't laugh the way you used to

Katie woke up to see the bright sunshine glowing through the window. As she sat up, the bedroom door opened and Freddy walked into the room and sat down beside her.

"Good morning," he said, kissing her on the nose.

"Good morning..." she said, smiling brightly as he smiled at her smiling. He loved her smile.

"Breakfast is ready if you want some," he said as he sat there beside her and she kept her gaze out the window and on him, back and forth.

"Okay, I'll be right down."

"Okay," he replied as he stood up and walked out of the room.

But I've noticed how you cry

She stood up from the bed and walked into the guest bathroom and washed her face. She threw her hair up in a ponytail and walked out of the bathroom to go downstairs.

In ways, she felt somewhat relieved from getting everything out last night and to hear that song. It made her feel happy.

She walked down the Jones' stairway to find Freddy walking out of the kitchen.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"I feel fine..." she said as she smiled and he put his arm around her as they walked into the kitchen to sit down and have breakfast. It felt so good for her to have somewhere to go when she was all alone and she felt great to know that there were people who really cared for her enough to let her stay in their home.

And dear Friend

I feel so helpless

After they had finished eating, Freddy and Katie decided that they'd go over to Zack's to see how he was holding up. Even after an entire year since what happened to Summer... he wasn't that good at all. He would never talk to them at school, he would be very quiet and to himself all of band practice, and he would never tell anyone just how he was feeling. Well, how would you if you're not talking to them in the first place?

They walked up to the Mooneyham's house and knocked on the door. As the door opened, Zack's mom stood there as she held a Kleenex close to her eye.

I see you sit in silence

As you fight the pain each day

"Mrs. Mooneyham? What's wrong?" Katie questioned her, a little worried.

"Are you okay?" Freddy asked.

She shook her head. "It's Zack..." she said, quietly and murmured under her breath. Worried faces grew on both Katie and Freddy's expressions.

"W-what happened?" Katie asked as her voice shook.

"... He's gone..." she said.

I feel there's nothing I can do

Katie and Freddy both felt like their stomachs were fighting to get out through their throats. Lumps grew inside of them as they feared of everything that could happen.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Freddy asked as he held Katie's hand.

"We woke up this morning and his room was empty." She said it so simply like it was something so easy to say. "His drawers were half empty and his guitar is gone." She paused for a moment. "He's run away..." and she closed the door to leave them standing there on the front porch.

I know you don't feel brave

Even though you are

"We have to tell the band," Katie said.

"Right. Let's get to Dewey's. They might be there."

So then they got on the city bus to Dewey's as they tried to stay as close as they could to each other the entire time as they feared everything for their closest friend. They had both already lost Summer. How could they go through losing Zack too?

As they reached Dewey's apartment building, they ran up the stairs as fast as they could. Standing at his front door, breathing rather quickly, they knocked on the door. Tomika answered.

"What's wrong you guys?" she asked. They walked into the room and immediately sat down on the couch where a lot of the band gathered around them and Dewey as well, as they stopped what they were doing.

But it wasn't your beauty

That found room in my heart

Katie was starting to get tears welling up in her eyes, and Freddy just couldn't stop zoning out and losing track of where he was and that he had to tell the band.

"It's Zack..." Katie said, as her tears started to well up even more.

"What happened?" Marta asked.

"We went to his house this morning..." Freddy said as he continued to stare at the ground and not pay attention to anything else but what was going through his mind. Oh, those terrifying thoughts that floated inside of him.

"Well... where is he?" Gordon asked, starting to get a little worried from the vibe that the two were giving off to the rest of the band.

"He's gone..." Katie said, looking up at all of them as her tears finally started to make their way falling down her cheek.

Dear friend

You are so precious

Dear friend

"What? Where is he?" Dewey asked, finally getting in on everything.

"We don't know... but we've gotta go looking for him guys! We've already lost one person, we can't lose another." Freddy was finally starting to get his mind back on track as all he wanted to do was find his friend.

"Well, get into groups of three or something everybody! Look everywhere that Zack could possibly go, anyone that you know he might run to, and anywhere that he could've gone to get away. Let's do this!" Dewey said as everyone rushed around for their jackets and shoes as they ran out the door.

Marta, Gordon and Michelle decided that they'd look around at the train station to see if he tried to get on the train. Tomika, Alicia and Billy had gone to the bus station to try and see if he was getting on the bus to try and go somewhere. Dewey and Eleni went to Zack's house to check with his parents about any relatives that he might have ran to for somewhere to stay. Frankie and Marco decided to walk around the city streets to see if he was anywhere in sight.

"Where do you think he could've gone?" Katie asked Freddy as they walked through the neighbourhood around the high school.

And dear friend

I am here for you

"Where would you go if you were Zack running away from everyone in your life? Where would you go first?" Freddy said.

Then, Katie thought of something. "Maybe it's not exactly if you're running from everyone in your life. Maybe he's running to someone? Before he leaves for good."

"Summer." There they went. Running as fast as they could to the only place they could think of... were they ever right.

I know that you don't talk too much

But we can share this day anew

There he kneeled, right beside her as he rested his hand on top of the large stone. His guitar rested on the ground alongside his bag that was most likely full of clothing and necessities.

They quietly walked up behind him as they heard him talking quietly.

"I'm sorry that I'm doing this. I know that you wouldn't want me to run away... but that's all that I can do. I'm alone without you. I know that there's Katie and Freddy and the band... but it's just not the same. I have no one. I am no one without you. So, I'm leaving. I'm leaving everything that reminds me of you, I'm leaving all the things that make me feel so worthless and alone. I'm leaving my life and everything that I had left of it. It's all worthless to me now. I thought of so many other things to do other than this... but I know that you would never want me to hurt myself in any way and to me, I'm only hurting myself by staying here and having to deal with everything around me... because, I can't deal with it. I've tried and tried and nothing seems to make it better." Tears were sliding down his cheeks continuously and they couldn't seem to stop. "I love you, Summer. I always have, I always will. So, this is goodbye, just until I see you again. I'll be right up there with you at some point and we can be together again. But, until then, it's goodbye- for now. I love you..." he said, as he stood up and grabbed his guitar and his bag and flung them over his shoulder. Just as he turned around, he saw the two standing there in front of him. "What are-"

"Don't do it Zack." Katie said as she stood with her hands in her pockets and stared him in the eye.

Dear friend

Please don't feel like you're alone

"It's not gonna help anything," Freddy added in after her.

"Running away... it doesn't change anything. You're just putting a new face on the same loneliness, Zack. As much as you think that you're helping yourself by doing this, you're just making it worse."

"You wouldn't know. You don't know how it feels-" he said as he started to rush away from them.

"We might not know how it feels but we sure as hell will if you run away," Freddy said as Zack stopped in his tracks.

He turned around and faced the two. "Don't say that you have no one, Zack." Katie said through the cold winter air.

There is someone who is praying

Praying for your peace of mind

"But I don-"

"Yes you do. You can say it to yourself as much as you want and try to make it seem as real as you can, but what you try to tell yourself and reality will always stand out amongst everything else." Katie said as the wind started to blow her hair around.

"You'll always have us, and the band. We're always here, but, if you pretend that we're not, if you don't tell us how you're feeling and if you keep everything inside of you... we won't be able to help you." Freddy said as Zack started to look not interested.

"I don't need your help..." he said as he started to turn around again.

Hoping joy is what you find

"You don't know what you need Zack! You don't know anything other than what you want, and what you want is Summer! Well... she's not going to magically wake up and be alive tomorrow! You have to open up your eyes and notice that there's an entire world out there that she would want you to enjoy and love and have a great time in! She doesn't want you to run away from your feelings... run away from your friends and family, or run away from your life. The only thing you'll get out of that is more loneliness and a bigger hole in your heart," Katie replied as he stood there with nothing left to say.

There was silence between the three of them. Zack stood, Freddy stood, and Katie spoke, again. "Zack, you're stuck in seeing only what your life used to be... but, you've got to see is what it's become. It is what it is. Things are what they are. You can run as much as you want... but that'll just follow you everywhere that you go."

I know you don't feel weak

Even though you are

"Zack... man, I've gotta admit, we should've done something. We shouldn't have just let you be on your own with everything that you felt, and everything that you had to deal with. You just loved her, and to you it felt like because she wasn't there, she forgot to love back. But, Zack, just because she's not here physically... doesn't mean that she won't always be here with you no matter what."

He stood there trying as much as he could to take in everything that they had just told him and he tried so hard to fight against everything that they told him, but as much as he tried, he couldn't fight the fact that... they were right.

But it wasn't your strength

That found room in my heart

He slowly walked towards them as he dropped all of his things and they embraced him in a hug.

"It's nice to have ya back, man." Zack smiled as he started to burst out crying, and they got it in them too and cried as well. There they stood for a very long time, as they not only felt the warmth of each other again, but of Summer, as well.

They had called everyone on their cell phones to let them know they had found him. They were so lucky to have thought of what they did, or, he could've been long gone by the time they started to look. They all gathered back at Dewey's apartment and decided that they'd call his parents later.

They all sat there huddled together, talking over everything they felt. They talked about everything that had happened, and everything that was going to happen. Everything that they were going to do to live an amazing and happy life, just for Summer. They were living for her, and they were living amongst her. She would never be gone. The other good thing, neither would Zack. They had gotten him back.

Dear Friend

You are so precious

Dear Friend

(A/N: Thank you all so much for all the reviews I've been getting! I love all of the support you all have been giving me! You're all AWESOME! I love that everyone is really getting into it and there seems to be quite a few tears coming from everyone! It's great to hear my writing is gettin to you. Look forward to another chapter soon! I'll try to get one in as soon as I can with all my homework that I've been getting lately! Anyway, toodles. -Brooke)