A/N: It took me a few days to really start writing, and in the end I think this chapter is crap. But I'm kind of having trouble squeezing all my ideas in. This is not the first fan fiction I've ever written, but it's the first I've ever posted! So all in all I don't think I'm doing too badly.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except for Alucard, he sleeps under my bed.
Rated for angst and impending smoochies.
Thanks: Nepenthe my wonderful and very sweet beta.
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It was cold and dark as Seras stood in the middle of the room. A slight icy breeze ruffled the hem of her nightgown as her eyes darted frantically around in the utter darkness.
"Seras Victoria," said a soft and deceptively friendly sounding voice. Her eyes locked onto him and he slowly appeared. A handsome young man in his mid twenties with seemingly gentle blue eyes. A beautiful blonde reclined in his arms limply, nuzzling against him and begging him to suck her blood.
"We are the same," he said, before sinking his fangs into the girl's delicate pale neck. Seras gasped and backed up as the blood started to flow freely down the other woman's body. The ends of the woman's long hair brushed against the crimson liquid as she cried for him to drink her dry.
"Why are you showing me this?!" she screamed at him as the blood seemed to flow endlessly. Its sweet coppery scent teased her senses as her mouth started to water.
"This is what you want. Become one with me," his soothing voice echoed as the blood trickled down the walls, slowly making its way towards her.
Seras backed up as the warm sweet liquid brushed her bare feet; the sight driving her wild despite her disgust. The young vampire bit into her hand to try to steady herself, but found it also slick and wet. She looked down to see her hands covered in blood as the crimson tide rushed around her. Her head snapped up as if on a string, the floor was suddenly littered with the bodies of her comrades, their lifeless bodies staring up at her as if in accusation.
"Master!" she screamed as she tried to get away.
"Drink your blood and grow strong, Police Girl," her Master's voice tickled in her ears from nowhere and everywhere.
Her eyes snapped open, her breathing ragged as she found herself once more in her bed. Seras sat up, eyes glancing around frantically. She had finally gotten back to sleep, only to be tormented in her dreams.
Weakly, she rose from the bed and stumbled over to the table. Despite herself she was ravenous with hunger. She tried to keep from ripping in to the blood pack like a wild animal, but her instincts overcame her senses. She growled as the warm liquid filled her mouth and temporarily sated her hunger. Seras wobbled as she sunk down in the chair, discarding the empty bag angrily.
"What am I becoming?"
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Seras found herself wandering through the Hellsing gardens again. The sunlight made everything burst with color compared to how it looked in the moon. She stubbornly ignored the watering in her eyes that being out in the day caused; she just couldn't sleep any more today.
A stab of pain sliced through her head as her eyes caught on something beside the path; a wavering vision that was gone before she could focus properly on it. Shaking her head, Seras absently wondered if she was going crazy.
"Victoria!" The familiar voice snapped her out of her reverie.
"Commander," she said, trying to regain her composure before turning to face him.
"I've been looking for you," he said, to no one's surprise. "I wanted to tell you that you've been removed from the active combat unit." Seras stood there dumbly with a perplexed look on her face. "Victoria! Stand at attention while your commander is reassigning you!"
"Sir!" Seras said, snapping into a clumsy salute. She had known it was just a matter of time before something like this happened. There was a reason her Master didn't usually fight with the troops.
He went on to tell her of her new assignment as a field operative. Gathering 'information', he had said. At the time, she had thought this was the kind of cushy thing the boys at D-11 would have given to her. But her tune quickly changed when she was given her first 'mission'.
It was crazy, it was ludicrous, and it might just be fun! She was to infiltrate a club that was suspected of being a nest of vampires. Scope it out, gather the numbers and report back. It sounded so simple, but few things actually were.
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Seras tugged at the edge of her skirt, cursing at her choice of attire for not the first time tonight. "Nasty mini skirt," she mumbled as she slipped on her sunglasses, before rounding the corner.
The streetlights had just turned on as dusk quickly gave way to night. The heels of her boots steadily clicked against the sidewalk as she calmly approached the club. 'It isn't quite what I had expected,' she thought. It was a humble two-story brownstone in one of the denser parts of London. Two gothic styled lanterns hung beside each side of the door, casting a cheery pool of light in front of the unassuming building.
The young vampire doubled-checked the address before knocking on the door. After a few moments of silence the door swung open. The woman who stood behind it was the second unexpected thing. She was tall and willowy with blonde hair and pale eyes. She was dressed oddly in a flowing skirt and Victorian style blouse. She didn't look to be more than 19, and was obviously human.
"Hello there," the girl said in a soft dreamy voice.
"Um, hello..." Seras began, suddenly unsure. "Is this the Nogard club?"
"Why, yes it is. Were you invited here?" she asked in that same airy voice.
Seras smiled slightly before she started to speak. "No, I've just heard about this place," she answered, letting her glasses slip down enough for the woman to catch a glimpse of her red eyes.
"Oh, pardon me," the woman said, smiling broadly. "We welcome all enthusiasts freely." She stepped aside to let her in. "I'm Lilith," the woman said cheerily. "You never need to knock after dark. The doors are always open to people of like minds."
"Seras," the strawberry haired vampire told her simply. Something seemed a bit off to her. She followed Lilith from the foyer into the main part of the house. Unexpected thing number three.
The walls and floors were made of thick gray stone, giving the place a cool, dingy feel. Cobwebs were purposely untouched, and the whole place was sparsely lit at best. Seras removed her sunglasses as she looked around. The spacious room was packed with dozens of chattering young adults. Most of them were dressed almost in costume. The same style of Victorian or black clothing was seen on just about everyone in the room. A few even wore capes or thickly ruffled shirts.
Seras' eyes grew wide as she wove her way though the crowd. The throbbing of base drew her towards the basement, the sound of music getting clearer as she descended the steps. She stared dumbly at the site before her. Dozens of teenagers gyrating and swaying to the abysmal American "Emo" music that was blaring.
The low flickering lights caught on a giant glass bowl of bright red liquid. She squeezed through the crowd, making her way towards it. Her stomach gave an unexpected growl as she ladled a cup full and raised it to her lips. The scent immediately gave it away; she set it back down in disgust. It was heavily spiked fruit punch. She snorted as she realized what this was. It was a fucking Goth club full of vampire wannabes.
"Hey there," said a friendly male voice. Seras turned to see a handsome boy a year or two younger than her sizing her up.
"Hello," she replied, taking in his pale skin, black clothing and most interestingly, red eyes.
"I haven't seen you here before. You new?" he shouted over the music. Seras shook her head, only catching a few words. The young man motioned for her to follow him. She was intrigued, and smiled at him with a nod.
He led her upstairs to the second floor; it was still dimly lit, but blessedly quiet and nearly empty. She started to ask him what he wanted to talk to her about, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a seat against the wall.
"You're a real one, aren't you?" he said with a touch of awe. Seras tilted her head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "I mean you're a real vampire. I-I can sense it." His hand reached out to touch her arm; it was warm against her cool undead flesh.
"And you're a human," she stated, looking quizzically into his strange eyes.
"Ah, contacts," he said, answering her unspoken question. "Not nearly as nice as your eyes."
Seras sat back, pulling her arm away from him. Despite herself, it was very flattering to be looked at like that.
"Real ones don't come here very often... I-I've only heard rumors." He was leaning closer to her, seeming to almost absorb her presence. "I'm Andy by the way," he said, smoothing back his thick black hair. He grinned at her for a second, reminding her of someone else for a moment.
"So real vampires DO come here?" she mumbled half to herself.
"Oh yes... Usually to pick a few worthy ones." Seras looked up, about to ask him what he meant before he interrupted her. "C-can I...can I see them?" Seras gasped and raised her hand to smack him. "I-I m-mean your fangs. Can I see them?"
"Oh, I suppose," she said with a shrug, before giving him a fangy grin. He groaned and leaned closer, his knee brushing her thigh slightly.
"Oh man, those are so sexy. You look so hot with those," Andy told her, his voice a little deeper. Seras blushed at the strange compliment, her eyes trailing down his neck to rest on his pulse point. It fluttered invitingly, and her mouth almost watered.
His fingers slid onto her knee before he whispered in her ear, "Do you want to bite me?"
Seras shivered and bit back a moan. It was so tempting...she could sense his warm blood rushing through his veins, sweet and inviting. She could almost taste the precious liquid flooding her mouth. Her fangs ached with the need to taste fresh human blood, not the cold separated sludge that she fed on every night.
"Please, do it," he begged in a deep seductive voice. Her arms covered with goose bumps as she tried to fight the blood lust. Her fangs lightly grazed his neck about to... "Go ahead, suck me dry," he mumbled. Seras' eyes popped open at the familiar wording. In a flash, her dream from before came into her mind; her comrades' corpses rising as ghouls, her hands soaked in blood.
Seras gasped and pushed him away, causing him to fly off the loveseat and land on the hard stone floor with a thump.
"You idiot!" she hissed at him, eyes narrowed dangerously. "You have no idea what you are playing with." She stood up, presence suddenly dark and menacing as she towered over his prone body. "Get out of here, boy, before you really do get your wish and get transformed into a mindless ghoul." He skittered back a bit, suddenly terrified of her flashing blood red eyes. "Go!" she roared with as much ferocity as she could manage. With a yelp he shot up and ran for the door as fast as he could.
Seras dragged her fingers through her messy strawberry blonde hair, trying to quell the lingering blood lust that burned in her body.
'You're getting better at controlling yourself, Police Girl,' her Master's teasing voice echoed in her head. 'I'm not sure if I would have been able to resist such a tempting offer.'
Seras made a slight growling noise in the back of her throat and headed for the door. "Shut up Master."
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Seras drew her fist back again and struck as hard as she could. The blow landed with a muted thump that echoed through the empty training room. Her fists rained down again and again, determined to see stuffing before the night was over. With a growl, she landed a vicious roundhouse on the poor punch dummy, its seams warping and pulling under the strain.
"Jesus, what did he ever do to you?" echoed a slightly cocky British voice. Seras spun around, more than a bit startled.
"Commander Pickman! What are you doing here so early?" she squeaked. It was a bit past 4 A.M; dawn would be coming in a few hours.
The man gave her a leisurely up and down before running his hand through his slightly tousled red-brown hair. "I suppose I could ask you the same thing. But I guess this is normal for you."
Seras gave him a nervous grin, trying to hide the pummeled practice dummy behind her. It wouldn't do to let her commander seeing her de-stuffing Hellsing property. "Just a little...training session, to blow off some steam," she said casually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be growling and cursing and beating the crap out of an inanimate object.
"Thing never had a fighting chance," he said, with a crack of his knuckles. "I was going to come down for just the same sort of thing. Blow off a bit of steam. Care for a moving opponent?" Commander Pickman asked with a cocky grin.
Seras tilted her head, still nervously smiling. When he looked at her like that...he reminded her of someone. "All right, I'll try not to hurt you." Pickman chuckled and pushed his hair back again.
"Same here," he said, motioning towards the blue practice mat with a flourish. Seras bounced happily over to the spongy pad. No one had sparred with her since she was in training for the police force. In D-11, no one had wanted to hurt her because she was a girl. And now in Hellsing, no one wanted to be hurt by her because she was a vampire.
They circled each other casually, sizing each other up for a moment. Pickman moved with a fluid grace on his feet that bespoke of more close combat training than just standard self-defense. 'That's okay,' Seras thought. Her father had taught her more than a thing or two growing up.
"So I hear you got reassigned," he said, lightly sidestepping a blow aimed for his solar plexus before countering. Man he was fast for a human.
"Yes, that's right," Seras started, landing a glancing blow on his shoulder as he turned. "Wouldn't want to demoralize the troops," she said with a sneer, hopping back out of the way of his legs.
Pickman smirked; this was the best fight he'd had in months. The troops were usually leery of going all out with their commander. The young vampire spun around and aimed a lightning fast kick at his stomach; he smiled as he deftly caught her leg. "Now that's not very nice," he said teasingly, a double meaning clear in his voice.
Seras gasped and tried to pull away, his grip was surprisingly strong for a human. He quickly let go of her, causing her to stumble back and nearly fall on her butt. She huffed as she bounced back up, her eyes flashing a bit brighter. More cautiously she approached; he rushed her, meaning to knock her off balance. Seras nimbly feinted left then right, surprising him with a quick jab that caught him squarely in the side. He stumbled back with a gasp, swiping his hair out of his face.
"You're good," he said with a genuine smile. "It's a shame they underestimate you."
Seras nearly bounced on the balls of her feet, happy to be taken seriously for once. She hopped back, twisting and parrying a flurry of kicks and punches. God he was good. She imagined she would hardly have been able to keep up with him as a human. "You're not so bad yourself," she said in a voice that came out almost flirtingly. Seras blew some hair out of her eyes, her blood humming pleasantly from the physical exertion.
"You know Seras..." he began, circling around her slowly. "Even if we aren't fighting together in the field anymore, I'll still always consider you a comrade."
Seras tilted her head, momentarily taken aback. That was such a nice thing to say, she thought. It was just what she needed to hear right now. Taking advantage of her temporary distraction he dropped down, sweeping her feet out from under her with a low kick. She went down with a squeal, and he was quickly on top of her, effectively pinning her squirming body to the mat.
"Give up?" he said with a laugh. Seras narrowed her eyes, smiling despite herself. She batted her lashes charmingly, letting her thigh press against his intimately for a moment.
"I guess you're just too much for me," she said in a silky voice. His eyes ran over her body as his smile broadened. Seizing the chance, Seras twisted her hands out of his and bucked him off of her. With a laugh, she leaned over his prone form, her thighs on either side of him as she pinned him in an iron hold.
"Jesus, Victoria. You fight dirty," Pickman said with a wheeze, the air knocked out of him. Seras batted her lashes again, giving him a nice fangy grin.
"Give up?" she echoed. Her eyes landed on his fluttering pulse at his throat, his blood was running fast for exertion and excitement. And as tempting as it was, and as handsome as he looked, it was still easy to resist with her Master's teasing taunts still fresh in her mind.
Pickman cleared his throat, trying to get some air into him. "Uncle. I give I give," he said in a mock plead. Seras grinned at him, she felt happier than she had in a while. Carefully she let go of him, getting up slowly to make sure he didn't change his mind and counter-attack.
When she was up she reached her hand out to help him up, he grabbed it and hoisted himself up off the ground. He pulled her a little closer as he stood, smiling down at her suggestively. "Good match, Victoria," he said with a smirk.
'God, he was so cocky.' He reminded her a little bit of Master. Seras blushed, wondering if that was why she found him vaguely attractive. "Goodnight Commander... Or morning for you, I suppose," she said, stepping back and patting him on the shoulder. 'No need to encourage him,' she thought sadly. A small part of her wondered why not, what was holding her back anyway? But these thoughts were quickly dismissed; some things were worth waiting for she mused.
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Seras yawned as she headed back towards her room, freshly bathed after her 'work-out'. It was nearly dawn, and tendrils of fatigue were creeping in on her, making her eyes start to blur. Sliding silently down the hallway, something caught her eye, a flash of color, white and green. Curious, she followed.
Slipping from shadow to shadow she trailed the person, eyes darting around her for signs of detection. God she loved stalking people. Finally she saw a door start to swing closed, she immediately stuck her hand in the crack to keep it from latching. Curiously she peeked in. It was Sir Integra and...Master? She squinted as she tried to catch the faint snatches of conversation.
"Have you ever thought about asking me to drink your blood?" she heard his deep voice clearly say. Integra's sharp reply was a little harder to make out. Seras' heart sunk at the implication. Master wanted to make Integra a vampire? No, she would NEVER let him do that! She almost killed herself purging the 'impure blood' from her body.
Seras started to back up as Integra huffed and spun towards the door. The young vampire began to make flight, but not before she heard Alucard calling after the Hellsing heir, "Don't you want to mix your blood with mine?"
Seras ran all the way back to her room, stubbornly refusing to let the tears fall until she was safely enclosed in her coffin. H-how, how could Master even suggest that?! She wept silently into her pillow, wondering again if Master loved Integra. But maybe he was just teasing her as usual... But even if that was the case, couldn't he even see how she felt about him? Gripping her pillow, Seras poured all her despair out with her silent sobs. Couldn't he see that she loved him? Seras gasped and covered her mouth, as if she could somehow force the thoughts back in. Did she? Was it possible he could ever...? No, she was being stupid again. She turned over onto her side, pulling up the covers as she tried to force herself into sleep.
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She could feel him. Strong fingers caressing her skin, making her blood run hot under the surface. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as his lips kissed her feverish skin. It was so dark, she couldn't see... All she could do was feel. What was happening to her? She felt so warm, so alive.
Her eyes fluttered as she arched into the phantom touch that was consuming her. This was it, this is what she wanted. She didn't want to think and agonize anymore. She just wanted to feel. Her breath came in short gasps as she writhed and arched, what was doing this to her? Then she heard it, her own voice as if she wasn't there at all, just watching.
"Master..."
Seras shot up out of bed, her head smacking on the unforgiving lid of her coffin. She groaned and gripped her abused head. What on earth had she been dreaming? Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and her legs were tangled in the bedclothes as if she had been thrashing around in her sleep. The sheets were fairly soaked. What had she...?
'Oh God, this is getting worse,' she thought. It had felt so...so real. A blush seemed to spread through her body at her tawdry thoughts. She suddenly was very aware that the sheets weren't the only thing soaked. She groaned as she fought the urge to assuage the aches in her body that had nothing to do with fighting for once.
Seras hastily scrabbled out of her coffin, still short of breath. She had to get out of here, before she did something incredibly stupid. She had to stop thinking these things, or she was going to get hurt! She knew there was no way Master could care for her like that... Well, he could desire her, she was sure of that. But the reason she had saved herself was because she wanted love! As she hastily dressed she just prayed she wasn't getting herself so deep she couldn't stop herself.
She needed to talk to someone. A woman. Aside from Integra, Seras really wasn't friends with many members of her gender, tomboy that she was. And she was sure Sir Integra wouldn't be much help with matters of the heart, especially not this matter.
What had Helena said when she had touched her... That she was lucky? Not by far... Wait, maybe Helena... Yes, she would go see the elder vampire, maybe she could help knock some sense into her. Having lived a solitary life for so long, she must be more than used to loneliness.
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Seras bit back a tear as she hurried out of the manor. It was early dusk, and no one paid her any mind. She slapped her messy hair out of her face and made quick work of the ground under her feet. She must have nearly run the whole way, because before she knew it, she was there.
Catching her breath, she paused before knocking gently on the thick wooden door. The small noise cut through the ascending silence of early night, steadying her thoughts somewhat.
"Come in, Seras Victoria," the unearthly voice echoed in her mind. The young vampire breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn't being turned away, and opened the door. It was exactly like it had been before. Golden candlelight spread through the room in splashes, elongating the shadows in other areas. The whole house was very old and hushed, giving off an aura of an almost hallowed nature. Seras' feet creaked on the floorboards, making her almost rue breaking the calm.
"Seras," the voice called to her again, this time out loud. She walked around one of the massive bookshelves to find the petite vampire seated on an old ornate settee with a book in her lap. She smiled almost sadly as she sat it down and motioned for Seras to sit beside her.
Gratefully, she sunk into the plush upholstery, her body now feeling the effects of her blind escape.
"What brings you here again so soon?" the seemingly little girl asked with an air of casual interest. Seras closed her eyes, the calm voice assisting to again steel her for what she knew would be a healing purging of thoughts she had kept in too long.
"I think I have a problem," she started uncertainly. When Helena just continued to look at her patiently, she continued. "I can't control my feelings anymore! I feel like I'm not in charge of my mind. I...I don't want to feel like this... I don't want to care so much..." she said, trailing off into sniffles. Helena placed her cool hand on top of Seras'; a gentle warm seemed to emanate from it as she stared at her intently.
"You're afraid your feelings aren't returned, correct?" her voice was carefully emotionless, but again Seras could see melancholy in the girl's eyes.
"I...I don't see... How did you know? C...can you read my mind?" she asked a bit uneasily.
"Only if you let me. No, what I see is plain for the world to observe if they know what to look for. Your eyes betray you. You are falling in love, but you feel it is a forbidden one, correct?"
Seras nodded, taken aback at the insight. But she supposed if someone lived to be so old, they would be able to read a person quite easily. She hoped her emotions weren't so apparent in front of him...or maybe he just chose to ignore it.
"What do I do?" was all she could think of to say. Helena stared at her for several seconds, her intense eyes burning into hers so deeply she had to look away. Helena slowly slid from her seat, standing in front of Seras so she was looking at her eye level.
"As I said before, you have become one of the night at a very good age. You will be like this forever, a beautiful woman." Her eyes were defiantly sad now. Seras felt quite guilty for bringing up the one thing this girl could never have. "You have an eternity to wait for someone to come around, or an eternity to forget. It's your choice."
Seras stared at her, at a loss for words. If she stayed faithfully by his side, would her Master someday learn to love her? As painful as it was to think, even if he WAS involved with Integra... She would never become a vampire, she was certain of it. Even if he did love her, she wouldn't be around forever. She would have him for eternity. But...could she stand it? Seras' eyes filled with tears at the thought of wasting away waiting for her Master. No...
Helena's pale hand reached out and touched the younger vampire's hair. "...May I?" she asked timidly, the first real signs of emotion she had heard evident in her voice. Seras knew she was asking for approval to enter her mind. An act almost more personal than she could imagine, letting someone see ones every thought. But looking into the girl's sad and ageless eyes, how could she refuse?
She nodded, her eyelids drooping as she opened her mind to her. A soft warmth tickled at the back of her mind, calm and steadfast, but also very sad. Seras found herself reliving memories without her control. They flashed by quickly like the flipping of pages.
Her mother and father running in the sunshine, her first crush, hasty kisses behind trees, love notes and breakup letters. First love and first heartbreak, death, her father, her squad, the members of Hellsing. Pain and happiness flashed by so quickly they seemed to bleed together into a sort of gray area of numbness... Slowing now, she could make out individual images. The night she was turned. Security in her Master's arms, the rare gentleness she glimpsed in his eyes, his hand reaching down for hers, being saved by him again and again. His warm arms wrapped around her, his strength steadying her. His bare fingers and his lips on her skin as he cared for her wounds. The look in his eyes as he stared up at her. She saw it all as if she was floating above it. He looked at her, just...just like she looked at him. Was it possible he could...?
Suddenly, like being dunked in ice water, she found herself lying back against the antique loveseat, shaking slightly and out of breath. Already the memories of what had just happened seemed to be slipping away like a half remembered dream. She desperately tried to hold onto them.
Unnoticed Helena carefully wiped the tracks of sparkling tears from her pale cheeks.
"T-Thank you," she said in a wavering voice. "I always wondered what it was like to experience...such, deep emotions." The girl locked eyes with Seras, her eyes still glimmering peculiarly in the candlelight. "I would give anything to be as you are for a single day. Be happy you can feel such things, and don't take them for granted. You have an eternity..."
Quickly the small vampire seemed to regain her composure. She picked up the book she had been reading and carried it to a large over stuffed chair nearby. "Please leave me, Seras Victoria. I need to think."
Still stunned, the blonde vampire got to her feet, mind still reeling from everything that had just happened. She wondered if she could ever gain the ability to experience someone else's thoughts as she was sure Helena had just hers.
Not being able to think of any suitable thing to say, Seras just nodded before taking her leave. It was now fully dark, the moon was up and the stars seemed unnaturally bright. Calmly, as if in a dream, she walked back home. Yes, for the first time it felt as if Hellsing was home. A new life and forever to live it.
"Eternity..." she said softly as her footfalls echoed strangely in the night.
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