God's in 7th Heaven, All's Right with the World

By Cypher

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Anger Management

Simon felt the bed shift and he groaned softly, reaching out for a body to cuddle with. When he found nothing nearby, he squinted his eyes open, fearful he had simply dreamed Terry had come to be with him. The warm spot and indentation right in front of him, however, reassured him that he hadn't been dreaming, and that Terry had come to him.

Stroking the indentation softly, he closed his eyes and let out a slow breath through his nose. He wasn't ready to get up yet. Instead, he tried to remember last night. He remembered having a nightmare, and Terry coming in to comfort him, and on the edges of his memory was Terry's gentle voice, soothing him. He must love me to put up with something stupid like asking him to sing.

He made it through the rest of the night rather well. Whenever he felt a nightmare creeping up in his unconscious, the warmth of Terry's arms around him banished the negative images. Those arms, with the sound of Terry's heartbeat had kept him in a rather comfortable slumber. I shouldn't have tried to sleep alone. But...I felt stupid saying I couldn't.

His bed dipped, and he felt someone run a hand through his hair. He recognized the hand, and the motion. Terry had returned. Probably just had to use the bathroom or something.

"Simon, time to get up."

Burying his head into his pillow, he let out a murmured, "don't wanna." And it was true. He was still tired, though his mind was half conscious with all his thinking.

"We've slept enough. It's nearly ten."

"Ten..." Ten's not so bad. Though...didn't I miss something?

"At night."

That woke Simon up. He opened his eyes and stared at Terry, before spotting the sun streaming through his window. He frowned slightly, pushing himself into a sitting position. "You-"

"Hey, it works on my brother." Terry grinned and helped Simon, kissing his briefly.

Simon grabbed the back of Terry's head and pulled back for another kiss, wanting to feel the tender lips against his own for a longer period of time. Terry didn't put up any resistance, but a twinge of pain from his stomach made him stop, and he pulled away, wincing.

Terry blinked, unsure of what happened, before following Simon's line of site to his abdomen. "Hungry? Or it just hurts."

"A bit of both, I guess." Simon licked his lips. Actually, now that Terry mentioned it, he was hungry.

"Do you need help getting to the bathroom?"

Simon shook his head and slowly stood up. He had to lean on Terry's shoulder a moment, but he soon gained his balance and walked towards the door, trying to ignore the pain each step elicited.

Terry got up as well and put on his bathrobe. "After you get done we'll head downstairs and get something to eat." He smiled. "There's a surprise waiting for you, too."

Simon groaned. He usually loved Terry's surprises, but he wasn't really in the mood. When can I have Advil again? Oh yeah...after I eat. "A surprise?"

"You'll love it, trust me." Terry left the room and went down the hall to get his bag and change into something more suitable for eating in.

Rubbing his eyes, Simon wandered into the bathroom and closed the door. After he did his business and washed his hands, he stared in the mirror. His eye was still swollen, but not nearly as bad as before. Both of his eyes were bloodshot, probably from being woken in the middle of the night by his nightmare, and waking up too early. Though he admitted to himself that now that he was up, he didn't feel nearly as sleepy as before. Guess Terry was right. I just had to get moving. Glancing at the clock, he confirmed that it was ten in the morning. He sighed. I missed Dad's sermon. Not that I really wanted to go... The fact that his parents hadn't gotten him up only attested to how injured he was.

Splashing some water on his face, he noticed he was a bit pale, but he figured that was because his blood seemed to be congregating in his chest and stomach. Hesitating, he lifted his tee-shirt to look at that damage. Like the eye, the bruising had settled a bit, but it was still discolored. Putting the shirt back down, he shut off the water and dried his face off. Terry still loves me, but I'm a mess. How long before I...get back to normal? A small part of his mind wondered if he ever would be back to normal.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. "You okay, Simon?"

Terry. Opening the door, he gave Terry a small smile. "Yeah. Just...thinking."

Terry, now dressed in a black tee-shirt and shorts, offered his hand to Simon. "I thought you could use some help down the stairs."

Simon nodded, accepting the outstretched appendage. As they started down, he could hear voices filtering up through the stairwell. "But...who stayed home? Everyone should be at church."

"Not everyone was up early enough. And besides, these people care enough that they wanted to wait around for you."

Simon furrowed his brow, not understanding what Terry meant. As they neared the bottom of the stairs of their slow decent, however, his look changed from contemplation to confusion. That...sounds like...but it couldn't be...could it?

Terry kissed Simon's temple before making the final turn that would lead them down to the kitchen. "They came for you."

Simon glanced at his boyfriend, then back down the stairs. They...did?

"Simon!" Matt, the one sitting nearest the stairwell, stood up and came over, opening his arms for a hug. "Hey there, little bro. We were beginning to wonder if you would sleep all day."

Simon stared at Matt, somewhat shocked he was there.

Mary came over next, simply smiling. "Hey Simon, how you feeling?"

Simon's gaze shifted to her, and again, he wasn't sure what to say. As he reached the landing, his eyes spotted on more person in the kitchen.

Robbie waved, but went back to cooking, and Simon's nose let him know it was scrambled eggs.

Terry stepped away, and Simon latched onto his arm instinctively. Is this...a dream?

For once, Terry didn't let Simon have his way and removed his arm from the blond's grip. "It's alright, Simon. I'm just going to take over for Robbie. They're here for you, to help you."

Simon could feel tears coming to his eyes, and he didn't want to cry, not again, even if it was because he was happy. When Matt stepped forward and embraced him, he couldn't hold back. He felt the tears escape of their own accord, and he held onto Matt, secure in the fact he was really there, and he wasn't going to leave.

Matt glanced at Terry, but Terry simply shrugged and nudged Robbie, taking charge of the cooking. Wiping his hands on a towel, Robbie came over and crossed his arms. "Simon, you okay?"

Simon nodded, smiling a little through the tears. "I'm just...happy to see you."

"And we're happy to see you, too." Mary patted his shoulder. "Why don't we go to the living room and eat there, and we can talk. All of us."

Simon nodded again and let Matt guide him. Thank you for sending them. Thank you.

~*()*~

Terry rinsed off the frying pan before sticking it in the dish drainer. Breakfast had gone very smoothly, Simon smiling the entire time. He wasn't upset that he couldn't make Simon happy at the moment. He could help Simon, but he wasn't completely what the blond needed right now.

"Really, I just want to give Terry a hand with the dishes. I'll be back soon." Robbie pushed open the door and stepped in, surveying the area.

"I'm afraid you're a bit late. Since you cleaned up the mess from the other family members, it didn't take me long to clean this up."

"That's alright. I really wanted to talk with you." Robbie put his hands in his pockets and leaned against a cupboard. "Are you okay with this? I mean, we just showed up and pretty much took over taking care of him."

"Why wouldn't I be okay with it?" Terry dried his hands and went over to the refrigerator, opening it and searching for a bottle of water.

"Well, I mean, you were sleeping with him."

Terry chuckled and closed the door, cracking the bottle open and taking a few sips. "I was helping him through a rough night. I said it when he came out, and I'll remind you now: I can only help him so much. Nothing can replace his family." He glanced at the door to the living room. "I'm glad you came. I was going to call Matt and see if he could come for a few days anyway."

"Why?"

"Because if I had been attacked I would want my big brother to be there for me, too. Simon needs support and love. I can give him both, but nothing, and I mean nothing, can replace the ones given by siblings. He didn't just let Lucy sit with him yesterday. He allowed Lucy to sit with him because he could feel her support, her love." Terry took another drink from his bottle. "He's fragile right now, vulnerable, and he needs all the love he can get. Before I came along he got it from Matt more than anyone else. He needs Matt to heal. Even if it's only for a few days."

Robbie watched the younger teen, wondering briefly just how old he really was. He makes a good point, though. "Alright, if you're sure."

"Robbie, Simon is smiling. I haven't been able to keep a smile on him for more than a few minutes. He needs this." Terry set the bottle down and rubbed his arm. "And it gives me some time to myself. To work on my own issues."

Blinking, Robbie's mind quickly shifted gears. "Hey, that's right. How're you doing? We were so focused on Simon that-"

"I never even crossed your mind. I know." Terry sighed. "I'd love to say I was okay, but I'm not. The man I love was attacked. And I wasn't there to protect him until after he was hurt. I know it's not my fault, but I can't help feeling partially responsible."

"You're not-"

"I know, I know. That doesn't mean the feelings will just up and vanish, though." Terry ran a hand through his unruly hair. "I guess part of me wonders if I should ask Simon for forgiveness. If I hadn't asked him, he wouldn't have come, and he wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"You could also argue that if you hadn't started dating him, this never would've happened as well."

Terry nodded.

"Of course, he could've still been beaten up for any number of reasons, or hurt in other ways. He could've grown up never knowing his true feelings and been lonely through most of his life."

Terry frowned and looked at Robbie. "Your point being...?"

"You've got nothing to be forgiven for. You love Simon, yes?"

"Of course-"

"And Simon loves you. While you were in here he was saying how great you've been through this." Robbie crossed is arms. "Simon doesn't blame you. If anything, he blames himself."

"I told him he shouldn't-"

"And neither should you." Robbie rubbed his hair, thinking. "You're as much as mess as Simon, it sounds like."

"I guess I am a bit." Terry chuckled. "Talk about the blind leading the blind."

"You did what you had to in order to help Simon. Now why don't you do something to help yourself. Maybe see a therapist or write your feelings down or something. When Simon's better, you won't want him to have to take care of you, do you?"

"No, of course not." Terry picked up his bottle and took another drink, thinking. "Some people say you should face your problem head on."

"What's wrong with that?"

"If I go see those three assholes, I don't know if I can keep my temper long enough to actually face them."

Robbie raised his eyebrows. "You always seemed pretty calm to me."

"It's a family trait. We're very protective over who we love. One time my brother practically tore apart this jerk that put a gash in my arm." He shook his head at Robbie's questioning expression. "LA. Things got a little rowdy from time to time. The point is, we're fiercely protective, and if I face my problems, the people that caused this pain, I don't know if I could walk away without hurting them."

Robbie tilted his head and rubbed his chin. So there is a dark side to Terry. "Well, instead of facing them directly, why don't you face them indirectly? Testify at the school, go to the court hearings, do everything you can to see that justice is served."

"Oh, I intend to do all that. There's no way I'm letting them get away with this. I'm just worried I won't find the closure that I need."

Robbie couldn't argue with that. But what else can he do? Maybe he just needs some...help. "What if someone went with you, to keep you in line?"

"I don't really want Simon seeing me at my worst."

"I meant me."

Terry looked at him.

"Well, if it'll help you get over it, then I don't mind. I'm not nearly as riled with them as Matt, so I can keep my cool. And maybe once you've worked through your problems, you can help Simon even more. You won't be guarding your anger or feelings from him, because you'll have worked through them. Sound like a plan?"

Terry stared at the adopted Camden sibling. It took his mind a few minutes to process everything. "I...you...when did you become so...knowledgeable?"

Robbie shrugged and walked to the door. "Well, I have taken a job at a crisis center. I guess some of it rubbed off."

"Guess so. I'll call Kevin, see if I can arrange the meeting."

"Later. I think Simon's smile might get bigger if you joined us." Robbie held open the door.

Smiling a little, Terry bowed his head and headed for the living room.

~*()*~

The first sound that reached Eric's ears as he entered the kitchen made him pause. Is that Simon...laughing? A glance to his wife confirmed that he wasn't the only one who heard it. Setting his keys down, he followed the sound through the dining room and into the living room. Leaning against the door frame, he smiled at the scene before him.

Simon was sitting on the end of the couch, grinning at Matt as he related a story of some cases that came through the hospital where he interned. Mary was resting in the chair, a glass of water in her hand. Robbie was on the other couch leaning forward and also listening, though Eric noted that Robbie's gaze flitted between Simon and Terry. The latter teen was sitting on the floor in front of Simon, watching his boyfriend with a faint grin. Wonder why he's on the floor. Maybe it's to stay close.

"Is that the same Simon that looked so small and depressed yesterday?"

Eric put his arm around Annie's shoulders as Simon chuckled at something Matt said. "Yeah, I think it is. I guess all he needed was Matt."

"But not me." Annie sighed. "I just wish he'd come to us. I feel so helpless."

"Simon will open up to us in his own time. And besides, Matt will eventually push him towards us, especially when he has to go. He knows Simon will need someone other than Terry to lean on and he'll suggest us."

Annie looked at Eric. "How can you know that?"

"Because I know Matt, and he wants Simon to get well. He'll help direct Simon on how to do that." Pulling his arm away he glanced at his office. "I need to make Simon's appointment with Dr. Gibson. Once I do that I'll help you make lunch."

"Alright." Annie patted Eric's arm and headed for the kitchen.

Eric watched the people in the living room another minute before turning away and walking towards his office. I'm glad Matt came home. He seems to be exactly what Simon needs. He was also glad the others were home, but they were only moral support. It seemed to be only Matt who cheered Simon up. I wonder how long it'll last. Eric did have some reservations that when Matt left, Simon would become depressed again. We'll just have to hope that doesn't happen. Pushing his thoughts aside, Eric picked up the phone and dialed Dr. Gibson's number.

~*()*~

Matt ran a hand through his hair and glanced in the mirror behind him. After the family had come home from church, it didn't take long for the living room party to break up. Mary left first, wanting to catch up with Lucy. Robbie was commandeered by Ruthie and the twins shortly afterward, and like a good big brother Robbie let them. Simon's mood had dipped momentarily at their absence, but otherwise he continued to talk and appeared happy. Before long, though, Terry got a call on his cell phone from his brother, and he had to run home for something. Kissing Simon's forehead and promising to be back in a couple hours, Terry left Simon in Matt's hands.

Matt noticed, however, that when Terry left Simon's mood changed. He hunched over as he sat, like he was shielding himself from some danger. His smile was still present, but to Matt it seemed forced, hollow. Matt knew something was definitely up when he told a joke and Simon didn't laugh, as he had done earlier. At first Matt was a bit upset as he thought he was the reason Simon's mood had improved. Before he could think too much on it, though, he heard his parents in the kitchen and decided to help Simon clean up before lunch.

So, with much prodding and pushing, Matt convinced Simon to take a shower, though Simon had the condition that Matt remain nearby in case he needed help. Matt agreed, and while he felt his anger rise when he saw Simon's injuries, he clamped down on it and simply offered a supportive smile. Now that Simon was in the shower, Matt was sitting on the toilet, waiting. His mind wandered without him meaning for it to. It started on how fragile Simon seemed, and then went to what he wanted to do to those that had attacked Simon, followed shortly by what could be done medically to help heal the bruising and ease Simon's pain. He started paying attention to his mind when it couldn't move past Terry's exit, and how his absence brought Simon's mood down. But he was smiling and laughing because of me, right? It wasn't a front, I'd have picked up on that. So why was Terry's leaving so...hurtful to him?

Picking up a rubber ducky, he tossed it from hand to hand, trying to work it out. Well, let's look at it from Simon's point of view. Terry was here, but he didn't say much on account of us. He slept with Simon, but he didn't seem very clingy. The image of Simon clutching onto Terry's arm after coming down the stairs, almost as if he was afraid to be left alone, came to the forefront of his mind. Okay, maybe he is a bit clingy.

Shifting back, he tossed the bath toy into the air. Maybe that's it. He's afraid to be alone, to not have Terry nearby. But he feels somewhat safe with me, otherwise he'd turn into a lump, like yesterday. Lucy said he just kinda sat there. But what about his smile? Why did he stop...smiling?

Glancing at his watch, he did a double take as he realized Simon had been in the shower twenty minutes. Setting the duck aside, he stood and gripped the edge of the shower curtain. "Simon? You okay in there, buddy?" He waited a minute for Simon to respond, but nothing was forthcoming. "Simon?" Trying not to let his worry show, he pushed the curtain aside.

He had to steel himself again as he saw his brother's body, the injuries accented red by the hot moisture. Simon himself didn't look much better. He was resting against the wall staring off at nothing as the steaming hot water pounded against him. Matt wasn't sure what had put Simon into this shocked state, but he knew he had to snap his brother out of it.

Turning off the stream of water, he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Simon's shoulders, guiding the teen out of the tub. "Hey, come on Simon. It's alright." It took him a few minutes to steady Simon, but once he had, Matt grabbed another towel and began to gently dry Simon off. The younger man flinched when Matt patted the bruised areas, and Matt began to suspect that they were the cause for Simon's current mental state. Seeing himself in the shower and washing must've...shocked him or something. As he thought about it further, Matt realized that all morning Simon had kept himself well covered, constantly tugging his sleeves and shirt down.

Drying Simon's hair, Matt berated himself mentally. And I push him to take a shower. Great thinking, Matt. Some way to take care of your brother. Tossing the towels aside, Matt took Simon's robe from its hook and draped it over the blond's shivering form. "It's okay, Simon. You're safe. Let's just go to your room and get you dressed."

Simon didn't really respond, but Matt knew at least part of his message got through as Simon first blinked slowly, then walked towards the door. Gathering up the discarded clothes Simon had been wearing earlier, Matt followed his brother silently. When's Terry getting back? It looks like Simon could really use his support right now.

~*()*~

"I can't believe those...those...those komon!"

Robbie sat back on Terry's couch as the teen prowled the living room. An hour after the twins and Ruthie had pulled him away from Simon, he had decided to see how things were going with the group he had left downstairs. He found out Terry had gone home and Matt was getting Simon cleaned up. So, thinking that it would be a good chance to help Terry through his emotional problems, he borrowed Simon's car and went over to the model's house.

He found that Terry was well ahead of him, and had already dealt with his brother's problem. When he had arrived, Terry was on the phone to the police to try and set up a group session between him and the three attackers. While Robbie hadn't heard the entire discussion, the end result was very clear: his request had been denied.

"What about the right to confront them?! Don't those idiots know I have the right to at least do that?! Assholes..." Terry collapsed on the other couch and glared at the coffee table, as if it were the cause for his anger.

Robbie filed the word 'komon' away mentally to look up its meaning, though he had a feeling it wasn't a word that should be repeated in public. This is just his anger culminating after building up for so long. He was going to unleash it on the three boys, and now he doesn't have that outlet, so it's exploding now. He wondered if perhaps he had hung around Reverend Camden too much, as he didn't used to know that much about emotional states. "It could just be that the parents are afraid of what you'd do to them. You've already hurt them pretty well."

"You bet I did! Those damnable ignorants were assaulting the man I love! What was I supposed to do? Ask them to stop nicely?"

Robbie ignored the sarcastic tone and held up his hands. "I understand, Terry. If someone had attacked my girlfriend, I'd probably do the same thing."

"I doubt it." Terry ran a hand through his hair and sat back on the couch. "I was ready to just...dispense with them and damn the consequences. They hurt Simon, and not just physically." He crossed his arms and stared at the floor, torn between his anger and his concern for his boyfriend. "What if they've truly scared him psychologically? What if...what if the sweet, generous Simon that I love, that we all love, is gone because of what they've done?"

"Simon's still recovering, but there's no reason to think he'll be changed too much by this. He has a loving and supportive family, he has you, and he has his friends." Robbie clasped his hands together. "It's you I'm worried about. Your brother and best friend are overseas, and your mother is...well, who knows. I think Simon will return from wherever he is because of the support he has. But you...will you recover?"

"I've lived this long with little support before-"

"But now your built in support is gone. Your brother isn't going to be here to talk to you, you can't go over and rant to your best friend, and your teacher's retired. All you have is, well, yourself, and the Camdens."

Terry frowned, his glare returning as he looked at the table again. "Thanks for pointing that out, Robbie, because after all, I had no clue about who I had in my life."

"I didn't mean-"

"I know I'm alone, okay?! I don't need you to remind me! You don't think I wish Jordon where here right now so I could yell and hit and cry and hug him as much as I needed to get this out of my system? You don't think I want Amber here to give me advice and tips on how to handle the stress? You don't really think I don't know how alone I am right now and how I hate it? I know, Robbie!" Terry dropped his head into his hands. "God I wish Jordon was here."

Robbie took no offense to the outburst. Terry was just upset at the moment, and understandably so. The question is, how can I help when he's hurting so much? He blames himself, he hates those three boys, and he fears how Simon will come out. That's a lot to cover, and I have no idea where to start. "So, um, what would you do if he was here?"

Terry looked over to him. "Probably engage in a sparing match while ranting, which would eventually lead to a breakdown with me crying and him holding me. Then maybe we'd clean up, lie down, and just talk through things a bit..." He put his head back down. "And no, you wouldn't make a good substitute. For one thing, I'd land you in the ER room on the sparing alone."

Robbie conceded that point. "Well...why don't you visit him? Or he visit you for a few days?"

"I won't leave Simon, and he's got school."

Okay, so much for that idea. Robbie rubbed his chin. "What about the gym? Can't you let out your anger at a punching bag or something?"

"Nothing is quite as satisfying as beating up your brother." A small smirk touched Terry's face before fading away. "But yeah, I think I'll be heading for the gym a lot more than I have."

"So that takes care of your physical anger. What about your emotional anger? You have to deal with that, too."

"I know, Robbie. I'm not a kid."

"So you'll see a therapist?"

"If I have to. I'm hoping Amber and Jordon will make themselves more available, though."

"You don't like therapists?"

Terry ran a hand through his hair. "No, but I've always found it easier to talk my problems over with my family." He closed his eyes. "I'll call my mom, though, see if she would recommend someone."

Robbie nodded. "You do need to rant to someone about those, how did you put it? 'Damnable ignorants.' Otherwise the anger will eat you away inside."

"Yes, yes, I know." Terry let out a frustrated sigh through his nose before composing himself. "So...we should head back."

"You're already okay?" Robbie frowned. He got over it way too quickly.

"Hardly, but I promised Simon I'd be back, and I have to be okay for him. Besides I...feel we should get back soon." Terry stood and grabbed his helmet. "So let's head back."

Shaking his head, Robbie got up and pulled out the keys to Simon's car.

"Robbie?"

Robbie paused and looked at Terry.

"Thanks. I...you have helped, really."

"Any time." Robbie patted Terry's back and headed out the front door.

Pulling on his helmet, Terry shut the door behind him and headed for his bike.

~*()*~

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, almost as if reality were drenched in some gel. Before he could really register it, though, a fist struck his face.

"Faggot!"

Two arms hauled him up, twisting them, hurting him.

"You think you can just show up here? We don't want your kind!"

Someone jerking one of his arms, bruising it. He tried to call out, but he didn't. He couldn't. Why? What kept him quiet?

"You call yourself a Christian? You're not Christian! You're an abomination!"

A fist connected with his stomach, and he tried to double over, to protect himself, but the hands wouldn't let him go.

"We're gonna make sure your boyfriend never wants to touch you again, you freak!"

More fists struck him. In his stomach, in his chest, he couldn't breathe, everything was blurry. This couldn't be happening, not tonight, not ever. But it was.

"Go ahead and cry, queer, like the girl you are!"

And then suddenly the fists stopped, and the hands let him go and he fell. He couldn't stop himself, he just collapsed and curled up, wishing for help, for salvation, for anyone to come and save him.

And then two new hands touched him, gently, kindly. And a voice he knew, a voice he felt safe with...

"Simon. Simon?"

Simon blinked and looked up at the figure before him, Matt, he realized after a minute. He had a concerned look on his face, and his shirt was slightly damp. It took Simon a few more minutes to orient himself, to remember where he was. Once he was able to establish that he was sitting on his bed in his room, he tried to calm himself down. His heart was still pounding, but he wasn't breathing as hard as he was a moment ago. Closing his eyes, he swallowed a couple of times, and that seemed to work.

He felt the bed dip and Matt rub his back. He hunched his shoulders slightly, once more protecting himself. "Are you okay, Simon? You really gave me a scare when you started hyperventilating."

Simon nodded. "Yeah, and I'm...sorry."

"So why don't you tell me what put you into such a shocked state?"

Simon bit his lip and looked at the floor. He didn't know if he wanted to share what he remembered. But...I owe him for bringing me out of that memory, and for scaring him, right? Though...if he hadn't pushed me to shower, to see myself and my wounds in their entirety, I never would've remember. So it's his fault, and I don't owe him, right? He glanced up and took in his brother's caring but worried look. I have to tell someone, and I don't want to tell Terry, or mom or dad, and Lucy...Lucy doesn't deserve to hear my horror story. Sighing, he fell back on his bed. "I...remembered."

He felt Matt lie next to him, felt his eyes watching him. Simon sighed again and deliberately didn't meet Matt's look. He was having enough trouble not breaking down without seeing if Matt was giving him a sympathetic or pitying look.

"Remembered?"

"The attack. I remember everything. What they said, what they did...everything." And truth be told, I wish I didn't.

"You didn't before? But you had a nightmare."

"Before I could only really remember the emotions, how I felt. Before, everything was a blur between that first hit and being protected in Terry's arms. I...I couldn't see the people, or hear what they were saying. I just knew I was hurt and scared, and I couldn't cry no matter how much I wanted to. Now I know why..." Simon turned his head to the side and stared at the wall. He was even closer to crying than before, and he didn't want to. Not in front of Matt, not with the accusation he remembered in his head.

A hand grasped his and Simon squeezed it reflexively, trying to draw strength from the grip. He understands this is hard. He's not pushing me. He's just letting me get it out at my own pace.

"It's okay to cry in front of me, Simon. I won't think less of you. No one will. This was traumatic, and crying can relieve some of the stress." Matt sat up a bit, trying to see Simon's face.

"But that's what they wanted! To make me...make me less of a man!" Despite his outburst, he felt a few tears escape his eyes and slide down his cheeks. No! I won't cry. I can't!

Matt started rubbing Simon's arm gently, trying to convey comfort without hurting a bruise. "You're not less of a man for crying, Simon. I taught you that-"

"And look where it got me! Your way just proves that they're right, that crying does make me less of a man!"

"Why? Because three idiots with their heads up their butts say so? Not a very convincing argument."

"What do you know! You've never been hurt like this! You don't know how much I'm hurting, how afraid I am!"
Matt remained silent for a minute, then responded in a quiet voice. "You're right, I don't. But I'm trying to help, to empathize, to understand. No one deserves this, least of all you. But it has happened, and you've got cope, to not let it destroy you. If you let what they've done change you, make you bitter and terrified of not just the world, but your own personal values and beliefs, then you've let them win." Matt squeezed Simon's hand. "Don't let them win. You're stronger than that, better than that. We all know you can beat this, you just have to know that yourself."

Simon deflated at Matt's statement, grabbing his pillow and hugging it as the tears continued to fall. I haven't been fair to him, to any of them, but it's so hard. I...I'm afraid to be vulnerable, even with my family. He felt Matt scoop him up and hug him, and all of a sudden he found himself crying, letting himself cry to someone other than Terry. And he found it...wasn't as scary as he thought it would be. In fact, it was relieving.

Matt continued to hold Simon, finding himself remembering earlier times, when Simon had been younger and still needed to be held and protected by his big brother. If only I lived closer, I could really be here for you. He made a mental promise to visit and call more often than he had.

After a while Matt felt Simon calm down and pulled away. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, a little." Simon rubbed his arms and sat back, sniffing slightly. He knew Matt would probably push him to tell everything he remembered about the attack. I don't think I can share it, not yet.

"Alright." Matt ruffled Simon's hair. "You don't have to say anything to me. I won't push, I know this is hard." Matt held up a hand as Simon's mouth dropped open. "But you have to promise me you'll tell someone, someone other than Terry. Mom, dad, the therapist, someone. And don't even think you're getting out of therapy. You need to talk to someone outside this family. And remember, don't let anyone push you to tell when you're not ready. We all want you to heal, but you must always remember to do it at your own pace and in your own time."

Simon nodded, closing his mouth and staring at his older brother. Matt's tone was warm, but it left no room for argument. Shifting a little, he rested against Matt and closed his eyes. "Thank you. I...I guess I just needed to hear it."

"You've been through a hardship, Simon. This will be a bumpy road, but we'll be here for you, all of us. And you know that day or night, if you need to reach me, you can." Matt hugged Simon again. "Alright? I'll always be here for you, even when I'm not physically here."

"Alright." Simon sat there for a bit, trying to push the memory of his attack away, to live in the now. "Matt? I...I love you. And thank you, really."

"I love you too, little bro. Now, why don't we get you dressed and we'll head down to lunch."

Simon nodded and sat up, reaching for a shirt. "Do you think...do you think Terry's back yet?"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

Simon smiled briefly at the thin joke. "No, but...I just feel safer with him. And after remembering that...I could really use a hug from him. A reminder that he saved me, that it's over."

Matt understood and patted Simon's shoulder lightly. "I'm sure he'll be back any minute." He stood up and headed for the door. "I'm going to grab another shirt, then we'll head down, alright?"

"Okay." Simon struggled with his shirt, but was proud that he could get it on without help. He looked around and put on a clean pair of sweat pants. Terry can help me find something comfortable and easy to put on tomorrow. He walked towards the door. Though...I really should get used to not having him around again...right? He shook his head. Maybe in a couple days. Right now...I don't think I could make it without him. He felt Matt's hand on his shoulder, and nodded in greeting, starting down the stairs slowly.

~*()*~

Terry hung back as Simon hugged his brother and sister good-bye. The last couple days had passed quickly, with Simon coming out of his shell inch by inch, slowly returning to his normal self. He still couldn't go a night without Terry nearby to chase the nightmares away, especially now that he remembered the attack itself, and wasn't just dealing with the emotions. I wish I could've been there to help, Simon. The instant he and Robbie had stepped through the doorway, Simon had come over and hugged him tightly, so much that Terry lost his breath for a moment or two.

Matt had explained what had happened later, while Robbie and Simon had played a short game of checkers. Terry was extremely grateful for Matt handling it, and had hugged Matt in thanks, though the older Camden seemed a bit uncomfortable at the gesture. Simon had talked to him as well, explaining what had happened and why he had clung to Terry so much earlier. Terry was just glad to see Simon get better.

Other things happened as well. Eric had set up an appointment with Doctor Gibson, who Terry was driving Simon to after seeing his siblings off. Mary had talked to Annie and it was decided Simon would get some time off from school, though Terry announced he would attend school after a couple days. He was graduating, after all, but he didn't remind Simon of that. Simon's mood was finally picking up, and Terry didn't want to depress him with the thought that he might go in about a month. I'd tell him, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. Terry smiled a bit at that thought.

"Hey there." Robbie put a hand on Terry's shoulder.

"Hey."

"You going to be okay?"

Terry nodded. He was making regular visits to the gym, to work out his anger. He had also called Amber to try and set up a true venting session with both her and his brother, and that was going to happen in a couple days. It wasn't conventional, but then again, he had never been really conventional. "It'll take a while, but I think I'll be able to put it behind me. Especially for him."

Robbie glanced at Simon. "Well, if you ever need to talk, you have my number."

Terry nodded again and offered his hand. "If I ever need to talk, I'll call. I promise."

Robbie shook the offered hand and headed for the boarding area, giving Simon a brief hug on his way.

Terry shifted his weight and returned the wave Mary gave him. She hadn't said much, other than the suggestion for a break academically for Simon, but the moral support she offered just being present aided Simon. He raised his eyebrow when Matt said something to Mary and headed over towards him. Hmm?

"Um, Terry...thanks for taking care of him, and watching out for him."

"I love him, Matt. I always will."

"Yeah, well...thanks." He glanced at Simon, who was giving both of them a curious look. "Look, I don't mind you holding Simon at night or anything, but if you and he-"

"I promise his honor shall not be besmirched under the eaves of your parents' house." Terry chuckled. "Don't worry, Matt. Neither of us are ready for that, and we know that." He patted Matt's arm. "Have a good flight home. And I'll remind Simon to call every now and then."

Matt hesitated, then nodded and headed back towards the plane, hugging Simon once more before boarding.

Terry tossed his keys into the air a couple times as Simon made his way back over. "So, you ready?"

"Not really." Simon looked out the window to the planes as he stuffed his hands into his jeans. "I'm just...a bit nervous, you know? And Matt just left..."

"We'll do fine, Simon. And he'll always be just a phone call away." He hugged Simon and kissed his forehead. "We'll be fine, Simon."

Simon lifted his head and locked his lips with Terry's. He needed the connection, the reminder he was still in the now.

Terry broke the connection quickly, though, squeezing Simon's waist. "We need to go. You'll be late."

Sighing, Simon nodded. "As long as...as long as we continue later."

Terry grinned. "Deal."

~*()*~

Simon removed his helmet and stared at the office in front of him. He felt a bit out of place here, and he still wasn't sure if he could go through with this. But I promised Matt I would, and I do need to talk with someone. I can't keep this inside. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulders as Terry kissed his neck.

"You sure you don't want me to wait and bring you home? I wouldn't mind."

Simon set his helmet on the back of Terry's motorcycle and turned around, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. He did want Terry to be there, but he didn't want to burden the model with any emotional fallout that might occur from the session. "I'm sure. Lucy's going to come and get me." He held Terry tighter.

Terry stroked the back of Simon's neck and dipped his head to give Simon one last kiss before leaving. While he had figured out how to deal with his issues, he knew it was ten times harder for Simon. I'm here for you, though, and I'll be as stable and present as you need. Always.

Simon broke the kiss after a few minutes and let out a content sigh. "Thank you. I needed that."

Terry smirked. "Anytime."

Stepping back and unzipping his jacket, Simon smiled softly. "So...I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course. I promised I would be there for you for as long as you need, and I meant it." Terry ran a hand through his hair.

Simon nodded. "Alright. I'll...see you when I get home."

Terry smiled and put his own helmet back on. "See you there."

Simon waved before turning and walking into the rectangular building. Doctor Gibson was on the fourth floor, and as he waited for the elevator, he glanced around, his nervousness growing. He was about to tell a stranger his innermost thoughts, his fears and possibly desires. So little in his life was private, and now he was going to open his most secret of places to somebody his dad had set him up with.

Dad... Simon leaned against the back of the elevator as it slowly ascended. He took comfort in the fact that his father had done the same thing and had emerged pretty much unscathed. If he can do it, so can I. He stepped into the hallway and walked towards the office. Matt's also expecting me to, and he usually knows what's best for me. He waited outside the office door, staring at the nameplate. And Terry...I want to get better, not just for me, but for him as well.

The door opened and Simon found himself face to face with Doctor Gibson. "I was about to see if you had gotten lost. Won't you come in?"

Simon stepped around the doctor and took a seat on the couch, flashing briefly to another time he sat on a couch, feeling just this nervous. That time Terry helped me, and I found who I was. He settled back, relaxing a bit as the doctor took his seat. I think...I think I can find myself again.

~*()*~

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Komon: asshole (in this case, it has multiple meanings)

Author's Prattle: Well, after a LOOOOONG delay, here's Chapter 29! Sorry it's a bit...jumbled, but it was a difficult chapter to write, ironic since I've experienced at least half the events that occurred. But Simon and Terry just wouldn't work in my head. Plus I had this homicidal mutant screaming in my other ear, along with a couple SG-1 slash plot bunnies, and of course school is always tossing crap at me. That reminds me...physics homework.

Disclaimers. I don't own 7th Heaven, its characters or settings. They belong to Brenda Hampton and Aaron Spelling. I do own the plot, Terry, Jordon, and Amber. Ask permission before using them, please.

As for chapter thirty...I've started it, but it's NaNoWriMo, and I figure I'll be pretty busy until December, and then there's Christmas shopping and finals...to tell the truth, I have no idea when the next chapter will be out. Life was so much easier when I only wrote in two or three genres...damn you creative juices! Any who, I'll try to have it out soon. As always, I hope you enjoyed, and reviews are welcome!