God's in 7th Heaven, All's Right with the World

By Cypher

Chapter Thirty-one: Breaking Up is Hard to Do

"I love you, and I'm willing to do anything to make sure our love survives. So will you, Simon Camden, do me the honor of promising to be with me? To enter into a completely monogamous relationship with a symbol of our love that others can recognize?"

"Simon! Earth to Simon! Come in Simon!"

"Huh? What?" Simon shook his head and spotted Lucy giving him an amusing look. "What?"

"You're spacing out again. And with that grin, I can guess what you were thinking."

"Hey, you still stare at your ring, and it was a special moment." Simon shrugged and crossed his arms. "Besides, it's summer. I can space out all I want."

"Uh huh." Lucy kept smirking and dug through the refrigerator. "How come you're making a picnic instead of grabbing some food on the way?"

"I'm saving up. I…want to get him something special for our two year anniversary." He felt his cheeks go a bit red at the admittance, but he wasn't nearly as embarrassed as he used to be. Two years since we've been together. Sometimes it seems like less.

"That's sweet of you." Pulling out the mustard, she placed it in the basket, squeezing it between some potato salad and a sandwich she couldn't identify. "I'm sure he'll love whatever you get."

Simon nodded and made sure he had packed some juice. Terry was on a citrus kick this week, mainly because he hadn't been drinking much orange juice since he had moved in with the Camdens. Must be low on, what did they call it in biology, fructose? I think that's it.

"Is he all settled back home?"

"Yeah, though he has no idea where to put the new statue he got as a Grad gift." It was a miniature Roman sculpture, from an ex-boyfriend currently attending The Academy of Art. Other than that, though, Terry had comfortably moved back into his home with little fuss, though he did say it seemed just as lonely as it did before. He still misses Jordon, or at least another presence in the house. He made a mental note to ask his dad if he could stay at Terry's for more than a weekend.

"Well, I think you're set." Lucy closed the basket and patted Simon's back. "Good luck and have fun."

"We will. Next time you and Kevin should come with us."

"If he's not on duty, sure. It's a date."

Picking up the basket, he made a quick exit and got in his car. He was going to pick up Terry at his house. The house he gave me the key to. Terry felt that, with Simon's new position in his life, it was the least he could do. Lord knows Terry could walk into my house unannounced easily. Shifting his car into gear, he pulled out of the driveway and drove off.

~*()*~

"I can't believe you talked me into trying Cat's Cradle before my date. I haven't even got my shirt on, you know."

"Terry-"

Terry ignored his brother and manipulated the string in his hands. "Okay, I'm in second position, what do I do from here?"

Jordon sighed on the other end of the line. "Weave your fingers into third and first, and flip outward."

It was vague, but Terry knew his brother, and what he meant. It took him a minute, and as he finished, he looked over the new shape between his fingers. "This game is harder than it looks. Now-"

"Terry! Can we get back to the real reason I called?"

The teen simply rolled his eyes and continued fiddling with the material he was holding. "I'm not changing my mind, aniki. I'm staying out for a year, and I'm going wherever Simon goes."

"You're making a huge mistake. No offence to your lover, but do you really expect him to get into a decent school, a school of your caliber?"

"Need I remind you that his brother is going to Columbia?"

"As a graduate. Ototou, you're being offered great places as an undergrad! You can't pass them all up! Yale, Stanford-"

"You know my feelings on Stanford, and Tokyo U. I don't want to go where there's family history." Tossing the string aside, Terry stepped away from the phone and looked through his closet for an appropriate picnic shirt.

"Fine. Then what about Harvard? Or UCLA? Hell, even the University of Kyoto! And as I recall, you said something about getting a call from Oxford in England."

"That was simply a reference for a friend, though they made me an offer to apply. I declined." He pulled out a red tank-top and put it on. It was a fairly warm day, so he figured he wouldn't need much more than that.

"And you shouldn't have! You can't give up these great colleges for something like…like…like Crawford!"

He sighed and took a seat on his bed again. "I want to go where Simon goes, be it Crawford, be it Princeton."

"You're throwing your life away by doing it! I can't let you do that, ototou."

"I'm eighteen. What're you going to do? Scold me? Beat me up? You lost the last time we fought."

Jordon scoffed over the phone. "Only because I was distracted. And I'll find something to do. Now listen, I know a guy on the UCLA admissions board. I can make a call, pull a few strings, and get you enrolled in the fall semester."

"The answer is no, aniki, and it's final." Glancing at the clock, Terry stood again and grabbed his wallet. "I'm going now. And I don't want any more calls regarding this. The subject is closed."

"Like hell I'm going to sit by and let you-"

"Sayonara, aniki." Terry turned off the phone and stuck his wallet in his back pocket. He searched for his watch, then remembered he left it out in the living room. As he left the hall he nearly jumped when he spotted Simon sitting on the armrest of the couch by the door. "Simon! Great, sorry about that. I had a call from…you okay?" His smile dimmed as he saw the upset, even hurt face of his boyfriend. "Simon, are you okay?"

Simon stuck a hand in his pocket and rubbed his head. "I, um, I actually just came over to tell you that…something came up. We…can't go out today."

Terry blinked and crossed his arms. "Is everything alright? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No. I just…I'll call you later." That said, the blond turned and walked off.

Terry watched him go, and heard a car drive off a minute later. Something's bothering him, but what? He went to the coffee table and got his watch, glancing at his ring as he put it on. I'll call Lucy later. She probably knows what it's about.

~*()*~

Simon sat at the park, watching not the people around him, or the summer games going on, but the sky. His arms were out to the side, and his light blue shirt was open, revealing his white, low-cut tank-top. He had worn it for Terry, to show off his form while they enjoyed their picnic. A picnic that was, at the moment, going bad in his car.

He must've not heard me come in. Otherwise he wouldn't have kept talking on speakerphone. Granted, when Simon had arrived, he hadn't really announced himself. He was hoping to surprise Terry with a hug from behind, like the model had done to him on numerous occasions. When he reached the hallway, though, he could hear Terry talking, and Jordon's voice, though on a phone, carried pretty well.

And he had just stood there, listening to them bicker. Terry had been so adamant, just saying he would stay and go wherever Simon did, and Jordon…Jordon belittling the decision on the grounds that it would ruin his life. And would it, staying with me instead of going to college? His mind quickly returned to the month Jordon had kept him from seeing Terry because of AP testing. He's been preparing to go to college for so long, and now he's…giving up everything for me.

When Terry had said goodbye, he had moved to the living room, a whole new host of thoughts in his head. Before, when Terry had given him the ring and revealed that he was staying, it'd seemed romantic, loving. Now, though….I can't let him do this. Not for me. I…we can make a long-distance relationship work. And…and UCLA's not that far from here. A few hours by car. He glanced down his arm to his hand. But he'd never leave me, not after the attack, not after all the fears and worries he's heard from me.

That means there's only one way I can push him into this. He folded his arms in and held his hands over his head, staring as the sun glinted off the silver resting on one finger. He's afraid of hurting me, of leaving me alone without his support or love. He sat forward and rested his hands in his lap, his eyes never leaving the ring on his finger. I can't…I won't live with the guilt of knowing I held him back. I won't have that on my shoulders. Slowly, almost as if he was afraid, Simon gripped the metal between two fingers and carefully removed it.

He now held the ring in his palm, his eyes going over every inch of its surface, as if memorizing it. He was surprised when a droplet landed next to the silver, along with another, and more followed that. He hadn't even felt the tears form in his eyes, but that was probably because all he could feel was a pain in his chest and the unease growing in his stomach. I don't want to, I love him so much, but…he could be so great. He…deserves the chance to do what he's been working for all this time. He closed his hand around the symbol of love Terry had given him, and shut his eyes as the tears continued to flow. I have no choice. This is…the only way.

~*()*~

Lucy circled an ad in the newspaper. It was the third apartment ad she had circled today. Each one was a place she wanted to check out with Kevin, to see if they could move there. Kevin's still a bit unsure about it, but all we need to do is find the right place. She had hoped to 'house sit' for Terry while he was away from college, but that was out of the question, now.

Leaning back in her chair, she smiled a little to herself. Terry had certainly dropped a bombshell when he said he was waiting for Simon to graduate before going to college. Not even her father had said anything to convince the model otherwise. Dad… Her smile shrank a bit. It seemed lately that her father had something on his mind, something he was trying to hide from the rest of the family. I wonder if this has to do with Grandpa.

She wouldn't be surprised if it did. In fact, that's what the house majority believed, that something had happened to Grandpa or Ginger and their mother had gone to fix it. Ginger wouldn't leave Grandpa for a couple days. That was the excuse her father had made, but it was pretty false. Camdens just can't lie. The phone by her arm rang, shaking her out of her thoughts as she picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Luce. It's Terry. Do you know what's up with Simon?"

"Simon? What do you mean?"

"Well, he came over for the picnic, but then left because something came up. He looked upset."

Upset? "That's odd. He was really looking forward to going out with you."

"Then do you know why he had wanted to cancel?"

"Maybe he saw an old friend that needed help on his way over." She could hear Terry mulling that idea over. "It would explain why he wanted to leave."

"Yeah, it would. But…from the look in his eyes…"

The back door opened and closed behind her, and Lucy quickly turned in her seat. "Hold on, that might be him right now."

Indeed, it was her brother. Instead of asking who it was, though, he simply shook his head and waved her away, hurrying up the stairs. Terry's right. Something's wrong. "No, false alarm. Just my dad getting something he forgot."

"Alright. Well, whenever he gets home, tell him to give me a call. I…I'm worried."

So am I. "Don't worry, I will. Now, if you excuse me, dad's making the 'we need to talk' sign."

"Gotcha. Bye."

"Bye." Lucy hung up and her gaze drifted to the stairwell Simon had ascended just a few minutes ago. Let's see what's going on. Tucking the paper away, she walked up the stairs. Ruthie was out, and the twins were at their first Bible camp. That should give me and Simon a while to talk. Not hearing anyone in the bathroom, she went to his door and knocked on it. "Simon?"

It was silent for a minute, then a muffled "go away" drifted through the air. Lucy thought about leaving, but decided against it. This seems serious. Hoping she wasn't making a mistake by not respecting Simon's wishes, she turned the knob and stepped into the room. "I can't."

Simon made no move from his bed, didn't even acknowledge she had entered the room. That bothered Lucy. Simon's usually very testy about respecting his privacy. Instead, he was sitting hunched over on the edge of his bed. He was staring at something in his hand, the ring Terry had given him.

"I want to be alone."

The hitched breathing and tone alerted Lucy to the fact that Simon had been crying. Then she spotted a tear fall from his chin. Is crying. He's crying. Why? Slowly, she walked over to the bed and sat next to him. She wanted to rest her hand on his back, but had a feeling he wouldn't want that right now. "Simon, what's wrong?"

This time Simon did move. The hand holding the ring clenched into a fist, and he lifted his head to glare at his sister, his eyes tinged red, revealing he'd been crying for a while. "I said go away! Get out and leave me alone! Is that too much to ask for?! Is that too much for you to understand?!"

Lucy tried not to look shaken. After all, if she was going to be a minister, she'd be getting this treatment from time to time. She did, however, scoot over a little. "I understand that, Simon. But I'm worried about you, and so is Terry-"

"Well stop! I don't need you to worry about me and I don't need Terry to either!"

That surprised Lucy. "Simon, I'm your sister, and Terry's your boyfriend-"

"He's not any more!"

Lucy stopped mid-sentence and stared at her younger brother, not even aware her mouth was hanging open. "What?"

Simon took a shuddering breath and turned away from his sister. His voice was quieter, smaller, this time. "He's not my boyfriend anymore. H-he can't be."

Watching his back for another minute, she lifted her hand to touch him, but thought better of it and brought it back. No wonder he's so shaken up. But…why? Terry would've been broken up to. She had a sinking feeling that Terry didn't know. "Y-you're right. I'll leave you alone." Standing, she walked over to the door.

"Lucy?"

Lucy put her hand on the door and glanced over her shoulder.

Simon still wasn't facing her, but his voice carried its way to the door. "Please…don't tell him"

She wouldn't. She still couldn't believe she had heard what she had from Simon's mouth. It's not my place, anyways. "Alright." She stepped out of the room and went back down the stairs, wondering just what had happened that morning, and why her brother was doing this.

~*()*~

The tension in the Camden household was palpable. Ruthie was tense because of something Peter had said and he had come over to handle it. Eric was still trying to keep the real reason for Annie's trip to Arizona a secret, while handling the twins, who hadn't had the great time at Bible camp that they had been promised. Lucy and Kevin were conspicuously absent, Lucy being on edge about something, and Kevin, picking up on this, took her out.

Simon, however, was the worst of the lot. While he picked up on theirs peripherally, his own feelings overwhelmed his concern for his family. Even Happy was avoiding him, hiding out in the living room. It's for the best. I have to…I have to do this for him. It had taken him hours to get his tears under control. Even now he was having trouble holding them back. But he had a mission to complete tonight, and he wasn't going to let anything stop him.

He simply left a note for his father, telling him he'd be going out, and would be back by curfew. He didn't want to face his father, or anybody for that matter. He really didn't want to face Terry, but his mind was made up, even though his heart wasn't. Even now, when he was sitting in his car outside of Terry's house.

Don't do this, Simon. You know you don't want to.

Simon took a deep breath. I have to. I can't hold him back, I won't.

So you're just going to leave him after all he's done? He moved in with your family so he could help you heal. He's been there for you ever since you became a couple. He's postponing college for you.

And that's wrong! He…he could be so great. I'll just drag him down. I'll go to Crawford, like the rest of my family, and I know he'll regret not going to the school of his choice, a prestigious school of his choice, when that happens.

You don't know that. You're not God. You can't see what's going to happen. He loves you, Simon. Trust in him.

I do, I just…he loves me so much that he's not thinking of himself. He's been working so hard these past couple of years. What right do I have to keep him from achieving a goal he's sought for so long?

His mind was strangely silent at the question, and he knew there was no real answer to that question. Terry might love him, but he was sacrificing too much. He'll never leave me to go to college. You know this is the only way.

And he still felt sick to his stomach about his decision.

Getting out of his car, he dragged his feet as he approached the house that had been almost like a second home. It had been his sanctuary when he came out to his family. It was where he had agreed to be Terry's boyfriend. Stay strong. He's done so much for me. It…it's the least I can do for him.

"Simon? Hey!" Terry gave Simon an uncertain smile. "Is everything okay?"

Simon stepped into the house and shut the door. He had to make this brief, and make a quick getaway before he broke down. He wouldn't be able to hold himself together for long.

"Simon?"

He avoided looking into Terry's eyes, licking his lips as he tried to get the words out. "Terry, I think…I think we should break up."

Terry hesitated, then stepped forward. "What?"

"I said I think we should break up."

Terry reached out and put his hands on Simon's shoulders. "Simon, look me in the eyes. What's this about?"

"I just…I changed my mind, okay? The ring, the promise…it was just too much pressure, and I can't." He still didn't meet Terry's eyes, though. He couldn't. Terry could always read his face, especially his eyes.

Terry held him another minute before pulling his arms back. "Okay, so the ring was too much. We can go back to dating-"

"No! This is it, Terry! No more dating, no more promises, no more anything! We're through!" He put the ring he was holding on the armrest of the couch. "You go on with your life, and I'll go on with mine, and maybe, if our lives meet in the future, we can get back together, but not right now!"

Terry curled up a bit, as if he had been punched in the gut. Simon could see the pain he was causing, could feel it radiate off Terry, but he refused to back down. "I'll…see you around." With that he turned and left quickly, tears he'd been holding in check by sheer will finally overcoming their obstacle. He got into his car and quickly sped away, not having any destination in mind, just needing to get away from the house, from Terry. For the next few hours, all he could do was drive aimlessly, driven by his need to be as far away from the pain as possible.

~*()*~

Terry stared at the ring laying on the couch armrest, the events of what had just transpired replaying themselves over and over in his mind. His thoughts were in turmoil, trying to processes the torrent of emotions that came from Simon's declaration. When he heard a car screech as it rushed away, part of his mind screamed at him to go after him, to follow him. But he couldn't. His body wasn't listening, it didn't want to listen. It just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until the pain was gone.

Terry finally got his body to respond, though it was meager at best. He managed to collapse on the couch, reaching out to cradle the ring Simon had discarded. He felt tears sliding down his cheeks, and closed his eyes, holding the ring to his chest, near to his heart. The ache he felt wasn't so much physical as it was emotional, but it was a great deal more painful than any of the last times he had broken up. And he knew that he'd never recover, not without Simon.

He wasn't sure how long he'd ended up laying there, sobbing softly and holding the ring, but when he later regained coherent thought, he noticed that it was dark out, indicating hours had passed. He wasn't sure if he had fallen asleep, but he doubted it. Sniffing, he sat himself back up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. It was then he realized he had actually dropped the ring. For a second, he thought it had all been a nightmare, but a moment later that hope was dashed as he found the ring resting against his thigh. He picked it up and stared at it for a second, before putting it on the coffee table and sitting back on the couch.

What happened? Simon seemed…he was so happy yesterday. Lucy said he had been happy this morning. So…what happened? Did I say or do something? Or…is there another guy? He wanted to shake that notion off immediately, but he couldn't. There was always that chance. Though I don't know how or when he'd seen him. Another thought struck him a minute later. Could…could he think that I was a mistake, that he isn't really gay? It was entirely possible, yet another prospect he hoped wasn't true.

Why. Why would he…why. He blinked and sat up straighter. He never said why he was breaking up, just that…we were. Replaying that painful scene in his mind wasn't something he wanted to do, but he had to. He wouldn't give up, wouldn't just forget Simon. There had to be a reason Simon had broken up with him, he just had to find it. "It's too much pressure." He didn't believe that for a second. Simon tended to work well under pressure, and told people when he was under too much. It wasn't like him. So he's covering for something, but what?

Simon may have thought they were through, but Terry wasn't going to let him go just like that, not without a fight. He loved Simon, more than he had loved anyone else. And I'll be damned if he thinks I'm just going to let him go. Grabbing the phone, he dialed the Camden's home number. Someone's got to know something.

~*()*~

It was past his curfew when Simon came back, but he didn't much care. He was cried out, and nothing could hurt more than the hole that was in his soul. He didn't even notice his father glaring at him, waiting up for him. He simply passed by the counter and started up the stairs.

Go back! Say…say you were temporarily insane! He's Lucy's friend. He knows it runs in the family! Just go back!

While he had been crying and driving, his mind, or heart, he wasn't sure which it was, had kept silent, letting him get the pain out of his system through those mediums. Now, though, now that he was home, that he couldn't cry anymore, the voice was back. It was urging him to go back to Terry, screaming at him not to put both of them through this. He didn't listen to it, though. I can't. Terry's not thinking about himself, about his future. He's only thinking of me and…and I can't let him sacrifice his dream just for me.

Even though without him you feel dead inside?

Simon's hand rested on the doorknob to his room and his forehead thumped against the door. He didn't know how long he could keep up his resolve. He still loved Terry, that was why he was putting himself through this. If he doesn't leave soon, though…

"SIMON!"

Simon blinked slowly and looked over his shoulder, seeing the worried, though slightly angry face of his father. "Um, hi dad. Did you want something?"

Eric studied Simon's face a minute. "Do I want something? Didn't you hear me downstairs? You're past curfew, mister."

Simon simply shrugged and opened the door to his room. "Sorry. It won't happen again."

"You bet it won't. You're on restriction."

"Fine." Simon went into his room and closed the door, going over to his bed and curling up on top of it, ignoring the fact that he was still dressed.

Outside, Eric wasn't sure whether to barge in and demand an explanation, or leave Simon alone. He hasn't acted like this since that night last year. Shortly after he and Annie had shut down Simon's escort service, Simon had left, while on restriction, and broke curfew. He never found out what it was, but it had caused his son to retreat emotionally. Like he's doing now.

Running a hand through his hair, he headed back down the stairs and searched for the tea Terry had left after moving out. He, and Lucy, for that matter, had discovered that whatever was in it helped them to sleep when they were upset, or stressed.

"Looking for these?"

Eric turned to see Lucy bring in the jar with the tea bags he was looking for. "Yeah. Simon…" He shook his head and took the jar.

Lucy grabbed the kettle and filled it with water. "Yeah…Simon."

Eric furrowed his brow. Simon's tone upstairs worried him. It was hollow, quiet, even uncaring. Lucy had a similar tone. "Do you know what's going on?"

Lucy put the kettle on the stove and ignited the burner, stepping back to lean against the counter. She didn't answer immediately, but the pause wasn't because she didn't know. She knows, she just isn't sure if she should tell me. "Lucy, what's going on?"

"Simon…broke up with Terry."

Eric nearly dropped the cup he had removed from the cabinet. "Come again?"

"I'm…not sure why. But this evening Simon…Simon broke up with Terry, gave back the ring and everything." She sighed. "I've been talking with Terry for the past two hours, trying to figure out the reason for it."

"He seemed pretty happy this morning."

"Exactly. Which means something happened on his way over to Terry's."

"But what could happen to make him break up?" The kettle started to whistle, so Eric grabbed a hot pad and picked it up, pouring its water into two mugs he had gotten down. He figured Lucy had her own cup back in her apartment, but since they were here, now, it made sense to do it. "He didn't give up when he was ostracized at school, or after the attack."

"I know." Lucy watched him pour. "I think the only person who knows…is Simon."

"And Simon isn't well." Small wonder. He finished filling the cups and put the tea kettle back on the stove, letting the teabags sit in the hot water. He broke up with the man of his dreams. A thought struck Eric. Simon had always been a generous kid. What if…what if this is something he thinks Terry wants, or needs?

"What should we do? We have to get them back together. Terry's fired up about this, but he's just as heartbroken as Simon. He just refuses to go down without an explanation."

"Simon hasn't talked to you?" At Lucy's negative headshake, Eric rubbed his neck. "Alright, I'll call Doctor Gibson tomorrow morning. Maybe Simon will explain what's going on to a man he knows has confidentiality rules."

"How does that help us?"

"I don't know, but Simon needs to talk to someone. Tonight he may be acting like he is because of shock, or exhaustion, but the last thing we need is for him to go into a depression." Eric picked up his cup and took a sip of the now flavored water and stared out the window. And maybe Doctor Gibson would be willing to share the reason if it could help Simon.

~*()*~

Simon wasn't sure why he was at his therapist's place. He didn't even really remember driving there. Actually, he didn't remember much of anything that had happened after last night. The pain on Terry's face was etched in his mind, and his own pain had caused him to retreat mentally. Sure, he got up in the morning, ate breakfast, showered, and dressed, but he did it all on autopilot. His dad had tried to get him to talk. He didn't want to talk. Not to anyone.

"So, Simon, why don't we talk about what you did last night."

He looked away from the doctor. Now he remembered. Lucy had driven him here. Kevin had guided him to the office. Like I'm some criminal. He felt like one, in some ways. What he had done was low, it had hurt someone he cared about, and now he couldn't dismiss the guilt of his actions. But…it's for his own good, for his own dreams. Why do I feel so…so…filthy.

"You broke up with Terry. Simon, why? You were very happy with him, in love with him. At our last session you showed me the ring, and talked about how you were going to college together. What changed? What happened that made you break up with him?"

He trusted Doctor Gibson, had trusted him with his innermost thoughts, his desires, his fears. Can…I trust him with this? A bird landed on a branch outside the window, and he watched as it preened its wings a minute. He wasn't consciously aware that he had started telling why, how he'd come in and heard Terry and Jordon talking. His mind and his mouth seemed completely independent as he simply watched the bird while explaining how Terry deserved to go to the college of his choice, how Jordon was right and he'd probably drag Terry to some no-name place, how he thought the only way Terry would leave was if they broke up.

And when he was finished, he didn't feel any better. Talking had always helped before, but this time it just made him feel worse. Because you didn't want to leave him, because what Jordon said was the truth, and it hurt.

"So you never talked to Terry about this?"

"I was eavesdropping. You don't exactly announce that to your boyfriend."

Doctor Gibson sat back in his chair. "Have you thought about talking to him, explaining your feelings, telling him to go and you'll try a long-distance relationship?"

"No." Simon finally pulled his eyes away from the bird and faced his psychiatrist. "He…he'd never leave me. Not after everything that's happened. He didn't even leave when you said I was mostly over the attack. He stayed until the end of the year, for me, incase I needed him." He folded his hands together and rested them on his stomach. "He loves me. He'd do anything, has done just about everything for me. But…he shouldn't have to give up his dreams for me."

"Maybe he wants to give them up for you."

He shook his head. "I know there's compromises in a relationship, but giving up going to college? He's been working for two years to advance in college when he entered, and he gave it all up to stay with me. That isn't a compromise. I'm keeping him from what he's wanted. I don't have that right." He heard Doctor Gibson sigh, a sigh that was between resignation and agreement. See, it's not just me. Even he thinks I'm right.

"So what will you do? You're obviously hurting."

"I-I…don't know." He really didn't. He suspected the hole in his heart would never heal, not unless he managed to get back together with Terry when he finally graduated and went to college. If he'll have me back, or if he hasn't found someone…someone else.

Doctor Gibson nodded and wrote something on the pad resting on his lap. "Well, Simon, I think you should go to Terry and talk to him. How you left him was wrong, and I think even you know that. Just explain why you did it, and apologize. It's not too late to fix this."

"But…won't he think that this…stunt…just proves that he can't leave me?"

"I don't know."

At least he's honest.

"But you should anyways. At the very least, you owe it to him."

He knew he did, but Simon wasn't sure he'd have the courage to face Terry, or the pain he had caused the teen.

~*()*~

"He just broke up with you?"

"Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"The love of my life just stormed out of it for no apparent reason. How okay do you think I am?"

"Sheesh. You're as cranky as your brother in the morning without a quart of coffee."

Terry sighed and thumped his head on the headboard behind him. "I'm sorry, Amber. I'm just…I'm at a loss of why he did it. He loves me, I know it. I just…I wish I knew what brought this on, and how to fix it."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

Terry ducked his head, not that his friend could see it. "I've…no."

"Well why the hell not? It's not like you to not confront a problem."

"Amber, he's my boy--my ex-boyfriend. If I just barged into his room and demanded to know what was going on, he'd probably clam up. And…I'm kind of afraid." He hunched his shoulders up and picked at his blanket.

"Afraid? Terry, you said yourself that he still loved you."

"I know, but…there's still that thread of doubt, you know? That little voice that says 'he was sincere, and going over will just get your heart broken again.' It can be…very loud."

"Ignore it. Focus your efforts on figuring out what sent him over the edge to do this, and how to fix it."

Terry rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, sighing through his nose. "All I really know is that between the time he left his house and I saw him in mine, he had a complete turn-around revelation of our relationship."

"Wait, wait. In your house?"

"Yeah. I gave him a key. Why?"

"I just didn't know about it. Hey, the morning he came over-"

"Amber! I'm back!"

Terry sat up a bit as he heard his brother over the line. "Hi, aniki."

"Terry! Glad you're on the phone. I just finished talking with the admissions director at Kyoto University. You'd have to take the tests, but he'd be willing to get you in by the new year."

Terry scowled. The last thing he needed was his brother on his back. "I told you that this discussion was-" Terry's eyes widened. Simon was in my house…

"Terry? You okay?"

"Of course he's not! Simon broke up with him."

"What? When'd that happen-"

"YOU! You, you…you hiretsukan!"

Jordon's voice took on a wary tone. "Okay…you're obviously upset at me."

"He broke up with me because of you!"

"What?! Terry, don't blame me for your relationship problems."

"He was in my house when I walked out! He probably heard you calling him an idiot!"

"Hey! Not once did I call him an idiot."

"You implied it! How'd you put it? 'Do I really expect him to get into a decent school, I'm throwing my life away?'"

Jordon was silent for a moment. "Okay…I guess you could interpret it that way."

Amber spoke up again. "That's the only way to interpret it!" Terry heard a whap and his brother letting out a yelp before she continued. "Geeze, you can be such an ass sometimes."

"Hey! How was I to know he was listening? It's impolite to eavesdrop."

"Urusai! Because of you I had my heart ripped out, and I bet Simon feels the same way. Oh, I am so going to pound you when next we meet." Sitting up, Terry pulled on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

"I'm, uh, sorry?"

"I'll bet you are. You'd better make this up to us, Jordon, especially to Simon."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure he does something nice."

"Thanks, Amber. I've got a relationship to save."

"Sayonara."

Terry hung up, not even bothering to wait for his brother to say goodbye. How could I have missed such an obvious answer? Geeze, I'm getting slow. Though, I had been blind sighted, and I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind. He grabbed his helmet and slammed the door behind him. I just hope I can make it right.

~*()*~

"I don't feel like company, Lucy."

Lucy crossed her arms and gave Simon a hard look. "I said nothing when you didn't touch dinner. I kept quiet when I heard you crying in the bathroom. But Simon Camden, you are a mess, and it's time you pulled yourself together. We have company, and you will go down and join us. If I have to get Kevin to come up here and drag you down, I will."

Simon rubbed his eyes and stood up, running a hand through his hair to try and straighten it out a bit. He didn't really feel like interacting with anyone right now, as was pretty sure he looked like crap. True, he had heard the front door and some commotion, but he figured it wasn't important. Probably one of dad's friends. And where did Lucy learn that tone? Shrugging, he stood up and obediently followed Lucy down the stairs, towards the living room.

He kept his head down, gathering what little energy he did have after Doctor Gibson's session to put on a decent front for whoever had come to visit. When he stepped inside the living room, he waited to be introduced. Odd, there's no one talking. Then he heard the door close behind him, and his head whipped around. What?

"Hi, Simon."

Simon tensed, recognizing the voice immediately. Oh crap. They...they wouldn't do this to me, would they? Glancing around the room, he saw that the other doors were closed as well.

Of course they would. You were miserable, they knew the reason, and they love you. They know you didn't really want to break it off with him. They want you to be happy again.

He briefly thought about trying to bolt, slamming the doors opens and retreating to his room. He had a feeling, though, that his family wouldn't let him leave. Taking a deep breath, he moved towards the nearest couch and sat on it, his eyes catching Terry's form sitting across from him. He didn't raise his head, but he could feel Terry's eyes on him.

"I figured it out, why you broke up with me."

Simon's heart began to beat faster. Terry's voice wasn't angry, if anything it sounded hurt and apologetic. He…he knows? But, how? Did…Doctor Gibson tell him? He shook off that idea. Doctor Gibson hadn't betrayed his confidence yet, and he doubted he would.

"You shouldn't listen to my brother. I don't believe everything he says, and I know you'll--we'll--get into a great college. It…you didn't have to break up with me because my brother and I were fighting."

Simon's head snapped up and he stared at the golden-eyed teen. Terry's head was at an angle, not meeting Simon's face. That…he thinks I broke up…because of what Jordon said? Because he thought I was tearing up his family? "I…Terry, it's…it's not that."

Terry lifted his head and waited a minute for Simon to continue. When it was obvious that the blond wasn't going to, he sat up straighter. "Then what, Simon. What is it that's so…so important that you had to break up with me?"

I…I can't.

Tell him. You hate this, and you don't want to be separated any more. Simon still said nothing, biting his lip as he argued internally.

"Damn it!" Terry ran a hand through his hair and moved to the edge of his seat. "Simon, what the hell is going on? I know you didn't want to do break up with me! I can see you're in as much pain as I am, so what is this about?"

Simon looked at the ground. He's not leaving until he gets an answer. He wouldn't put it past Terry to just sit there the rest of the day and through the night. I guess…I don't have a choice. "I…you're right. I heard the discussion. But…that wasn't why I broke up with you."

Terry's stance relaxed slightly, resting his hands together. "So…why did you?"

"I…heard Jordon saying how you could go to these world famous colleges, and I remembered how hard you've worked through high school, I just…I knew you wouldn't leave if I told you to. I thought…I thought breaking up would be the only way to get you to leave me and pursue your dreams and aspirations."

"So, what? You thought me giving up college for you was dumb?"

"I'm not worth it, Terry. You could be a great…anything. You're smart, talented, and you have the test scores to get into the best places on Earth. You shouldn't give that up for me." He stood up and paced until he was behind the couch, putting his hands on the back of the furnishing. "I guess I did believe your brother a little bit, that I'd bring you to a school below your caliber, and I realized you had to go now. But I knew you'd never leave as long as we're together. So…"

"So you broke up with me." Terry shook his head, resting his forehead on his hands. He remained silent for a minute, though Simon wasn't sure if he was collecting his thoughts, or emotionally pulling himself together. "You really hurt me, Simon."

"I-I know."

"You hurt yourself, too."

"Yeah." Simon bowed his own head. "I know."

"You should have talked to me."

"I…realize that now." Neither said anything more, and Simon wondered if Terry was really going to walk out on him now. I've given him a reason to, and…I don't really deserve him.

"Simon, sit."

"I'd-"

Terry lifted his head and indicated the seat next to him on the couch. "Sit."

Simon tried to resist the temptation, to keep standing where he was. His legs, however, moved over his own accord, and before he knew it, he was sitting next to the model. So much for keeping control in this situation. Not that I really had it before. Terry looked over at Simon, and this time Simon could tell the teen was working something out in his head.

"Do you love me?"

He answered almost automatically. "Yes."

This time Terry turned and faced Simon completely, grabbing him by his arms. "Really, Simon. Do you still love me?"

Simon looked into Terry's eyes, knowing that he needed to answer this honestly for Terry, to reassure him. "Yes. God, Terry, more than anyone I've ever met before."

Terry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Then he pulled Simon into a hug, one of the tightest Simon had ever felt. "I love you too, Simon. So please, don't do anything like this ever again. I…I thought I had really lost you for a bit."

"S-so, you want me back?" He felt the pain in his chest start to ebb.

"Yes." Terry pulled back. "But I want you to understand, Simon, you can talk to me about anything. Don't just make assumptions, or jump to conclusions, or make big decisions like that without hearing the whole story."

"I…I know. I guess, I wasn't really thinking."

"Neither of us were. If I had been, I would've figured out what set you off a lot sooner." He gave Simon a small smile. "So," he dug into his pocket and brought out a ring, holding it out to Simon, "do you want to…be my promised boyfriend again?"

Simon eyed the ring as if it would bite him. "I'm…you want to go back? After everything?"

"Sometimes the simplest words can mend the biggest rifts."

Simon knew what he meant. "I'm…I'm sorry." He picked the ring up and slid it on his finger, his hand resting on it for a few minutes. "Can you forgive me?"

Terry kissed Simon's forehead, then moved down and touched his lips to Simon's. "Yes." He pulled Simon closer, and Simon took the opportunity to snuggle up to his boyfriend.

I almost lost this. I…can't believe I was so stupid. The college situation was still nagging at him, though. "So…are you going to go to college? Or…staying here?"

Terry ran his hand through Simon's hair, savoring the feel of it. "I'm staying here. And Simon, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I didn't stay here just for you."

"Oh." Simon felt his face turn red. Way to go, assuming you're the only reason.

"I have no idea what I want to be, Simon. When I enter college, I have to declare my major because of all the AP credits. I'll be a hair away from being a Junior, and while I could be in a number of majors, I don't know what I want to be in. So I'm also taking this year to explore, try and find what I want."

"So…I'm just the afterthought?"

"You were more a bonus factor. I had to consider a lot, but you helped me decide that I'd stay. And I figured I deserved a year off from academia." He squeezed Simon. "Staying close to you was just a big extra to that."

Simon closed his eyes and rested his head on Terry's shoulder. "Oh. So…I really jumped to conclusions."

"Yep."

At least…he's forgiven me. Despite that, though, he still felt a little empty, and he could sense some tension from Terry. He knew that things weren't back to normal yet, and he'd have a lot to make up for. But, the healing had begun, and it was only a matter of time before the wound of this incident would vanish completely. At least, he hoped it would.

~*()*~

~*()*~

~*()*~

Aniki: older brother

Ototou: younger brother

Sayonara: goodbye

Hiretsukan: bastard

Urusai: shut up

Author's Prattle: Okay! Chapter 31 is finally out! I'm terribly sorry about the delay, but I have a VERY good reason! Just as winter break started…my laptop died. Literally, just wouldn't turn on. I put it in to be fixed, hoping they could salvage it. Three weeks later, I get a call that, and this is a direct quote, "the hard drive is trash, they threw it out." I had ten gigabytes of data that I hadn't backed-up, including this chapter, and all my notes.

I was able to get another laptop rather quickly, though, and I have had this one chapter idea for a while, so I was able to basically redo it. It took some time (school started up again), but I was able to get it out and finish it. I know it's not the best chapter, and I promise to do better, I really do. But that's why this chapter was late.

As for future chapters, I have about an hour every day between or before classes that I spend typing, plus work and home. I've already started chapter 32, but I put it aside to work on an SG fic ("Prodigal Son", working title) that I also lost when my old laptop died. I also didn't get anywhere with my rewrite, and "Cipher's Wake" has been on standby while I find my handwritten notes on the chapters. In addition, I have a LOT of reading this semester (not so much homework, though what I have is hard). And on top of that…I'm on three different Role Playing games with a total of five (soon to be six) characters.

So what's all this mean? It could be a month or so before I finish chapter 32. BUT…we're nearing the end of God's in 7th Heaven. Another ten chapters, maybe fifteen. It won't be the end of the fic, though. Those of you who really enjoy Terry, Simon, and the others, they'll be back in the sequel which I hope to start this fall. It'll really depend on whether I move NOW…or in the summer.

Okay, enough about that. Disclaimers. I don't own 7th Heaven. They belong to Brenda Hampton and Aaron Spelling. I DO own Terry, Jordon, and Amber. They are my own creation. I also own this plot, no longer running parallel to the TV show, except by coincidence, or if they leech off me.

I believe that's it for this chapter. I will try and get chapter 32 out by March (I have two midterms on my Birthday…sometimes I hate my major). Again, sorry for the delay, but I have a good reason. As always, reviews and comments are welcome, and above all, enjoy!