A/N: Chapter nine is here at last! As usual I own only Hana, the evil doctor and the night/day guards of the hospital. Oh, and there will be some very tough scenes in this chappy so if you're sensitive to that then don't read it. Enough of my rambling and here we go…

 Hana sat with her knees drawn to her chest, her right cheek resting on the ice pack which she had sandwiched between her knee and her chin, trying not to fall asleep. It had been two hours since Max had left and Houjun was still quiet and unmoving, the only sign that he was alive the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Hana closed her eyes as the familiar aching worry came forward in her mind. What if he wasn't okay? What if when he woke up, the usual shine in his eyes had become that same dead look that Quincy had? What if he never woke up at all?

The nurse gave herself an internal shake and opened her eyes. No, she couldn't think like that! She had to trust Houjun to be okay. She needed to believe he would come through this mostly intact. Besides, she knew he wouldn't give up just because things were getting intense, he was stronger than that. And then a tired smile crossed her lips because she not only believed Houjun would make it through, she knew he'd be okay.

"I hope…" she murmured into her knees, her confidence fading as worry once again pushed its way into her mind. Her tone turned steely. "If he isn't, there's going to be hell to pay, starting with Johnston." Her eyes burned with hatred as she spoke the doctor's name and she clenched her fist around her shirtsleeve. "He'd better pray to every god in existence that Houjun makes it because if Houjun's lost that spark in his eyes…"

The nurse cut herself off before she forgot what really mattered. She lifted her head and looked up at Houjun again. Still no sign of movement from the young man and the nurse sighed, feeling small and useless as she tightened her arms around her knees. Her eyes threatened to slip shut on her again and she forced herself to keep alert. No matter what she'd been through, no matter how much pain it had caused her, it was only half of what Houjun must have felt. She had to be there when he woke up, had to stay awake…had to… 

The young nurse finally lost the battle, her eyes closing and her mind slipping into sleep.

Half an hour later, the young man above Hana sat bolt upright, terror shining in his mahogany eyes as memories flooded his mind.

"H-hana…" he called shakily, voice rough and quiet. "Hana…"

Tears started to fall down his cheeks as he pushed himself into the corner where his bed met the wall. Pulling his knees to his chest, he buried his face in the sheets, shaking with fear and whispering Hana's name over and over. Suddenly a hand was placed on his shoulder and Houjun looked up sharply. Hana's green eyes looked back at him, filled with concern and something that looked remarkably like fear.

The young man's chin trembled as relief washed over him and his eyes flooded with new tears. He flung himself at the young woman, pulling her to him as tightly as he could, but controlling his strength so he wouldn't hurt her.

She fell backwards a little and sat down hard on her feet which were curled up directly under her, ignoring the soft crack as her ankle was pushed in a direction it didn't normally bend in, and thanking the gods for the wall behind her. She almost knocked out her front tooth on Houjun's head as his body slammed into hers but she barely noticed all this, because in her mind all that mattered was Houjun. He was alright! He was alright and now so was everything else…

 The young nurse cupped his cheeks between her hands and lifted his head so she could see his face. "A-are you alright…" she asked hesitantly, afraid of what the answer might be. "Did they hurt you?"

Houjun shook his head and tried to keep the tears from gathering in his eyes so that Hana could get a clear view of them. He managed to keep himself together long enough for relief to show on Hana's face, then broke down again as the memories of what he'd done pushed themselves into his mind again. "I'm sorry!" he cried, pressing his face into the nurse's shoulder as guilt coursed though him and intensified the already searing pain in his heart. "I'm sorry!"

Hana held him close and told him it was alright. "This wasn't your fault…" she told him firmly. "You would never do something like this…That doctor deliberately threw your past in your face to make you angry. It's his fault, not yours."

Houjun shook his head again and buried his face deeper into Hana's shoulder, digging his nails into his arms and sobbing worse than ever. Hana held him as he cried; gently pulling his hands from his arms and holding them tightly, grateful that the long sleeved pajamas Houjun wore prevented him from cutting into his skin.

"Don't do that." she whispered, gently squeezing the young man's hands "Don't hurt yourself like that. If the pain gets too bad, just hug me as hard as you can. I'll be your teddy bear, and I promise, you won't hurt me no matter how tight you hold me, okay?"

Houjun nodded and Hana felt his arms immediately tighten around her, his hold becoming almost painful. Hana could feel tears gathering in her own eyes and she fought to hold them back, knowing that if Houjun felt even a single tear fall from her cheek he would instantly let go of her and she didn't want that to happen. The young nurse wanted to let Houjun cry out all his sadness, wanted to hold him close until the pain had faded from his heart and she'd be damned if she'd let her own stupid tears get in the way.

The pair stayed like that for a long time, Houjun holding tighter and tighter to Hana as the pain inside him escalated with each passing second, the tiny nurse doing her best not to cry and holding Houjun almost as tightly as she felt all the emotions she'd been holding back and everything she'd been through that day resurface.

Finally it all became too much for her and Hana shut her eyes, the tears that had accumulated in her green orbs spilling forth and splashing onto Houjun's shirt. It didn't take long for the pearly drops to soak through the thin material of Houjun's pajamas and the young man let go of Hana straight away, just as the nurse had predicted.

He put a hand under her chin and gently raised the young woman's head, looking deep into her eyes, trying to see what was wrong without actually asking. He bit his lip as Hana flinched when he accidentally brushed the deep purple bruise on her chin with his thumb. He quickly pulled his hand away from her face and reached out with his other hand to cup the young nurse's uninjured cheek in his hand, asking in their silent language if she was alright.

Hana nodded and covered Houjun's hand with her own. "I'm fine, you didn't hurt me. I was just scared. You have no idea how scared…I thought I might lose you…I-I thought after everything you'd been through, after all that pain and sadness, I thought that this was it! I thought he'd killed your soul! I was so afraid I'd never see your beautiful eyes smiling into mine, that I'd never feel your gentle touch again…Gods, I thought he'd taken you from me!" the nurse's voice finally broke and she pulled Houjun to her in a fierce embrace. "I thought…I thought… Oh, it doesn't matter anymore what I thought! All that matters is that you're here and that you're safe…"

Houjun wrapped his arms around the young woman, putting one hand behind her head and rubbing her back with the other. "I'm sorry…" he whispered, his voice as soft as a child's "I-I'm sorry…I-I never wanted to-to hurt you…I just-and now you- now you know…all of it and…and…" The young man's faltering words broke off on a sob and he pushed Hana away from him, drawing his knees to his chest to bury his face in his arms.

"And what?" the nurse asked gently, trying to get a grip on her emotions so she could help Houjun. "Now I know and what?"

"Y-you know an-and now you'll le-ave m-me too…" Houjun sobbed, his words barely coherent through his tears and shirtsleeves "J-just like sh-she did and…and I-I'll b-be alone again…"

"Sweetie, you know I'm not going anywhere." Hana soothed reaching out and putting her hand on Houjun's arm. "I'd never leave you alone, how many times have I told you?"

"N-no! It doesn't matter! Y-you're going t-to….you'll leave me alone... b-because… because I'm-I'm not worth saving!" These last words were torn from the young man's throat in an agonized cry. Houjun looked up sharply and his tear-filled eyes bore into Hana's emerald ones. "Don't you realize!? I'm already lost! There is nothing left for me here! I'm destined to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life, why can't you just leave me here and save yourself the heartbreak?!"

"I am not leaving you alone, no matter what I hear or see!" Hana's words were firm and full of conviction despite the tears that still ran freely down her face. She held Houjun's anguished gaze and took his hands in hers again. "You are worth more than I can ever hope to give you! Do you hear me!? You are not a lost cause! I wouldn't be here if you were! I love you, am I nothing?" The nurse's voice started to rise as desperation fueled her words. "Does having my heart in your hands mean nothing to you!? Do I bother you that much; do I mean so little to you? Because if I do, if knowing I care for you makes you so unhappy, then I can leave!" Hana felt hot, angry tears flowing down her face and she let go of the other's hands. She turned her head to the side and shook her head bitterly "If all I'm good for is nothing then why should I waste my time?"

Houjun's face flushed bright red and he shot to his knees. "I never said that!" he yelled furiously, grabbing hold of Hana's shoulders and forcing the nurse to face him. "I never said I didn't love you back! I never told you that you didn't matter, and I never said knowing you care made me miserable! Don't put those kinds of words in my mouth! I care for you more than I've ever cared for anyone! I'd die for you; I'd do anything to see your smile! Anything! I'm alive because of you, I breathe and live and keep fighting for you! Don't you know that by now?! Or are you blind like the rest of them? Can't you understand that those words weren't meant for you? Don't you know that I was berating myself?!  Don't you know how much it hurts inside!?" The young man tightened his hold on Hana and shook her hard. "Don't you see it!? Don't you? Don't you understand…Can't you see…"
It all suddenly became too much and the young man collapsed into Hana's arms as sobs wracking his thin form, making him appear small and vulnerable. "It hurts…" he wept brokenly "Make it stop hurting…Please, just make these memories go away…."

He felt her soothing arms enfold him and one of her hands came up behind his head while the other pulled him close to her.

"Shhh…it's going to be okay sweetie…" she said softly "We'll make the pain go away, I promise… Just hold on, we'll get through this…"

"You don't understand!" Houjun whispered, turning his face away from Hana's "You don't want to understand! You wouldn't have said those things if you did…you wouldn't have thought I hated you!"

"I never thought that." Hana murmured into his hair "I know how much you love me, I know what I mean to you… and I'm sorry I had to do that, but you have to let the hurt come out. If you keep holding back because you're afraid, none of that pain will ever leave you. It becomes like lead in your heart and you end up forgetting everything…"

"But I don't want to live anymore… I want to forget…" Houjun's voice had become small and fearful as he clung to Hana's sleeves. "I don't want to remember his face when he fell or that morning I woke up in the hospital surrounded by people I didn't know and I don't want to remember her face when she saw what had happened! I don't want to see Kouran's horrified face or Hikou's pleading brown eyes! I want to forget! I don't want those memories anymore!"

"I know, sweetheart, but they're part of you." Hana sighed "You need to accept that if you're ever going to get better."

"Then I'll never get better…" Houjun said dejectedly "I can't live knowing I killed my best friend in cold blood…"

Hana gently pushed Houjun away and looked into his pained mahogany orbs. "Was it on purpose?" she asked quietly "Did you actually take him by the hands, bring him to the window and throw him out of it?"                   

Houjun shook his head miserably. "No, but I made him fall…" the young man replied in a dead sort of voice "If I hadn't gone after him with that knife…if I hadn't backed him into the window in the first place… if I hadn't been so stupid, he'd still be alive!" He broke down in tears again and Hana took him into her arms once more. "I almost did it to you too!" he cried guiltily, crushing his face into the nurse's blouse. "I could have broken your jaw with that punch! I could have split your skull when I threw you! If those guards hadn't showed up, I would have killed the doctor too! He's right, I'm a murderer! I'm not human, just a monster! A coldhearted, murdering monster!"

"That's not true and you know it." Hana told him. "None of that was your fault, that evil man pushed you to that state."

"I should have been able to hold myself back!" Houjun protested his sobs becoming even more devastated. "I should have been able to stop myself from doing that to you!"

"And I should have controlled myself too." Hana countered "I could have killed Johnston when I threw him, but I didn't. I could easily have broken both our necks when I pulled you backwards, could have made Tom slip with that needle and stick you or me, could have gotten myself killed trying to restrain a man three times my size, but I didn't did I?" Hana sighed heavily and again drew Houjun back to look up into his tear-soaked face. "You see? It isn't what could have been that matters, it's what actually did happen. You can live your whole life wishing certain things were different, but they'll always stay the same so long as you don't at least try and change them."  

"But what if you can't?" the young man asked desperately, his voice childlike and pleading. "What if you can't change them?"

"Then work with what you have and do the best you can to make it right." Hana answered, carefully brushing a lock of chestnut hair from Houjun's eyes. "You can't bring your friend back, but you can honor his memory."

"How?" came the miserable reply.

"Think of what would have made him happiest, what he would have wanted for you more than anything." the nurse said gently.

Houjun's brow creased in thought for a second and his eyes slid shut in pain. "I-I can't…" he choked as fresh tears leaked from his eyes. "I can't think about Hikou yet…I-it hurts too much…"    

"Then you don't have to." the young woman said soothingly "When you're ready, we'll work through it but I think you've been through enough today, right?"

Houjun nodded and gave her a grateful half smile. Hana pulled him into a quick hug and then took his hand. "Let's take a walk." she offered, pulling her aching legs out from under her and swinging them over the side of the bed. "Not far, mind. To the nurse's station and back. What do you say?"

The youth nodded again and passed a hand over his eyes. "Just don't let go…" he said quietly. "I-I'm afraid of those people…"

"Have I ever let go before?" Hana asked, giving Houjun a tiny smile of reassurance. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."

The other nodded and he and Hana slipped off the bed. As soon as Hana had gotten to her feet, her left knee gave way beneath her and she would have fallen had Houjun not caught her.

"What's wrong?" he asked urgently "What happened? Why did you fall? Is something broken?"

"I-I don't think anything's broken…" Hana stammered in confusion "I would have felt it sooner. I - don't know why I fell, but I should be okay now."

Houjun let her go and the nurse swayed unsteadily on her feet. She went to take a step forward, but a sudden pain shot up her left leg and she stumbled again. She found herself in Houjun's strong arms once again and she looked up at him. "I don't know how or why, but I think I twisted my ankle." she told him "Pretty badly too, by the feel of it."

"Then we're not going anywhere." Houjun said firmly "You're staying here and I'm going to get you some ice."

"That would be a good plan," Hana said hesitantly "Except for the fact that I'm not leaving you alone anywhere after yesterday. Besides, I need to make a new patient file for you."

"New patient file?" Houjun asked in confusion. "Why?"

Hana smiled broadly. "Because as of tomorrow at midnight you legally become my patient." the young woman explained. "That means Johnston won't be allowed near you with a ten league pole."

"S-so you'll be my doctor then…" the youth said slowly "I won't have to fend off Johnston and you won't have to hide the fact that you're helping me?"

Hana nodded proudly. "You'll be my first patient."

Houjun's stunned expression split into a joyful grin and the young man lifted Hana into his arms. "You have no idea how amazingly wonderful that is!" he laughed, hugging the nurse close as happy tears spilled from his eyes. "No idea how long I've waited to hear those words! How long I waited to be free, to finally be rid of him! And to know that someone loves me, that someone actually cares enough to try and save me…That's the greatest news of all!"

Hana shook her head amusedly and kissed Houjun on the cheek. "You're really something special, do you know that? Do you realize how amazing you are?"

Houjun blushed and carefully set the nurse on her feet again, supporting her with his hands under her elbows.

"Let's go before everyone leaves. It's nearly eight thirty and everyone's probably about to ready to go home." She caught sight of Houjun's worried frown and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I'll be fine and so will you."

Houjun nodded and the pair started for the door, Hana leaning heavily on Houjun's arm and the young man holding tight to Hana's small hand.

A/N: Well it ends here because I'm tired and because it's nearly one am. Hopefully this wasn't as horrible as I think it is and that you people at least mildly enjoyed it. Later days and oyasumi to you all, see ya next chappy.

Later days,

~Tenshi Kitsune~