Author's Note: If you're horribly confused by the end of the last chapter, I must be doing my job.

And so, after the clicking of the Next Chapter Button, the group of extremely odd and particularly queer wizards arrived in front of Sirius Black's home.

"Hey…You never explained exactly why I had to go with you all in the first place," Harry questioned.

"Because, you fucktard. Stop asking questions about this completely ridiculous story."

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Nick Carter," Professor Snape said nodding.

"I'm sure you could have…Sex-verus," Nick said as he made a rather disturbing tongue action to Snape that I would rather not have a detailed description of at this present moment. And then, the two threw each other on the floor and engaged in sexual activity.

"EW! They're GAY!" Harry screamed as he covered his eyes and rocked back and forth on the ground.

"Shut up and observe your Godfather walk out of his home looking like an extremely sexy sex god," The Author interrupted.

...Sure enough…there was Sirius Black in all of his glory looking horribly like Johnny Depp in his Pirates of the Caribbean wardrobe and make-up.

Actually, it was Johnny Depp in his Pirates of the Caribbean wardrobe and make-up.

Fortunately for the author of this horribly written story, none of the female readers seemed to notice as they read Johnny - I mean, Sirius's description which became to sound less and less like Gary Oldman from the POA movie…

…And his kohl lined eyes held such a light about them, that even when his long raven hair fell into them, they still held their luminosity…and also his shirt was ripped so all the female readers could admire his sexy dirty body and get all giddy and have naughty thoughts run through their minds that their parents probably wouldn't approve of...

"Hi Sirius," Harry said as he helped his drunken Godfather to walk in a straight line.

"Ahoy luv. Y'know, me thinks you've grown since last me saw, savvy? But that's all cock and bull. Where's that damned Alan Rickman fella so I can have my big confrontation with him?"

"It would seem that he was engaged in a rather…disgusting activity over there in your shrubberies." Harry said motioning to the two lovers engaged in an extremely NC-17 rated activity behind the shrubberies.

"Well…I'll just wait until later then, I reckon. Now…come on in here so we can ignore you completely and not tell you about the prophecy that we're guarding in the Ministry of Magic, alright?"

"Sirius, that was Order of the Phoenix. And…you died in that book."

"Oh. Well…um…I'm back? Well, come in anyway because we've got to get this plot moving along."

So…in a horrible transition from the outdoors' raunchy activities, Harry and Sirius Depp walked inside the house and Harry was once again at a loss for words.

"You see Harry, this is a top secret operation for the Pentagon that you're involved in. We have to have you crack codes inside of various magazines and inject this chip into your arm so that you can be a part of our organization."

"You know…I think this plot is very familiar."

"No it isn't! Your name is not John Nash and you aren't a schizophrenic and by the end of this story, we will totally not have to give you Insulin injections. Okay?"

"Um…sure."

"Now…If you'll just follow me over to this machine that really doesn't exist, I'll have you observe the patterns in -"

"SIRIUS BLACK! I thought I told you to stay in bed!" Mrs. Weasley bellowed as she grabbed him by his ear and drug him our of the room. "Sorry Harry, but Arthur was showing Sirius this darned satellite television contraption and now, he thinks he's in those Muggle films. Well, don't just stand there and gape, love, come one in."

"Well, it's just that…I'm finding this all a little to hard to believe, Mrs. Weasley. Only an hour ago, I was eating Licorice drops and watching Cops and now…well, it's just a bit…extreme."

"Oh, it's going to be alright, love. Would you like to go upstairs and scream mercilessly at your two best friends in the world for not writing to you all summer?"

"Mrs. Weasley…that was Book Five."

"Hmm. Well, go do it anyway. I've got yelling to do."

And so, Harry met up with Hermione and Ron and explained to them all of the recent events which just happened…and neither really noticed because they were too busy arguing about nothing in specific.

"No, A woodchuck does NOT chuck wood, that's the point of the joke, Ron!"

"Bloody hell, Hermione! They do so otherwise, why do the call them woodchucks?"

"Don't ask me, ask a nice encyclopedia - oh wait, that's right…you can't read!"

"Well…at least I'm not a dyke!"

"Um…guys…can we pause this worthless argument for…a few minutes while the author plans the next horrible twist in the story?" Harry pleaded.

"But, what if she hasn't really got any twists planned?" Ron questioned

"Oh, she will." Harry replied assuringly.

Bam.

"You're good, Harry."

Hermione jumped into Ron's arms. "W-What was that noise?"

"I dunno, but whatever it was...thank god for it," Ron said as he sniffed Hermione's hair and exhaled slowly.

"I think it's coming from the convienently placed attic! Let's nose around in things that have absolutely nothing to do with us which could cause us great peril!" Harry said gallantly.

"Okay!"

With this murmur of agreement, the trio set off into the deep, dark, and very dirty attic to move the non-existant plot along some more.