Author's Note: Two things have come to my attention lately:

1) People question my taste in music. Now, don't get me wrong, I love rock music and am actually a HXC Led Zeppelin fan, but BSB was easiest to fit in…and they'll actually play a role in this horrible mess of a story.

2)Bush and Castro somehow appeared in there…and I'm not exactly sure how. Shows you where my mind is when creating long drawn out names.

3) There is no third thing.

But honestly, thanks thus far for the reviews. Makes me almost worthy of…feelings. Ahem, Chapter 4.

"Now Harry…I want you to sniff this Floo powder," Bob explained to Harry as they approached a fireplace that appeared somewhere in between the third chapter and this current chapter.

"Er, come again?"

"Sniff the powder, Potter."

"I don't think that's entirely legal…and what about the -"

"Look…I'm not here to encourage the usage of cocaine…but while we're here and since there is absolutely no trace of intelligent readers out there…I figure you might as well."

"But, I don't want -"

"C'mon Potter. Succumb to the peer pressure."

"Okay," Harry said as he inhaled the Floo powder and became extremely giddy.

"Good…now say "My Dixie Wrecked."

"My Dixie…wait. That pun only works when written; it couldn't possibly work if said out loud."

"Damn you and your intelligence. Alright, well…I suppose we should finally do something to contribute to the plot now, so…c'mon. Diagon Alley."

"Diagonally."

"No, no. We've been through this joke before and it wasn't funny in theatres either. I see we'll just have to insert some kind of pretty border that lazy authors use when they don't want to describe the transition from one scene to the next."

(>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ooh and Ahh>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>)

"Okay Harry," Said Bob as they landed into their new scene…which has not yet been established by the author, "there are a few things that I need to explain to you…reasons why this plot makes absolutely no sense whatsoever."

(Big dramatic pause)

"What's that?"

"It's because you're The One, Harry."

"Oh god."

"Yes, and until you take your place and defeat the evil monkeys controlling the system, then we will forever be enslaved."

"By the monkeys?"

"Is that what said earlier? Oh, it is. Yes Harry, the monkeys."

"And I suppose I am also the Heir of Slytherin?"

"Yes."

"And Voldemort's Son?"

"Uh-huh."

"And the inventor of mayonnaise?"

"Actually, that'd be the French," Sirius Depp said in his Pepe Le Peu accented voice. And all the fan girls had their little hearts melted and then rainbows appeared and there was happiness everywhere. Only, that isn't the ending yet, so let us resume the story.

"Alright then. I suppose we must face absolute danger and peril to do something extremely simple, am I wrong?"

"Of course. And the peril begins at the Malfoy Manor."

Oh shit. Why do we have to go there? Harry mused in italicized font. Or questioned. Or pondered. Or said in his head in a most peculiar fashion since he is incapable of simply thinking in fanfiction.

"Technically…we have to have some sort of confrontation in this story that almost makes some sense. So…yes. How about those pretty borders, eh?"

( >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>This is so much fun! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>)

"Gee, for reasons I cannot explain and bymeans of which I cannot exactly speak of either, we've somehow made our way into Draco Malfoy's room!"

"And look," Sirius said pointing, "There's the wanker wanking off!"

(Insertion of long boring details about how Draco Malfoy is a big git, prat, or both.)

"We Malfoys do not wank off." Draco Malfoy exclaimed as he performed an action that was most certainly and most assuredly not wanking off. "If we did wank off, then we could most assuredly not be Malfoys for Malfoys do not wank off and so, if I was indeed wanking off, it could then be assumed that I was not a Malfoy, but some imposter with sexy blonde hair and blue eyes wanking off."

(Author now holds the record for most consecutive times the word "wank" was appeared in a fan fiction and the longest philosophical thought that means absolutely nothing.)

"Right. Draco, I think we need your help. You see -"

"No time. Potter. I'm supposed to be brooding and wallowing in my own misery right now and wishing nothing more than to be a really great guy who can end up dating The Weasel's younger sister."

"Really?"

"Of course, Potter." Draco Malfoy sneered ina way that only Draco Malfoy can in Harry Potter Fanfiction."And after that, I'm going to be raped by Voldemort, impregnate Mudblood Granger and become a cover boy on Playgirl Magazine for Wizards."

"You know, Draco…you're not the first person today to have acted so…out of character. It's actually frightening."

"Don't be frightened my love," Draco whispered soothingly in Harry's ear, "let daddy Draco kiss your tears away…let me…hold you."

"Oh yeah, baby!" Sirius exclaimed as he jumped into Draco's arms.

"Urgh. Enough of this. Let's just get to the really hidden plot point here. Draco, what were you doing this morning?"

"Um…after I combed my hair 87362512637383 times…and after I slit my wrists…and after I wrote a love letter to Granger and -"

"My point exactly. You know who I think will be able to explain these…happenings?"

"Cho Chang!" Sirius shouted.

"No."

"Luna Lovegood!"

"No, and will you stop naming characters who don't matter in the least to the story's plot?"

"There's a plot?"

(Cricket noises)

"…I think Dumbledore will be some assistance to us all. Off to Hogwarts we go!"

And it was thus that our trio became a …group of four and set off to find Headmaster Dumbledore. Will Dumbledore be able to explain the peculiar things going around in fan fiction land? Will Harry ever get to the bottom of the situation? Will Draco ever appear on the cover of Playgirl Magazine for Wizards? Find out soon!