You know, I never really have author's notes, but I figure now would be a good time to have one. The great thing about the show, I think, was this mysterious past between Vicious, Spike, and Julia that was never quite explained. And that's what has made this fic so continuously inspiring for me to write, as opposed to my abandoned other fics. For the record, I'm a huge fan of Faye. But there are so many intriguing questions in the Spike/Vicious/Julia dynamic. How did Vicious go from a guy that was Spike's best friend, who had his back in a fight, to someone insane who was out to kill both Spike and Julia? It couldn't be simply a lover's spat, or a simple betrayal. There had to be other reasons for him to become so unhinged. And how did Spike come to betray his best friend, and Julia betray her lover? They seem like decent people. That's why it's taking me so long to come to their story. There had to be reasons. I don't think either of them would betray so easily. And after all that, how could Julia and Spike part at the end, in such a way that Spike wouldn't go looking for her? Those are the main questions for me. I think there are times when I've accidentally broken a bit of continuity, and my knowledge of the solar system has gone from zip (Aurora Borealis? Oops. I think I meant Milky Way) to a bit more adequate. Anyway, just in case any readers were wondering what's propelling this ship. Hang on. Everything will make sense in the end. And I'll try to be better about updating, although I'd appreciate a review once in a while.
Characters, thematic elements, and the guiding plot elements belong not to me but to Bandai and Sunrise Inc.
1.
Allistaire woke up in Julia's apartment. He recognized it, was spared the crash course from ignorance to memories. He remembered everything. He remembered he was Allistaire. He remembered being made Corso, and being Corso. The guilt was still there, of all the deaths on his hand. Like a hundred scabs he couldn't stop picking. If only he'd shot the one in the shoulder instead, if only he'd at least made the death easier for the other one. But he was in a different place now, and he had found his sister. He saw her in the corner of the room, huddled close on the couch with another man, who he'd met the other night drinking with Lin and Shin. Shin... That much he didn't regret. But he had no idea how to move forward now. Shin was a killer. And Allistaire didn't want another death on his hands. Julia's head inclined towards him, and he knew she'd noticed that he was awake. She rose and came to his bed. The other man-- Spike-- remained. Julia sat on his bed. God, he hadn't felt the comfortable pressure of someone sitting on the bed he was laying on since he was twelve. She put a hand on his face, and looked over to Spike.
"Don't worry about him," she said. "He's like me." She smiled a bit. "You remember what happened at the Komodo Syndicate?"
"Yeah," said Allistaire. Pieces were starting to fit together. There had been one survivor. Julia. "Why didn't you find me?"
"Thought I did," she said, so soft he barely heard it. "They identified your body."
Allistaire shuddered. He had come so close to living out his whole life as the exact opposite of what he'd wanted to be. He'd come so close to never finding the last of his family. "Oh. Then... Why didn't you escape?"
"Because," said Julia, "If all this could be destroyed, I wanted to do what I could to make sure." Her voice was hard. He didn't remember it ever being that hard.
"So... Who are you working for?"
"The ISSP. So is Spike. He knows, Allistaire. He'll help."
"Help what?" asked Allistaire.
"Well," said Julia softly, "What do you want?"
"Never to kill again."
There was a look in her eyes, a sadness. He knew she'd gone beyond that. She was a killer. They'd made his sister a killer. "Of course," she said. "We'll find a way to get you out."
Allistaire nodded.
"Can you tell me..." Julia trailed off, not sure of the specific question. "I mean, why they sent you here?"
"Yes," he said. "I think they always kept me as a card up their sleeve, the White Tigers. But they weren't worried about you at all. Even after Komodo they must not have cared. It wasn't you they were trying to get at, it was Vicious."
Her eyebrows drew together. "What?"
"They sent me to kill you. As soon as I learned your name--- well, you saw what it was, the trigger I mean. But it was only to get at Vicious, so that he would be careless."
There was a muscle working at her jaw. "Vicious."
"I don't understand," said Allistaire. "If you're a spy--"
She was looking at him, looking like she was in between a rock and a hard place. Looking like how he felt about choosing between Shin and leaving. "Vicious wants what I do."
"To-- what, to end the Syndicates?
"Yes."
"Why?"
She looked at him like he should know the answer. "Because of what they do, Allistaire. Because of what they did to him."
"Does he know? That you're a spy?"
"Yes," said Julia.
His heart squeezed beyond bearing. "I don't want you to die," he whispered.
She laughed a little. Laughed. The things he'd heard about Vicious, and she was laughing. How far gone could she be? "Allistaire, we'll have a long talk about Vicious one day. I-- yeah, I love him. I can help him. But," she said, looking at him, "You come first, little brother. I want you to know that. You come before anything, now. I won't lose you again."
"It's all right," said Allistaire, before thinking of something else. "Don't tell him, Julia. About me."
She nodded. "Whatever you want, I'll give you." And he knew it was true.
2.
Spike was looking at her, across the table. They hadn't said much. She'd put in a call to Harley, and been sipping her tea. "What?" she asked.
"I think it's a mistake not to say anything to Vicious."
There was a pause. He had a feeling she would be unyeilding.But he felt he should probably speak anyway.
"It's all over if he finds this out after you didn't tell him."
"How so?"
"I mean it's all over between you. And whatever it is you're trying to do here, whatever grand plan you have that makes your efforts and his efforts... and my efforts, worthwhile... This decision could make all that nothing."
"This grand plan..." said Julia. "Me being here in the first place was because of my brother. Everything, do you understand, everything I have done over the years, killing people, you know I never killed before they took him, living without him, surviving, everything... It was for him. And when he was gone, I still did everything for him." Her eyes were locked on his now. She was angry. Not at him, but everything that had made things this way. "And despite that, I wasn't there for him. Despite that... Do you know what they did to him? Making him a killer? Do you know how much he despised that act? He despised my father for doing it. Doesn't even know how I could willingly do it. God, they took him to hell for six years, and he was my responsibility. You don't know what that is, to have a responsibility over someone. He is my brother. He is my only family. You aren't my family. No one here is my family. Not even Vicious. If he asked me to anything I would do it."
Spike nodded. "So basically what you're saying is everything you have asked of me and of Vicious you are willing to throw away because of the slightest whim of your brother."
She didn't look away. "Yes," she said. There wasn't any guilt in it.
"You're so dead wrong and you don't even see it," he replied, and stood, throwing a few woolongs on the table to pay for their drinks.
"Are you going to tell him?" she asked.
"No," Spike said. "What would that do? I'm going to hope this works out, because it sure won't work out if it doesn't work out between you and him. He loves you. Lots more than you love him."
Spike left. He was a good man, Julia thought. Better than her, probably better than Vicious. She shook it off. Her brother still had a chance.
Outside, Spike lit a cigarette and couldn't stop thinking about Julia. A lion now that she had her cub to protect. He understood, he could see the justice of it, and he admired the hell out of it. But the kind of strength she had now was dangerous as hell, and he had a feeling it would be their undoing.