Hittin' The Road Ch.4

"The hottest corners of hell are reserved for those who, in times of crisis, maintained their neutrality." Dante's "Divine Comedy"

Disclaimer: I own my muses, but Disney owns the original Newsies(tear), but I WILL own one someday. (Starts singing "Someday my prince will come and he'll be dressed as a Brooklyn newsie…")

Anyways…

A/N: I was reading my stuff recently, and I realized I've become a bit egocentric of late.

Dutchy!muse: Well, I could've told you that.

Me: (Punches him) Be quiet! Anyways, the point is, I'm taking myself out of the story…somehow. I don't like it, but neither do I want to be labeled braggy and/or a Mary Sue. (shudders) Anywho…

EvilSpot!muse: You don't have the slightest idea where you left off in the plot, do you?

Me: Yes!

(long pause)

OK, no.

All!muses: (laugh and point wickedly)

Dutchy!muse: Liz, we still love ya, but you have to remember to back up your work!

Me: (punches Dutchy!muse) Anyways…enjoy the chapter, shoutouts at the end for anyone who has cared to review in the past. And without further ado…(mellophones blare) THE CHAPTER!

Blink!muse: Mellophones?!

Me: Shut up.

SNITCH

I woke up to the sounds of the clock radio on my bedside table. Some idiot (probably Itey) had found a pop station and set the alarm for-did that really say 6:30? A.M.?!

I hate him.

I rolled over to see who was occupying the other half of the queen-sized bed with me (I don't remember much of last night, I had a lot to drink), and was pleased to discover my arm was draped over Skittery's stomach. Someone must've stuck us in the same bed after I'd passed out because I'd drunk two hard lemonades. Yeah, I can't really hold my alcohol all that well, but who really cares? It's not like I'm playing a Chinese drinking game, like Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson did in Shanghai Noon. God, I love that movie…

Ahem. But I digress.

I tried to poke Skitts awake, but he swatted my hand away.

"Skitts? Come on, babe. We gotta get up. We wanna be outta here by 9:00, remember?"
He mumbled something that sounded like, "Pink elephants are funny."

I laughed. Mix one part alcohol, one part Skitt's weird brain, and one part cartoons he's always watching, and I expected nothing less than a sleepy mumbled comment about pink elephants.

I rolled out of bed, and went next door to go see if I could bum a couple bucks off someone for breakfast. We'd exchanged room keys so we could all get in each other's rooms if we needed to, and when I opened the door, I was greeted by the sound of someone vomiting.

Liz was hunched over the toilet, with Bumlets holding her hair back.

"She doesn't feel that great" he said to me in a side voice.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Must've been something she ate. She never has a reaction like this to alcohol. The flu was going around campus when we left…she probably caught it and didn't realize it."

"Hey, Spits" I said, leaning around Bumlets to address her. "Did you know it can take up to three days for flu symptoms to appear?"

"Yes, dumbass, I knew that. I'm pre-med, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. I knew that."

I could almost sense her eye roll.

"I feel like shit" she said, reaching for a tissue to wipe her mouth off. "I'm gonna fly home as soon as I can."

That wasn't what I'd expected to hear coming out of her mouth. "Why?!"

"'Cause I feel like crap, smart guy, and I don't wanna drive cross-country with a bunch of guys who are constantly acting like assholes. Bumlets can drive my car."

"ME?!" Bumlets almost shouted, looking rather scared.

"Hell yes, you! You're the only one I trust with my car. Race has road rage. Skitts would insist Snitch sit in the front seat, and vice versa, and they'd never stop making out, or trying to make out. Spot…Spot is an anomaly, so we aren't even gonna go there. So…you're the only on left. Oh, come on, don't look at me that way. You can handle it!"

Bumlets didn't look so sure. But he took the keys she dropped into his outstretched hand nonetheless.

"Aw, c'mon, Bumlets, it's not a death sentence" said Race, coming up behind him. "Besides, you're a good driver. We're in very capable hands, right, Liz?"

She only had time to nod before she ran for the toilet again.

JACK

So with Spitfire worshipping the porcelain god that made nine of us going on to the next stop.

I feel like I'm in a Survivor episode. Who's next…?

But that's not the point. We drove her to the airport, and, of course, we all went inside and went with her to the ticket counter. The next flight to New York City left at 11:00 that morning. We offered to stay with her, but she shook her head.

"You guys go on. If you're gonna get anywhere, you need to leave soon. Let's have breakfast, then you guys need to get going."

So we found a McDonalds, ate together, she gave us all hugs(with her mouth covered, natch), and then we piled into our cars. She stood waving good-bye until we couldn't see her anymore.

"Hey, Bumlets, you gonna be OK driving the minivan that screams 'I belong to a chick'?" asked Spot, with an evil grin on his face. This earned him a punch in the arm.

Bumlets can be touchy. But…that's what makes him fun!

So we pulled out of Allentown, and got back onto the interstate. Now, when we left the airport, we almost got into fistfights over who was gonna be in what car. Eventually, we worked it all out, and I ended up with Spot (yippee), Blink (eh…), and Itey (oy vay!). At least I didn't have Race. Phew! Riding with him in a car is basically asking for a not fun ride, 'cause he won't like the song, or you're driving to slow, or everyone else on the highway is wrong…blah blah blah.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! He's Bumlets' problem now.

I will spare you the boring details of the first five hours, except to say that Itey went crazy around hour two from lack of movement, and fell asleep around hour three. Race and Blink did nothing but talk about nothing.

For five hours.

'L' is for the way you look at me, 'O' is for the only one I see…

Ahem. But I'm usually right about this kind of thing.

We'll see, won't we?

BLINK

I won't lie to you. I HATE long car rides, especially in little cars. Like Jack's hunk of junk whatever-it-is. But Spot was there, so I guess I can deal with it.

God, he's hot. Drool.

"Jaaaaaaaaack!" I whined. "I'm hungry, cramped, and I gotta take a leak. Can we please stop soon?!"

"Soon" Jack said, not taking his eyes off the road.

Damn unflappable Irishmen.

"So, Spotty, shall we listen to Ashlee Simpson, or U2?"

"Ooh ooh ooh, Ashlee Simpson!" he crowed, passing the disk to Itey, who was sitting in front. A minute later, 'Autobiography' started blaring through the speakers.

And, of course, Spot started to sing along. Extremely off-key, I might add.

"If you want my auto, want my autobiography! Baby, just ask me!" he warbled, stretching his arms out toward me.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You do realize that you look like an idiot, right?"

He gave me his trademark cocky half-smile. "Yes. But do I care? No. Ashlee rocks my socks, and you can say what you like, but I don't care. Besides"-He smirked again-"I get to exercise my drama queen-ness to her CD."

"So it's all good."

"Exactly."

And we lapsed into a comfortable silence. For about 20 minutes.

"JACK! JACK! JACK!" Itey had awoken from his nap.

"Yes, Itey?" said Jack, far more patiently than I would have.

"Can we stop? I gotta pee."

Jack rolled his eyes, but, 10 minutes later, pulled into a rest stop. It was one of those fancier ones, with five different restaurants, a gift shop, and a newsstand inside. We all piled out, stretching out stiff legs and cramped muscles as we did so.

"Better, Itey?" Jack asked a half hour later, when we were on the road once again.

"Much" said Itey happily. He was stuffing his face with Cheetos and Pepsi. He looked content, much like a pig in mud.

"He's gonna have such a bad breakout later" Spot muttered out of the corner of his mouth, causing me to giggle, and then quickly clap my hand over my mouth.

God, this trip is gonna be interesting.

BUMLETS

I hate driving enough as is. I hate it more when I'm driving a car filled with teenage boys who are high on sugar and caffeine, and are bound and determined to make as much noise as possible.

"RACE!" I yelled. "RACE! SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M GETTING SICK TO DEATH OF YOU AND PIE ARGUING! IF EITHER OF YOU TALKS IN THE NEXT 20 MINUTES, I'M STRAPPING THAT INDIVIDUAL TO THE HOOD!"

They didn't look like they believed me, but they shut up for the next hour. Wow. I didn't think it'd work that well. But hey, I'm not complaining.

I don't yell a lot, so when I do, whatever I'm yelling about is really irking me.

"Hey Bumlets" said Pie.

"Yeah?"

"Can we put on that CD of our show songs from junior year?"

"You mean 'West Side Story'?" I replied.

"Yeah yeah yeah! Can we? Pwease?" I could see him pooching out his lower lip in the review mirror.

"You're so gay, Pie" said Race with a smirk. "What straight man likes 'West Side Story'?"

"Jack."

"Jack is an anomaly."

'What is up with people and that word lately?' I thought.

But we ended up putting in the CD anyways. Our school's marching band show our junior year had been 'Music from West Side Story', and we'd ended up burning CD's so we could re-live the madness. The songs we did were 'Maria', 'Cool', 'America', 'Somewhere', and 'Tonight'. Although I don't know if you can count 'Somewhere', 'cause it was only 30 seconds long, and it was basically a glorified color guard solo.

MARIA!" belted Snitch and Race. "I JUST MET A GIRL NAMED MARIA! AND SUDDENLY THAT NAME, WILL NEVER BE THE SAME TO ME!"

Then they didn't sing for a whole verse, and you can probably guess why. The next verse is about kissing a girl named Maria.

Which probably wouldn't happen, since they're both gay.

"Maria! I'll never stop saying…Maria!" they finished dramatically, arranging themselves in dramatic poses on the floor of the car.

"Get up, you guys, and put seatbelts on!" I said, reaching behind to poke them. "The last thing I want is to get stopped by highway patrol."

They grumbled cheerfully, but got back up and buckled themselves in.

I shall spare you all the boring details of our next four hours of driving, and I'll try to sum it up for you:

Pure, unparalleled, hell.

We had to stop five times for bathroom breaks and food, twice for gas, three times for a toll booth, and once because Race swore, up and down, that he saw Mary in the wildflowers growing by the side of the highway.

When, in reality, it was actually two rabbits mating.

He must be blind, or summat.

And I swear, pulling into Gary, Indiana ranked up there in joyful events in my life with getting laid for the first time. I was that desperate to get out of that car.

Oy-freakin'-vay.

We checked into our Best Western, and, once again, proceeded to get ourselves good and drunk. Only, this time, we made it a bit more interesting.

We played a Chinese drinking game.

Now, that was interesting.

We had to shout this song in Chinese, the words of which none of us knew, and the person who finished last had to drink a shot of something. This time it was vodka. Snitch gets drunk fast, as does Blink, and they quickly lost.

But Jack and I were really going at it. We were tied, 5-5, and it only ended when we both agreed that if we drank any more, we'd probably pass out and never wake up.

So we went to sleep that night, very drunk, very tired, and having traveled over 300 miles.

I felt very proud of myself. I still had my sanity.

Well, a shred of it, anyway.

END CHAPTER

Gah, this was fun to write. I was having too much fun with the singing and the drinking and the whining, and I just never wanted it to end. But I had to find a stopping point eventually. So, I just finished up this chappie here. Anyways, on to shoutouts:

SHOUTOUTS:

SATURDAY: You never informed me about the song about Spot in a garden. And I was so looking forward to it. (pouts) Just kidding. Anyways, I read your fic you co-authored with Dakki. Muy interesante. Another word would be loco. Muy loco. But that's beside the point. Anyways…love ya, thanx for reviewing!

Erin Go Braugh: More marching band! LOL! Just for you! Enough exclamation points! Seriously, though, I'll stop now. Anyways…did you like? I hope so. Leave a review and I'll love you forever! (P.S. Is it just me, or am I the only one who thinks that Shanghai Noon was better than Shanghai Knights? I dunno. But the second one kinda fell flat compared to the first. Eh.)

Coin: Yes, RENT is totally awesome,and it's coming to Lincoln in October! YES!!!!! (does a strange happy dance) Anyways, since it seems all my reviewers are clamoring for Race/Bumlets, that's probably where it will go. Anywho, love ya, thanx for the review!

Mydracomalfoy: Yes, your Spanish is terrible. But we love you anyways, 'cause you left a REVIEW! ::gives coffeecake:: Anyways, much hugging and slashy goodness will ensue, and, as you requested, I am UPDATING! Love ya, bye!