A/N: With all those surveys floating around livejournal and every other blog I thought I'd see what our favorite potions master might have to say in one. And for the record I don't have the pleasure of owning Severus Snape or anything else belonging to the Harry Potter world. (I wish I did!) The amazing J.K. Rowling has that honor. The OC of Magdalena Dyer does belong to my own sleep-deprived brain however. And at long last I figured out at least a sort of story plot for it. Let me know if you think I should keep it around and continue it or hide it away.

Bold indicates Snape's responses
::...:: indicate motions
Italics indicate repsonses by me

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Chapter 1

"Miss Dyer! What do you think you are doing?"

Magdalena Dyer, Auror, looked up as Professor Severus Snape entered his lab. She smiled slightly at his indignant expression and looked up from the book she had been reading while sitting on his desk. He crossed his arms and glowered at her while waiting for her explanation. She closed the book and set it beside her. "Ah, Professor, you're finally here." Standing, Magdalena motioned him toward the chair behind the desk. "I've been eagerly awaiting your arrival."

He remained motionless. "I trust you have a very good reason for breaking into my laboratory."

"Well, a reason, even if it's not that good of one."

"I'm waiting."

She sighed. This might be a bit more difficult than she had thought. Her department had assigned her to Snape, "for his protection", or so they said. And so far she had stayed out his way for the most part. She kept an eye on him from a distance and even that seemed to displease him. So she had decided to take time to actually talk with him. Her inspiration came from her Muggle friends back in the States. Every time she got a chance (the little bit of time she actually spent at her flat in London) she checked her email. Lately there had been quite a few surveys going around between the people she knew. Some were basic, some were amusing.

Her great idea was to sit Snape down and get him to answer a couple of these even if she had to threaten him at wand point.

Quickly she pulled herself out of her musings and turned her thoughts back to Snape who had finally started walking toward the desk. "As you know, Professor, it's my duty to keep an eye out for you for the next few months." He nodded so she continued. "I've been keeping a distance for a week now and I thought that it's time for me to get to know you. Learn your habits and such."

Snape settled himself in the chair and leaned back watching her. "And this is why you are here this evening?"

"Yep," she agreed. She placed a slender hand on the parchment on the desk in front of him. "This is a small survey, just to begin with." She watched his eyes flick to the paper and then back to her. And this may be just a bit of fun for me as well, she thought. Magdalena perched herself on a corner of the desk and pushed a quill and ink bottle closer to him. With another quick motion she twisted her red-gold hair up into a quick knot to keep it out of her way. "Let's begin."

1. What is your full name?
At least it starts out sensibly. Severus Snape.
That wasn't so hard, now was it?
For the moment, no.

2. What color pants are you wearing?
Tell me again why I'm doing this?
Because....it's necessary to my job?
::glares at her::
Okay, so it's just me being sadistic. Now answer the question, Professor.
Black. Satisfied?
For the moment.

3. What are you listening to right now?
This annoying young woman's constant muttering.
Hey! That was uncalled for!
::sneer:: I thought you wanted me to respond truthfully.
::mutters:: Git.

4. What's the last thing you ate?
Is that really important?
To some of us, yes it is! I need to keep an eye even on your food.
A Chocolate Frog.
You're kidding me.
I don't kid.

5. Do you wish on stars?
I do believe this question is more ridiculous than the second one.
I don't think you have to answer this one. You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?
I prefer it that way.

6. How old are you today?
38.
Oh? Hmm. Not sure if that counts.
What in Merlin's name are you talking about?
::smiles sweetly:: Not sure if that's old enough for my "older man" fixation.
::speechless::
Ah, finally something silences the witty retorts.

7. Favorite drink?
Virgin firewhisky.
Virgin? You mean you don't like to get drunk?
Unlike some, ::pointed look at her::, I prefer to keep my mind clear.
Remind me to fix that sometime.
And are you able to do you job so well even intoxicated?
That is indeed one of my many talents.

8. Favorite sport?
Quiddtich. That cup will be back in my office this year.
Sure. And Professors Trelawney and McGonagall will become best buds.
Are you doubting the Slytherin team? ::glare::
Let me think about that. ::pause:: Why yes, I do believe I am.

9. Hair color?
Black.
I still say you should let me wash it.
My personal hygiene is none of your business.
Eh, you have to sleep sometime.
Do you want me to continue with this insipid thing or--
Fine! No more comments about your hair. At least not till later.

10. Do you wear contacts?
Contacts?
Muggle compensations for glasses. The lenses are set directly onto the eye.
No wonder muggles are, for the most part, blind.

11. Siblings?
No.
Thank goodness for that.
What was that?
Oops. That must have been my outside voice.

12. Favorite month?
July.
::curious:: Why July?
Because then I don't have to deal with imbecilic brats melting cauldrons right and left.
I see you point on that one.
Ah, she does have a bit of intelligence.

13. Favorite food?
::irritated:: Must I answer this as well?
Either that or I hex you.
Very well. Chocolate Frogs.
Do snacks even count?

14. Last movie you watched?
Another muggle reference?
Yeah. So I'll take that as you haven't seen one at all.
Correct.
I'll have to fix that as well.
Is that a threat?
Nope. I don't need to threaten. That's a promise.

15. Favorite day of year?
The day after term is over and I am left in peace.
Well, you would have been had the Ministry not assigned me to you.

16. What do you do to vent out anger?
Take points from Gryffindor, particularly from Potter.
One would swear you have it in for that boy.
And one would be right.
Don't you get tired of being unfair?
No. I am, however, getting rather tired of your running commentary.
Deal with it.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
::glower:: I don't talk about my childhood.
And with that look on his face I don't want to press the issue. Next question...

18. Summer or winter?
I prefer the dark of winter.
With that pale skin, no wonder. I can't quite see you getting a tan.

19. Hugs or kisses?
Neither.
Oh, come on. Are you saying that cause you really don't like either or because you haven't had either?
::silence::
In that case I take it upon myself to find out one day.
And what gives you the right to intrude on my personal life in that manner?
The fact that you might be seduced by one of Voldemort's toys.
That is quite unlikely.
Would you like it better if I said it was to help me figure out how to seduce you?
Not particularly, Miss Dyer.

20. Chocolate or vanilla?
I prefer the taste of chocolate if you must know.
After all the food questions does this come as a surprise to anyone?

21. Do you want your friends to write back?
Friends?
Okay, how about me? Don't I count?
Friend? More like a stalker.
Point. But I still count.

22. Who is most likely to respond?
Is this relevant?
Not in this case.

23. Living arrangements?
I have my chambers at Hogwarts.
And he still won't allow me in them.
::raises eyebrow:: There are certain things that you do not need access to.
::begs:: Please? Are you afraid I'll sneak in and jinx you?
I'm more worried about molestation from the looks you've been giving me.
Damn. ::snaps fingers:: My plan is out in the open.

24. When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry.
Maybe tears of relief after we finish this survey and I let him escape for the night.

25. What is under your bed?
I'll have to check it tonight to make sure that this woman isn't hiding under there.
I would never hide under your bed! ::looks indignant:: Behind the door is more my style.

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I've known Dumbledore the longest.
Aw....Sevvie has a fwiend.
Do you want to survive the night?

27. What did you do last night?
I finished another batch of Wolfsbane potion for Lupin.
More exciting than my night.
Oh really?
Yep. I sat down and hunted up these questions.

28. Favorite smell?
My lab.
I'm surprised you can smell anything but your hair. Please let me wash it. I really have something that works well.
Remember my words two questions ago.

29.What are you afraid of?
The Dark Lord winning this war.
Once again, I have to agree with you.
Beyond that simply having this woman follow me around for much longer is certainly terrifying enough.
You're trying my patience!

Snape noticed that he had come to the end of the list of questions. He set the quill down and looked up at Magdalena with a wry smile. "And those answers are going to help you protect me?"

She was actually shaking slightly trying to hold in her giggles. "To be honest they were mainly a way of passing the time and making me smile." At the look on his face she couldn't repress her amusement. The giggles took over for a moment.

After she had recovered she realized that he wasn't glowering at her. Instead he had slight smile back on his face. When he didn't speak she looked down and blushed then caught sight of her watch. "Well, it looks to be time for shift change." And right on time she heard her fellow Auror Traves' voice outside the lab door. Still without looking at Snape she stood, took the parchment and folded it before putting it in her pocket. "I'll see you in the morning, Professor," she said quickly, now worried for he still hadn't spoken, and walked toward the door.

Just as her hand touched the handle of the door she heard him speak up. "I look forward to it...Magdalena." Her eyes widened at the use of her first name and she turned to look at him, suprised. But he was already disappearing into the storeroom.

She grinned and shook her head. As she opened the door she saw Traves' standing there alert and ready for night watch. He caught sight of her grin. "What's with the smile, Red? Was your watch that entertaining?" Magdalena didn't even scold him for the nickname that she disliked so much. instead she felt the folded parchment in her pocket and her grin got wider.

"You have no idea."And with that she headed down the corridor, chuckling to herself.