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Chapter 3

Kirsten sat in the driver's seat of her car. The key was in the ignition but she hadn't turned the engine on yet. She stared at the front door of the manor. Her face was expressionless. She just kept on staring. A name kept going through her mind.

Rachel.

She closed her eyes and breathed in trying to push out the images.

Rachel.

She could see the scene in her head.

His eyes scan her body.

Kirsten closed her eyes.

She can see him watching her.

Kirsten breathed out.

She can see him move closer. He reaches out and pulls her near. She leans in and plants her lips firmly on his. She pulls back and begins, "What about...?" but he interrupts her by placing his finger on her lips. "Shhh." He says soothingly and shakes his head.

Kirsten fought the tears back.

He lifts her of her feet and she wraps her legs around his waist. She starts to unbutton his shirt and he responds by placing butterfly kisses along her collarbone...

She couldn't fight back the tears anymore. She'd replayed the scene in her head a million times. The night her life fell apart. She placed her head on the steering wheel and watched her tears fall onto her lap. She saw a flash and a crash of thunder sounded outside and she sat up. Drops of rain were pounding on the windscreen. She wiped away the tears and checked her make up in the rear view mirror only she wasn't wearing any. Her hair was hanging limply on her shoulders and she was wearing her most comfortable jeans and baggy t-shirt. She turned the ignition and guided the car out of the driveway.

Sandy stood at the window staring down at his wife. She had been sitting there for fifteen minutes. He saw her lower her head into the steering wheel and her shoulders shook. Sandy grimaced and sat down. He thought about his night of infidelity with Rachel.

She sat on his desk in front of him and smiled, "All work and no play makes Sandy a dull boy." He closed his eyes and tried to get up but she pushed his shoulders back down and she straddled his lap. "Shhh..." she soothed and placed her finger on his lips. She shook her head and leaned in closer.

He opened his eyes and saw his reflection in the mirror.

She began to unbutton his pants and he pulled back, "I can't..." he whispered but she stifled him by kissing him forcefully on the lips.

Lightening illuminated the room and his reflection lit up. He picked up a photo of him and Kirsten and threw it through the mirror. He couldn't bear to look at himself anymore. The glass shattered and fell to the ground in a heap. He walked over to it and picked up the photo out of the broken frame. It was taken when they were in Berkeley. It was at New Year and they were both staring into each other's eyes. They had no idea that it was being taken. As he stared down at the photo drops of salty tears splattered onto Kirsten in the picture. He fell to his knees and screamed at the top of his voice hoping it would release some of the shame he was carrying. It didn't help. He heard thunder again in the distance. He got to his feet and began to pick up the larger shards of glass.

Kirsten drove through the torrential rain in a blur. She couldn't see three feet in front of her but she kept going. She didn't even know of she was on her way to the office or not. Tears hazed her eyes and she gripped the steering wheel harder. Suddenly the car began to skim over a large puddle and she lost control of the car. She could feel the wheels slip away and she closed her eyes. It came to a sudden stop and when she opened her eyes she saw that she had collided with a tree. She felt a warm trickle fall down her face. She reached up and saw that she had a cut on her forehead. She got out and checked there was no one else hurt and when she was sure there wasn't any she headed back toward the manor. She didn't try to shelter herself from the rain. She just kept walking. Her arms by her side. A car pulled up next to her, "Hey lady! You need a ride? Was that your car back there? I can give you a ride or I could call emergency breakdown for you." Kirsten simply stared at the man, "Hey you're bleeding. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I think I'll jut walk thanks." She said with an appreciative smile. She continued to walk down the road. She shivered in the cold but she didn't care. The rain hid her tears. When she broke up with Jimmy she used to prey and wait forever for the rain to fall. She could stand out in the rain and no one would know. They would never know she was hurting. She was supposed to be strong. She could pretend she was stronger than this. It washed away all the pain inside. She didn't need to cry all the time. It was only the rain. She walked for ten minutes before she arrived home. She pushed the door open and walked indoors. She pulled off her coat and shoes and made her way upstairs. She caught her reflection in the hallway mirror and saw that the cut was still bleeding. When she got to her bedroom she found Sandy on his knees nursing a cut on his hand. He was finishing fixing a bandage over his hand when he looked up. He got quickly to his feet and wrapped his arms around her, "Are you okay? What happened?" She looked at him blankly and didn't move. Sandy ran and grabbed a towel. He pulled it around her tightly and rubbed her arms in attempt to generate some heat. She stood there still staring at him expressionlessly. "Can I clean that cut for you?" he asked tentatively. She didn't answer him. She went over and sat next to the first aid kit. He took this as a good sign and kneeled in front of her. "Please tell me what happened." She winced as he wiped over the cut with an alcoholic wipe and closed her eyes. He gave up and quietly placed a small square bandage over the gash. He closed the first aid kit and looked at his wife. She was shivering uncontrollably. He pulled the towel from her shoulders and attempted to wring her hair out. He gave up with that and he simply pushed the hair out of her face. He pulled of her soaking wet socks and threw them toward the door. He dried her feet with the towel but it was too wet so her fetched another one. He kneeled up again and his face was close to hers. She stared into his eyes and he unbuttoned the first button on her now soaked shirt. She didn't pull back. He leaned in kissed her gently on the lips. She kissed him back and he pushed her back onto the bed.

Kirsten ran her hands through his hair as he kissed her neck and she saw him with Rachel. He was touching her. She pulled him up and placed his kips on hers trying to block the images but he moved down again. She saw him kissing Rachel she imagined that this was how it was with Rachel. He kissed her again and she couldn't breathe. Her chest constricted. She pushed him off of her and she flew out of the room. She ran into Seth's empty room and threw herself onto the back of the door and huddled onto her knees again. Every time she pictured her husband she saw Rachel lurking in the background. Every time she felt him touch her she wondered if he'd touched Rachel like that. When he kissed her she knew that his lips had also been on Rachel's. She wanted to cry and scream but this time there was no rain to wash it all away.

I've been walking in the footsteps

Of societies lies

I don't like what I see no more

Sometimes I wish I were blind

Sometimes I wait forever to stand out in the rain

So no one sees me crying

Trying to wash away the pain

Bon Jovi Keep The Faith

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