Chapter 9 - Why Can't I-Part 1

( That same night )
Here's a part of the story that I have told no one.
Angel pinned me against the wall.
Cordelia walked down the hall waking up from the commotion. She was a very light sleeper.
She turned the corner to see me against the wall and Angel unbuttoning my blouse.
She watched in fear. She didn't want to see this happen...again.
Before Spike could arrive she ran off.

I awoke with Spike's arms around me. I smiled. This was great, him holding me. His body against mine, it felt right.
I felt him stir next to me.
"Spike, you awake?" I asked.
I felt him tense then answer. "Yes, Luv."
I turned around to face him. He had a smile on his face, I was afraid he would kick me out the minute he woke up. He seemed glad I was there. H e leaned over and his lips touched mine for a brief instant.
"Buffy, you have to leave before everyone wakes up." I nodded and sat up.
He did the same, kissed me, then I left.
I snuck into my room not waking Darla or Glory. I quickly laid in my bed, as soon as I closed my eyes I heard Glory wake up and turn on a light.
"Buff, Darla time to wake up." I sat up and stretched as if I've been asleep for hours.
"Already?" I groaned. Already? What else was I gonna say? "Oh well you could have slept longer so I could sneak in a little later from Spike's bedroom"
I gathered up my clothes, a towel and went off to take a shower followed by Darla and Glory.

In the shower I just thought about Spike, the way his body had fit perfectly against my own. The way his lips felt against mine. The way he looked at me with his blue eyes and the way he said "I love you."
Life was good ,well minus the fact I was in prison. Well what else can you do?
I finished up , turned off the shower, grabbed my towel and walked to my room with the white material wrapped around my body. As I walked down the hall I heard people talking. I turned my head around the corner to see Spike pinning Angel against a wall.
"Look, Spike. I didn't do anything. She wanted it."
Spike slammed Angel against the wall again but harder this time. "Bullshit! I heard her say "stop". Very clearly."
Angel smirked. "Spike, they just need a little push."
With that Spike punched Angel. "Sorry man. If I knew you actually care about the people in this place, I wouldn't have."
Spike had his eyes closed his knuckles were turning white. He looked like he was about to explode. containing himself he pointed down the hall "Go." He simply said. Angel ran off.
I smiled then started to walk off to my room when I dropped my clothes. "Shit" I muttered under my breath. Apparently it was too loud.
"Who's there?" Spike asked. I poked my head around the corner and smiled meekly.
"Buffy." He said with a sigh of relief.
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Are you feeling better." He asked as he rested his head on top pf mine.
"I'm fine." I told him truthfully. He pulled away smiled, looked around then kissed me.
I could so get used this, being with him, but I didn't like sneaking around. I don't think anyone here would be supportive, so I guess that was the only way.

Me, Glory and Darla walked out to clean up and of course there was Cordelia. Hoping she would leave me alone today I grabbed a trash bag and started to get to work.
After a while Cordelia came up behind me and whispered.
"I can't keep secrets." That's it. Hasn't she learned her lesson, why couldn't she stop fucking with me? Throwing my trash bag on the ground I spun around to face her. I was about to say something but I stopped. The look in her eyes told me was wasn't screwing around. Sadness lingered in her eyes.
"I can't keep secrets. Not anymore."
I titled my head.
"Cordelia what are you talking about?"

After clean up she came to my room and She talked to me.
"He doesn't stop, not until he gets what he wants."
Angel.
"He has rapped me and a few other girls but everyone is to scared to step forward. Well alone that is."
She looked up to me for hope.
"I saw you and Angel last night and I knew you weren't a willing participant. I think if we all step up together maybe we can finally get him out of here.
"That's a good idea." I told her. I think our relationship wasn't as black and white as it seemed.
"We'll come up with a plan." I told her, she nodded and I gave her a hug.

After Cordy left. I looked up the clock. Faith should here soon. I took out a piece of paper and scribbled a note.

I saw Faith an hour ago and I slipped the note in her hand.

Faith,

I can't say these things aloud so that's why I wrote this.

I had gotten in a fight with this girl she saw me and Spike kissing. I've told you bout Spike right?
Well he pulled me away from her and took me to his room.
We did some very fun things.
Then last night I was almost rapped my some guy and Spike pulled him away. Again.
The girl I had gotten in a fight with, just came up to me and told me that Angel the guy who almost raped me.) he has been raping a lot of girls. We are planning to get him firsed. Well enough about him.

Spike, and I are together. Well I'm not sure If you would call it "together" He told me he loved me.
And Faith...
I love him too.

Lots of love

B

I was about to go to dinner but I went to check the bathroom to see if I left my panties there. I couldn't seem to find them.
As I as walking Someone grabbed me and pulled me into a corner. I was scared it was Angel. It wasn't, it was Spike.
He pulled me in and kissed me. I smiled and slowly reached into his pocket and felt a piece of material. I raised my eye brow as I waved the panties in front of him.
"I took then from earlier." He told me kissing my neck.
I stuffed them back into his pocket. He picked me up and carried me into his room. I could only imagine what would happened in their.


Get a load of me,
Get a load of you,
Walking down the street
And I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you,
When we're out at night,
Got a girlfriend
You say it isn't right,
And I've got someone waiting too.

The problem is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Its inevitable... it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me...
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breaking up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

Its an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful?

Here we go we're at the beginning
we haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
Out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever talk about you

whenever I think about you


Authors note - Song - Why Can't I -Liz Phair (Thanks Kerry)
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