Petals

By Kimetara

One-shot

Disclaimer: FFVII is not owned by me.

They say that is you love something, let if go. If it loves you, it'll come back. I never managed to let you go in the first place, so I guess it's no surprise you never came back.

You never came back. I can say it now, without flinching, without cringing. I cam hear it from other people while eating over a table at the inn without wincing. "Too bad the last real Ancient died," they say. "It would be great if we could bring her back to life, but you can't bring back the dead."

You'd be surprised how often I overhear that. Or maybe not. You are one with the Planet after all; I guess you know everything now. Besides, you always seemed to know everything about me. Probably more than I did. You had that knack for seeing right through the façade that I surrounded myself with.

Do you know I've been looking for you for two years? Traveled the world over and over. Sometimes I'd drop by my old friends, but those visits were always short, and I could see the question in their eyes every time I looked at them. Cid even asked me once, in that gruff tone of his.

"Why're you still hanging onto her, kid?"

I didn't answer him. I just finished saddling my chocobo and left. Maybe...I didn't have an answer for him.

I never visited Tifa one during those two years. Sometimes I dropped by Nibelheim and spoke with Vincent, just to make sure things were going okay, but I always left before she could see me. It's cowardly, I know. I know it must hurt her for me to be searching for you for so long, although from what Vincent says she seems to be fine. Still...I don't want to face her yet. If I do...I might feel too guilty to leave again.

And Vincent. You'd think of all the people I know, he'd be the most understanding. But lately, I've been seeing that question in his eyes too – why won't I let you go?

It was the last time I visited him, a couple months ago, I realized he was silently asking me. I remember...it gave me such a desperate feeling. Even he didn't understand?

So I asked him back, wanting some sort of defense.

"Why aren't you looking for Lucrecia?"

You know what his answer was? Well, yeah, I guess you do, but...I'll tell you anyway.

"The dead deserve to rest in peace."

I left pretty soon after that. It made me feel a lot more...resentful towards him than I've felt in a long time. After all, it was easy for him to say. He had already found Lucrecia. He had his closure.

Now though...I've been thinking, and each time I just seem to go round in circles. Am I causing you trouble, holding onto you so tightly? I know, that if you were here, you wouldn't want me wasting my life searching for you...but if there's a chance to bring you back, I have to find it. I have to. I owe it to you.

And I can't say that Vincent found Lucrecia and I haven't. I've seen you one time after the incident. Just for a few moments, but you were there, in that old church in Sector Six tending your flowerbed. I walked inside and saw you running around to kneel down beside them, and then you were gone. The two kids in there were talking about you too, so I know it wasn't just my imagination.

I didn't get to hear you speak...and you didn't leave anything behind...but I guess it's all I ever could have expected. More than most people will ever receive. I got to see you, happy and beautiful, one last time. It...just wasn't enough for me.

I don't know anymore, Aeris. I don't know why I'm here or even what I'm looking for. I've never felt so lost, so without purpose, even when I was just a puppet under Sephiroth's control. That night when I told everybody to figure out what they were fighting for, vengeance was my purpose. You were my purpose. But it's been so long, and I can't help but think that if you wanted me to find you...I would have found something by now, more than that brief glance in Midgar. And if you don't want to be found, then why am I searching?

...I've become too comfortable in my hero role. I know I'm not really that selfless. I'm looking for you because I want you. I miss the light that you brought me, Aeris. I've tried to hold onto it for so long, hold onto you, but now...even if you came back, I don't think I would recognize it anymore.

I'm looking for the Promised Land, because that's where you are. I've been looking for openings into the Lifestream, and I've traveled and searched for every single one a common tourist mentions. But no matter where I go and how many other people have seen it, I can't ever seem to find it.

Are you hiding from me? I thought...I thought you wanted me to come with you. I saw you reaching for me. Why is it so hard to find you then? I want to come to you!

...I would kill myself if I thought I could reach you that way. But I know the Promised Land is only for Ancients, and I would simply be reprocessed and used to make new lives. I wouldn't find you.

So I'm making a last ditch effort now. I'm sitting on your altar, and I'm throwing flowers into the water, and I'm going to let you go, Aeris. This is the final journey I'll make to find you. And maybe...you'll come back to me.

Cloud stood up from the pedestal, having thrown the last rose into the lake. Red, white, and pink petals floated slowly across the surface as he made his way down the column steps, and without a glance back he returned to the Ancient Forest.

Halfway through, a figure dressed in pink emerged from the trees. Peeping between the trees, laughing as playfully as ever, she led him to the Forest's end. A vision, a dream...

"I did come back." The voice chimes through his mind, a sweet tone of flowers. "I'm always here with you, even if you were too busy looking for me to see it. Just think of me as your personal guardian angel!" she teased.

"...and Cloud...thank you for having a little faith. Just leave it to me."

AN: Just an odd little one-shot I found sitting in my files I decided to wrap up and send out. I think I may try to go through all my unfinished snippets andfinish them up when given the chance... Reviews are welcome.