He wakes up scared some nights. He's always dreamed vividly, and this pilgrimage only intensifies the dreams.
Braska is spinning, always spinning and his wand spins also, sinning in a cycle that Auron cannot break no matter how loudly he shouts from the shore and the water rises to meet Braska's bare feet, swirling around his ankles, leaping to sting his calves and now he is surrounded by pyreflys, they envelop him as if in welcome of an old friend or maybe as if in a lea to be allowed to stay in Spira but they cannot because Braska is spinning and no one sees his tears and sweat amongst the pyreflys that are still pleading, even as they spiral upwards to disappear, leaving Braska as a silhouette against the setting sun, an angel forever spinning
These are the easy dreams. These are the dreams that leave him feeling peaceful, even as he tastes the salt of his own tears when he wakes.
There are other dreams.
Rain everywhere, his vision is blurred and all he sees is gray and brown and muted white, he is stumbling through muddy snow and he doesn't know if maybe the rain is actually his tears but it doesn't matter because there is a stain of red in the snow and it has to be him oh please let it be him and it is Braska, crumpled on his side as he lays in the snow like a rag doll left behind by someone traveling too fast to take everything with them and why is there so much red Braska's robes are not made of so much of the fine Besaid cloth and they are not so red and Auron's mind refuses to believe that the red might not have anything to do with the broken staff lying but inches from the cold hand and everything to do with the way his brown eyes watch the sky above the setting sun
He had decided his mind was made up. He had decided he would do this without regrets. He had decided that wherever his lord went he would follow, even into death.
Every step he takes now chips away at his decisions and brings them closer to the second dream. Every sunset brings doubt to hover at the back of his mind and every dream unmakes his mind.
Every time Braska smiles, Auron knows no matter what the cost, he will never leave his lord's side. Every time he watches Braska's staff rise in summoning and fall in sending Auron knows it will be the death of him.