CHAPTER 13 (PRESENT DAY) Wonderful Again?
Three weeks later, I'm out of the hospital, and grounded for two months. It really sucks! Though I guess that I deserved it. I snuck out to a party. What was I thinking? I guess that I felt that I had to, because of Nathan, a bully and popular guy. But I learned my lessons: never go to a party that has no parents, and never drink punch that has alcohol in it. It'll get you drunk, like I was.
I've got my memory back somewhat all the way. I can remember people and other things.
I'll say that it's about time for mom, because she keeps having false alarms. I'll say any day now.
Kari and I are going our own ways for a while. She says that she needs a break from me. Plus, with Joe having cancer, she cannot handle two things at once.
Joe's getting better and I hope he will keep getting better. I don't want the cancer to backfire and he'll be sick again. That would be terrible. Please get all better, Joe.
And mom and dad are fighting. I guess because of mom's mood swings and dad's work is too stressful. I just guess. What else is there for them to fight? I just hope that they won't get divorced again.
"I'm bored. Really, really bored." I say, kicking back on the couch.
"You should've thought about that." Mom says.
"Mom, How could've I known that the punch had alcohol in it?"
"Maybe the taste. And don't you get an attitude with me, young man!"
"I'll get an attitude if I want to!"
"Todd Thomas Gordon, you better get rid of that attitude."
I fold my arms, "What are you gonna do about it? Ground me for another two months?"
"No, but if you..." she paused because she had a pain.
My eyes widen. I lose my attitude. "Mom, you okay?"
She breathes slowly. "I think it's time."
"For sure?"
She sits down on the couch. She just laughs. "It was just a joke."
"Just a joke? Mom, that was so freaky for me that I almost felt like panicking and running around in circles." I panic.
"Todd, Todd, calm down. I just did that because I knew that you would lose your attitude." Pause. "And if I ever go into the real thing when it's just you here, you don't have to panic, just call dad and he'll be right over."
I start to smile, but then I get a frown on my face. "Mom, what if it's not okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean it's been over nine months. Is it going be okay with you?" I get tears in my eyes.
"Todd, I know you're worried. I am and dad is too. But the best thing is to not talk about it and just go through with it."
I shake my head. "My life is a living nightmare." I cry.
"Now why do you say that?"
"Because my friend still has cancer; my girlfriend said that she wants some time alone; my mom, you are making me worried; my parents, you and dad are fighting and I don't want you guys to get a divorce again." I explain.
"Come here," Mom says slowly. "Sit down."
She says, "I know you're sad. I am too. Dad and I aren't going to get a divorce. We love each other very much."
"Whatever!" I cry. I get up and run upstairs to my room.
I sit on my bed, thinking about my life. I grab a pen and piece of paper and start writing my thoughts and feelings. I begin to write:
I'm writing this because I have nothing better to do. Everything in my life is such a mess. My friend, Joe has cancer. He's getting better and I hope he'll keep getting better, so he won't have cancer anymore. Though what if it backfires. I mean it would come back. I am afraid to think about it. My girlfriend, Kari said that she needs a break from me. She said that she couldn't handle two things at once, like Joe having cancer, and me. I feel pretty sad and mad. But I know it's just a break and we be back together soon, or I hope so. My mom is pregnant and it's been over nine months and still she hasn't had it. I'm worried. I hope nothing is going to happen to her. I just can't live if my mom is sick too, like my friend. I see my parents fight. I hear them scream. They say bad words that make me want to cry. The last time they did that, they got divorced and I was only eight. Now I'm fifteen, a teenager. They can't get divorced now. I'm almost grown. Oh, yeah. I guess that they could. Everyone has his or her own choice to make. It's not the kid's decision; it's the parents. But I do not want them ever to get a divorce again. I will regret it for the rest of my life. I will probably run away and never come back. I'll probably run to a different state. I just can't see them not seeing each other again, and I hope they will stay together forever.
Now here are my real feelings and thoughts: I hate my life. I love my life at the same time. I'm so confused. I'm so hurt. I'm so mad. I'm so sad. I'm so glad. I have mix feelings. My life is so confusing. I just don't know what I'm going to do. My life was perfect before all of these things happening to friends, parents, and me. I bury my face into the pillow and cry. Sometimes I wish I would just die. But I want to live. Though I can't deal with the pain. I am so confused. I want my life to be the same, just like it used to be, and everything would be wonderful again. I wish that could happen. I don't know if it will. But I hope. Like I said before, I can't deal with the pain.
Sincerely, Todd.
After I wrote the letter, I make a music video about my thoughts and feelings.
Later at 2:47am and when I was asleep, I hear screaming. I get up and see what's happening. I go to the last step on the stairs, and I see my mom and dad screaming and cursing at each other. I get tears in my eyes. I'm quiet for a minute, and then I say out loud, "See. I think you guys are going to get a divorce, because the last time you fought like that you did. And I just can't handle it! My life's just a nightmare! Goodbye!"
I run up to my room. I get a backpack and stuff clothes in it. I put the backpack strap on my shoulders. I get out my note and write a P.S.: I'm running away. I don't know where to, but I'll find somewhere and stay. I'll live on the street if I have to. I just can't handle my life. I hate my life right now. I'm gonna run away and start a new life. Goodbye! Please tell my friends I'll miss them. I'll miss you too mom and dad. But I'm doing what I have to do. Running away. Love, Todd.
I put the note and the video that I made on my desk. I put a little sticky note on the desk also that reads: Read and watch. It's important.
I open my window and climb down the fence looking thing down the siding. And then off I went.
[NOT TODD'S POINT OF VIEW]:
Lizzie and Gordo come running in Todd's room.
"Todd?"
"What's this?" Gordo asks himself as he picks up the note and video.
"What's what?" Lizzie says, crying.
"It's a note from Todd." Gordo reads the note out loud.
After he had read it, he had tears in his eyes, ready to cry. Lizzie was already crying.
"What's the video about?" Gordo asks himself as he puts in the VCR. They both watch it.
THE VIDEO (TODD'S SINGING):
I close my eyes when I get too sad [He covers his eyes.]
I think thoughts that I know are bad [He thought, "My life sucks! I wish I could go somewhere that I cannot be bothered!"]
Close my eyes and I count to ten [He closes his eyes and counts.]
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like everyone is all better, standing at my door [He shows a picture of His parents, Joe, Kari,Jay, and himself.]
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again [He gets down on his knees and prays.]
Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight [He shows a video clip where they were fighting.]
They say bad words that make me wanna cry [He wipes a tear from his eye.]
Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile [He says, "I wish that when I was in the hospital, I could've died and have a great life in Heaven with the angels."]
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday ["I don't have to worry."]
Promises mean everything when you're little [He shows clips when he was little.]
And the world's so big [He shows pictures of the world and himself.]
I just don't understand how [He shrugs his shoulders.]
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
["Let me find out for myself."]
I go to school and I run and play [He shows clips the he is having fun at school.]
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh a lot so my friends won't know [He shows clips that he is laughing with his friends.]
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home [No! No way!]
Go to my room and I close my eyes [He closes his eyes.]
I make believe that I have a new life [He thought, "I wish I could have a new life instead of this one."]
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday [He shakes his head no.]
I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday ["I will understand someday."]
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again ["I do not ever want to start all over again."]
I just want my life to be the same ["Same. That's it."]
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything ["Somedays I do."]
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...
I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now ["No, no!"]
"Please let me find out on my own."
END VIDEO
Lizzie hugs Gordo. "I want my baby boy back! I love him. Why didn't he come to us if he felt this way?" She cries.
Gordo hugs and just to calm her. "It's all right. We'll find him." He cries too.
They were sad because their son were missing.