Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis – ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!

Perspectives Chapter 3

John thought that the sight of Puddle Jumper One de-cloaking directly behind their defensive position, some ten minutes after he'd explained their situation to Doctor Weir, and had told her, in a slightly panicked tone, that Rodney had been shot, was probably one of the best sights of his entire life. He could barely contain himself, nervous energy bubbling up inside him as he waited for the marines inside to deploy so that he could move across to Rodney's side. As soon as the jumper appeared the guns in the woods fell silent. No doubt what had seemed an easy standoff, just waiting for the SGA team to run out of ammunition, had suddenly taken on a different slant. Sergeant Stackhouse dropped down beside him, and pushing his concern for Rodney away, John filled him in on the positions of the enemy, knowing that no matter how much he wanted to see if Rodney was still alive, he still had a job to do and people to keep safe.

As the marines took up defensive positions covering the area around the jumper John finally scrambled over towards Rodney's position. Ford and Teyla were already there, worry etched on their faces. John was a little disappointed the Doctor Beckett wasn't present, but knew that Elizabeth would be reluctant to let their chief medical officer into a combat zone. However, he was relieved that one of the marine's corpsmen was kneeling next to Rodney taking care of him. Just the fact that Rodney was still alive caused a rush of relief to course through John's body. From his previous location, crouched behind his boulder, he hadn't been able to see if Rodney's chest had been rising and falling, but now he could see the oxygen mask that had been placed over his mouth and nose, and the slightly panting movement of his chest.

He wanted to grab the corpsman, Corporal Martinez, he wanted to know where Rodney had been hit, how bad it was. Most of all though he wanted to be able to do something. John had seldom felt as impotent as he did as he crouched down there next to the rest of his team, watching Martinez working on Rodney. Martinez had secured Rodney's airway feeding him oxygen through a non-rebreathing mask, and slipping a cervical collar around his neck. He then cut through Rodney's vest, jacket and shirt quickly assessing the wound and noting the lack of an exit wound.

John felt nausea well up within him at the sight of Rodney's blood all over Martinez's gloved hands, and the glimpse of the wound itself, still welling up with dark red blood. His reaction took him somewhat by surprise, he wasn't naturally squeamish, and it wasn't as if he hadn't seen combat wounds before. However, this was different, this was a member of his team, a civilian who'd he'd promised himself he'd protect. Guilt twisted in John's gut at the thought that he'd failed, and even worse that Rodney had been hurt protecting him.

Looking down into Rodney's face he didn't think he'd ever seen him looking so pale. It was as if every drop of colour had been drained out of him leaving him almost translucent. His eyes were closed, and his face relaxed despite the beads of sweat that had collected on his brow.

After placing a dressing over the bullet wound in Rodney's side Martinez closed his kit, and looking at the Major asked,

"Can you help me get him on the stretcher sir. We need to get him to Doctor Beckett as quickly as possible."

"Of course." John replied, glancing at Ford as he too moved forward to help.

John was shocked to see his hands trembling as he reached out to support Rodney's shoulders as they quickly and efficiently moved him. It took everything in him to rein in his emotions.

As Martinez secured Rodney to the stretcher Stackhouse flopped down next to John,

"The area's secured sir. The enemy have withdrawn."

Nodding John replied,

"Good, let's get the hell out of here then."

"Yes sir."

Ford and John both moved to take Rodney's stretcher between them, while Teyla trotted along beside them. This was their team mate and everyone there understood that bond.

Once everyone was aboard they wasted no time in getting airborne and enroute to the Stargate. Rodney had been gently placed on the floor and Martinez immediately reopened his medical kit, and ripped open several packets.

"What are you doing? How is he?" John was relieved to be finally able to ask.

Without pausing to glance up at him Martinez explained,

"Doctor McKay has an abdominal injury, he's tachy, with a low pressure and low oxygen sats. I need to get some large bore IV's in before I lose his veins, and start with some wide-open fluid resuscitation. He's lost a lot of blood and I think there's internal bleeding too." Finally looking up at the anxious faces around him, he added. "He's stable, and managing to hold his own, and Doctor Beckett's the best."

With those words of reassurance he focused once more on his patient. It was Teyla who spoke next, her voice sounding at first uncertain, but then becoming more resolved,

"It is true Doctor Beckett is very skilled, and Rodney is very determined."

"Yeah," Ford piped up, looking towards Sheppard, "He's too damn stubborn to…well you know…right Major?"

Tearing his gaze away from Martinez's movements John focused his attention on the uninjured members of his team. People who needed the reassurance of their team leader, who needed him to tell them that everything was going to be alright. So despite the barely repressed fear that gripped his heart he nodded, and forced a half smile onto his face,

"Sure, if he can take on Wraith and shadowy monsters, Rodney can beat this. Besides Beckett's as stubborn as Rodney…he won't let anything happen to him."

Inside John wished he felt as convinced of all that as he'd managed to sound. However, inside a little voice was telling John that he didn't like the paleness of Rodney's skin, or the way he was panting for every breath, or the way Martinez frowned as he took Rodney's blood pressure for the fifth time. Inside John was afraid he was going to lose his teammate, his friend, and he didn't like the black empty feeling that settled in his heart at that thought.

His introspection was interrupted then by Stackhouse's voice calling back from the cockpit,

"We're at the gate, we just need to send the IDC and we're home."

Seconds later they felt the familiar rush as they entered the gate's event horizon.

They'd barely set down, and the jumper's doors were opened, before Beckett and his team appeared. Martinez immediately launched into a rapid-fire run down of Rodney's vital signs, and the worry that creased Beckett's forehead as he listened made John's heart sink.

Knowing he was in the way, and feeling completely inadequate, John had a sudden urge to escape. He backed out of the jumper's doors into the area in front of the gate. News of their problems must have spread fast because the upper gallery of the gate room was lined with people. While there coming down the steps towards him was Elizabeth, concern etched on her face, and a thousand questions on her lips. Questions that John didn't want to face right at that moment. His face becoming a stony mask John walked towards her, and before she had a chance to speak he said,

"Not now Doctor Weir, just…not now."

Without waiting for her to reply he left the gate room as quickly as he could, not stopping until he reached his quarters. Once behind the closed doors of his room he shucked his pack from his shoulders and threw it across the room. He was mad – mad at those lunatics on the planet who had started shooting first without giving them a chance, mad at the man who'd shot Rodney, mad at himself for not protecting the scientist and, although he hated to admit it, even to himself, he was mad at Rodney too.

What the Hell had Rodney done that for. Jesus, John was supposed to protect him not the other way around. Why hadn't he shouted a warning? Why'd Rodney have to risk his own life to save his? Didn't the idiot realise that Atlantis needed him? If they were ever to get home it would, without a doubt, be Rodney who'd be the one to figure out how to do it. Rodney was important. Rodney was a genius. While all Major John Sheppard was, was a pilot with a mutant gene, and a freaky ability to do math. Besides all that, Rodney was his friend and something more. Something that John had barely admitted to in his own mind, let alone shared with the object of his feelings, and maybe now he wouldn't get the chance, and that thought made John even angrier.

"You selfish bastard McKay. That wasn't your job…it wasn't your call to make!"

The white-hot fury that consumed him at that moment quickly burned out and John found himself sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. Blinking back the frustrated tears that he could feel welling up unbidden in his eyes John realised that he was in the wrong place. He needed to be at the infirmary. He needed to fill Elizabeth in on what happened. He needed to be strong for his team. He needed to be there for Rodney right now. No matter how he felt he had a job to do and responsibilities to others.

"And you called Rodney selfish." He snorted to himself as he stood up and walked to the door.