"Do you trust me?" He asked.
Do I trust him? Of course! Stupid of him to ask. I trust him with my life.
"I trust you with my life, and more." I reply.
"If he is out there, I will not let anything happen to you."
I can feel my lips break into a huge grin. I take his hand and give it a squeeze. He smiles at me, and I push open the door.
As soon as we're out, I feel his grip on my hand get a little tighter. He looks around, as do I, and see nothing. Well, I see nothing anyway.
"Do you see him?" I ask worriedly.
"No, do you?" he responds, still looking around.
"Nah." I say offhandedly. He turns to me.
"Okay then, let's go." He gestures towards the car. I smile and nod.
It's funny. Even though there is no danger or anything, Nick doesn't let go of my hand. I smile and breathe a laugh.
"What?" he asks with a grin, and I shake my head as if to say 'nothing'. In response I just turn my hand in his, lacing our fingers together and giving his hand a squeeze. He chuckles quietly.
"Yeah. It is a little weird, huh?" he says, still refusing to let go of my hand.
"Yeah," I say with a nod, "it's nice though."
"Yes. It is." He says.
We get into the car, silently pulling out of the parking lot. On the way back to the lab to pick up my car, Nick suddenly asks me something.
"Wanna come over to my house?" he asks, and a million thoughts, most dirty, run through my mind. I take in a sharp breath, and he looks over at me. His eyes get wide as he realizes what I'm thinking.
"No...Sara God no that's not at all what I meant. I still want to learn what's really on your mind, and you said you'd tell me, but not at the restaurant. And I don't want you to tell me at work. So I figured that you'd want to tell me in private. I would never come on to you like that, especially after what happened tonight." Nick says with a pleading look that says 'I'm sorry, try to understand'.
"Yea. Okay let's go." I say, and Nick lets out an audible breath.
"But Nick? You have to promise one thing." I say, and he breathes in again.
"Okay..." he says skeptically.
"You have to promise me you will lend me some comfortable clothes to hang in." I say with a huge grin.
"Girl," he says, releasing his breath and laughing, "you've got me constantly on edge."
I just smile.
"I'll keep that in mind."
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At Nick's house –
We walked in the front door, and I was instantly washed in a wave of Nick's distinct scent. It's like a mix of soap and cologne, and it wraps around my body. I cross my arms in front of myself and take a deep breath, enjoying the sensation.
"You okay?" Nick has stopped walking and is looking at me.
I smile and nod.
"Well, come on then, shall we see what I have for you to wear?" he asks, gesturing towards the back. I nod slowly, my smile decreasing.
I cannot believe I am scared to be in the same room with a bed and Nick. I know he wouldn't ever do anything, but, given my past record... Nick doesn't know my past record though.
Well, at least not yet.
I trust Nick. So much that it scares me. I know that if he ever did anything to betray my trust, I would be done with men. That'd be it. Gone. Over.
All I can do is pray that he will be the same Nick I've always known, and that'll be all I can ask of him.
"Okay, I've got some drawstring sweatpants, freshly washed in fact, and...a clean t-shirt. That good?" Nick interrupts my thinking, and I smile quickly. He tilts his head slightly, looking sort of confused.
"Yes. This is fine. Thanks Nick." I say, purposely touching his hand as I take the clothes from him. He smiles.
"Sure. You can change in the bathroom, right down the hall to your left. Do me a favor and close the door on your way out?" he asks, and I nod. As I leave, I close the door, looking back. Nick's shirt is off.
Huh... He is so gorgeous. Damn.
After I change, I fold my clothes and exit the bathroom. Strolling down back towards the kitchen, I place my stuff on his counter and turn to see him.
All the sudden he rushes on me laughing and smiling. He takes me in his arms and twirls me around. Once I'm back on the ground where I belong, I wrap my arms lazily around his neck and laugh at him
"What was that for?" I ask, not really understanding.
"We won! The game we thought the other team had in the bag was conquered by none other then we, the proud, brave Cowboys!" Nick said, puffing out his chest slightly and tightening his arms around me.
"The Cowboys are a basketball team?" I ask, seriously not knowing who they are.
He stares at me, a look of awe on his face.
"You cannot be serious. You aren't a Cowboys fan?" he asks.
I smile, removing on hand from around his neck and pulling at the top of my shirt, gesturing for him to look at it.
"I think I am now..." I say, referring to the huge cowboys logo covering the front and back of my shirt. Nick laughs with me, and he steps out of our embrace, placing a hand on my back and guiding me towards the couch. We both sit.
Quite close to each other actually.
Nick looked at me for a long moment, and his slightly lustful gaze made me look away. He curled a stray hair behind my ear and spoke.
"Sara, something is bothering you. Please tell me. What ever it is, I don't care. I don't judge people based on their past, I judge them based on their present actions. So whatever it was you wanted to tell me before, please do."
I took Nick's hand and looked into his eyes.
"I'll give it to you plain Nick. I have problems trusting men. I found out while ago investigating a case that Hank, my old boyfriend, he cheated on me. He had a woman in his life already." Nick squeezed my hand supportively as I continued.
"But that isn't the big one."
I took a deep breath and turned to face Nick more.
"When I was twenty-three, I had a lot of things going for me. It was the week after my graduation from college, and my boyfriend back then, he invited me to this huge party. At the party, he got really drunk. The people at this party freaked me out, and he was drunk, so I was scared. I told him I wanted to go home, and he took me home. I got into my apartment, but he followed me in. He restrained me on the bed, and raped me. Repeatedly. Over and over. And all I can remember is screaming and thinking, he is going to kill me."
I stopped for a moment, removing my hand from Nick's to wipe my eyes. When I had I placed it right back in his. I scooted closer to him, and he let one hand rest on my waist.
"But, obviously, he didn't kill me. He did something worse. Nick, he let me live! By allowing me to live, he made me tell people what happened, and live with the shame. He took my virginity, something I wish I possessed to this day. He took away my trust of men, and of anyone. He significantly lowered my self-confidence, and he took away my feeling of security. It's so much harder to live Nick. And seeing the drunk man today...the memories came flooding back." I cried, and he motioned for me to come to him. I did, allowing his arms to wrap securely around me, breathing in his scent calming me.
He held me tight, kissing the side of my head as he breathed in and out deeply. I wondered how this was affecting him. I turned my head and looked into his eyes, which were clouded with sadness and anger. I gently cupped the side of his face. He looked down at me.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, and he shook his head.
"I can't believe this happened to you. It's just not fair." He stated solemnly. My thumb trails across his jawbone, a gentle, reassuring caress.
"I know it's not fair. It seems to me that life isn't fair. But now it's different. Now, here you are, and I have someone to talk to. ...I hope you don't feel like I dumped this on you." I say quickly. He smiles affectionately at me.
"Of course not." He says. I nod my head in silent understanding, and lay it back down on his chest. My hand trails down from his cheekbone, resting on his neck. My fingers twirl light circles as I close my eyes. Nick takes a deep breath, and the rise and fall of his chest is so calming I nod right off.
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Three hours later –
I jump clear out off the couch from another nightmare, landing back on it. Wait.
Whose couch?
Oh God help me. I'm still at Nick's, and all the memories of the past twenty-four hours come flooding back like a broken dam. I sigh, sitting up, checking my watch and looking for Nick.
In the dark, it takes my eyes a minute to adjust. But I find Nick without much trouble. There he is, fallen asleep on the Lazy Boy chair.
I smile. How typical.
I get up and walk over to him, with every intention of waking him. I just had a horrible nightmare, and I really need him right now. But, somehow, when I get to the chair, standing near it stroking Nick's arm, I can't find it in my heart to wake him.
So, I climb onto the chair next to him, sliding my body so that I am in his arms. I spread a blanket over us, because it is kind of chilly still.
My arms wrap around Nick, one across his chest, one behind him. I lean up and kiss his cheek, and I feel him move next to me.
And though it might just be my imagination, I could swear I felt him snake his arms around my waist.