On a particularly brisk Saturday afternoon in November, Severus allowed himself a brief respite from grading a stack of second-year essays by reading his latest copy of Potions Progress, a weekly advanced potions magazine, which had arrived today by owl post. He was just beginning a particularly enthralling essay on the use of asphodel and tigers claw for increasing potion absorbancy when someone rapped on his door. He scowled deeply as he commanded the visitor to enter. His frown softened when he saw the friendly smile of Albus Dumbledore.
"Good afternoon, Severus."
"What can I do for you, Headmaster?"
Dumbledore glanced around the office. He noted that all of the shelves in the room were now completely covered with either thick volumes or bizarre objects floating in glass jars. A large fire roared to the right of an enormous desk where Severus sat, observing Dumbledore in silence. Two hard straight chairs sat before the desk; Dumbledore transfigured one into a large, stuffed armchair and sat.
"How are you doing, Severus?"
"I was enjoying my article until you interrupted. Did you need something?"
Dumbledore just smiled. In the twenty-nine years he had known the Potions Master, Severus had never tolerated small talk. Which was too bad, since there was nothing Dumbledore enjoyed more than an energetic talk on topics of utter nonsense. Except perhaps the company of a good cat.
"I was hoping you could update me on your progress."
"The mortalis fallax?" Dumbledore nodded, his brilliant eyes watching Snape expectantly over his half-moon glasses. Snape's scowl returned as he answered, "There has been little progress since last time we discussed it."
"I see. Has Hermione been assisting you?"
"Miss Granger wished to see the potion, nothing more."
"Are you sure, Severus? I should think Professor Granger would enjoy a challenge such as this. It would be a shame to miss that opportunity. She will only be here until summer," Dumbledore added with a sly, unnoticed smile.
"How disappointing, surely. You know how I feel about working with other people, Albus."
"Yes, I do. But I also know that Hermione was one of the brightest minds Hogwarts ever saw. And if I'm not mistaken, she was among the top of her class at Potions."
"Second to Malfoy," Snape spat.
"Poor Draco. I often thought he would make the right decision."
"He's a Malfoy. What did you expect besides a drive for fame and fortune?"
"I seem to remember you being quite upset when he joined after graduation," Dumbledore prodded, and Snape scowled heavily, his eyes growing dark.
"I have no doubt that my own pledge of loyalty to Voldemort eased his conscience," he retorted bitterly. "Every year, I berate myself. My own House pledging loyalty to the Dark Lord. Of course, I was the fitting example for them."
"Severus," the old wizard said gently, reaching across the desk and grasping Severus' hand. "No one can say whether those children would have left us if you had never returned to Voldemort. It was a necessary risk, and one I would take again. You have provided an invaluable service. One which I can never repay, given the personal sacrifices you have made."
"Nothing you wouldn't have done yourself."
"Yes, anyone of us," he acknowledged. "But it was you who did it."
Severus looked up into the twinkling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore, and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He rolled up his left sleeve and stared at the faint mark there.
"He's taken to calling me two or three times a day," he murmured. "He always enjoyed his petty torments."
"I know I have already asked more than your share, Severus."
Severus sighed heavily then said, "Very well. I will accept Granger's help on the potion. I don't know why I ever argue with you. You always get your way in the end."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and he smiled broadly under the large white beard.
"Patience, dear friend, is all it takes." The older wizard's demeanor turned serious, and he began, "Severus, there is another matter we must discuss."
"How surprising," Severus murmured, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
"I knew that Voldemort would be making an attempt on your life before I sent you after Vasily."
"What? What do you mean you knew?" Snape snarled as he rose from his chair. He began pacing irritably before the fireplace.
"There is another spy among the Death Eaters. A highly-placed one at that. Voldemort discovered your duplicity the week before Vasily went missing; however, he planned to keep you around for unknown reasons."
"For the amusement of torturing me, no doubt."
"Yes. As soon as I learned that you were in danger, I made arrangements with the ministry for your protection."
Severus whirled about to face the Headmaster, his robes coming dangerously close to the flames, and his eyes glittered.
"Granger?" When Dumbledore nodded, Severus roared, "You brought bloody Hermione Granger here to protect me? Why the hell did you not tell me?"
"Severus," Dumbledore soothed, "if you would take a moment to think things through, you would come to the inevitable conclusion."
Snape slumped in his chair, head in hands.
"If I had cut off contact with Voldemort, he would have grown suspicious and possibly found your spy. Likewise, if I knew about Voldemort's intentions, I would undoubtedly reveal them while on Veritaserum, and, again, endanger the spy."
"Correct. I place much faith in you, Severus and I know you are capable of taking care of yourself. Judging by Hermione's account of events in Russia, you were doing just fine on your own."
"But Granger knew, didn't she? You told her from the beginning," he spat, and Dumbledore nodded. "Of all people, Albus. Why her?"
"The mortalis fallax potion could turn the tide in this war. We need it, Severus," Dumbledore said as he stood to leave."Did you realize that the Potions Department at Berkeley only accepts fifty new students a year? Only two other Hogwarts students were ever accepted: Winnifred Winston, a lovely witch many years before you; and you, of course."
Dumbledore turned at the door and studied the younger man over his half-moon glasses. "People make rash decisions while age eighteen. Perhaps some should be looked upon with leniency."
Severus stared at the closed door long after the Headmaster left.
Hermione sat in a corner of the library, so absorbed in a new Arithmancy journal that she did not hear the footsteps behind her chair.
She yelped as a pair of arms rounded her shoulders and hands covered her eyes. A soft, deep voice whispered in her ear, "You've lost your touch. I'm disappointed."
She wiggled free from the grasp and wheeled around to see the handsome, grinning face of Harry Potter.
"Harry!" she squealed as she jumped to his embrace. She clung to him fiercely, only letting go when he complained about the lack of oxygen. "What are you doing here? Where have you been? It's been three months since I heard from you!"
He laughed, his hand moving to his shock of black hair that still refused to stay put, and joked, "Sorry, Mum, I'll try to write more!"
"For Merlin's sake, Harry! I've been worried sick about you! No one hears from you, no one knows what's going on."
"C'mon, 'Mione, you know I can't talk about it," he implored, his green eyes boring into her own. "You know you'd be the first one to hear all the details. Besides, it's not quite the same, working without you."
She gave a half-hearted smile. "Good."
"So what time's dinner around here? I'm starved!" he exclaimed, rubbing his belly for good measure. "And I've been dreaming about some Hogwarts food for the last few weeks!"
She checked her watch, surprised to see that she had spent the last two hours in the library without realizing it. Not that Harry would be surprised.
"In about fifteen minutes, actually. Did you already stop by and see Albus?"
"Are you joking? He knew I was coming to visit before I did. In fact, I'm sure he's the one who arranged it all. So show me your classroom before we go eat."
They left the library and walked arm-in-arm down the corridor. Harry smiled politely at the students who stared as they passed, and a few were even bold enough to shake his hand.
"Did you come from London?" Hermione asked when they managed to break away from an overly friendly second year Hufflepuff.
"Yeah, I did. Saw Ron for about an hour before I came here. He says hello and he misses you. I think he's lonely."
"I told him he should move back to the Burrow! It's not as if he can't aparate to work everyday. Besides, his mum would love it."
"But then, how would he ever get a girlfriend if he still lived at home?"
"Oh, please!" Hermione exclaimed, rolling her eyes. "Do you know how many dates he had last year? Four. He couldn't even get a second date with three of them!"
Harry shook his head, and sighed. "You know, he never really understood women while we were here, and he still doesn't get it now."
When they reached Hermione's classroom, she gave him the tour, which lasted only a few minutes; then they headed down to dinner. They joined the mass of students heading towards the Great Hall. As they neared it, Harry slowed down.
"Great. It's the welcoming committee," he muttered to Hermione.
She followed his gaze, and, towering above the students, she saw Snape. He was standing with crossed arms, glowering at them, one foot tapping the floor impatiently.
"Exactly what I wanted right before I eat. A nice conversation with Snape. He's more of a prick now than when we were students."
"Language!" Harry chided her with a grin. "There are students present."
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Potter," Snape sneered as they reached him.
"Professor Snape," Harry answered evenly.
"To what honor do we owe this visit? Surely The Boy Who Lived has better things to do, like recklessly endangering the entire magic community."
To Harry's credit and Hermione's surprise, Harry didn't lose his temper. Neither did he conceal his irritation, as he retorted, "Just here to see my old friend. Something you wouldn't know much about, I'm afraid."
"What a pity you two had to be separated," Snape growled, watching in disgust as Harry put his arm around Hermione protectively. "No doubt she was the brains of the group."
A crowd of students was gathering nearby, curious to see Harry and the brewing confrontation, but Hermione shooed them into the Great Hall so that three adults were alone.
"Snape, what the hell is your problem? No matter how many times I save us all from Voldemort, it's never enough! It's almost as if you want him to win!"
"Every time you save us from Voldemort, there are always innocent victims. Need I remind you? Cedric Diggory, your mother Lily --"
Harry could no longer control his anger, and he lunged for the other man, knocking Snape to the ground and beginning to wail on him. Hermione leapt after him, and grabbing Harry by his robes, she tried to pull him off of Snape. After a moment of struggle, Harry relented and stood, pleased to see that Snape's bottom lip was split open and he had the beginnings of a black eye.
"Harry, go," Hermione instructed, pushing him towards the Great Hall. Reluctantly, he complied. She turned back towards Snape, who was still sprawled on the floor. Her tone became angry as she asked, "Are you happy? Did you accomplish what you wanted?"
Snape ignored her as he gathered himself and stood. He started towards the doors, but she held up a hand to stop him.
"You can't go in there looking like that. You need to see Madam Pomfrey."
"I have survived much worse."
"Fine, I'll do it myself."
Before Snape could stop her, Hermione moved to him. She gently brushed her hand across his bruising left eye, murmuring an incantation. She wiped the small trickle of blood from his bottom lip and repeated the process. Finished, she looked up and caught his gaze. He stared at her with intensity, but she coudln't read his eyes. Realizing she was done, he scowled and pushed her away roughly.
"No need to thank me," she muttered as he stalked towards the doors.
"I had no intention," he tossed back over his shoulder.
It was Hermione's turn to scowl as she followed him into the Great Hall.
At a few minutes before eight, Severus banged open the door to the classroom, startling the second year Ravenclaw who had been sitting in her chair and waiting.
"Miss Wang, you will be slicing leeches for detention."
He motioned to a table across the room and an enormous bowl of squirming leeches on it. The girl's eyes widened, but she went to the table without a word. Snape watched her for a moment, then stalked to his office and slammed the door behind him. He lit a fire in the hearth and began to pace in front it, his thoughts jumbled.
Severus had been waiting for Granger outside the Great Hall, in order to extend an opportunity to assist on the potion, but when he saw Potter --
Fucking Potter!
His blood still boiled every time he saw the prat, for he was Lily and James's son.
Lily, beautiful, smart Lily. They had been friends, for a while. Until James.
James Potter, his nemesis. At least, that's how it felt when they were still students. He had never deserved Lily, had never truly appreciated her. Always spending his spare time with the rest of the so-called Marauders. He hated them as well.
And each time Severus saw Harry, it was like seeing Lily's ghost, even now, though he had grown into a man. But Harry was still James's son, in every reckless thing he had ever done, as well as his disregard for his own safety.
He had cried the night Voldemort murdered Lily. The following morning, he had returned to Hogwarts and thrown himself upon Dumbledore's mercy. To his surprise, Dumbledore did not throw him in Azkaban, but had instead listened calmly and without interruption. Even more surprising, Dumbledore had forgiven him..
People make rash decisions while age eighteen. Perhaps some should be looked upon with leniency.
Severus stopped pacing and sank into one of the chairs in front of the desk as Dumbledore's words came back to him. He had chosen to be marked by Voldemort, had created potions for purposes which he did not question, had even used the Unforgivables, and Dumbledore had still forgiven him.
His chest tightened and Severus sobbed as the full implication of Dumbledore's words hit him. All these years, he had deluded himself into thinking he was doing Dumbledore a favor by spying on Voldemort, when all along, Severus had never deserved forgiveness. But even still, Dumbledore had forgiven him and even employed him.
Suddenly, he needed to talk to Granger. He wiped his face as he stood, then he strode to the door and threw it open. He was almost to the classroom door when a timid voice interrupted him.
"Sir?"
"Your detention is finished, Miss Wang. Return to your common room immediately," he said as he paused momentarily, then he continued out the door.
Severus immediately went up to her office, but it was empty. Next he tried the library, but Madam Pince had not seen her. He went to her quarters, but the witch in the portrait was absent. Cursing, he failed to remember the wards she had used, even though he knew she had most likely changed them.
He finally found Hermione at the top of the Astronomy tower, sitting and staring up into space. She did not hear him approach.
"Professor Granger," he called softly.
She jumped, a look of surprise, then distrust crossing her face before she answered, "Professor Snape."
"Might I join you?"
Her look of distrust deepened as she studied him. He attempted to maintain a neutral expression.
"If you can be civil."
He sat down near her and surveyed the scenery. The half-moon illuminated the grounds which were covered with a fresh layer of snow. His breath turned into small puffs as he gathered his thoughts. Finally, he spoke.
"When I was eighteen, I was accepted to Berkeley to study potions. I had a full scholarship."
She said nothing, and he looked for her reaction. Her face was guarded as she watched him, and he turned away.
"Rather than going to Berkeley, I pledged allegiance to Voldemort." A few moments passed, and they were silent. Finally he asked, "Why didn't you tell me you were accepted?"
"Because it was my choice," she answered defensively. "And because you would have been furious."
He laughed softly. "You were right, on both counts. I suppose I still wish you had gone, for my own vicariousness." Again she was quiet. His voice became soft as he murmured, "How can I hold this against you when I've been forgiven for much worse?" Severus turned to face her and he held her gaze, but he was unable to read her expression.
Hermione felt as if she'd just been hit with stupefy. Here was Severus Snape making something of an apology, as well as sharing his dark past with her. She didn't know what to say, didn't even know where to start. She looked into his eyes and saw something there, a sadness, she had never seen before. The whole time, he watched her, waited for some kind of response.
Reaching over, she grasped his hand, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from crying again. They both looked away, back to the stars, and they sat together, hands resting on the ground between them.
Finally, Severus pulled away and rose. He coughed to clear his voice, then said, his usual sneer creeping back in, "Professor Granger, I would appreciate your potions expertise, should you be able to spare the time."
Blinking, she quickly answered, "Uh, yes, of course, Professor."
"Very well. If you could stop by tomorrow after lunch."
With that, he turned on his heel, his robes whipping around behind him, and left. Hermione stared after him, confusion evident on her face, and she tried vainly to make sense of all that just happened.
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A/N:
I hate to beg, but please, Please, PLEASE review! I spent a lot of time on this chapter, and I need feedback. Honest feedback, even if you don't like it. Especially if you don't like it, so I can fix what's wrong.
On a side note, school is done -- for a few months at least -- so I have loads more time to write. I'm starting to transcribe another story I had written previously, before FanFaction.net got rid of the NC-17 rating, so once it's up, take a look at that one too! It's HG/SS of course! :D