Christmas at Hogwarts was just as wondrous as Hermione had remembered. Hagrid had brought up a monstrous tree and Professors McGonagall and Flitwick had decorated it beautifully. Wreaths and bows covered nearly every free inch of space in the castle, and small choirs of angels floated about the hallways, serenading any who would stop to listen with carols.
The week before Christmas break began, the students became increasingly restless, knowing freedom from classes was close at hand. Her seventh years were the worst, and she had to deduct at least two hundred points between the four houses from them alone.
Hermione had decided to make the exams for all of her classes two part: a written and a demonstrative. Each student would encounter a series of problems that his or her year had covered during the semester, from creatures to curses.
When her final class was over, and the fifth year Hufflepuffs ran squealing from her classroom, she praised the gods and wondered if she had been so bad as a student. She would have to remember and ask Minerva. She made her way down to the dungeons and to the mortalis fallax potion, as had become her daily ritual.
Every day, as soon as her last class finished, Hermione would join Severus in his workroom. Even if there was nothing to do on that particular day, she would read up on potions texts from the library or brainstorm for more ideas. Sometimes she was alone, but usually Severus was there as well, reading or preparing ingredients. They had made no significant progress in the month Hermione had been assisting him, but she was hopeful that a breakthrough was nearing.
Through the time they had worked together, Severus and Hermione had developed an uneasy friendship. She wasn't quite sure it was a friendship, but they were more than colleagues now. His demeanor had become more civil towards her, though that did not stop him from berating her for a simple mistake or question for which she should have known the answer. After the first week, she had learned to simply ignore him when he was in one of his moods, which had lessened with each passing week. Lately, he had even tolerated some gentle teasing from her.
Severus was reading in his customary armchair by the fire when she entered without knocking, and he didn't look up.
"I need a batch of Veritaserum, for my seventh years, for the spring term," Hermione called by way of greeting.
"And?" He glanced at her sharply over his book and frowned. "You are quite capable of brewing that yourself."
"I know that, but I don't have the necessary ingredients. Since it's for a class, I was hoping you would let me raid your stores."
His frown deepened, but he eventually relented and said, "Very well. Since you are working with me, I suppose you should have access to the storage room."
Setting his book down, he stood and crossed to the open door where she was standing. He walked briskly along the corridor to his classroom, Hermione following behind, and went to the closet in the corner where he kept the majority of the potions supplies. After he unwarded the storage space, he turned back to her.
"Did you catch all that? Or shall I write it down for you?"
She smirked at him. "No, once is sufficient."
"All I ask is that you keep a list of what you use, as I prefer to keep an accurate inventory." He motioned to a set of papers tacked to the inside door that appeared to list every supply in the closet. "The more ... valuable ingredients are locked in my office; you may ask for them if necessary."
"Don't trust me enough to get in there alone, huh?"
"I trust no one that much."
"Not even Albus?"
"To say Albus is a horrible at potions is a gross understatement. Once when I was suffering from the side effects of visiting Voldemort, he taught my classes. It's a wonder the castle didn't explode." Hermione laughed at the mental image of Dumbledore standing before a cauldron, vainly trying to keep his long beard out of the potion he was attempting to concoct. "I assure you, it was not amusing."
"Of course not," she said with a sly smile. "The great Severus Snape never finds anything amusing."
Severus scowled at her, but it was a half-hearted scowl at best. He observed as she went through the ingredients, absently tucking a stray ringlet of hair behind her ear, carefully selecting the ones she would need for her potion.
If he were truly being honest with himself, which he loathed to do, he had grown to enjoy her company, but he would certainly never admit it to anyone else. She still had a tendency to be a know-it-all, but now, he didn't mind so much because she really did know what she was talking about. He continued to be impressed with how she had kept current on potions, charms as well, despite the great amount of time she had devoted to being an auror.
Unlike a large percentage of males, Severus was not captivated by beauty or appearances, although he couldn't deny that he had slept with more than a few women solely because of their beauty. Even fewer, though, was the number of women he had slept with because he respected their minds, a quality he held much higher than beauty.
As he stood there watching Hermione, he realized that he did respect Hermione for her mind, and she was truly beautiful as well. She glanced up at him and gave a timid smile before returning her attention to the closet. His stomach churned and he thought he was going to be sick.
"There is something I must do. Lock up when you are finished."
He abruptly left the classroom. He began stalking through the corridors, throwing dark glances at any passing student who dared meet his eyes, all the while his mind seethed over Hermione. He walked without direction for what seemed like an hour, until he found himself outside the open door of Minerva McGonagall's office. He could see her seated at the desk, marking papers; he started to walk away, then hesitated before returning and knocking on the door.
"Yes," came the reply, and again Severus faltered. When no one entered, Minerva glanced up and the hard lines of her face softened into a smile. "Severus. Do come in."
He went into the office and sat down on the edge of a straight chair before the desk. She watched him expectantly, until he stood and said, "You are busy. I shall speak to you at some other time."
He was halfway out the door when Minerva came around the desk and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face her, and he felt his mask of indifference slip when he saw the concern in her eyes.
"Severus, please. You came here for something," she said, her voice soft. "You only ask me for anything when you truly need it, so please let me help."
He allowed her to pull him back into the office and direct him to one of the armchairs by the roaring fire. She then shut the door and proceeded to conjure a steaming pot of tea and a pair of cups and saucers.
"Thank you," he murmured as she handed him a cup of tea.
Settling back into the other chair with her own cup, she asked, "How are things, Severus? It has been awhile since you visited."
"You could visit me as well, you know," he groused, not quite meeting her gaze. She sipped her tea in silence, eyes regarding him over the square glasses. He sighed. "I don't know what's happening to me anymore, Minerva. I feel lost, adrift from myself."
He looked up into her eyes, and it felt as if he had physically punched her, his eyes held so much emotion. She had never seen him like this before. She set down her teacup and took his as well, then grasped both of his hands in hers. He didn't pull away from her, as he normally would have; rather he squeezed her hands gently, glad for the physical contact.
"I feel like I'm unraveling. As if everything I ever thought I was now is irrelevant." He paused, but still she said nothing, and he was glad for it. Finally he continued, "I believe it began after my return from Russia."
"You were under a great deal of pressure, with the visits to You-Know-Who. We all knew it, that they were becoming worse. When you came back from Russia, you were a free man. You no longer have to bear that burden, Severus."
"But what if that was the only thing that kept me together, that gave me sense of self?" he asked, his eyes pleading.
"What, being a Death Eater?" Minerva scoffed. "You are better than that."
"But what if I'm not?" He pulled his hands away and stared into the fire. "I spilt my heart to Hermione Granger a month ago. Told her about becoming a Death Eater."
"How did she take it?"
His chest tightened, remembering how she had comforted him. "Not how I expected. She listened, then ... she reached out to me. Minerva, I think --"
He met her eyes, and she prompted him gently, "You think what?"
For a long moment, he was silent. He didn't think he was capable of saying the words, until he finally uttered, "I think ... I might love her."
Though she was a bit shocked by his admission, years of dealing with stranger situations kept her from showing anything on her poker face. "I see," she replied after a moment, standing and moving to the cabinet behind her desk, where she pulled out a large, almost empty bottle of scotch. "I hope I am not the only one here who could use a drink."
Hermione had not seen Severus since he left. He was not at dinner, neither was Minerva for that matter, but she thought nothing of it, for teachers were hardly required to be at meals, unless it was a holiday or some equally important occasion.
She returned to the workroom afterwards, hoping he would be there. She had uncovered something of interest in an old tome about stabilizing potions, which could possibly allow them to increase the amount of Belladonna in the potion. The Belladonna was the key to triggering the "false death" of the potion, but broke down rapidly; so far the dragon's blood helped to some degree, but not nearly what they needed.
She sat in her armchair and picked up the ancient potions book. She reread the passage several times, then let her mind mull everything over. It seemed to make sense, but she wanted to run it by Severus before she began experimenting with it. She began jotting notes in a journal so that she didn't forget things later.
Nearly an hour later, she laid down the pad and quill and moved to the cauldron where her Veritaserum bubbled a bright blue. Everything appeared to be in order, and she stirred it gently.
Severus returned, banging open the wooden door. She looked up at him quizzically, but she couldn't read his dark stare, a skill she had yet to acquire.
"I have something to run by you," she said as he started to the mortalis fallax potion, which sat on the table behind her, but he stopped as he passed.
"You're stirring it too much," he chided her as he grasped her wrist. "It will become clumpy and you will be unable to add the Jobberknoll feathers at the correct time."
She turned to face him, but he did not let go of her wrist. He was standing close to her, close enough that she could feel his robes brush against hers. She looked up at him, but again was unable to read his face. She thought she smelled alcohol on his breath, but quickly dismissed the thought as ridiculous. Suddenly, he dropped her arm and whirled around, to the other potion. She frowned slightly as her eyes followed him across the room.
"Is everything alright?" she queried, but he didn't respond. "I need you to look at this."
She picked up the book from the chair beside the fire and moved to his side. He turned to look at her as she offered the open book. His dark eyes captivated hers and held them for a moment until he broke his gaze to look at the book in her hand. Her stomach flipped, and she looked away.
"What is it?" Severus asked, his voice rough as he pushed the book back at her.
"Did you even read it? It's a stabilizer for the Belladonna!"
"So why have you not already begun to brew it? Can you not manage an experiment on your own?"
"And risk your wrath for trying something without your approval? I can't win with you, can I?"
Hearing the exasperation in her voice, he left the potion to simmer and turned toward her, his face and voice softening. "You are not a student anymore. You know what you are doing, so you do not need my permission to begin anything, Hermione."
Her breath caught in her chest as Severus murmured her name, and again she was pulled into his eyes. She felt a sudden, inexplicable impulse to reach up and kiss him; she wondered where it came from, since she had never even considered him as anything other than Snape. But the thought was not as unappealing as Hermione would have hoped. She cleared her throat abruptly.
"I will have to begin a fresh batch of the mortalis, then, since this must be done with the addition of the Belladonna," she told him as she moved to the third table, which held various ingredients and knives.
"I have already begun preparing the ingredients for the next batch, which you may use."
She thanked him and began preparing the potion. Severus sat down by the fire and began grading first year exams, glancing at her guardedly and occasionally staring. His talk with Minerva that afternoon had helped clear out some of the thoughts in his head. Unfortunately, she had been unable to offer any helpful suggestions other than it was in his best interest not to hurt Hermione, or else dire things would befall him.
He still wasn't even sure if he really did love her; a more cerebral part of his brain scoffed at the very idea, but every time he looked up and their eyes met, his heart nearly beat out of his chest. After a few hours of futile attempts at grading papers and surreptitiously watching as Hermione moved between the three potions, he grew bored and set down the papers.
"How is everything coming?" he asked quietly as he approached her standing at the Veritaserum.
"Oh, the Veritaserum's a bit clumpy, you were right. But I was able to add the feathers with no problem," she began, then started towards the stabilizing potion that sat next to the new batch of mortalis fallax. "I'm almost ready to add the Belladonna over here, along with the stabilizer. How much longer on the other mortalis?"
Severus trained his eyes to the other bubbling cauldron on the far end of the table. "It will be ready for testing by tomorrow afternoon."
"I'll be by after lunch then. Can you help me for a second?" Hermione asked as she began stirring the mortalis potion. "This needs to be continually stirred when the stabilizer is added, so I need you to pour it."
He nodded and joined her, picking up the smaller cauldron and holding it up.
"Slowly," she instructed, as he began to pour.
"Keep stirring," he countered, catching her grin. He continued to add the concoction, until she was satisfied that was all of it, then he carried the dirty cauldron over to a large sink so that it could be cleaned later.
"Thank you. I don't know how you manage that on your own."
"Magic, Miss Granger," he said with a hint of a smile. Hermione couldn't help but smile back as she finished stirring the mortalis fallax.
"I think I'm finished here, so I'm going to get some sleep," she said as she picked up her books and notes, then started towards the door.
Before she reached the door, Severus asked, "Will you be checking on your potions in the morning?"
"No, they both need to simmer a minimum of twelve hours. I'll come by after lunch to test the finished batch." She paused a moment at the door to look at him and add, "Good night."
He nodded and watched as she slipped out the door, closing it gently behind her, and he whispered, "Good night."
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A/N:
I'm sooooo sorry about the delay in ch 14! Crazy few weeks, got a lot written early then hit a wall, couldn't find the right direction. I think it's ok now....
Also, it would've been up on Wed, but had problems w/ ff.net. Sorry ....