"Read the dedication page," Hermione instructed as she paced in front of the fire.
He flipped through the first few pages of the book and began to read aloud, "'To L., who never believed me capable.'"
"Three guesses as to who 'L' is."
There was a long pause, until Severus finally said, "We should show this to Albus; he will know what to do."
"I hope so," Hermione sighed as she slumped into an armchair, head in hands, "because I sure don't."
He watched her, felt her helplessness, and decided he would find Dumbledore on his own. "Wait here, I'll be back."
With that, he strode out of the room, and into the corridor. She didn't look up as he left. Minutes later, Severus approached the stone gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office. He gave the password, opening the door to the staircase, but there was no answer when he knocked on the office door, which was locked. Next, he went downstairs to McGonagall's office on the first floor, but she was not present either. He crossed his arms and scowled as he stood in the hallway, thinking. Moments later, Filch rounded the corner.
"Good afternoon, Professor Snape." There was a pause as Filch took in the wizard's attire with a puzzled look, and Severus belatedly remembered he was still wearing the clothing Hermione had transfigured, but Filch wisely said nothing. He did ask, "Looking for Professor McGonagall?"
"The Headmaster, actually."
"I believe he's gone on holiday, seeing as it's Christmas and all. Left Professor McGonagall in charge."
"Of course."
Thinking back, he seemed to remember Albus mentioning something at breakfast about visiting his nieces and nephew for Christmas, but Severus had paid him little regard.
Without another word to the caretaker, he started back to the dungeons, scowling. Albus always seemed to take holiday when he was needed the most, and he couldn't risk discussing this with anyone else, even Minerva. He still hadn't determined what to say to Hermione when he reached the door to the laboratory.
Severus stopped in the doorway, observing her silently, hunched over in the same chair, her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around them, her face turned away. He approached her quietly and sat in the other chair, and she looked at him, her face stained with tears, though she did not appear to be crying anymore.
"Albus is gone," he said quietly. "On holiday. He's not due back until after Christmas."
That was all it took for the tears to start flowing again. She wept quietly, burying her face in her arms. He sat there in silence, feeling as if he should be doing something, anything, to make her feel better, but unsure of what to do, until the sobs subsided and she spoke, her voice strained.
"I'm scared something's happened to him. That he's dead."
Severus wanted to reach out and pull her to him, to protect her from this pain, but still he sat there, watching her.
"And then I think that it could be worse, that he could have--"
Hermione broke off, unable to finish the sentence, her tears flowing again, and he could no longer watch her cry. He knelt on the floor before her and gently pulled her arms from her knees so that he could take her hands, but she wrapped them around his neck and slid to the floor, burying her face in his shoulder. He overcame a moment of astonishment and pulled her to him. One hand stroked her back, the other her hair, his fingers tangling in the mass of curls, as he tenderly rocked her back and forth.
Severus lost track of time as he held her. His knees began to ache from the stone floor, but he had suffered through worse. She felt fragile in his arms, and he was afraid to let her go. He buried his face in her hair, kissing the top of her head as if he'd done it thousands of times before.
Eventually, her sobs abated until she was quiet, her face still hidden in his robes, but she did not pull away. Her breathing evened out, and he tilted his head to catch a glance of her face, somewhat perplexed to find that she had fallen asleep. He shifted so that he could withdraw his wand from his pocket, slipped his wand hand under her legs, then slowly attempted to stand without waking her, quietly casting a spell to assist him in his efforts. He carried her down the hall to his classroom and into the office, then murmured the incantations to unward his quarters.
For a moment, he debated taking her to the bedroom, but realized that could put her in an awkward situation whenever she awoke, and instead placed her carefully on the leather couch. He summoned a blanket and covered her; her eyes flickered open, but he soothed her, brushing her hair back from her face, and she slept again. He started a fire then sat in an overstuffed armchair beside the couch, shocked to see that it was nearly three in the afternoon when he glanced at the clock that rested on the fireplace mantle.
Staring into the leaping flames, Severus thought about the implications of what Hermione had discovered. He had been right after all, when he told her weeks ago that either something had happened to Potter or he was now in league with Voldemort. He truly hoped it was the former, because if Harry Potter had joined the Dark Lord--
He didn't even want to finish the thought. There was no denying that Potter was a powerful wizard, but still, he couldn't imagine Potter using that power for evil.
He glanced at Hermione as she stirred, but she only turned her face away and did not wake. He knew she was going to see the Weasleys for Christmas, and Potter was supposed to be there. Perhaps they could confront him there and sort this mess out.
If only Albus were here.
He could owl the Headmaster and hope for a quick response. He realized that was his only option if he wanted an answer from Albus, but he was wary of sending that much information by owl, especially in a matter concerning the possible defection of Harry Potter. If something were to happen to Potter, it could completely demoralize their side.
No, the only thing he could do would be to accompany Hermione to the Weasleys' and try to get some answers there.
Hermione awoke to the soft flicker of a fire in an otherwise dark room. She blinked several times, not recognizing her surroundings, then she saw Severus asleep in an armchair.
Must be his quarters.
She stood and approached him, murmuring, "Severus?" She gently put her hand on his shoulder when there was no response. "Severus?"
He jumped, his eyes wild, and Hermione flinched, his face softening immediately as he saw her.
"What time is it? How long have I been asleep?" he mumbled. Sitting back down, she shook her head, then he glanced at the clock. It was six-fifteen. "How are you feeling?"
She sighed shakily. "I don't know. A little better, I guess."
"Do you need anything? Are you hungry, thirsty? Anything?"
His concern and the accompanying look of compassion took her by surprise and the memories of this afternoon flooded her. She began to cry again, the tears falling silently. Severus was by her side in a breath, and for the second time that day, his arms wrapped around her, his hand gently bringing her face to his neck. Her sobs were quieter this time, as though she had spent most of her tears.
His heart ached with every sob that shook her chest, his hand smoothing her hair as he murmured reassurances in her ear. What hurt him most about watching her cry was that he knew the depths of her courage, had seen it every time she had tried to protect him, but he could do nothing to take away her fears.
Hermione did not cry for long. After a few minutes, she pulled back to study his face with red eyes. As usual, she was unable to read anything in his steel black eyes, aside from a strange intensity that made her stomach leap. His hand tucked a wayward curl of hair behind her ear, his hand settling on the nape of her neck.
Her breath caught in her chest, suddenly she wanted to kiss him. She drew a shaky breath and made up her mind, leaning in, her lips timidly searching for his. His eyes widened in surprise and his grip in the back of her neck tightened, but he did not break away. Encouraged, she parted her lips and her tongue stroked gently at his mouth. He capitulated, moaning and pulling her to him as he deepened the kiss.
As their tongues danced, he pulled her closer, feeling the roundness of her hips and breasts, everything that had turned her into a woman, pressing into him, tempting him. He had to have her, needed her. His hand slid up her back under the sweater, his fingers drawing circles on her skin, and she gasped into his mouth.
If only Potter could see me now, he thought with a feral grin.
Severus froze, his eyes widening as he recalled the situation, and he pulled away. The look of confusion and hurt upon her face tore at his heart, but he ignored them, knowing he had to stop this before he helped her make a mistake.
"You are upset. We should not be doing this."
Hermione felt betrayed, because she felt the passion in his kiss, the wanting in his hands. But he was right; she was emotional right now, and this would only lead to further emotional trauma. Surely, under normal circumstances, she would not have initiated that kiss. She stood, her knees a little wobbly, and straightened her clothing.
"You're right, Professor, of course," she said, and he had never heard such coldness in her voice. "The exit?"
"Wait, Hermione," he murmured, but she ignored his plea and began looking around for the door. He sighed heavily, a scowl forming. "It's that door," he told her, pointing with one hand.
Hermione left without a word. After a moment, Severus walked over to a cabinet away from the fire and removed a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey and a glass, then returned to the couch. He poured himself a liberal glass and, drinking it in one gulp, poured another and downed it as well. He leaned back into the couch, rubbing his face with his hands.
How could he have let that happen? She was emotional and had kissed him because she was lonely and afraid, nothing more. He shouldn't have tried to comfort her to begin with. His stomach lurched when the memory of her lips came back to him, unbidden.
How could she think he did not want her? It had taken all of his self-control to push her away and not make love to her right there on the couch, he had wanted her so much. He should have just taken her since she was obviously willing, as he would have in his younger days, without care of her emotional condition.
He growled and threw the empty glass into the fire. He grabbed the bottle of Firewhiskey and took a swig. He stood on shaky legs and made his way to the bedroom, still holding a tight grip on the bottle.
Hermione stormed back to her quarters, still smarting from his rejection, as well as the fact that he had pointed out the obvious about her emotional state, which she had not once considered before she kissed him. When she had looked into his dark eyes, she thought she saw desire, but now, she was unsure if she read him correctly.
As she waited for the staircases to align themselves, she realized she was starving. She contemplated returning to the Great Hall since it was in the middle of dinner, but she did not feel up to conversation. She would summon a house elf when she reached her quarters instead. Finally the stairs stopped, and Hermione reached her rooms moments later.
She summoned a house elf, who immediately disappeared back to the kitchens and returned moments later with several other house elves. They laid out a miniature feast on her table, and Hermione dug in without poise. After stuffing herself, the house elves reappeared and cleaned up everything.
Hermione moved to the bookshelves, looking for something to take her mind off things, but she could find nothing she wanted to read. She paced in front of the fireplace for a bit, her mind restless as it went over the events of the afternoon. She still couldn't believe any of it. Either Harry had defected to Voldemort, or something bad had happened to him. And then she kissed Snape! What had she been thinking?
Tired of her cramped quarters, she decided to prowl the castle instead. She grabbed her robes on her way out the door.
It was well after midnight by the time Hermione returned to her rooms, still agitated. She changed into her bed clothes and lay in bed, but sleep did not come to her. After several hours of staring at the ceiling, she finally drifted off into a fitful sleep with dreams of Death Eaters dancing about, but the only two she could recognize were Harry and Severus.
"Hermione," a distant voice called. "Hermione, wake up! He's here again! I told him to go away, but he refused! Says it's urgent. Hermione!"
Hermione finally focused her eyes and saw Lucinda, the witch from the portrait that guarded her door, standing on a hill, surrounded by goats.
"Hermione!"
"Bugger! I'm awake!"
"It's Professor Snape again. Won't leave!"
She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Alright, alright, I'll take care of him."
Throwing her legs out of bed, she glanced at the clock on the bedside table and gasped. It was nearly one o'clock and she had told Molly Weasley she would be at the Burrow around noon!
"Come in," she yelled, irritated that she was running late and that she had to deal with Snape at the same time. After yesterday afternoon, she didn't want to see him for at least a week, didn't trust herself not to hit him in the face.
"Professor?"
"I'll be with you in a second," she answered testily, reaching under the bed for the pair of jeans she had been wearing last night. She pulled them on and grabbed a t-shirt. She swept her hair back into a loose bun, then burst out into her sitting room to find Severus waiting patiently. "Two mornings in a row, Professor. To what do I owe this honor?"
"You'll have noticed, no doubt, that it is no longer morning." He gave her a hard stare, but his voice lacked its usual scathing edge. "I think it is prudent that you not go to the Weasleys alone."
"So I'm the one who needs protecting?" she asked, her voice mocking.
"It would not be so much protection as back-up. Consider what we know: either Potter has been compromised and is dead or captured, in which case someone, perhaps Malfoy, is impersonating him; or he is now working for Voldemort, which is worse still." He ignored her scowl and said, "Either way, you should not be alone."
He was right. He was always right, and it pissed her off. She pushed past him roughly, reaching for a leather satchel. She went back to her bedroom and pulled out a change of clothing and stuffed it in the bag. She also removed a green sweater and put it on over her t-shirt. She then added the various Christmas presents to the bag.
He watched silently from the door to the bedroom. She was angry, he could tell, but she wasn't exactly trying to hide that fact. He wondered how much of the anger was result of himself. He moved to stand behind her.
"Hermione," he breathed, his hands taking her shoulders. "I know you are angry, and I do not dispute your right to be. But do not let that anger keep you from seeing the precariousness of our situation."
With that, he turned and left her quarters. She stood rooted to the same spot for a moment. Gods, she hated it when he was right. She grabbed her bag and cloak and headed out the door after him, jogging quickly down the corridor. She caught up to him on the marble staircase to the first floor.
"Professor," she called, slightly winded. He turned to look at her. "I would appreciate it if you would accompany me to the Burrow."
He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes darker than normal. She began to think he would refuse her, until he nodded solemnly. "When do we leave?"
"Now, actually. I told Molly I'd be there an hour ago."
"Very well. I require a few things before we go."
She followed him to the dungeons, staying behind a safe distance so that she wouldn't have to talk to him. She was feeling very disconcerted because of the events of yesterday. Every time she thought about Harry, she couldn't help but think about how Severus had comforted her, and about the kiss as well, and it sent shivers up her spine each time. But his rejection had hurt, even though she could see now that he was making a decision based on her well-being.
When he went to the classroom to reach his quarters, she didn't follow him but went instead to the laboratory to check on the potions. The mortalis with the new Belladonna stabilizer would be ready to test by New Years, and she was anxious to see how it worked. They had been working for months with no real improvement on the potion, and she felt they were due for a break at this point.
The potion appeared to be in order, so she moved to the cauldron with Veritaserum. She noticed immediately that Severus must have put a stasis charm on the potion, because she had forgotten to do so. She pulled out a glass vial and stopper then filled it carefully with the potion.
The door opened and Severus said from the doorway, "Good. I was on my way to do that. I am ready."
Hermione stoppered the vial and slipped it into her cloak. She started towards the door, then stopped, her mind working. "Do you think--" she started, then hesitated. He watched her intently. "Do you think we should take some of the mortalis with us?"
He started at her suggestion, mostly because he had not considered it himself, but also because of the acceptance in her voice.
"I think given the circumstances, taking mortalis would be most wise." He moved to a far cabinet, opening it to reveal several vials of the potion held in stasis. He removed two and handed one to her. "Remember, it will take up to thirty minutes for the potion to take effect."
She nodded and they left the room, Severus warding it behind them, and they went upstairs to the front door. They stepped outside into a light sprinkling of snow. They walked in silence to where they could apparate.
"Do you know where we're going?"
"No."
"Alright. Hang on," Hermione said, slipping her arms around his shoulders. As he brought his arms up around her waist, she suddenly remembered how he had pulled her to him and she shivered. She couldn't keep thinking like this if she wanted to apparate and not splinch them. She avoided looking at his face, instead turning away as she pictured the Burrow in her mind.
With a pop, they disappeared.
___
A/N:
Ok, the author alerts do indeed work, so go ahead and click it if you want to be notified about the next chapter.
Thanks sooooo much to my loyal reviewers! You really make my day.
Might be a two week wait for ch 17, since Order of the Phoenix will be out in a few days! Yay! I might have to read it twice. Plus I'll be out-of-town on vacation next week, so I won't be able to write much. I hope everyone gets their copy of it and loves it! 'Til then….