A Dream. A Hope. A Scar. A Mission
Chapter 10: Hold on Loosely
I awoke the next morning with my head in a spin. Perhaps it was the events of the previous day settling into my mind. Then again, I did have a bruise on my forehead and the bedpost looked too innocent. I let Sparky outside and got ready for another day in the ore mines. As usual, I flipped on the TV to find out about the weather and the local events. It would be cold with scattered snow showers again.
As I flipped onto the local event calendar channel, Sparky began to bark at the door. As I let the little feller' in I turned back to the TV monitor.
"... so remember to bring your dog on the 19th of Winter for the dog races! It-will- surely be a sight-to-see! Can-your-doggie defeat the all-time-champ-Fiddles?!" The broadcaster televised.
"He must have grown up watching 'The Wide World of Sports' I guess" I chuckled as I flipped the TV off.
"So pooch, you think you can beat the all-time-champ-Fiddles?" I asked my dog, simultaneously mocking the broadcaster. Sparky barked in approval.
The day of the dog races was fast approaching. What's cooler than watching your dog race? A blizzard came crashing in four days before the race however, which made me wonder what the officials would do if a blizzard hit during the races. The snow was hammering the village at any rate, and most everyone was locked up inside. Everyone would be inside, except for Cliff. Granted, he was living in a spider's web of tunnels inside Moon Mountain, but today would give me a good excuse to see him. Heck, the weather wasn't all that bad outside anyways. Or so I thought.
The truth was that, once outside, I couldn't see a damn. I had a hard time telling which direction I was going, and I didn't know if I would even make it to Cliff's cavern. The intense cold was piercing. It was a miracle anything could survive in this weather. I couldn't remember weather this bad ever in Edgewater or even at Mom's childhood home far to the north in Libertyville.
I trudged through the snow like a regular trooper, reaching the foot of the mountain and that much closer to me destination. But I would never reach my destination, as something, or someone perhaps, struggled ahead of me on the far side of a snow bank. Using my human nature of wanting to help people, I dashed over to the far side of the snow bank. I was stunned to see her of all people.
"Karen!?" I blurted out in astonishment. It was indeed her.
"Jack, you came to save me I see" Karen sneered. It was clear that she was frustrated, and was grasping her ankle.
Kneeling down to her, I began to roll out the questions. "Are you alright?"
"What would I be doing rolling around in a blizzard if I didn't need help" Karen argued. She was obviously angry about her current predicament.
"Here, I'll carry you" I reasoned. "I need to get you home."
"Kai has got help on the way" Karen blurted. "But I..."
I interrupted her as I picked her out of the snow bank. "As I was saying" Karen began again. But she didn't have an immediate answer. An icy-hot thought crept into my mind. Could she be enjoying me carrying her? I shoved the thought out of me head I kept thinking to myself that I was just doing the right thing.
"I guess I'll let you carry me" Karen finished, still in a grumpy mood.
The walk towards the vineyard was silent until we reached the hill that precedes Karen's house. I noticed Kai running towards Moon Mountain with Harris and Rick trailing behind. But as Kai saw me he stopped with a blank look on his face. I felt sad for him, actually. I felt Karen's arms wrap around my neck as her eyes met Kai's own.
"I've got it under control Kai" I said, looking apologetically towards him. His blank look sank into me like a knife. Everything was coming together now. I understood what was going on, but I wasn't going to let Karen or Kai onto it. I finished the walk to the vineyard feeling that much worse about myself.
Outside the door I sat Karen back down onto her feet. She wobbled a little but caught herself on the exterior wall of her house.
"Is something wrong Jack?" Karen asked me. There was genuine concern in her voice.
I had a hard time looking into her eyes for two reasons. One, the snow was blinding, and two, I didn't know how I was going to say this. I decided to wing it.
"Why are you screwing both of us like this?" I said, unsure of where I was going with the conversation.
"What do you mean Jack?" Karen asked, seemingly concerned once more.
"What I mean is you don't give a care in the world to my existence if Kai isn't somewhere nearby. He likes you, but you don't like him, and you're using me as a shield against him" I spilled out.
"Jack, I didn't mean to hurt you" Karen pleaded.
"What are you talking about? What goes through your mind every time you see me!? If Kai wasn't around you would still be giving me hell!" I exploded. It was bad enough she used me, but now she was trying to play innocent.
"Please Jack, just listen to me" Karen begged.
"Take responsibility for once! Can't you ever admit a mistake!?" I was practically screaming in her face. Karen's eyes began to well up into tears.
"Jack," Karen sobbed, "At first I did use you. I admit it. But I found out that you really aren't a bad guy. I had the time of my life on Thanksgiving. I'm sorry" She apologized as her eyes began to well up. I saw a tear roll down the side of her face.
She just had to start crying. Crying is such an evil trump card.
"Look Karen. I had a lot of fun too, but you can't go around and mess with people's lives like this. It's not fair. You have to give everyone a chance to come into their own, but you're trying to control the entire playing field" I reasoned with her.
Karen's eyes were fresh with new tears again as she began to speak. "I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry."
Karen was now sobbing in her hands. I had to do something to make her feel better. Every time I tried to play the mean and tough guy it always blew up in my face. I drew my arms around and hugged her, letting her cry on my shoulder.
"It's ok Karen" I comforted. "Let's go inside. It's cold out here. We'll just have to apologize to Kai." I suppressed my anger for the moment, but I knew that there would be consequences for this blunder.
I hefted her back into my arms and opened the door. The looks I got as I walked in were not pretty. Karen's mother was at the coffee table in their living room, caught up weeping in the moment. I felt glad to bring her daughter home, but as she looked up into my eyes I felt as if I was staring back into a shell, a mere piece of history.
"Oh thank heavens!" Karen's mother rejoiced as she saw Karen in my arms. She then turned to a door near the foot of the stairs and yelled "Donavan, come quick!"
Karen's father, Donovan, rushed out the door to see his weathered daughter as she lied in my arms.
"Oh thank goodness she's alright" Donovan proclaimed as he hurried to his daughter's side.
"I'm alright Dad, I'm alright" Karen managed to say to her father, but she was obviously exhausted.
"I'll take her to her room. Sit yourself down on the couch Jack" Donovan ordered without personalization.
Donovan carried his daughter up the stairs and into her room. I sat down on their living room couch silent to the events that had transpired during the day. Karen's mother was completely silent as well, only mentioning something about her making dinner.
Fifteen minutes later Donovan returned from Karen's room and sat down in the chair next to me. It was awkward sitting here like this, and my nerves were on edge. Was Donovan going to lash out at me again?
"Thanks Jack" Donovan managed. "She was going to see Cliff today I reckon. I started lecturing at her for not taking responsibility in her job at the bar so she got up and left."
"She'll be alright, won't she?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I think she will be" Donovan figured.
"I guess I'll be on my way then" I said, remaining on the defensive.
"It was brave of you to bring her back like that, Jack" Donovan praised me. "I still need those jobs done by the way," he reminded me.
"Kay', I'll be around tomorrow" I promised as I left the door.
The walk home was long and cold. I wondered what Donavan was talking about
when he said that she wasn't taking responsibility for her job, but I had bigger fish to fry. My mind dwelled on the thoughts of being played for a sap. I swore once this would never happen to me again once. That was when I was younger, but at that moment I figured it still applied to today. The farther I walked the angrier I became. This was another childhood problem I thought I had left behind in Edgewater. I managed to bottle it inside me though before I could do any harm.
When I finally made it home I slammed the door shut and collapsed onto my
bed once again and dreamed. I dreamed for what seemed like a year the last I looked at my clock it read 3:00 PM, winter the 15th. I awoke next to see the clock clearly displaying the time. It was 3:20 PM. Excellent. A twenty-minute nap must have done some good. I gazed out the window on the door after lifting myself off of my bed. The blizzard had stopped. I thought to myself that the blizzard had a rather abrupt end. I paced back to flip on the TV.
" He-llo-again viewers!" the broadcaster proclaimed.
" Ugh, I would rather watch the 'Brady Bunch' then listen to the Wide World of Sports dude," I complained.
"It-is Winter-the-16th and that means that the dog-race is-only three-days-away!"
"What the hell!?" I exclaimed. "Where'd yesterday go?" I pondered. I must have slept through it I guess.
I figured I owed myself a break. But I didn't care. I kept hitting the mines hard within the next few days. I worked my back out and my butt off. I was still stewing from the events of the past few days. This was how I tried to get away from it though. I always ticked this way, ever since I was young. I would work myself to death to forget about something. So far it had been working. That is, until the day before the Dog Races. I was three floors under the mountain when I heard the familiar voice of Kai.
" Hey Jack, I'm surprised to see you here."
" Err.... Hiya Kai" I said, slightly irritated and still on edge.
" I just want to say to that there are no hard feelings between us I hope" Kai said apologetically. " Karen adores you and she-"
" Shut up Kai" I snapped.
" I just thought that-"
" You figured wrong. You should go back to wherever it is you came from. There is surely more opportunities for some one like you or I there than there is on this depressing ripple in the ocean" I lectured. I made my way towards the ladder. I needed a drink. I was never much for alcohol, but now was one heck of an exception.
I strolled into the tavern that night with a depressing guise on. I ordered a small drink, my now-seldom-seen good nature getting the best of me on that one, and tried to enjoy the classic hits being played on the jukebox. I took a small sip of my drink and quickly began to hack and cough.
" Barkeep, is this stuff supposed to be this strong?" I questioned from over the counter.
" Sir, I'm afraid if you want anything weaker all we have is water," the bartender said. The man next to me made a weak attempt to mask his laughter.
I was staring at the counter of the bar for what was probably close to half an hour. It was made of mahogany. Very nice craftsmanship, and it was cleaned regularly.
" Something on your mind sir?" the bartender asked. I figured it was his job to do things like that.
" Not... really, no." I replied.
" Look youngster, you clearly have something on your mind. I think this is unhealthy for you. I'm not going to gossip about it to anyone, so you can just relax and let it out."
" No thanks. I can handle it"
" You seem to want to mask your emotions inside of you, but there are holes all over your shell you've made to protect yourself." The bartender was really pushing the subject.
" Look, I said I don't want to talk about it, ok? I mean, what's your problem? Can't a guy get a sip in without being badgered about his personal life?" I snapped at him.
" I think I know your problem" came a voice from the doorway. I felt like crawling under the counter when I heard those cold chilling words coming from that mouth.
Without looking back I replied, " For the dear love of my savior, leave me alone Karen!" I stood off of my stool to look my opposition in the eye. It was indeed Karen, her eyes flaring and her fists clenched.
" I said sorry!" Karen yelled across the bar. The full attention of everyone in the tavern was on Karen and I. Even the jukebox seemed to quiet.
" Why are you still so angry at me?" Karen questioned.
" Because you have no consideration for anyone but yourself. The only thing you care about is self preservation!" I snarled.
" Why can't you take my words to heart? I really mean it" Karen shot. Her eyes began to well up once more.
" I can't take anything you say or do to heart because you're a liar and you played me like an idiot!" I yelled back.
" Jack, I thought we were over this. I thought these arguments were behind us," Karen said with a tear rolling down her face yet again.
" Us? What's this 'us' that you talk about? Last I checked, I was a decent guy trying to make a living. Trying to survive. Then you came onto me and you ruined my entire frame of mind. There is nothing that connects 'us' together but these arguments."
At that Karen merely left the bar in tears...
" I think I see our problem," the bartender stated in bewilderment.
The next day I walked onto the racetrack with Sparky on a leash. He was
ready to rock. The many cheering fans were silent in my mind however. I had the last song I had heard in the tavern hardwired into my mind. It was a true .38 Special Classic. It was entitled "Hold On Loosely."
AN: I'm BACK IN BLACK! Well, I'm back anyways. Hope you all like this chapter. It's a little different style from the normal, but I'm picking this story up after eight months of not updating, so what do you expect? I meant to put this into the spoiler, but I had to fit the disclaimer somewhere, so it is a qwik fix for right now. The rating has been raised for crude humor and the obviously increased amount of swearing. This is supposed to be a dramatic chapter though. I'm not going to turn this into a story about swearing sailors, so don't worry. Argh, there goes the crude humor again.