Escape From Paradise

A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic

Chapter Four – Mingling With the Natives

Brad heard the sound of a fence swinging open, and the vehicle lurched forward, nearly knocking him off of the hard metal bench. The transport's robotic driver seemed to enjoy making sudden stops and starts; the disorienting effect on the students was made even worse by the total lack of windows. There wasn't much slack in the chains; whenever Brad lost his balance, his collar started to choke him. And being chained up to a klutz like Sheldon meant that every time Sheldon lost his balance, his collar started to choke him. Brad dug his fingers into his temples, and tried to stay calm – everyone on the transport was seriously stressed out, and some of the kids were on the verge of losing it.

They jolted to a halt, and the ramp opened up with a mechanical whine. Two drones tugged at the students' chains, dragging them off the transport that had carried them from the military base to … wherever here was. Brad shielded his eyes from the bright red sun and scanned the area, trying to make as much sense as he could from his surroundings. The towers of the capital city looked a lot closer now. He was standing in a large assembly area, surrounded by a tall electric fence, next to a row of dark green, box-shaped buildings. A dank, stale odor wafted through the air, along with pained sounds of misery and exhaustion. Human prisoners jogged by in chains, gasping and sweating under the watchful eyes, and the sadistic grins, of intimidating twelve-foot guard-bots. It appeared to be some kind of prison camp – except that shipments of humans were both arriving and departing.

A ten-foot crimson robot strolled out, clasping his massive forearms behind his back, with a calm smile on his ant-like face. "Ah, the next herd is here a little early. Might as well get things rolling!" He paced back and forth in front of the students, casually inspecting them, and pulled out a clipboard. "Good afternoon, pitiful humans, and welcome to the Stockyards! My name is Omicron Fifteen, and I'll be handling your Slavery Orientation. Now, before we get started …"

"What!?! Stockyards?" shouted Brad. "You've gotta be kidding! I'm not a Holstein!"

"Slavery!?! That's against the law!" Chloe protested. "Don't we have, like, rights and junk?"

Omicron Fifteen's torso rocked with tinny laughter. "Rights?!? Ha, ha, ha … oh, monkeys don't have rights, you silly fleshling! Oh, ho, ho … oh, that's funny. All right, let's quiet down and get back to business. If you behave yourselves, you'll get a chewy treat when we're done. Now, I realize that many of you may not have considered a career in slavery …"

"E-nough!" huffed an accented voice. Brit Krust stomped her feet, and pointed a gloved hand into the robot's chest. "I'm not going to put up with this for one more second! Now that you horrid robots have captured Jenny and Drew for your little empire, or whatever, you don't need us anymore. Take us back to that starship, and get us off of this junkpile planet, right this instant!"

"Yeah, an' how 'bout losin' this nasty ol' collar," hissed her cousin Tiff, tugging at the iron band around her neck. "Hel-lo! Do I look like a Doberman Pinscher to you, tinhead?"

Brit wiped a smudge of grease from her own collar. "Yes, it's grimy, filthy, and it clashes with my belt!" She folded her arms with a haughty smile. "It's only fair to warn you, my daddy has the finest lawyers in Tremorton on retainer. And he plays golf with our congressman every Saturday! So just take us back to Earth, right now, and we might forget the whole thing ever happened."

Omicron Fifteen stared incredulously at the Krusts' defiant faces, and shook his massive head. "Sigh, I see this from time to time in humans. Their mooshy hamburger-brains fail to process even the simplest data. Very well, I'll have to resort to an alternative teaching technique."

A metal probe extended from his right claw, crackled to life with a blinding glare, and spawned a long, glowing tendril of hissing, sizzling energy. With a flick of his wrist, he cracked the energy whip over the students' heads with a deafening snap, filling the air with the stench of ozone. They trembled in fear, and Omicron Fifteen took on a more menacing demeanor. "Listen, skin-sacks, and listen well – I'm only going to say this once. You are now slaves of the Cluster Empire! I don't care who you were before … you are all equally pathetic meat puppets in the eyes of your robotic superiors! You shall be taken into the stables to be washed, tagged, and fitted for your obedience collars. Then we'll assign you to a hard labor factory … where you will spend the rest of your worthless lives!"

Sheldon dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together melodramatically, with tears welling up in his eyes. "Oh please, vile robotic overlord, grant me but one humble request? If I must be a slave … then may I be assigned to Queen Jenny? So that I may tend to her every whim for all the rest of my days?"

"I can't promise anything … but I do like the change in attitude. Nice form on the groveling!"

"You think you're pretty tough, don't you, bug-face?" Brad pulled Sheldon back to his feet, and raised his voice for all his classmates to hear. The kids looked completely terrified – heck, he felt terrified – but he was getting sick and tired of being scared. "Everyone, listen to me. Jenny is going to come for us! I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I know that she's going to escape. And then she and Drew are gonna bust us out of here. She's the most awesome, most powerful robot in the whole universe, and there is no way she's just going to let these Cluster losers turn us all into a bunch of gear-polishers! Just think about all the incredible stuff you've seen her do. She told us to hang on. She said that everything was going to be okay. Well, guys – I believe her!"

"Silence, monkey boy," snarled the massive ant-bot, shooting him a look of disgust. He jerked the end of the long chain, cracked his whip, and herded the reluctant slaves towards the stables. "You are only filling their puny minds with false hope. Resistance is futile, foolish humans! No robot, and certainly no human, has ever escaped from Cluster Prime!"

"Faster! Faster, you fools! She's escaping!"

Commander Smytus bristled with anxiety – they had to stop XJ-9 before she got to the monorail. His roach-drones were on the first floor now, vectoring towards the rail station, trying to intercept the fugitive teenager before she left the Plaza. The Galleria was overflowing with robots doing their last-minute Festival shopping, so even six drones and a Cluster Warrior sprinting through the crowds didn't cause much of a stir. The commander dodged around a bulky, tank-shaped lady robot, fighting to keep a set of blue pigtails in sight – but XJ-9 had almost made it to the station exit. She turned left, and disappeared into a wave of robots clanking down the concourse, towards for the monorails.

Seconds later, Smytus turned into the rail station, and groaned. There was no sign of XJ-9 anywhere in the crowd; it was as if she had disappeared into vapor. Frustration boiled over in his coolant loops. Every second that ticked by increased the chances of losing her in the sea of Cluster citizens. He rudely shoved innocent mall-going robots aside, ignoring their protests as he made his way towards the ticket gates. There was still no sign of her. And there were four lines of passengers, heading for trains on four separate tracks, heading in four different directions …

The commander grabbed a startled ticketing droid by the arms, a skinny yellow robot with a wide, pill-shaped face. "You! This is official Empire business. I'm looking for a young robot girl, about so high, light blue paint job, pigtails. She came through here a few seconds ago!"

"A robot girl?" buzzed a voice from behind. "With pigtails? And a blue belly-bolt?"

Smytus wheeled around to see a second ticketing droid, a green one, looking on nervously. The warrior shook him by his boxy shoulders. "That's her – you've seen her! Where did she go?"

"She purchased a ticket and proceeded to the Green Rail," answered the helpful droid.

With perfect timing, Smytus' six roach-drones finally arrived at the station – just as Stanley's egg-shaped body rounded the corner, wheezing along on his single wheel. The commander waved frantically for them to hurry through the grumbling crowd, and join him at the front of the line. "She's on the Green Rail! It's still loading, we can catch her if we hurry! Drones one and two, take the …"

The skinny green droid held out his hand, gesturing for Smytus to stop. "Tickets, please."

"WHAT?!?" screamed Smytus, nearly bursting into flame on the spot. "I have no need of a ticket!!! I am Smytus! Champion of the Empire! Lord of the Outer Rings! Mayor of …"

Stanley smacked into the warrior robot's legs with an exhausted clank. "Hey, I thought we were in a hurry, Commander Cheapskate! Quit arguing and just pay the droid, already!"

"But I … but … arghhh!!! All right!" A small panel on Smytus' left forearm popped open, and he fumbled around inside. "Aughh, wouldn't you know, I'm out of cash … let's see, I know it's here somewhere …" He produced a thin, colored plastic card. "Do you take ClusterBank?"

"Umm … of course, sir," replied the ticketing droid. He slipped a hand behind his back, and held the card up to his eyes, inspecting it very … very … thoroughly. Then he pulled out a reader unit, and swiped Smytus' card through. "Thank you, sir, and have a nice day!"

The commander snarled as he burst past the gate with his roach-drones, and ordered them to board the green monorail. Then, just as Stanley was about to follow, Smytus stopped him. "Listen, scientist, and listen closely. You and I … and my six drones … are the only ones who know that XJ-9 has escaped. I want you to go back to your underground laboratory, and behave as if everything is perfectly normal. If the queen calls, stall her until I can recapture XJ-9."

"What!?! Are your microchips fried, you idiot? If the queen finds out I'm lying to her …"

"If she finds out that XJ-9 is gone, we'll be recycled into oil cans, fool!" Smytus grabbed the short genius-bot by the antennae, and spoke in a hushed voice. "Don't tell the royal guard, don't tell the capital police, don't tell anybody. Just stall, until you hear from me. Our lives depend on it, scientist."

And on that horrible thought, Stanley wheeled away in a worried frenzy, heading towards the hover-taxis. Smytus bulled his way past the still-puzzled crowd of rail travelers, running for the last car of the green monorail, in desperate pursuit of XJ-9. He slipped inside just as the doors closed, and the monorail smoothly pulled away from the Galleria.

With the excitement passed, the robots in the ticketing area filed back into line, impatiently waiting for the ticketing droid to resume his duties. But instead, he excused himself for a moment, stepped off to the side, and ducked behind an advertising banner … where, unseen by the crowd, a duplicate green ticketing droid was sitting against the wall, in a deactivated state.

The standing droid shimmered with waves of nano-gooey distortion, and in seconds, Drew had reverted back to his normal, silver-green appearance. He heaved a huge sigh of relief, let out a small chuckle, and pumped his fists in victory. Then he gently placed his fingers against the back of the real ticketing droid's head. Its eyes flashed to life, and Drew helped the droid back to his feet, asking if he felt okay after his little "malfunction". The ticketing robot nodded, went back to his gate, and Drew strolled up the concourse, back into the Capital Galleria.

So, nobody knows we've escaped, he grinned. He clasped his hands behind his back, heading out into the plaza as hundreds of robots walked and rolled right past him, some even giving him a friendly wave or a polite nod. He stared up at the bustling activity of the Galleria's ten shopping levels, and the crystal rotunda above, soaking in the wonder of it all – and, for the first time that day, relaxing a bit.

Then he noticed a decorated column standing a few yards away. The logo on the side read ClusterBank, and it had a small screen with a keypad below it. It looked an awful lot like an ATM machine. Drew smiled, stuck out a finger … and with a little concentration, the finger stretched and flattened, until it had turned into a colorful plastic card. A perfect replica of Smytus' ClusterBank card.

"I wonder how much a commander makes," he snickered evilly, as he stuck his finger in the machine.

The robot girls squealed with delight as they primped in front of the mirror, striking ridiculous fashion-model poses until they were doubled over in laughter. The Sunglass Strut booth was having a thirty-percent-off sale, and the girls simply had to check out the latest styles. Jenny had never worn sunglasses before in her life; it was pretty tough when you didn't have ears or a nose. But the pair on her face right now were attached with tiny magnets, and the tilted elliptical lenses looked very, very cool. She glanced at the girls, over the tops of the lenses. "I don't know … what do you guys think?"

LSN-1482 took off a wraparound visor, and burst into a huge grin. "Oh wow, Jenny, those look so awesome on you! Look, there's even a little bit of color in the lenses, and they go with your pigtails! Do you think they have them in mauve?"

Dot, who had already fallen in love with five sets of glasses and three pairs of visors, was looking over a display of retractable models, when she dropped everything and shouted with glee. "Oh, my, Cog. Fifty percent off tinted eyes!" She bolted from the booth, to a display window filled with a rainbow of colored replacement eyes, available in everything from infrared to ultraviolet. The brightly lit sign over the store read "Eyecrafters – New Eyes in About an Hour."

"We'd better go after her, before she buys herself a new head," laughed LSN-1482, as she grabbed Jenny's hand and set off after her friend. They had to dodge around a six-wheeled delivery robot, who was towing a hover-dolly loaded with a new big-screen video set. "Man, the mall is insane today! I don't think I've ever seen it this crowded."

"I've never seen this many robots before in my life!" beamed Jenny, as she gazed over the railing into the Plaza below. There were thousands of robots on each level of the mall – and to her relief, there were no signs of Smytus or his roach-drones. "I still can't believe how amazing this place is!"

"Oh, is this your first time in the Galleria?"

"Actually, it's my first time in the city. Well … to tell you the truth … it's sort of my first time on the planet." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Jenny was afraid she'd made a mistake …

But LSN-1482 clenched her fists, and gushed with excitement. "Oh, that is so cool! I've never met anyone from off-world before! Wow, I've always wanted to travel, but I've lived in the capital my whole life. Big city girl, assembled and raised. Don't get me wrong … it's really nice here."

"Tell me about it," said Jenny, in a dreamy voice. "I've always wondered what Cluster Prime would be like, and I can honestly say, it's nothing like I imagined it would be." Boy, ain't that the truth.

"Yeah, y'know, living all my life here, I guess I'm just used to it by now. But I bet there's lots of amazing stuff back on your planet! What part of the empire are you from, Jenny?"

"Umm … it's … ahh … way out in the boonies, you've probably never even heard of it." Until Jenny learned more, it probably wasn't a good idea to tell anyone that she wasn't part of the Cluster. It certainly wasn't a good idea to say that she came from a planet of humans.

Fortunately, they caught up with Dot just then, and prying her away from the display window provided a much-needed change of subject. LSN-1482 reminded her that they were supposed to be heading to the lube court, and they slipped back into the pedestrian traffic, chatting and giggling. Jenny excitedly asked the girls a barrage of questions, eager to learn everything she could about them. Dot – whose full name was Dot Matrix – had also been a city girl all her life. The girls went to school together – even on Cluster Prime, robots went to school, though only for three hours a day. They both liked the same bands – Electric Discharge totally rocked – and they both liked hanging at the mall, watching holo-movies, and visiting the observation deck of Mile High Tower. Everything about them seems so normal, thought Jenny, scratching her chin in a wonderful state of confusion. If they're assimilated, they sure don't look it!

Suddenly an electronic chime sounded over the Galleria's sound system, and every robot's attention turned to the open space in the middle of the mall. A laser projector activated, and painted four holographic video displays in mid-air – giant virtual movie screens, just hanging there, displaying vibrant images and graphics. "Welcome to the Capital Galleria of Cluster Prime, where style and savings are never obsolete! And a special welcome to all those visiting the capital for Royal Festival Week!"

Hmmm, everyone keeps talking about this Festival thing. Must be some kind of robot holiday … then the fluid in Jenny's hydraulics ran cold, as the image dissolved into the smiling face of none other than the evil Queen Vexus herself. Except that in the holo-video, she didn't seem evil at all; in fact, she was smiling pleasantly, waving to a cheering crowd of her adoring subjects. "We hope you enjoy your visit," continued the narrator, "and have a happy and safe Royal Festival! Remember, the Galleria is open during normal shopping hours all week, and visitor backup services are available on Level Nine, in the Ministry of Health pavilion. Show you care, have yourself and your loved ones backed up every night. It's smart, it's safe, and it's the law." Then the virtual screens faded away, like colored smoke.

"Woo hoo! A whole week off school!" cheered Dot, as the three girls arrived at the Lube Court. Wrought-iron tables and chairs were scattered over a glimmering floor of stainless steel, etched with elaborate geometric patterns. Artificial plants hung from the ceiling, and a gentle fountain gurgled happily away in the middle of the court. Small shops and cafés surrounded the tables, serving up hundreds of blends of oils, lubricants, and recharge packs for power cells. With the busy holiday crowds, most of the tables were already taken by weary shoppers giving their servos a rest. But the girls managed to find an open spot at the edge of the court, next to the noise and bustle of the shopping activity.

"Looks like Tank and Ro-bekka aren't here yet," said LSN-1482, as she surveyed the area. "Anyone feel like getting something to drink? You know, I always wind up getting oil when I come here. I want to try one of those new silicone smoothies for a change!"

"Help yourself," grinned Dot, lost in a dreamy gaze. "I've got everything I want right here."

Jenny and LSN-1482 giggled as they realized that Dot was staring off into the crowd, scanning for cute robot boys. Currently, she was radar-locked on a tall, wide-chested guy with a gleaming copper finish and outrageously cool hair. Jenny joined in the fun, and soon all three girls were one-upping each other, trying to see who could spot the cutest guy. It all just innocent fun, of course, but it was something that Jenny had never been able to do back home. She knew she was still in danger, and she knew she had to find her classmates and save them … but a part of her was really starting to enjoy herself.

"Jenny, are you going to the Festival Opening tomorrow morning?" asked Dot. "I think Queen Vexus is supposed to be there. It would be pretty cool to see her in the royal hover-carriage! Do you want to go, Eighty-two? You have the day off, don't you?"

LSN-1482 groaned with sarcasm. "Dot, I've told you a hundred times not to call me that. And yes, I actually do have the day off tomorrow – as amazing as that sounds!"

Jenny arched a curious eyebrow. "Have the day off? You mean you go to school and have a job, too?"

"Hey, what do you think the 'LSN' stands for?" giggled Dot, as she ogled a broad-shoulder robot boy, painted red with pewter trim. "She's a big shot!"

"I'm not a big shot!" growled LSN-1482, slapping her friend in the arm with a loud clang. "You'll have to forgive Dot – she likes to exaggerate sometimes. Yes, I have an after-school job over at Links, Systems, and Networks – that's what the 'LSN' stands for. I work on the Cluster data networks – monitoring communications, setting up new accounts, fixing problems in the central computers – yawn city. I'm basically just a civil servant. I mean, it's nice to help other robots, and I am doing something important …" – she folded her arms, and rolled her eyes – "… as my mom and dad constantly remind me. But it makes it hard to find time to have some fun."

"I know just what you mean!" Jenny shouted, a little too loudly. "Sorry … I mean, I kind of have a job, too. It's pretty important; I have to protect the world, save the day, stuff like that. But it can be annoying sometimes. My mom is always interrupting me whenever I'm with my friends …"

LSN-1482's oval eyes sprang wide open. "Ooh! Ooh! With me, it's my dad. He's an LSN droid too, see? Big family tradition thing. So I have to deal with him at home, and take orders from him the rest of the day! I love my dad and all, but sometimes he just really fragments my hard drive!"

"Wow, this is amazing!" squealed Jenny. She had more in common with this Cluster robot girl than she could have imagined. "We've both got lame responsibilities and bossy parents!"

"See, Jenny," laughed Dot, "I told you Eighty-two was a big shot! Oooh, hotties at ten o'clock."

LSN-1482 slapped her forehead. "Okay. Call me that again, and I'll disassemble your voice box."

"What's wrong with Eighty-Two?" said Jenny. "I think it sounds cute! My mom gave me a clunker of a name, so I picked a new one. Oops … uh … not that there's anything wrong with LSN-1482! I think it's, ahh … heh-heh … really pretty!"

"No, it's not." The teenage girl could see the embarrassment on Jenny's face, but she waved it off with a smile and a laugh. "It sounds like something you'd order out of a spare parts catalog. Mom and I have had this argument at least a hundred times. But I can't make up my mind on a replacement name, and Dot keeps thinking up progressively worse ones for me."

"Hey, at least I'm trying!" Dot huffed back … then she started poking LSN-1482 in the arm. "Three targets, sighted and locked on, over by the fuel cell bar. Come on, girl, flash those optic sensors at them! Jenny, flip your pigtails back and forth."

"You really, really need to lower your thermostat," giggled LSN-1482. "You're starting to scare me, Dot. Besides, those guys are way out of my league. Looking is fun, but let's be honest … no cute guy in his right mind is going to walk over to a table with a freak like me sitting at it."

"You're not a freak!" said Jenny, as Dot groaned with a here-we-go-again look on her face. "LSN-1482, you're beautiful! Why in the world would you say something like that?"

"Jenny, that's really sweet of you, but … " She stopped abruptly in mid-sentence, with her mouth hanging open, and drifted off into a faraway gaze. Jenny and Dot were momentarily confused, and worried that something might be wrong with her systems – until they saw the dreamy smile on her face.

The girls scanned the crowd, trying in vain to spot the amazing guy who had LSN-1482 staring off into space with doe-like eyes. She sank her rounded chin into her slender hands, lost in a blissful trance. "Sigh … he's so sleek … so streamlined … so shiny."

"Huh? Shiny?" Jenny deployed a set of binoculars over her eyes. "Which one are you talking about?"

"The one with those cute green stripes all over his body," she giggled.

"Hey, Jenny!" shouted Drew, waving frantically across the lube court to get her attention. His face broke out in a huge smile, relieved that he'd found her in the midst of the shopping chaos. "Geez, I've been looking everywhere for you! I thought you were going to wait for me back at the holo-map!"

"Oh, no!" gasped Jenny, as she realized that she'd forgotten all about him. With a stab of guilt, she waved him over to their table … then she heard Dot fighting back snorts of laughter. When she grasped the reason why, she had to fight back laughter too. Poor LSN-1482 was blushing a bright lavender, despite her best efforts to hide her face in her hands. She looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"Well, you certainly got comfortable in a hurry," chuckled Drew, as he strolled up to the table. "Anyway, I am the bearer of good news! Our gap-toothed commander friend is off chasing a wild robotic goose …" Then he finally noticed that Jenny wasn't sitting alone. "Oh … umm … uh … hello, there."

Jenny grinned with a mischievous smile. "Drew, these are my new friends. Girls, this is Drew … he goes to school with me back home. Drew, I'd like you to meet Dot, and …"

LSN-1482 shot her hand out like she'd been hit with a downed power line. "Drew! Hi! Ah … um … we just bumped into Jenny, back at the … um … place, by the … um … thing, and … name! My name! My name is … ahhhh … L, S, N …" Then her voice box seized up.

Drew reached out to shake her hand, glanced into her eyes … her dark, warm, expressive eyes, quivering with excitement and emotion … and felt like he'd been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. His nanobot innards swirled around in circles, as if he'd swallowed a blender. His poor nano-computers were short-circuiting … they had to be, because he'd lost the ability to think. His vision sensors were obviously malfunctioning. This robot girl – this amazingly beautiful robot girl – in front of him was blushing. And to his horror, he could feel a twinge of green coming over his cheeks as well. After a few awkward seconds of silence that seemed like hours, he managed to get his mouth moving again. "Ahh, L, S, N … Allison? Umm … did you say your name was Allison?"

Jenny and Dot giggled furiously, as their purple-cheeked friend quickly thought it over, and broke into a huge smile. "Yes … yes, I did! That's my name. Allison."

Continued in Chapter Five / Seven Days to Cluster Dawn