Yaaaaay, chapter four. I should work on Victory is Lovely (another of my JJ fics), but I like this one better at this moment. Too bad in this one there isn't any action (::raises eyebrows suggestively::) I think that deserves a DIRTY.

Anyway. Did I ever say a disclaimer? I didn't! Damn, I'm so out of it... Not mine, not mine, never will be mine. The DVDs are mine and so are my recorded tapes. But not mine nutters. Ha. Just kidding. But not about owning GG.

Here's a Lorelai reflective chapter. I'm pulling stuff outta my ass at the moment while I type, so be prepared. (::Starts singing Be Prepared from the Lion King::).

Ah! Scar was so evil. I love Simba. My cat's name is Simba. He's got a lot of skin and he's squishy...

Ahem. Back on topic.

Here's chapter four!

Oh, I just remembered. You would think that the nosy though sympathetic townies would come to reassure Lorelai after her and Luke's fight. Well, today they're not being sympathetic. At all.

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Chapter Four: Everything Alone

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Lorelai grabbed a few of her bags and went up to her room, mentally preparing herself for the memories that would flood her mind when she entered. She pushed open the door with her foot and climbed onto the bed, dropping the bags of healthy food at the foot. Luke's scent wafted up to her and she closed her eyes at the prick of tears. No. She wouldn't give in to sadness. She took one of the bags (the carrots. They were her favorite of the ones she grabbed) and lay back against the headboard to think.

When should I tell Luke? It is his baby and he has every right to know. But I can't face him. I can live without him as long as I don't see him ever again.

She moved her empty left hand to her stomach and laid it there, imagining what lay beneath her fingers.

He should apologize first. He was the one who accused me. Then again, when I canceled our dates I never told him the real reasons why. But that was because I knew he'd get jealous! I didn't do it to hurt him. He just jumped to conclusions.

She unconsciously began rubbing her thumb in a circle over where she knew her baby was growing.

Do I want this baby? Yes. I want Luke's baby more than anything. And I want him to be here for it. But I can't see him again. I'm so torn...

Lorelai hiccupped a small sob, and her eyes watered again.

I have to tell him. It wouldn't be fair. And I can't walk around town without people knowing it's his and talking to him about it. If I stayed in my house forever, someone would notice.

A sudden image came to mind that made her chuckle to herself:

Babette carefully climbed the Gilmore steps and knocked quietly on the front door.

"Lorelai? Lorelai honey?"

Lorelai hurried to the door as fast as she could, her heavy stomach making her slow.

"Coming, Babette!"

Lorelai opened the door, hiding her stomach behind it. To Babette it was a rather unusual sight, because Lorelai's lower body was facing the side, and her upper body was twisting to face her.

"Are you alright, honey?" Babette asked, referring to both Lorelai's confinement and her current position.

"Yeah, Babette. I'm perfect."

"Why are you....Never mind, sweetie." Babette looked down at Lorelai's feet, which were rather swollen. "Why are your ankles so swollen?" she asked in amazement.

"Well, they're fat because, uh, well...Pudding."

"Pudding?"

"Yes, Pudding. I've had a pretty bad cold for a while and didn't want to get anyone in the neighborhood sick so I stayed inside. I ran out of food and well, the only thing left has been pudding."

"Pudding."

"Yes, pudding. You know, instant pudding. The kind that any idiot can make, even me. So I've been eating a lot of pudding and, alas, it all went to...my ankles."

"I see," Babette said doubtfully. "Okay, doll, I gotta go now. I'll come by another time."

"Bye Babette."

Pudding? I want pudding.

Lorelai sighed, frowning.

I have to tell Luke.

Lorelai stood, tossing the almost empty bag of carrots onto her bed. She changed into new clothing (she had been wearing yesterdays all day) and went down the stairs to Rory's room.

"Rory honey?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm gonna go tell Luke about my little friend, here."

Rory opened the door, her face lit by a smile.

"You're going to apologize?"

"Yeah right. He has to apologize first."

"So you're just gonna go to the diner, be all 'hey Luke, I'm having your baby' and then walk away?"

Lorelai hesitated, and then said, "Yep."

"You're lame. Just apologize."

"No. I'm going. I'll be back soon." Lorelai turned and left, Rory giving her a doubtful look all the way to the door.

"Be that way!" Rory called.

"I will!" Lorelai called over her shoulder.

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Lorelai walked briskly to the diner, ignoring the questioning looks she received from the townies. Patty stopped her at the gazebo, smiling apologetically.

"Lorelai, dear, what happened with you and Luke? I heard there was a terrible fight. Did you break up? Luke's been in a terrible mood."

"Uh, we did break up Patty. But everything's okay. I'm going to talk to him now."

"Oh, Lorelai, that's wonderful!"

"Thanks Patty," Lorelai commented, almost dryly. She continued on her way, putting a stern and 'I'm here for business only' look on her face as she neared her favorite place.

The bell above the diner jingled merrily as Lorelai pushed the door open. Luke, who was cleaning the counter, looked up, and his eyes immediately sparkled.

Had she actually come to apologize?

Lorelai went up to him and pointed at the curtain hiding the stairs.

"I need to talk to you."

"You got it," Luke replied, turning to the kitchen. "I'm on my break, Caesar."

"Got it!" Caesar called.

Luke quietly followed Lorelai, sensing her tension. When they were inside his apartment with the door closed, Luke said, "So, you're here. Any particular reason?"

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably. "You need to sit down for what I'm about to tell you."

"Really, Lorelai, I don't think I need to."

"Please Luke. Please sit down."

"Okay. Okay." Luke sat down on his bed, motioning for her to sit next to him.

"No. I need to stand." Luke nodded and Lorelai started her speech. "Uh, Luke, I'm sorry I need to tell you this now, and I wish I didn't have to come here and that you just knew what I had to tell you. But you don't so I have to inform you. Uh, this is hard for me to say. Especially since we're not together any more. I really hope you will forgive me for this, but it's the truth and you have to know."

Luke sat patiently through her rambling, knowing that once she got through it, the truth would come out. The whole time he thought she was going to apologize for her actions (he was hoping he could apologize after she did. He had been a jerk) until these words came out of her mouth:

"Luke, I'm pregnant. And don't pull the whole Rory thing, wondering whether it's yours or Christopher's. Because it's yours. I'm going to have your baby and I thought you needed to know." Lorelai stopped there, waiting for a reaction.

Luke said nothing, stunned into silence.

So she didn't come to apologize? She came to lay a bomb on him that would change his life forever. He was surprised and speechless.

"You're...you're preg...pregnant?" he finally forced out.

"Yes."

"When did you...?"

"A few days ago, right after I made Chris leave. I was coming to tell you. And then..." She stopped, not needing words.

"We have to get back together then."

"No we don't. Why would we?" She started pacing slightly, and then turned to him again. "I want full custody. I want to raise it. You can see it, play with it, take care of it. But I want custody."

"What?"

"Yes. I want the child to be mine. I can go to the appointments by myself. Buy everything myself. I think you should be there for the birth, but I can do everything myself."

It was the only way she could get over him. By never seeing him again. If she had to hurt him, then she had to hurt him. But she needed the control.

"No, Lorelai. I want to be there for everything. The morning sickness. The weird food cravings. The water breaking. The birth. The first word, first step, first everything."

"No...You can't. I...I don't want you to be there. I want you to leave me alone. I don't want to see you again. Except for the child." Tears started choking her and she had to stop talking to compose herself.

She wanted nothing more than to have him there with her for everything. But she couldn't deal with it. She would be a mess. She had to be the best for this child and if he were there she would be a horrible mother.

Luke was silent. That had hurt. She never wanted to see him again. Pain welled up inside him. He felt tears prick his eyes. What the hell? He was going to cry.

His voice was full of barely restrained anger and pain beyond anything Lorelai had ever felt. "Fine. Then at least let me go to the appointments."

"Yes," she whispered. "I can do that. But nothing else."

"Fine. I think I would like you to leave."

Lorelai stifled a sob with her hand, turning to leave.

"I've scheduled one in two weeks. Monday. I'll...send someone to tell you the certain date."

She left then, flying down the stairs and out of the diner. The people around her watched her questioningly, but she ignored them and fled to the comfort she hoped Rory would give her.

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Okay, I felt really sad writing this. But I have a plan! LISTEN TO THE OVERLORD!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha. Anyway.

It'll keep going. I want a lot of chapters, but I need stuff to happen. I have an idea of what I want to happen. I just don't know how everything's going to take place. You'll have to wait and see!