Lonely Christmas - Chapter 4 - The Favor
"That's way too close!" Serena exclaims to me.
We're in my apartment now, and she's caught me red-handed with trying to put an ornament too close to another on the Christmas tree. Who knew putting up and decorating a stupid tree was so much work? I wipe the sweat from my brow, sighing stressfully.
Oh yes, we had quite an episode with this tree; what with putting up our stupid little pine-needled friend, vacuuming up the mess it made, and leaving it to stand sideways in the holder after numerous attempts to straighten it.
But you know what? It's still one of the best moments of my life, right up there with today's shopping spree with Serena. I take the small ornament off the branch and place it on a neglected area of the tree, and Serena smiles in approval. I nod, reaching into the box to pull out another one of the new decorations.
"We should watch the big Christmas tree lighting in town on Christmas Eve, Darien," she suggests.
My heart practically bursts with just the thought of seeing her on another special occasion. "Definitely," I agree, smiling.
"Let's promise that the night of the tree lighting, we'll meet by the bench in front of Crown...so you can see what a real Christmas tree decorating event looks like!"
I just smile, thinking that nothing could be more perfect than the decorating we've been doing by ourselves.
I catch myself staring at her with a goofy grin and, unsure of what to do with myself, dive back into the box. "So what are we going to do with this?" I ask, pulling a long garland out of the box. This thing is like a freaking magic trick from hell! I keep pulling, and the thing still does not have a visible end. Getting only a bit frustrated (and I say that in the most sarcastic tone I can muster), I pull the rest of the garland out with one large heave and toss it to the ground. "Damn!" I swear, but I can't help but laugh as I'm surrounded with green stuff.
Serena covers her mouth and starts laughing so hard tears well up in her eyes. "You look like a Christmas tree!" she giggles, placing an ornament on my left ear.
I chuckle. "I think I'm a better-looking tree then what we have set up, wouldn't you say? At least I'm standing up straight."
She nods with another laugh and helps unravel the seemingly endless garland from my body. I stand there, watching her, and can't think of a time where I've had even half as much fun with someone...she truly is an angel on Earth.
The entire time she's been here I've been awaiting the perfect time I can tell her my feelings...but alas, the time has still yet to come. We're too busy laughing, and the last thing I want to do is confess to her like: "Hey! (giggle, giggle) Betcha' didn't know... (hysterical laugh) ...I like you a whole lot! (roaring with laughter) ...Didja?"
Yeah. That's a no-no.
"Want some hot chocolate?" I ask her. I'm beginning to get a bit anxious now, as the tree is set up and almost completely decorated, and it's getting late. I know Serena will have to leave soon, but I made it one of my goals for today to tell her I love her at a moment that feels right. So what do I do? Try and create a 'right' moment, and get Serena to stay a bit longer.
Serena nods happily, and I walk into my kitchen to get the teakettle. As I'm filling it with water, I can only smile at hearing Serena humming Christmas carols in the next room. It feels wonderful to have company at my place for once, and I'm ecstatic that that company is Serena.
Already missing being in the presence of the girl, I set the kettle on the stove quickly and scramble back into the living room. She was just finishing up with the ornaments, and was quickly getting up to the one I wanted to put in a special place. Before she picks it up, I say softly, "Wait," and I approach her.
I carefully slide my fingers over Serena's hand that's holding the rather large ornament, my digits lingering just briefly over her own as I look into her eyes and extract the decoration from her. I smile gently and get the same grin back, and at that moment I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss those beautiful pink lips, even if they do taste like peppermint from that lip balm she's been wearing all day. But I resist, and turn toward the tree.
I know. I'm an ass.
I cough almost silently, trying to break the awkward silence I've created, and reach up to the top center of the tree and place the ornament delicately upon the branch I've been saving. This ornament is by far my favorite: a white rabbit clutching a small bag of candy canes and presents lovingly in its arms, with a large Santa hat that falls clumsily down over one if its eyes. It reminded me of Serena even down to its goofy rabbit smile. ...is that a good thing?
I fell back next to where Serena was standing and gaze up at the tree with her, a content smile quickly spreading across my lips. "It looks wonderful," Serena says, and I turn to her to look into those gorgeous blue orbs of hers...
...and the teakettle whistles, of course.
Wanting to chuck the damn thing out the window, I excuse myself and hurry back into the kitchen to take the blasted thing off the burner. I pour both of us a large mug and place some marshmallows into them, walking quickly back into the living room. Serena had turned off the lights and began to play the Christmas CD we had bought earlier. Now, the room was only lit by the white glow of the Christmas tree.
My heart suddenly beating twice as quickly as before, I set down the mugs with not-so-stable hands and turn to face the smiling girl I've fallen absolutely head-over-heels for.
The scene is perfect. We're facing each other, no more than three feet apart. Our eyes meet, and the CD is playing softly in the background.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light,
From now on our troubles
Will be out of sight..."
"May I...have...this dance?" I stutter, nearly inaudibly. Where did I get THAT from?! 'God...idiot. Idiot!' I scream in my head, 'Maybe she didn't hear you? You don't know how the hell to slow dance! What did you just get yourself into? Moron! Please don't say yes, I'm sorry, I'm...'
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on our troubles
Will be miles away..."
"You may," she says almost as silently, her smile broadening. Those words and that smile repeat in my mind, and suddenly I find my troubles 'out of sight'.
So some of these songs to have truth to them...
I swallow rather loudly and hope that she didn't hear me as I take her body close to my own. If she didn't hear my swallow, however, she can probably definitely hear my racing, screaming heart. I delicately place one hand on her side, the other wrapping its fingers around hers. Her hands are so warm and gentle against my own and I can't help but pull her closer to me until I feel her head fall lightly onto my chest.
"Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more..."
Taking in the sweet scent of her hair, I close my eyes and forget all my paranoia about having two left feet. I find myself leading pretty well, but I can only imagine how disastrous it could have been if I was actually focusing on what I was doing. Instead, as usual, Serena floods all of my thoughts; the girl who is in my arms right now, dancing by the light of the most beautiful lop-sided Christmas tree I have ever seen. I feel her sigh happily in my arms, and I've never been happier in all my life.
"Through the years
We all will be together
If the Fates allow,
Hang a shining star
On the highest bough,
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now..."
The song comes to an end all too quickly, and I open my eyes as Serena lifts her head from my chest. Our eyes meet again.
This is the 'right' moment I've been waiting for.
"Serena," I whisper, but at the same time Serena says in a regular tone, "Darien?"
My body freezes with adrenaline again. "...yeah?" I ask, barely above a whisper only because my voice box is failing to produce any sounds.
"Can I ask you something?" she asks, looking up into my eyes.
"Anything," I reply, sounding a bit more confident. The truth was I was so nervous that I would probably go into cardiac arrest if she held out telling me what was on her mind any longer.
"I would love you forever if..." she began, but paused.
I ran a hand nervously through my hair, hanging on her every word. God woman, just say what you want to say before I have a heart attack!
"...if..." she continues, "...you could possibly..."
Yes? YES?!
"...try and set me up with Andrew sometime? I didn't mean to ask so suddenly, but it is getting quite late, and I want to know as soon as..."
She was saying more, but my head suddenly felt like it got hit with a very large sledgehammer, and as a result, somehow ruptured my heart. My whole body went numb, and my only thoughts were 'Andrew? She...she likes Andrew? ANDREW?' My eyes moved around in their sockets, desperately trying to make sense of the world around me as I felt my jaw drop a bit. 'This...this whole day...was that all she was after?'
My whole world completely collapsed around me, taking all of the color out of my face with it I'm sure, considering I suddenly felt Serena shaking me with a very concerned tone in her voice. "Darien?! Darien?! Are you okay? Do you need to lay down?"
I blink again. Some part of me is convinced that that whole situation did not just happen; that Serena was shaking me because I had passed out or something...but the rest of me knows the truth. "You...you want me to set you up with...with Andrew?" I ask, hearing my voice slightly falter.
She nods with a weak smile. "Remember how I told you what I wanted for Christmas didn't come in a package? Well..." she looks down, blushing, "This is it. Please, Darien? For me? I would be the happiest person in the world..."
She would be...happy? My heart feels like it's fatally ill and vomiting. "Umm..." I stuttered. It would make her happy...
...that's really all I want for her...the girl I love with all that I am...she should be happy... because today she made me the happiest I've ever been...but...
"Okay," I agree softly before my mind could argue the matter further. With a huge grin, Serena throws her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek. My cheeks burn.
"Oh thank you, Darien! Thank you so much!" She releases me and skips over to the chair that holds her jacket, gloves, scarf, hat, and bag, and puts everything on with her bag slung over her shoulder. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Thank you again, Darien! You don't know how happy this makes me!" And with that, she gives me another quick hug before letting herself out, humming loudly again.
It makes her happy...but does she know how torturous this will be to me?
"That's way too close!" Serena exclaims to me.
We're in my apartment now, and she's caught me red-handed with trying to put an ornament too close to another on the Christmas tree. Who knew putting up and decorating a stupid tree was so much work? I wipe the sweat from my brow, sighing stressfully.
Oh yes, we had quite an episode with this tree; what with putting up our stupid little pine-needled friend, vacuuming up the mess it made, and leaving it to stand sideways in the holder after numerous attempts to straighten it.
But you know what? It's still one of the best moments of my life, right up there with today's shopping spree with Serena. I take the small ornament off the branch and place it on a neglected area of the tree, and Serena smiles in approval. I nod, reaching into the box to pull out another one of the new decorations.
"We should watch the big Christmas tree lighting in town on Christmas Eve, Darien," she suggests.
My heart practically bursts with just the thought of seeing her on another special occasion. "Definitely," I agree, smiling.
"Let's promise that the night of the tree lighting, we'll meet by the bench in front of Crown...so you can see what a real Christmas tree decorating event looks like!"
I just smile, thinking that nothing could be more perfect than the decorating we've been doing by ourselves.
I catch myself staring at her with a goofy grin and, unsure of what to do with myself, dive back into the box. "So what are we going to do with this?" I ask, pulling a long garland out of the box. This thing is like a freaking magic trick from hell! I keep pulling, and the thing still does not have a visible end. Getting only a bit frustrated (and I say that in the most sarcastic tone I can muster), I pull the rest of the garland out with one large heave and toss it to the ground. "Damn!" I swear, but I can't help but laugh as I'm surrounded with green stuff.
Serena covers her mouth and starts laughing so hard tears well up in her eyes. "You look like a Christmas tree!" she giggles, placing an ornament on my left ear.
I chuckle. "I think I'm a better-looking tree then what we have set up, wouldn't you say? At least I'm standing up straight."
She nods with another laugh and helps unravel the seemingly endless garland from my body. I stand there, watching her, and can't think of a time where I've had even half as much fun with someone...she truly is an angel on Earth.
The entire time she's been here I've been awaiting the perfect time I can tell her my feelings...but alas, the time has still yet to come. We're too busy laughing, and the last thing I want to do is confess to her like: "Hey! (giggle, giggle) Betcha' didn't know... (hysterical laugh) ...I like you a whole lot! (roaring with laughter) ...Didja?"
Yeah. That's a no-no.
"Want some hot chocolate?" I ask her. I'm beginning to get a bit anxious now, as the tree is set up and almost completely decorated, and it's getting late. I know Serena will have to leave soon, but I made it one of my goals for today to tell her I love her at a moment that feels right. So what do I do? Try and create a 'right' moment, and get Serena to stay a bit longer.
Serena nods happily, and I walk into my kitchen to get the teakettle. As I'm filling it with water, I can only smile at hearing Serena humming Christmas carols in the next room. It feels wonderful to have company at my place for once, and I'm ecstatic that that company is Serena.
Already missing being in the presence of the girl, I set the kettle on the stove quickly and scramble back into the living room. She was just finishing up with the ornaments, and was quickly getting up to the one I wanted to put in a special place. Before she picks it up, I say softly, "Wait," and I approach her.
I carefully slide my fingers over Serena's hand that's holding the rather large ornament, my digits lingering just briefly over her own as I look into her eyes and extract the decoration from her. I smile gently and get the same grin back, and at that moment I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss those beautiful pink lips, even if they do taste like peppermint from that lip balm she's been wearing all day. But I resist, and turn toward the tree.
I know. I'm an ass.
I cough almost silently, trying to break the awkward silence I've created, and reach up to the top center of the tree and place the ornament delicately upon the branch I've been saving. This ornament is by far my favorite: a white rabbit clutching a small bag of candy canes and presents lovingly in its arms, with a large Santa hat that falls clumsily down over one if its eyes. It reminded me of Serena even down to its goofy rabbit smile. ...is that a good thing?
I fell back next to where Serena was standing and gaze up at the tree with her, a content smile quickly spreading across my lips. "It looks wonderful," Serena says, and I turn to her to look into those gorgeous blue orbs of hers...
...and the teakettle whistles, of course.
Wanting to chuck the damn thing out the window, I excuse myself and hurry back into the kitchen to take the blasted thing off the burner. I pour both of us a large mug and place some marshmallows into them, walking quickly back into the living room. Serena had turned off the lights and began to play the Christmas CD we had bought earlier. Now, the room was only lit by the white glow of the Christmas tree.
My heart suddenly beating twice as quickly as before, I set down the mugs with not-so-stable hands and turn to face the smiling girl I've fallen absolutely head-over-heels for.
The scene is perfect. We're facing each other, no more than three feet apart. Our eyes meet, and the CD is playing softly in the background.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light,
From now on our troubles
Will be out of sight..."
"May I...have...this dance?" I stutter, nearly inaudibly. Where did I get THAT from?! 'God...idiot. Idiot!' I scream in my head, 'Maybe she didn't hear you? You don't know how the hell to slow dance! What did you just get yourself into? Moron! Please don't say yes, I'm sorry, I'm...'
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on our troubles
Will be miles away..."
"You may," she says almost as silently, her smile broadening. Those words and that smile repeat in my mind, and suddenly I find my troubles 'out of sight'.
So some of these songs to have truth to them...
I swallow rather loudly and hope that she didn't hear me as I take her body close to my own. If she didn't hear my swallow, however, she can probably definitely hear my racing, screaming heart. I delicately place one hand on her side, the other wrapping its fingers around hers. Her hands are so warm and gentle against my own and I can't help but pull her closer to me until I feel her head fall lightly onto my chest.
"Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more..."
Taking in the sweet scent of her hair, I close my eyes and forget all my paranoia about having two left feet. I find myself leading pretty well, but I can only imagine how disastrous it could have been if I was actually focusing on what I was doing. Instead, as usual, Serena floods all of my thoughts; the girl who is in my arms right now, dancing by the light of the most beautiful lop-sided Christmas tree I have ever seen. I feel her sigh happily in my arms, and I've never been happier in all my life.
"Through the years
We all will be together
If the Fates allow,
Hang a shining star
On the highest bough,
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now..."
The song comes to an end all too quickly, and I open my eyes as Serena lifts her head from my chest. Our eyes meet again.
This is the 'right' moment I've been waiting for.
"Serena," I whisper, but at the same time Serena says in a regular tone, "Darien?"
My body freezes with adrenaline again. "...yeah?" I ask, barely above a whisper only because my voice box is failing to produce any sounds.
"Can I ask you something?" she asks, looking up into my eyes.
"Anything," I reply, sounding a bit more confident. The truth was I was so nervous that I would probably go into cardiac arrest if she held out telling me what was on her mind any longer.
"I would love you forever if..." she began, but paused.
I ran a hand nervously through my hair, hanging on her every word. God woman, just say what you want to say before I have a heart attack!
"...if..." she continues, "...you could possibly..."
Yes? YES?!
"...try and set me up with Andrew sometime? I didn't mean to ask so suddenly, but it is getting quite late, and I want to know as soon as..."
She was saying more, but my head suddenly felt like it got hit with a very large sledgehammer, and as a result, somehow ruptured my heart. My whole body went numb, and my only thoughts were 'Andrew? She...she likes Andrew? ANDREW?' My eyes moved around in their sockets, desperately trying to make sense of the world around me as I felt my jaw drop a bit. 'This...this whole day...was that all she was after?'
My whole world completely collapsed around me, taking all of the color out of my face with it I'm sure, considering I suddenly felt Serena shaking me with a very concerned tone in her voice. "Darien?! Darien?! Are you okay? Do you need to lay down?"
I blink again. Some part of me is convinced that that whole situation did not just happen; that Serena was shaking me because I had passed out or something...but the rest of me knows the truth. "You...you want me to set you up with...with Andrew?" I ask, hearing my voice slightly falter.
She nods with a weak smile. "Remember how I told you what I wanted for Christmas didn't come in a package? Well..." she looks down, blushing, "This is it. Please, Darien? For me? I would be the happiest person in the world..."
She would be...happy? My heart feels like it's fatally ill and vomiting. "Umm..." I stuttered. It would make her happy...
...that's really all I want for her...the girl I love with all that I am...she should be happy... because today she made me the happiest I've ever been...but...
"Okay," I agree softly before my mind could argue the matter further. With a huge grin, Serena throws her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek. My cheeks burn.
"Oh thank you, Darien! Thank you so much!" She releases me and skips over to the chair that holds her jacket, gloves, scarf, hat, and bag, and puts everything on with her bag slung over her shoulder. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Thank you again, Darien! You don't know how happy this makes me!" And with that, she gives me another quick hug before letting herself out, humming loudly again.
It makes her happy...but does she know how torturous this will be to me?