Lonely Christmas - Chapter 7 - Loneliness
Today I would be the third wheel to Andrew and Serena's second date...it sounds like a game show I would really rather not be on. How do I get myself into these things?
I walk down the street toward the restaurant, Kohaku, Andrew had planned to go to. It was a pretty ritzy place for someone on Andrew's budget to go to, let alone treat their girlfriend to as well. I look down the street, though I still don't see them in sight as I near Kohaku. They had said 7:00, right? It was 7 now...this time, I didn't appear 20 minutes early out of excitement.
Thinking maybe they're already inside, I trek up the stairs and into the dark, romantic restaurant. Japanese lanterns were the only light source around the tables, each shedding red or yellow light through their thin paper. The waitresses were dressed in kimonos with their hair tied up in tight buns. I caught the man at the podium looking at me curiously, and I strolled over.
"I'm here to meet two of my friends," I explain, looking around for them as the man checks his book.
"Ah, under the reservation of 'Andrew'?" the man asks. Andrew didn't give his last name instead of his first? I had to chuckle. I nod, and the man bows back and leads me to a small table in the corner. Obviously they're not here yet, and for some reason I feel a bit funny sitting in this place alone.
A waitress comes immediately and asks if I would like something to drink, but I just shrug and order a glass of water. She politely nods and walks off.
I play with my chopsticks between my fingers as I glance around the room. There are very few other tables with more than two people to them, and those who seated a couple make my heart ache. It's obvious every person in this restaurant is in love; even by the way they glance lovingly to their meal and back up at their partner. There are a few happy laughs here and there as the couples talk quietly amongst themselves, caressing each other's hands and even stealing a few kisses here and there. I thank God as my waitress comes back with my water, diverting my attention to the glass set in front of me. As she walks away, I desperately try to keep my attention on the water in front of me. I take a sip, swirl the contents in the glass, play with the ice...but then comes a laugh that I cannot ignore. My head shoots up immediately, gazing toward the entrance.
I catch sight of Andrew and Serena immediately as they laugh together, waiting for the man in the front to seat them. I can't help but think that these two are unlike any of the other couples in the vicinity; they show no deep signs of love. Sure, they laugh together, but that's what friends always do, and that's what they appear to be. Just friends.
My heart sighs in relief.
Still, I know that they are 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend, though I feel a bit more at ease knowing that maybe this relationship isn't right for either of them. As they approach, I smile broadly.
"Hey, you two," I greet as Andrew takes off his coat. He sets it on the back of his chair and moves to sit down. This man is an idiot. I tap the table and our eyes meet, and I motion to him to help Serena with her own coat. Looking at me like I had seven heads, I sigh and get up as Andrew sits down. Hey, I'm not complaining as I smile to Serena and slide her coat off her slender arms. I see Andrew nodding, as if trying to remember to do that next time, but my attention is forever focused on the girl standing in front of me. I place the coat delicately upon the back of her chair and slide it out for her. She giggles, as if never been treated like a lady before (which amazes me), and sits before I slide her in. I take my own seat, and suddenly the beautiful atmosphere I had set between Serena and I is broken.
"Boy, it sure is cold out there, eh?" Andrew says, looking a little uncomfortable at the events that had just taken place between his girlfriend and me. Serena and I both nod. "Were you waiting here long, Darien?" he asks me.
"Huh? Eh, no, not really," I reply, taking a sip from my half-filled glass of water. I had been waiting for ten minutes, according to the clock on the wall. "Why were you two running late, anyway?"
As Andrew tells me how they had gotten a little lost and ran into a few people they knew, the waitress fills two more glasses of water and sets them down before Serena and Andrew. I nod, only half-listening, as I'm given a menu.
Serena is quickly glancing over the menu several times, as if she has no idea what to choose. I smile, glancing down at my own list of mouth- watering choices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Serena's gentle hand reach out for my glass of water. Curious, I keep my gaze subtly set upon her as she picks up the glass and places it to her lips without thinking. She's too preoccupied with her food choices to even glance at the glass she had just picked up, and she sets it down again. I chuckle softly.
There's light conversation as we continue to browse the menu. By now, Serena's gone through the list twenty times over with no choice in sight, and Andrew is trying to convince her to just close her eyes and place her finger on a random dish. Highly amused, I just sit back and take a sip of my water.
Wait a minute...it tastes...like strawberry...lip-gloss?
I blink, and then remember that Serena had taken a drink from my glass just minutes before. I lick my lips lightly, taking in the sweet strawberry taste again. Is that what it tasted like...if I were to kiss her? Suddenly my lips craved more.
"Just get the obento box," I recommend to her, "It's got a ton of stuff in it, so you can get a little bit of everything." My mouth returns to the lip- gloss-stained side of my glass, my tongue lingering along the edge.
Serena smiles and nods, and we're ready to order.
~*~*~
"So cheers," I say, holding up a small plaster cup of green tea...not exactly something very good to toast with, but it was slim pickin's at this table. But trust me, I would love to just drown myself in some hot sake right about now...just let my mind go completely numb to the way Andrew and Serena have been staring at each other all night, how Andrew looks at me almost triumphantly as Serena clings to his arm, how they glance down at each other when I'm in the middle of a story. The toast that I just made to them was completely bull, and they could probably tell by the annoyance and hesitation to say anything nice.
"Cheers," they say together, clinking their glasses to mine in unison. Together. That's how they've been this whole night. But they're a couple, right? I've told myself that over and over again, and though my heart wants to tell me otherwise, my brain knows better. I'm better off never listening to my heart again...it brings me nothing but pain and suffering.
Andrew and I get the check and split it, and the time spent tonight with the two of them have been the longest moments of my life. All I want to do is go back to my dark cave and wallow in self-pity.
But no.
"Let's all go to the park and get some ice cream!" Andrew suggests. Can I punch him? Please, can I punch him?
Doesn't he know what this is doing to me?! He has to be able to tell by now...the way I look at Serena, the way I wince when they get close, how my lip has been quivering with the craving of Serena's kiss...I can't help any of this, and Andrew has had to have taken notice by now. Is he just trying to rub this in my face?
"Yeah! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!" Serena exclaims in a giddy voice, "Let's go get some ice cream! With sprinkles!" Her eyes light up and she gives me an adorable puppy-dog face.
How can I say no to that?
~*~*~
Serena had devoured her ice cream before Andrew and I had barely started. She skipped ahead of us, humming happily.
"She's happier than I've ever seen her," I say painfully to Andrew, taking a small nibble of ice cream. I lost my appetite long before my Japanese food even came.
Andrew nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I'm really happy too," he says softly, looking at me. "Thanks for telling me she liked me so much, Darien. This has really made my holiday season...and I'm sure it's made Serena's as well."
I find that familiar sting in the back of my eyes as I fake a smile and look down to the ground, walking to the beat of Serena's happy humming. Made their holidays, huh?
...what about me?
Today I would be the third wheel to Andrew and Serena's second date...it sounds like a game show I would really rather not be on. How do I get myself into these things?
I walk down the street toward the restaurant, Kohaku, Andrew had planned to go to. It was a pretty ritzy place for someone on Andrew's budget to go to, let alone treat their girlfriend to as well. I look down the street, though I still don't see them in sight as I near Kohaku. They had said 7:00, right? It was 7 now...this time, I didn't appear 20 minutes early out of excitement.
Thinking maybe they're already inside, I trek up the stairs and into the dark, romantic restaurant. Japanese lanterns were the only light source around the tables, each shedding red or yellow light through their thin paper. The waitresses were dressed in kimonos with their hair tied up in tight buns. I caught the man at the podium looking at me curiously, and I strolled over.
"I'm here to meet two of my friends," I explain, looking around for them as the man checks his book.
"Ah, under the reservation of 'Andrew'?" the man asks. Andrew didn't give his last name instead of his first? I had to chuckle. I nod, and the man bows back and leads me to a small table in the corner. Obviously they're not here yet, and for some reason I feel a bit funny sitting in this place alone.
A waitress comes immediately and asks if I would like something to drink, but I just shrug and order a glass of water. She politely nods and walks off.
I play with my chopsticks between my fingers as I glance around the room. There are very few other tables with more than two people to them, and those who seated a couple make my heart ache. It's obvious every person in this restaurant is in love; even by the way they glance lovingly to their meal and back up at their partner. There are a few happy laughs here and there as the couples talk quietly amongst themselves, caressing each other's hands and even stealing a few kisses here and there. I thank God as my waitress comes back with my water, diverting my attention to the glass set in front of me. As she walks away, I desperately try to keep my attention on the water in front of me. I take a sip, swirl the contents in the glass, play with the ice...but then comes a laugh that I cannot ignore. My head shoots up immediately, gazing toward the entrance.
I catch sight of Andrew and Serena immediately as they laugh together, waiting for the man in the front to seat them. I can't help but think that these two are unlike any of the other couples in the vicinity; they show no deep signs of love. Sure, they laugh together, but that's what friends always do, and that's what they appear to be. Just friends.
My heart sighs in relief.
Still, I know that they are 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend, though I feel a bit more at ease knowing that maybe this relationship isn't right for either of them. As they approach, I smile broadly.
"Hey, you two," I greet as Andrew takes off his coat. He sets it on the back of his chair and moves to sit down. This man is an idiot. I tap the table and our eyes meet, and I motion to him to help Serena with her own coat. Looking at me like I had seven heads, I sigh and get up as Andrew sits down. Hey, I'm not complaining as I smile to Serena and slide her coat off her slender arms. I see Andrew nodding, as if trying to remember to do that next time, but my attention is forever focused on the girl standing in front of me. I place the coat delicately upon the back of her chair and slide it out for her. She giggles, as if never been treated like a lady before (which amazes me), and sits before I slide her in. I take my own seat, and suddenly the beautiful atmosphere I had set between Serena and I is broken.
"Boy, it sure is cold out there, eh?" Andrew says, looking a little uncomfortable at the events that had just taken place between his girlfriend and me. Serena and I both nod. "Were you waiting here long, Darien?" he asks me.
"Huh? Eh, no, not really," I reply, taking a sip from my half-filled glass of water. I had been waiting for ten minutes, according to the clock on the wall. "Why were you two running late, anyway?"
As Andrew tells me how they had gotten a little lost and ran into a few people they knew, the waitress fills two more glasses of water and sets them down before Serena and Andrew. I nod, only half-listening, as I'm given a menu.
Serena is quickly glancing over the menu several times, as if she has no idea what to choose. I smile, glancing down at my own list of mouth- watering choices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Serena's gentle hand reach out for my glass of water. Curious, I keep my gaze subtly set upon her as she picks up the glass and places it to her lips without thinking. She's too preoccupied with her food choices to even glance at the glass she had just picked up, and she sets it down again. I chuckle softly.
There's light conversation as we continue to browse the menu. By now, Serena's gone through the list twenty times over with no choice in sight, and Andrew is trying to convince her to just close her eyes and place her finger on a random dish. Highly amused, I just sit back and take a sip of my water.
Wait a minute...it tastes...like strawberry...lip-gloss?
I blink, and then remember that Serena had taken a drink from my glass just minutes before. I lick my lips lightly, taking in the sweet strawberry taste again. Is that what it tasted like...if I were to kiss her? Suddenly my lips craved more.
"Just get the obento box," I recommend to her, "It's got a ton of stuff in it, so you can get a little bit of everything." My mouth returns to the lip- gloss-stained side of my glass, my tongue lingering along the edge.
Serena smiles and nods, and we're ready to order.
~*~*~
"So cheers," I say, holding up a small plaster cup of green tea...not exactly something very good to toast with, but it was slim pickin's at this table. But trust me, I would love to just drown myself in some hot sake right about now...just let my mind go completely numb to the way Andrew and Serena have been staring at each other all night, how Andrew looks at me almost triumphantly as Serena clings to his arm, how they glance down at each other when I'm in the middle of a story. The toast that I just made to them was completely bull, and they could probably tell by the annoyance and hesitation to say anything nice.
"Cheers," they say together, clinking their glasses to mine in unison. Together. That's how they've been this whole night. But they're a couple, right? I've told myself that over and over again, and though my heart wants to tell me otherwise, my brain knows better. I'm better off never listening to my heart again...it brings me nothing but pain and suffering.
Andrew and I get the check and split it, and the time spent tonight with the two of them have been the longest moments of my life. All I want to do is go back to my dark cave and wallow in self-pity.
But no.
"Let's all go to the park and get some ice cream!" Andrew suggests. Can I punch him? Please, can I punch him?
Doesn't he know what this is doing to me?! He has to be able to tell by now...the way I look at Serena, the way I wince when they get close, how my lip has been quivering with the craving of Serena's kiss...I can't help any of this, and Andrew has had to have taken notice by now. Is he just trying to rub this in my face?
"Yeah! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!" Serena exclaims in a giddy voice, "Let's go get some ice cream! With sprinkles!" Her eyes light up and she gives me an adorable puppy-dog face.
How can I say no to that?
~*~*~
Serena had devoured her ice cream before Andrew and I had barely started. She skipped ahead of us, humming happily.
"She's happier than I've ever seen her," I say painfully to Andrew, taking a small nibble of ice cream. I lost my appetite long before my Japanese food even came.
Andrew nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I'm really happy too," he says softly, looking at me. "Thanks for telling me she liked me so much, Darien. This has really made my holiday season...and I'm sure it's made Serena's as well."
I find that familiar sting in the back of my eyes as I fake a smile and look down to the ground, walking to the beat of Serena's happy humming. Made their holidays, huh?
...what about me?