_I remember that day well, though I was only nine years old at the time. My brothers and I had just built a droid. It was the greatest moment of my life so far as I watched it shudder to life before me. The adults had no idea this droid even existed, so they couldn't take it away or anything.

Then the unthinkable happened. "I seem to have thrun. I am afraid I yam goinn-" it said before its overhead access door blew off and it collapsed. And suddenly, Uncle Luke was in the doorway. He had seen everything. I knew we were in trouble then. There was no point in lying to one of the greatest Jedi who ever lived, so we didn't try to. I was never fond of punishment.

We were so innocent as children._

**********************

Jag tugged at the bottom of his coat to straighten it. Most officers would be very uncomfortable to be outside during the Mon Cal equatorial summer wearing a full dress uniform, but not Jag. Neither did Eprill look out of place, standing slightly behind his right elbow. She was the perfect example of a Chiss officer.

There wasn't a large crowd gathered to greet the group arriving from the Unknown Regions, for security reasons. The landing pad had been painstakingly combed, and a number of light starfighters were patrolling the sky above. The Chiss party had been advised to bring an escort, and they had done more than that. A star destroyer was now in orbit around Mon Cal, and the shuttle approaching the pad was flanked by six Clawcrafts.

Jag squared his shoulders and looked straight ahead as the shuttle came in for a landing. The ramp lowered and a number of armed guards came out before General Baron Soontir Fel stepped onto the landing pad. He was a very big man, large and imposing, with one eye covered by a black patch. His very presence demanded respect and attention, and he got it.

The general walked forward and was followed by a tall blond woman and a teenage girl who looked very similar. Syal Fel, the woman, walked past her husband and embraced Wedge tightly. "It has been far too long, brother," she said with a smile.

"Indeed it has, Syal. Soontir, it is good to see you again."

"Perhaps," Jag's father said gruffly. He nodded towards Luke. "Master Skywalker." Luke gave a short but polite bow and greeted the general.

After introducing herself to her uncle, Wyn walked over to Jag. She gave him a very un-Chiss grin. "So, Jagged, how have things been?"

"All right, I suppose, as can be expected."

"That's good. Well, I'm sure we have lots of catching up to do once the major isn't listening to every word I say even though she's pretending not to."

"Miss Fel," Eprill interrupted, "I assure you I do not eavesdrop." Wyn rolled her eyes, earning a sharp look from Syal, who had just walked over. "Be polite, Wyn." The girl just shrugged. Syal reached over and hugged her son. Jag returned it before pulling away and saluting his father sharply. "At ease, Colonel," Soontir said. Jag fell back into a parade rest stance, but didn't relax. "There is something I need to discuss with you."

"Yes, sir?"

"During the time since you left Chiss space, your reports have been few and far between. When they actually come, they seem incomplete and lacking. I realize that the recent conflict against the Yuuzhan Vong invaders may have put a lot of stress on you." Jag bristled slightly at the war being called a "conflict." The way he said it made it seem like a small skirmish, not a hellish war. "Whatever your reasons, you are being forgiven for your recent shortcomings." Jag almost lost his calm composure to stare at his father in disbelief. This was not the verbal beating he had been expecting and preparing for. "But I ask one condition. The war is more or less over, so this sort of thing shouldn't happen again. I shall expect a report from you, Colonel, every two standard months, or else your squadron will be recalled and disbanded. And you will no doubt be placed in a low level administration post, and I know for a fact that you would not appreciate such an assignment."

"That is true, sir. I apologize for my failure in reporting properly, and I will send in communications on a regular basis. I thank you for your forgiveness."

Soontir suddenly smiled and clapped Jag on the shoulder. "Well now, let's all drop the facade. Let me say how glad I am to see you again, Jagged." He motioned to the guards. Wedge stepped forward and offered to direct them to their quarters. Jag dismissed Eprill and followed his parents.

***************************

_That same day as the accident with the droid, I got in a lot of trouble for something almost completely unrelated. Well, I guess that isn't entirely true. The conversation with my parents originated with a question from me about droids. During that time, I realized I was defeated. I didn't want to go down without a fight, so stupidly I muttered, "Maybe there'd be room for the droids if we didn't have to take the dumb old Falcon."

I knew I had made a mistake. I wish now that I hadn't said it, but for a different reason than before. How could I be so idiotic as to insult the Falcon? That was one of the best ships I have ever flown in my entire life. But come to think of it, I had not yet flown it. It was on that trip to Corellia that Jacen and I first took the controls of the Falcon. My first time in the quad laser turrets, and I shot down a ship. I was so proud of myself._

**************************

Several hours later, Jag stood by his fighter with a hydrospanner, working to improve the precision of one of the lasers. Wyn, who declared she had nothing better to do, was sitting on a crate nearby. She was pestering him relentlessly with questions. Under normal circumstances, Jag would have told her to be silent and leave him alone but it felt too good to argue with her again. At first her questions were mindless and obviously had the purpose of annoying him, but then the conversation took a different turn. "What can you tell me about this Jaina Solo?" Jag looked up at her, startled, and saw the impish smile on her face.

"Colonel Solo is one of the best pilots the Republic has at its disposal. She leads an elite squadron that has one of the highest in-battle success rates and one of the lowest casualty rates."

"What about out of battle successes? Many of those?"

Jag put down his hydrospanner. The question didn't really make sense to him, but he thought he knew the direction this was taking. "While not invincible in simulations, she is usually one of the last ones to be shot down."

"Do you know much about the colonel when she's not in a cockpit?"

"She devotes most of her time to planning and training her squadron. She is very dedicated to the Republic military."

"How about her background? Family?"

"Her father used to be a general; her mother used to be the Chief of State. She has a twin brother and was educated at the Jedi Academy on Yavin 4." There were a few seconds of silence. Doubtless, Wyn was trying to phrase her next question very carefully.

"Do you get much contact with her?"

"Our squadrons have flown together on several missions."

"I mean outside of being on duty."

"We discuss flight patterns and strategies from time to time." There was another pause. Jag was pleased with himself. So far he had said nothing that would act as evidence of the relationship Wyn was trying to get him to hint at. She opened her mouth to speak again, but she was interrupted by the sudden sound of engines entering the hanger. Jag looked up to see two X-wings enter and land. From this distance, he couldn't identify the pilots as they got out.

As they drew closer, he realized they were Jacen and Tahiri. He looked out the hanger bay door to try and locate a third ship, but there was none. Jacen's face was grim. Jag walked over to intercept him. "Where's Jaina?" he demanded in a low voice so that Wyn couldn't hear.

"Colonel, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" Jag's voice was building and held an edge. "What happened?"

"I - she - I don't know. She was hit, she went down, and then nothing. I didn't feel anything happen to her through the Force, but I can't find her."

"What do you mean, you can't find her?"

"In the Force. I can't find her in the Force. Jag, she's gone." Jag looked at him in horror, not wanting to believe what he said. He sank weakly onto a storage bin. "No. It's not possible. You're lying!"

"I'm sorry."

"Sith, you already said that! She was the best damn pilot the Republic had! She doesn't just get shot down!"

"There was nothing we could do."

"To hell with you." An immense pain was growing in his chest. It felt like when his brother and sister had been killed, only different. This couldn't be happening. For the first time in his life, Jagged Fel thought he was going to lose his hold on his emotions and break out crying. He struggled not to; after all, his kid sister was watching. Jacen and Tahiri walked away, leaving him to himself. Jacen paused and murmured something to Wyn, but Jag couldn't hear what. An odd ringing had crept into his ears.

He felt Wyn slide her arms around him comfortingly. For once, she didn't say anything, didn't give any snide remarks. She just stood there, and that was what Jag needed.

***************************

_Anakin! No! We've already lost so many, and I'm not going to lose you either! No no no! But you vanish in a flash of light, and the tunnel collapses around you. I'm can't leave you there, even in your passing. I have to go back for your body. The anger is burning in me, but I don't feel it. The hate is burning in me, but I don't feel that either. I can't feel anything. Just.....empty.

Empty. Sith, I really can't feel anything! But this emptiness isn't the loss of one close to my heart. It's more the absence of everything. I'm trying to reach out for the Force, just to know that something is there in this endless void, but I can't touch it! Has it ceased to exist? It's not possible! What's going on?

Am I dead?_

**************************

Luke didn't want to believe Jacen's words. Jaina couldn't possibly be dead. Her death would have sent shock waves through the Force. Jacen had argued that she may have shut herself off from the Force just before her passing, but Luke argued that there was no way to be sure. He argued that maybe she was doing that now. Jacen demanded a reason why, and Luke had to admit he could think of none.

At first, the Jedi Master had been startled at Jacen's calm manner, but then he realized his nephew wasn't calm. He was numb. Jacen's mind barriers were completely broken down, and Luke could easily sense his unrestrained emotions. Anger. Despair. Sorrow beyond compare. After Jacen finished his story, Luke leaned over and murmured, "We will find her. We don't know for sure that she is gone."

"I saw her go down." His voice was flat and empty. "I can't find her."

"Jacen, no one could find you in the Force when the Vong captured you. It is still possible that she is out there. It would take far more than a crash to take down Jaina. After all, she's a Solo, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Remember. Fear, to anger, to hate, to suffering." With that thought, he left Jacen to himself.

Out in the hall Luke leaned against the wall and reached out with his feelings. Try as he might, he indeed could not find Jaina's presence. "But that doesn't mean anything," he said out loud. Even though Jaina was not as strong as Anakin had been, she still had enough power to send a shockwave through the Force if she suddenly died.

He went to find Mara. Before he even told anything, she said, "What's wrong?"

"It's Jaina. Gather what Jedi you can find and have them gather in the large conference room C. I need to speak with them." His tone conveyed his urgency, and she didn't ask questions.

************************

_Jag. Even thinking your name makes all the evil things in this universe disappear for a moment. When we met again, I suddenly felt that I had a reason to live. Thinking of you makes me feel safe and protected. Why? Why should a simple thought, a word with three letters, make everything go away? Jag, I love you.

If only I could be with you one last time to tell you that. I haven't said it in such a long time, and I don't want you to doubt it. All I want is to feel your arms around me and to taste your lips again. You've always been there for me. Why aren't you here now?

I remember that first time on Borleias. I knew you were going to use words to tear me apart and break me down. The thought alone accomplished that for you. When you began talking, I didn't know what to do. You were demanding to know why I flew into danger and a field of almost certain death. What was I supposed to think? You were angry with me.

I started crying like a child. I faintly remember saying something about people leaving and how I didn't want you to go, also. The next thing I knew you had pulled me to your chest and I was leaning against you. "I won't go anywhere," you said. I asked why. You didn't seem to understand my question. "Why won't you go anywhere?" I expanded.

"Because I don't want to." Suddenly, you were kissing me. At that moment, I was lighter than air. We were somewhere up in clouds; we had left the base behind completely. I should have pulled away and slapped you for insolence. Besides, girls aren't supposed to be kissed out of the blue like that by pilots under their command. But I didn't. Instead, I wanted it to last forever. As time went on, I realized I loved you more than anything else in the galaxy._

*************************

Four days had passed. Saba watched with growing concern the state of those around her. Jacen had pulled away to himself. Han Solo went into a violent rage. Colonel Fel had sunk into a deep depression. At least he was able to hide it for the most part when he was on duty. The Twin Suns pilots had tried to ground their ships for the time being to honor their lost commander. Master Skywalker had gotten very angry at this, saying they didn't know she was gone. General Antilles was equally angry at having one of his best squadrons refuse to fly. The accident was a hard hit for him, too, but he insisted that Mon Cal couldn't afford to have them stay on the ground. Reluctantly, they went back on duty.

Master Skywalker had arranged a group to scan the Force through meditation in an attempt to reach Jaina's mind. Immediately volunteering were Mara, Kyp, Jacen, and Tahiri. Saba had joined after a moment's thought. Her ability to sense life would be a useful asset.

Saba sat on a low cushion, deep in the Force. She extended her senses out into the galaxy. It was a little hard to navigate mentally through space, but each time it got easier to find the burning sphere of life that was Bakura. There were many minds here to sort through, and it would be no short task. She recalled the definite "signature" of Jaina and set out to find it among the masses.

After much time, she felt a flicker in the corner of her mind. It wasn't a feeling of recognition, just a random thought through the Force. Saba locked onto it before it had a chance to disappear from her awareness. She was momentarily confused by the state of the mind that had formed the thought. It was practically shut down, while at the same time being furiously active. Saba decided not to try to understand it, only to help it.

She poured her strength through the Force bond that had formed. Gradually, the distant mind pulled it in and reestablished its hold on reality and the world around it. Suddenly, Saba got the sense of a "click." Then she understood. The person had been unconscious, probably in a coma, and with her help had just woken up.

A voice came into the Jedi's mind. //Saba?// it asked uncertainly. The reptile knew she wouldn't be able to send a complete thought at this distance, so in its place she gave a series of images that would loosely translate to mean, "Yes. Now you are safe. We are coming."

Very abruptly, Saba realized what had just happened. How else could the faraway person know who she was? She leapt to her feet and left the room at a fast walk to find Master Skywalker. She cried out to him, "Jaina's alive!"