He had forgotten how cold the bare ground of Gallifrey could be. Still, he sat on it, easing Tegan down between his legs to lean back against his body. He was careful to keep as much of her torso off the ground as possible; cold for him was frigid for her. The Doctor sighed as he settled into a relaxed pose and faced Devon.
The chief hadn't changed. He still showed the effects of age on his face. Although he had never been given the gift of regeneration, he had the long life-span of a Gallifreyan. Devon was his age; he had been raised in the hallowed halls of the Lungbarrow house. They contemplated each other along side the fire.
Next to the chief sat a large bear of a man. Although Gallifreyans ran the gamut towards shorter, this male was almost overbearingly large. His face held what the Doctor was sure Tegan would call laugh lines. In the dark of the night, it was almost impossible to tell the color of the irises. As the fire flared, the orange and yellow light illuminated his face and showed his gaze intent on the flames.
Devon was the first to speak. "She is a friend, Theta?"
"Yes."
As the logs crackled, the Doctor shifted his weight. Tegan lulled closer to him, her warmth seeping through his jumper and trousers to warm his body. She was no longer able to support her weight or to keep her posture.
"You are a Time Lord."
It was a statement; there was no room for argument in the tone of the voice. The Doctor had not dealt with a Tsektsek previously. Although he had spent numerous hours and countless days running the Wilds with Devon and days with the clans, he had had little time or energy to spend with the Spiritual Leaders of the Shagobhans and opted to leave the camps early to avoid them. Something in the Tsektsek's voice made him bristle; there was a lack of respect to which he was unaccustomed.
"Ah...yes," the Doctor said.
"And she?"
"...is not," he replied hotly. With a weary hand, he wiped at his brow and attempted to cool his temper. Devon hissed a sigh next to him.
"Theta...a show of temper won't help you here."
"Yes, yes...I know," the Doctor sighed. "But you see: time is of the essence..."
"We do not rule time here," the Tsektsek said. The Doctor squinted through the smoke to the man. A pair of bright blue eyes shone back in the aged face of the spiritual leader. "But you seem not to rule your emotions."
"Ah, well..." The Doctor gave a small shrug and his shoulders whined from the abuse. "Borusa always did say that I should have paid more attention in emotional detachment class." He gave a small smile.
The Tsektsek narrowed his eyes. "But you are still detached."
The Doctor's smile disappeared. Devon leaned near the Doctor and brushed back Tegan's hair from her brow. "She is...Terran?"
With a nod, the Doctor agreed. "And a rather ill one. Devon, Sir...Tsektsek...I've come to ask for help for my companion. Her illness is of a spiritual basis."
The spiritual leader leaned forward so that his entire face was illuminated by the firelight. The shadows about his eyes made him look eerie. The chuckle that pressed from between the old man's lips reminded the Doctor of an old electrical engine attempting to start. "You have a belief in that, Time Lord?"
"Quite," he replied. "I do, rather." Before either man could start laughing, the Doctor continued. "I've seen her soul pulled from her; I've seen it returned. I've felt the lack of life. It was done previously with a Joiba..."
"A Joiba?" Devon's eyes widened. The Tsektsek grunted. Apparently, the news of a Joiba had interested him.
"But something has dislodged the soul bridge..." the Doctor continued as he raised his voice to talk over the astonishment and comments of the two men with him. "She is spirit depleted and life is bleeding from her-"
The Doctor stopped talking as the Tsektsek rose and walked around the blaze. He knelt alongside him and lifted Tegan's arm, sniffing at her skin. Then he reached over and eased his arm under Tegan's shoulders and lifted her away from the Doctor's chest. Her head lulled back lifelessly, her seemingly sightless eyes stared to the Gallifreyan heavens. If not for the gentle rise and fall of her chest, he would have thought her dead. He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. He narrowed his eyes as the Tsektsek leaned close to his companion and heard him inhale harshly.
"There is no odor," the Tsektsek pronounced with a nod. "Her spirit is nearly gone."
The Doctor blinked. He wasn't sure which was more alarming to him: the idea that the Tsektsek could smell the lack of her soul or that her spirit was nearly gone. Almost reflexively he tightened his arm and brought Tegan back toward his chest. Her head rolled back, her cheek came to rest on his sweater. The spiritual man hummed in concern.
The old man sank to the ground and contemplated the Doctor. "She will die soon. All life will leave her."
"Is there....anything you can do for her?" the Doctor asked. His voice cracked.
The Tsektsek squinted and put his hand on the ground between them. "No."
"What?!" The Doctor gaped. He could feel a streak of unsteadiness and anger pounding through his veins.
"I can't help her, Time Lord," the Tsektsek stated. "But you can."
Peri sighed. She had decided on the Eye of Orion just a couple of months past that luxury was only as good as it was enjoyable. And one couldn't enjoy luxury if one was a prisoner, because one wasn't choosing to enjoy it. She had always hated being force-fed anything.
Still, at least she had the choice to view the out of doors. The landscape, she had to say, was absolutely breathtaking and the vantage point from Thalia's suite of rooms afforded an excellent view. She pressed her hands against the pane of glass (or at least she thought it was glass). The book on Gallifreyan history lay open on the table. It was interesting, but she was worrying about Tegan and the Doctor.
A part of her wondered if she would know if Tegan ceased...if she...died. She hoped so.
"A vigil will not help them, Peri."
It was the use of her name that made her turn, interested, to the door. Thalia stood there in a plain gown. Gone were her Time Lord regalia. The fashion reminded Peri of a medieval dress with low neck overdress and a high necked undergarment. It was beautiful and looked wonderful on the aging blond. "I can't help worrying. You don't sound convinced that the Doctor may be successful."
"The Others, no matter what the Doctor says or does with them, can't help your friend," Thalia said gently. She entered her rooms with a regal sweep of her gowns. The chair that she slipped into looked like a piece of crystal and she wore the seat like the crown jewels. "They believe that illness can be adjusted through spirituality; they believe that illness is the body's response to faulty or bad influences on the spirit. There is no logic in this; therefore it has no grounds."
"Oh, and everything that exists in the Universe has logic, I suppose. Look, it doesn't matter if you believe it or not; when it comes down to it, the only thing that matters is that the Doctor thought that going to these people could help Tegan."
"The Doctor is a maverick."
"He's our friend, maverick or not," Peri stated hotly. Then she turned back to the table and eyed the book. "I can understand where the Doctor disagrees with you people..."
Thalia gave a small smile as she picked up a data pad. "The tenets of our culture are echoed throughout the cosmos, child. You see things in our history that are found in your own. History, so long as the cultures and the basic nature of the individuals in the society are the same, will repeat itself."
Peri had to agree with that. "But the Doc, and hell, me too, don't completely subscribe to those things. In this society or any society..."
"Theta always was a tad bit naïve in the face of situations. He has notions of eternal good. Obviously that has never changed," Thalia commented. She glanced up at Peri. "But no matter what the Doctor says he doesn't agree to..." She put down the data pad. "Have you never wondered what his drive is to act in the way he does? His motivation, child, is based in the trying to rectify perceived wrongs that have been done..."
"By who?" Peri asked with her mouth dry.
Thalia's voice responded in a dead tone. "By his own kind."
The Doctor gazed down at Tegan. He had relinquished her to two women and they had attended to her. She lay wrapped in his coat and animal skins near a small smoldering fire. The air about them was smoky; the smoke was desperately trying to find its way out of through the small hole in the ceiling. Tegan's eyes were closed and her hair, now in disarray on the furs, was like a deep auburn halo.
"You are close to her."
The Doctor's eyes closed as he sighed. "Of sorts, Devon," he replied.
"If what the Tsektsek says is true, Theta, you will have to help her...."
"Ah, well..."
Devon sighed heavily. "No one else is capable, only one who knows her well."
The Doctor watched as women began to bathe Tegan's face gently with scented water. "What he is suggesting..." the Doctor swallowed and he shook his hands out of his pockets. "What he is suggesting is in direct opposition to my education which as you know..."
"Is in direct opposition to what you are." Devon nodded. "It will remove your ability to remain separate...you will become...involved."
"Ah, yes, the absolute ultimate in intervention, personal involvement," the Doctor added. He tilted his head. "Will it help her?"
"It has been done here before. There is a firm possibility that it will do what is needed."
The Doctor closed his eyes in thought. "To undo my emotional detachment, Devon..."
"The Tsektsek will need your thoughts and your memories and the positive power inherent in your emotions to tie into Tegan's spirit. I don't entirely understand the methods, but I do know the situation. Trust him."
After a moment and a sigh, the Doctor nodded.
The cool air of the night washed over his body. He was stripped to his waist and the air felt good on his body, like coming home after a long time away. The trousers he wore were not his own. They were made of soft material like a skin. He lifted his chin as the Tsektsek approached.
"Your name?"
"One I have chosen," the Doctor commented. "Doctor." He shifted his weight.
"You must cleanse yourself." The Doctor concentrated his gaze past the Tsektsek to the pool of steaming water beyond him. He inhaled and nodded. He understood the theoretical and religious basis for immersing in water. It was more symbolic then physically necessary. "You must also purify your spirit and your mind."
The Doctor inhaled and blew out a breath. His eyebrows lifted. "The purification of the mind I do know how to accomplish, but...spirit..."
"Do you believe the spirit exists?"
"I believe individuals exist," the Doctor intoned. A little louder, he continued: "I believe that individualism exists and if an explanation for individualism is the existence of spirit or soul..."
The Tsektsek clucked his tongue and leaned close to the Doctor. "Logic has no place in emotions."
"Ah, exactly," the Doctor responded as he turned his gaze back to the man.
"Do you deny the existence of emotions?" the Tsektsek pressed.
With a swallow and a little smile, the Doctor replied: "I have been asked that before. No, I don't deny their existence."
The Doctor drew himself up to his full height as the Tsektsek folded his hands in front of his lips as if in thought. "Do you consider them a weakness?"
"There can be strength in them," the Doctor answered after a few minutes of thought.
"Do you fear them?"
The Doctor frowned and rolled the thoughts around in his mind as though tasting them. "Rubbish."
The Tsektsek contemplated Tegan as she lay on the ground. She was in a small nest of furs and skins. "I am unable to reach her now, Doctor. She has drifted beyond my ability to find her. But through you, through your knowledge and kindred personality with her, I can track her and bring her back."
"Yes, well..." the Doctor said quietly. "I'll be a bridge."
"Succinctly: yes."
"Ah," the Doctor muttered as he closed his eyes tiredly.
"Do you trust me, Time Lord?"
"What you are outlining will require me to douse my emotional detachment."
"Yes. It won't work without you allowing the emotions. It will be your positive emotions that will be a directional beacon for me. You must make them strong and directed and you must concentrate. That is why you need to cleanse yourself and meditate..."
The Doctor grimaced and allowed his hands to fall lifelessly at his sides. He took a deep breath and released the breath slowly, watching the steam rising from the pool. "Emotions..."
"If you want to help your friend, Time Lord, it is the only way," the Tsektsek's voice was low, barely above the wind blowing around them.
The Doctor opened his eyes and gazed at Tegan and then lifted his gaze to the spirit man. "Very well..."
Thalia led Peri through the corridors. Occasionally Peri would lag behind, her eyes drawn up to the soaring architecture overhead. Then she would run to fall into step behind her hostess/jailer.
"Where are we going?" she asked. She slowed again as they passed under another arch. It was immense and breathtaking. "Is that steel?" she breathed.
"We don't have steel here, Peri," Thalia corrected as she continued to walk nonplused. "It is a metal alloy containing elements that you don't have on Earth. Indeed, out metal has malleable properties that allow for the fluid angles you see. Do keep up, girl."
Peri frowned and caught up effortlessly. "Where are we going?" she asked again.
"I have Council meeting. You will be there as my guest."
"That's...unusual," Peri said. She glanced at Thalia. The woman's face held no emotion. "Are you sure you want an outsider?"
"Once in the Council room, you will be removed from your TARDIS translational circuit. You will be unable to understand the meeting."
Peri rolled her eyes. "Then it holds no purpose for me." She continued to walk with a frown on her lips. After a moment, she turned her gaze back to Thalia. "But that's not the point. You want me to be on...display or something like that, don't you?"
"It is unimportant to you, Peri," Thalia remarked. She slowed to allow a door to open for her.
"Oh, I think it's very important to me," Peri nearly shouted. "If you're using me for something, the least you could do is let me know what."
Thalia gave a very wry smile. "I know that with the Doctor's return there will be a rather large problem. There always is when he returns. In this instance, his use for Gallifrey will be gone. Your friend will dead. He will, therefore, not abide by the rules that have been set down for him. He never does. He will try to leave. With the current information that he has, that could be very dangerous to control here on Gallifrey. We must discuss a way to neutralize his threat."
"Listen to yourself," Peri muttered. "You make it sound like he's an Enemy of the State or something. He's not, you know."
"How little you know of him," Thalia said.
"I could say the same for you," Peri muttered. "But it would fall on deaf ears."
"Center your thoughts..."
The voice was deep and strong. The Doctor lay with his head on the cool ground, his body naked, floating in the warm, steaming water. It heated his muscles, relaxing them completely. Boneless, he stared at the heavens. As a youth he knew the presence and location of every star overhead. He picked RU783 in the skies. It was a bright pinpoint of light above his head; it was the flagship star of the Mutter's Spiral. He centered on it; he centered his thoughts, allowing them to drift away into nothingness, going into a light trance. The only thing that penetrated his mind was the voice of the Tsektsek.
"Good, good...breathe deeply..."
Darkness and calm. Darkness and calm...peace and quiet and darkness and calm...warmth...
"Look within yourself...find the barrier...you will know it when you see it..."
Light corridors, he could see the miles of corridors...stark white like the TARDIS...miles and miles of corridors...behind doors were his memories...memories of adventures...memories of friends long past...places...bodies...minds...personalities...futures...
Wandering, walking...floating down the corridors...stark white growing blinding...doors then he stopped as though he had run into an invisible wall...
"You've found it. Concentrate on it, allow it to condense...solidify...see it in all..."
Shimmering, glowing, the air began to condense, it became blue, and then green and then slowly black. It looked like muddied steel, strong and thick. To the wall, to the ceiling, it cut him off from the rest of the corridor. It was a swatch of black in the stark white...
"...all its glory. Now concentrate on it, concentrate on knocking it down."
The Doctor gasped and his voice was forced from his throat like a breath of wind raspy and tight.
Pressing his hands against it, feeling it cold and hard, like ice beneath his palms. Leaning into it, putting his weight against the construct, feeling no give. It was old, almost as old as he was. Thick and high and cold, so very cold.
"Create a crack in it, make it weak. Show it your it with their existence; destroy it with the logic of their existence..."
The Doctor inhaled and arched his back in almost pain.
"Concentrate on your emotions, the positive emotions, happiness. Find one person, find one instance and concentrate on what you feel..."
Emotion. He could only feel muddied, indignant anger at situations, at the enormity and injustices of an impersonal universe. Hands pressed hard against the wall. Drawing back, contemplating the wall...he had to break it down, for Tegan. He was her hope. It was his fault...the Joiba, their travels, their situations had put her in that trouble.
Emotion. Feeling as though someone was digging about in his psyche with a spoon, feeling hollowed out. Emotion wasn't logical, it wasn't scientific...logic was his basis...it had to be...he couldn't be a Time Lord, or travel without it. Impersonal, he had to be impersonal, emotions were the ultimate in intervention...
Emotion. But he was an individual, his emotions were what set him apart from others. Logic unified, emotions diversified. Positive...he could travel...he wasn't interfering because he felt something on an individual level...he couldn't...logically he had to...no...no logic...he couldn't.
The wall was hard.
Positive...the Universe was too big. One person, one instance...he could feel in conjunction with one person, one instance....it wasn't interference...it wouldn't nullify him...one person, one instance.
Tegan.
A smile, a simple smile...the look on her face in the dim of night in the dark dankness of a jungle...plants and rain...he had wanted to say to her why he wanted her to stay...he had wanted to see that smile again...wanted to feel her touch, and enjoy the way her mouth opened, the way her eyes sparkled... He had felt happy, the electric touch of her skin against his...he felt passion...seeing her on the step above him clad in his colors...pride...ache...want...need...
...what is this emotion?
The wall, the corner started to crack. He embraced all the feeling, the emotion, the pride, the ache, the need, the want, the emotions...the caring...he embraced it, owned it, pulled it into himself, he saw himself laughing, and then felt the prickling at the back of his throat, the pressure to cry...he embraced it all, accepting it into his person.
The crack widened. Moaning, he reached out to pull on the wall, putting his hands into the crack, he yanked on it. It came off, crumbling in his hands...he had to knock it down...it was his fault...he had to set Tegan right. His fault...a Time Lord's fault...he wanted her whole, he wanted her whole and with him...
The wall crumbled as he released a growl and yell of sheer anger at its existence...he wanted the positive emotions and it was separating him from them...
...and it lay, ravaged, at his feet.
He felt a pair of hands at his shoulders. They were dry where he was wet. Blinking, he opened his eyes to see Devon above him.
The skies hadn't changed, only lightened with the approaching day. But he felt weighted, pained, yet strangely lightheaded at the same time. "Ah, Devon...good morning..." He tried to rub his eyes, but found that his fingers were wet with his tears. "Good heavens..." he muttered.
Devon squatted by his friend. "You were rather..."
The Doctor cleared his throat and squinted. "Yes, well...apparently I was...I feel..."
"Different?"
"Ah...yes. That's a good word for descriptive purposes. Different." The Doctor slid forward in the water and rose out of the pool to gather his trousers lying in a puddle of cloth nearby. He kept his eyes averted until he was dressed. "Where is Tegan?" He had immediately noticed her absence.
Devon rose and contemplated him with a small smile. The Doctor frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Ah, Theta...this regeneration is like the you I knew..."
"Yes, well...that has very little to do with the situation at hand," he responded as he leaned forward to glare at his friend. "And it certainly does not answer the question asked: Where is Tegan?"
"She is being prepared for the next step of this process; she is safe."
The Doctor tried to relax his arms to get them to drop to his side. "What the blast do you mean I remind you of my first regeneration..."
Devon began to laugh. "Listen to yourself, Thete. Tegan is fine. There is no reason to glare at me."
With a quirk of his lips, the Doctor shifted his weight and sighed to release the sudden tension in his shoulders.
"It's like this, you know," Devon explained as he joined his friend. "You shall feel a rather limited influx of emotion, like a very unsteady oscillation, for a short period of time. Very soon, it will iron out, Theta."
The Doctor grunted and then cracked a smile. "Wonderful. Excellent!" He rubbed his hands together and then gave his friend a small laugh. "Very well, then. What is the next stage of this process? I do believe time is still of essence."