Disclaimer: I do not own any of the TP characters…Disney does!!
Notes: This takes place on Earth!
Jim took a steaming hot bubble bath. Loud opera music blared from a nearby portable radio. The teen enjoyed wide ranges of music, but none calmed him down as much as opera. It would have been peaceful except for two things: his mom's van was banged up slightly in the front and the windshield was completely gone. Secondly, the farmer made him buy half of the turkeys in payment of the damaged pen. In fact, twelve pairs of beady eyes were watching him now.
"Go away!" he hissed, flicking thick wads of bubbles at the flock. The turkeys didn't budge; in fact, the movement seemed to peak their curiosity. Uttering low warbling sounds, several white turkeys advanced. They appreciatively eyed the white bathtub, the thick bar of Irish Spring soap, and the stressed out Jim.
Thankfully, the farmer had made them flightless by taking out their flight feathers. Still, they could hop. One fat turkey jumped onto the bathtub's ledge and rubbed its bluish head into Jim's face. The teen screamed.
"Honey? Is the water too hot?" Sarah called. Her voice sounded muffled through the locked door.
"Uh…it's cool," Jim replied. Gritting his teeth, he shoved the turkey off of its perch. It shrieked in surprise and landed among the rest of the flock. Meanwhile, "Figaro" played loudly in the background.
"Are you sure its alright? You're still not upset that Kerry lost to Bush?"
"MOM! Can't I take a bath in peace?!" cried the teenager.
"Alright, alright. Erica called to say thank you for dropping her off," Sarah said. Jim grunted. He hoped that the Doppler girl wouldn't say a word about the previous incident. All he needed was time to "fix" the windshield and a place to dump off the birds. Sarah walked away, her heeled shoes making dull thumps on the carpet.
"Okay, Jim. Think," he muttered. He could either come clean about everything, risk being grounded for life, or make a fake, temporary windshield. Jim decided on the latter. He just needed to think of a way to make glass. After brainstorming for a while, the teenager sat up.
"That's it!" he yelped. Jim jumped out of the bathtub. The turkeys started to garble their heads off at the new sight.
"Shut up," he ordered. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around himself and let the water drain out of the tub. The mission was on. Now, all he needed was luck.
A little while later…
Armed with Saran wrap, duct tape, and a pail of Shellac, Jim marched into the garage. His mom was outside blowing up an jumbo sized turkey decoration. The turkeys were upstairs in his room gobbling up hastily made micro waved popcorn. Other than that, he was alone---with the dented van in front of him. The fence section had dinged up the front and, obviously, completely ruined the windshield. Jim set his supplies down and grabbed a powerful vacuum cleaner. It was designed to suck up stubborn material and water---things an ordinary vacuum cleaner would have heart failure trying to do.
He plugged the machine in, placed it on the hood of the van, and turned it on full max. It made a loud whoosh. The metal on the hood made muted popping noises. The dents were being mended, thankfully. Grinning, Jim turned the vacuum cleaner off and inspected the van. It looked much better. The only thing left was the windshield. Kneeling on the van's hood, Jim unrolled the Saran wrap. He cursed when it snarled up on itself and became one big plastic lump. Tossing it aside, he tried again. This time, it came out properly. Using thin strips on duct tape, he stuck the stuff on. Jim repeated the tactic until the gaping hole where the windshield should have been was covered with Saran wrap.
Next was the Shellac. It was a smelly liquid that, when applied to anything, made a protective shield. It was a brownish substance, but became clear when dry. Jim applied layers of the goo. Satisfied, the teen put the supplies away. He whistled as he climbed up the garage stairs and walked into the den area. Sarah was sitting in front of the TV watching "Barney." After the divorce, Sarah's therapist recommended that she watch the beloved kids' show. Jim was still dubious about the advice.
"Ma, that show is, like, weird," he protested.
"Shhh…this is the part where Barney helps the kid dig up his father," his mom whispered. On the TV, Jim saw the fat purple dinosaur standing beside a tombstone. A cheerful, blond haired boy eagerly grabbed two spades. Handing one over to Barney, the two started to dig.
"Oh, boy! This will be fun!" Barney announced.
"Jeez, this show's really gone downhill," Jim muttered. He grabbed a remote and changed channels.
"James Pleiades Hawkins! I wanted to see how it ended!" Sarah protested.
"Look. I'm sure they'll play it again," he soothed. Flicking past "Spongebob Square Pants," and the History Channel, he landed on a news station. An announcer was droning on about the weather.
"Jim. Did you finish the pumpkin pie? Thanksgiving is tomorrow," Sarah reminded him.
"How could I forget?" Jim replied, sarcastically.
"Tonight and tomorrow I'll cook, but I'm expecting you to do some work," his mom warned him.
"Sure, I know."
"And today, the president of the United States pardons a turkey," a handsome news anchor man declared. The screen switched to show Bush stroking a snow white turkey. It was identical to the flock upstairs.
"Oh, no, don't worry---this turkey'll go to a petting zoo," Bush said, to a crowd of reporters. Jim screamed and fled from the room.
"I wonder what his problem is?" Sarah mused.
Hehehe, hope you guys like this one. The updates should be coming faster now that Thanksgiving is practically here. So---please review, give suggestions (I don't care how silly/stupid they are, just turn some in! The cornier the better, right?) I'll try to post replies next time, too. Well, have an awesome Thanksgiving vacation!!