Elrond surveyed the group with sincereness (which should be a word, even if it's not). 'Now, you all have decided to take the ring, correct?'

'Yeah, pretty much.'

Elrond pulled out a book and started to read. 'It says hear in "An Idiots Guide To Perilous Quest" that to be successful in a quest, you need to have assigned jobs, so I've taken the liberty to make sure there are jobs for everyone.' He pulled out a hat. 'Now, have you all got you paper?'

The company pulled out little scraps of paper and pens.

Elrond smiled at them. 'Good. Now, I want you to write down a job that you feel is necessary on a quest. Then, you can put them in this hat and everyone pulls out a bit of paper. The job you get will be yours on the quest.'

The company exchanged looks, and then gave in.

Elrond smiled at them. 'Good. Now I want you to pick out a job each.'

Frodo got first pick. 'Let's see… WHAT! I'M IN CHARGE OF STALKING MYSELF!'

Boromir looked a little sheepish. 'Yeah, I thought that you would need good for nothing swine on any quest… sorry, I kind of thought I'd get it.'

'No trades, Frodo. You'll just have to improvise.'

'But, but, but, but, Elrond…'

'Sorry.'

The hat came to Sam, who read out the word on his bit of paper. 'Defence… ALRIGHT! Don't worry Mr. Frodo! Sam will look after you!'

Frodo looked at Sam, then at Elrond. 'Are you telling me, that Sam is going to be protecting me from me!'

'Looks like it.'

'At least you didn't get shelter.' Said Pippin. His voice wobbled. 'How the hell am I supposed to make a shelter for people 6 feet tall, when I'm only 3 foot 5?'

'Knowing you,' said Merry, 'you'll do it. Now, I'm in charge of… cleaning? Cleaning what? The grass?'

Sam slightly embarrassed. 'Well, I thought, I mean, just in case… you never know when something needs to be cleaned… do you?'

Gimli rolled his eyes. 'Whatever, laddie.' He reached in and pulled out a scrunched up bit of paper. 'Elrond, you want this quest done, don't you?'

Elrond looked at him quizzically. 'Yeeees…'

'Well then don't make me bloody track! I can't do it! Give it to Aragorn or something!'

'Sorry, dwarf. No can do. You keep your job.'

So the hat was passed onto Legolas, who looked like he was about to wet himself with anticipation.

Gimli gave him a funny look as he passed him the hat. 'For god's sake, man, it's just a job!'

Legolas looked at him in horror. 'Just a job? These jobs could affect our entire lifestyle!' But his frown was replaced with a happy grin as he read his job.

'Cooking! YAY! You guys haven't lived till you've tasted my SPC spagettios! You'll love them! Lucky I brought 64 cans with me! Oh, oh! And my alphabet soup is the best! Once you've eaten 3 or so bowls you get used to the fishy taste! This is going to be fun!'

The company is looking at Legolas in shock. Sam actually went white.

Boromir tried to break the silence. 'Well, c'mon Legolas, pass us the hat. Let's see… WHAT THE F….! Counseling? No wa… actually, this could work out pretty good…' an evil grin crept up his face.

Gandalf put his hand into the hat. 'Alrighty, my job is… a bodyguard. Wait… Pippin's bodyguard? Whose crapy idea was this?'

Pippin put up his hand. 'Yeah, well, just bodyguard in general, but me especially.'

'B-E-A-utiful.'

Aragorn reached inside the hat. 'Oh, Gandalf, quit your complaining. At least now we all have purpo…' Aragorn stopped, and stared at the pink piece of paper, his eyes growing wider, and wider by the second. Then a smile began to creep along his face.

'Grooming.'

Thud.

Aragorn looked over at the unconscious elf. 'This is going to be fun. Very fun indeed!'