Summary: Tag to 'The eye' (WS)

Disclaimer : Atlantis is not mine ... unfortunately

A/N : As English is not my mother language and I didn't have time to find a beta there might be some grammar mistakes... but I swear I will edit as soon as I find someone to beta read the story ! Until then just try to enjoy :D.

A special thank to NG and Coz who reviewed my first English fic to encourage me. This meant a lot !

Lightening Darkness

He doesn't know how much time he has spent in front of her door, motionless. He has never hesitated before, not even the first night. And strangely, his need to hold her had never been that strong.

He lost her today, for about 40 minutes he thought she was dead. And he died with her. He wasn't himself for that laps of time, he let all his most basic instincts take control of him, and what he became frightened him, he didn't feel anything killing all those people, he was just desperately seeking for blood to relieve him from the pain her loss had caused. He lost his soul when losing her and at that exact moment –too late- he understood what she meant to him. She wasn't just a body that warmed him up at night or a comforting presence in the loneliness of darkness, she had become an essential part of his life, his heart and his soul. She hold in her hands the fragile balance of his sanity.

And that was, to a certain extent, a problem. He didn't see that addiction coming, he really thought he could keep his feelings apart form his job and responsibilities, in fact that was the unspoken deal. He was sure he 'd be able to keep his heart quite when it came to work ...

Obviously he was wrong. And what happened today proved it ... but it didn't matter, because now that he knew how it felt to be without her, he would enjoy every moment by her side.

He finally pushes the upper button on the wall and the door slides open, revealing the cold darkness of her room.

She lays still, her back to him. That's how she sleeps, even after they make love, she always turn around and curl on her right side. But he doesn't care, because he can enjoy the sight of her on the morning, when only a few shy ray of sun dance on her peaceful sleepy face.

And he smiles, sadly, remembering that he could have spent that night alone, mourning her. And he thanks any god or whatever entities that is watching over them. Then the door closes and he is left standing in the entire dark room, guessing her pale form under the white sheet, knowing she has left enough room for him to crawl in the huge bed beside her. He knows by heart the number of steps and their exact direction leading to her warm body.

As he approaches, cautiously counting his steps, he can hear her steady breath and he immediately knows she's not sleeping. He has learned to read her like that -and god knows Beth is not an easy person to read- and he knows only by her breath , when she's tired, boring or even horny. He had no other choices after all, the only moment he could dare looking at her without fearing somebody to figure out how he feels was those few minutes before she woke up...

Arriving at the edge of the bed he slowly climbs in and immediately goes to her, sticking his torso against her back, and lets out a gasp when he discovers how cold she actually is. Pausing a moment he then frowns when he feels her shaking. He's a soldier and he immediately recognises the symptoms of a state of shock. He curses silently, he should have known it, she went through a lot herself today, and she didn't have the training he had. He comes even closer, sharing his body heat with her, sliding an arm under her head and the other around her waist.

When she shifts slightly, he knows her belly is bruised because of the man that almost killed her ... twice. Koyla must have hold her too hard when he tried to escape with her through the gate. If...

He immediately stops his mind from going further down that way and buries his head in her neck, breathing in her scent, enjoying the sweet tickling of her hair on his worried face, drowning in her, hoping he would not have to come back and face reality of her mortality. Then he slowly begins to caress the soft skin of her stomach with his fingertips to smooth the soreness she must be feeling.

She still doesn't move but the shaking slowly become shivers and soon the cold leaves her frail body, her breathing becoming steady and strong, her body escaping the tension that held it prisoners.

And he would give anything to be in her head right now, just to have a hint of what she's thinking, of what she's feeling, because he knows she's not going to tell him, or anyone for that matter. Doctor Weir did not admit her pain or fears, she considers those as weaknesses, and she imposes herself not to be weak, ever, even when she allowed some rebellious tears to fall, in the safety of his arms, surrounded by darkness.

He would hold her tighter then, almost melting with her, trying desperately to persuade her to share her pain. But she would hold still so that he couldn't feel her body shaken by harsh sobs and she would not speak so that he couldn't hear her trembling voice, so that he wouldn't have evidence.

At first he didn't understand, he felt frustrated, so powerless. But then he got it. She couldn't afford to let her strength totally slip away, because she was too afraid of not finding it back when she needed it, when one of their people would come back injured or dead, when HE would come back injured (and those nights she always cried longer).

And he began to believe it himself, as if by trying to convince herself she was convincing him, that she was strong enough to bear all of their burdens, to stand every loss, to give hope to everyone, alone. He felt guilty for relying on her like that, it should have been the contrary, after all he was the military, the man, the strong one... who could actually imagine he wasn't ? She was. That beautiful, innocent, determined women was one of the strongest person he had ever met in his whole life. And that might be why he loved her so much. She was the only human being he couldn't imagine living without. Because Dr Weir is strong, Dr Weir doesn't cry, Dr Weir doesn't fear anything and because he needs to believe it as much as she does.

The rhythm of her breath changes once again and becomes almost unperceivable. She's asleep now and he is relieved because he knows she'll find peace in her dreams. Beth doesn't have nightmares that woke her up in the middle of the night, she's peaceful while sleeping, and he supposes it's the only time her mind is totally at rest, where she gives up all control. When she surrenders. And he's glad to be allowed to share that moment with her because it's the only one he can imagine she's completely his. So he is going to stay awake for a while... just pretending she's the one who needs him.

df

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