Title: Whispers of the mind
Author: fazy
Pairing: Haldir/ Elrond.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: 1st person narrative. 21st century Scotland, Haldir feels his husband is neglecting him.
Warnings: Mpreg, fatalism, depression, self-harm, eventual character deaths.
A/N: sorry this one's so short. its the exam period at the moment, so i'm really busy. also, my love life just went down the drain, so i'm a bit fizzled at the moment. the next update is going to be much longer. AND it'll feature our Resident Peredhil, so hang in there.
Ivan is ill. He has not been up to see me for five days, and I am told he is suffering a relapse. He has chronic bronchitis, and the cold weather we've been having lately is doing nothing to help his condition. Ah! Finally something to get me moving! I pull on my clothes, splash my face with water and make my way towards the room he shares with his wife.
I see his face light up with pleasure and relief when he sees me. Five days he has been ill, five short days, but already he looks emaciated, sucked dry of bodily sustenance by the weight of his illness. He struggles to sit up, but I push him gently down again. His wife looks at me gratefully. She is pale and drawn, exhausted from worry and from nursing his illness.
Why doesn't Elrond's face light up that way when he sees me?
I feel my tears rising once more, and I fight them back down again. Ivan is so glad to see me up and about. He has been worrying himself silly about my well being, and apologizes profusely for not being able to watch over me the past five days. The tears rise again.
Ivan watches me sob and pats my hand reassuringly. I smile through my tears. How could it be that this outsider cared more about me than my own husband? How could it be that this outsider was more concerned? Ivan must truly be my guardian angel, but though I feel blessed to have him in my life, it hurts to think that he was the one who took the greatest concern for me. Not my husband. Not the person who had sworn his everlasting love to me. Not the person who impregnated me. Not him. No, poor Elrond was too busy in his own study to care about the likes of me.
I left the room soon after. Ivan was so old now! It scares me. It seems like yesterday when he first came into our service. How long would he still be with us? Humans didn't live all that long, and soon, too soon, he would die. What would I do without him? How can I live without Ivan there to comfort me when I fell out with my husband, or to console me when I felt disconnected from him? I shudder. Already I can feel that my marraige is starting to fall apart.
TBC...