A/N: Hey, thanks to all reviewers!

Disc: See Chapter One

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Chapter Four: Of Witches and Minstrels

Aragorn left the Mouth of Sauron (or what was left of him), and rode south to Emyn Arnen. Hopefully he would find some brave lords here.

They approached a village, complete with muddy, ruined homes, dirt roads, and some huge castle-type place hovering over it. Aragorn rode through the town, but was surprised to find nobody in sight. He shrugged, and headed over to the castle.

At the castle, he saw a befuddling sight. All of the men of the town (and some women and children as well) were gathered around the front of the castle. Standing atop a soapbox was a man. He looked slightly troubled. Aragorn rode up to the crowd, and blended within the smelly villagers.

"You are saying you have found a witch?" the man asked to the townsfolk.

"Yea, we found a witch! Can we burn her?!" a couple shouted, followed by many 'yeas'.

"How do you know she is a witch?" he asked.

"She looks like one," they replied.

"Alright, bring her forward," the man replied.

She was brought forward, and the man stared. "Éowyn?! You're a witch?!"

"Am not!" she yelled back.

"Are too!" the townsfolk replied.

"Yea, she makes awful spells, rides brooms, looks like one, and… and… she is from Rohan!" one commented.

The crowd started muttering to each other, whispering, "Rohan. All witches come from Rohan, yes, she must be a witch."

"That is sexist and prejudice!" she screamed. "Faramir, you will NOT let this happen, will you?" She turned to the man on the soapbox.

"Well… um… you do look a bit like a witch…" he muttered, scratching his head. She sighed, rolled her eyes, tore off the carrot attached to her face, and took off the witch's hat. "Oh, now you look normal," Faramir said. "But you are from Rohan…"

Éowyn glared at him. "Oh, if all witches come from Rohan, then why did you burn that girl from Bree last week?"

"Oh, well, she had red hair, and people with red hair are witches," he replied.

"Even men with red hair?" she asked.

"Oh, no, men are perfectly fine. Only women are to be-"

"UGH!" She pushed Faramir off the soapbox and stood up on it. All of the townsfolk turned to her with curiosity and suspicion. "Listen up, everyone! I am tired of this sexism! I am tired of this intolerance towards women! All you women out there: if you are tired too, follow me to join in the Queen's women's rights movement!" With that, she jumped off the box and pushed her way through the crowd. By the time she got out of town, about a dozen of women trailed behind her.

The townsfolk left the area, mumbling, and all that stood left was the man called Faramir, Aragorn, Patsy, and the soapbox.

Aragorn approached Faramir, Patsy trailing behind him, and stood in front of him. Faramir, however, did not notice. He was too busy mumbling to himself upon the soapbox.

"…leaves me to fend for the kids… stupid women's rights acts… men are dominant, anyhow…"

"Good lord, who is so wise as in to witches," started Aragorn. Faramir looked up, and stood.

"My lord," he said, bowing. "What brings you to Emyn Arnen?"

"I look for the bravest and wisest of lords for my Parallelogram Table," he said with much pride. "I am Aragorn, son of-"

"I know who you be, lord," Faramir said with a smile.

"Oh?" Aragorn asked. "And how may that be?"

Faramir's smile dimmed. "Lord, you healed me." Aragorn looked confused. "In the Houses of Healing…" Silence. "Remember? The Black Breath, the athelas…?" Aragorn shook his head. "You know, Faramir?" Aragorn shook his head again. "Your Steward?" Aragorn gave a questioning look. "Boromir's younger brother, wife of Éowyn, son of Denethor?!"

"Oh!" Aragorn suddenly nodded in recognition. "Yes. Faramir the Weak, son of Denethor the Pyromaniac." There was an uncomfortable silence. "Well, that's what everyone in Minas Tirith calls you."

Faramir gave an unsure nod. "So… my lord… why have you not called for me these past ten years? It has been a bit dull, burning a witch a week, raising the rowdy kids, standing Éowyn's blows…"

"I feel your pain," Aragorn sighed. "I live with Arwen."

"Who?"

"Arwen… daughter of Elrond Peredhel, Undómiel, the Evenstar, my very distant cousin, my foster sister and my wife?"

"Oh, that woman. The elf, I think. Thought you would have dumped her long ago."

"I would have, but Elrond would have killed me."

"Yes, in-laws are quite a pain. Thank Eru I don't have to deal with any."

"What about Éomer?"

"Damn it, I forgot about him."

"Yea…" Aragorn sighed.

"So, anyhow, why haven't you called for me?" Faramir asked.

"Sorry, Faramir, it has slipped my mind. Been busy, you know?" He coughed. "Anyhow… you seem to fit the position of being a lord for the Parallelogram Table. You understand witches and are against women's rights. Will you join me?"

"I shall, my lord. I am honored."

Faramir knelt, and Aragorn took out his sword to knight him. "Then I dub you, Faramir son of Denethor, a lord of the Parallelogram Table!" A trumpet sounded, and cheers from an unknown world were heard.

"Wait," cut in Faramir, "what of my children? Éowyn just ran off!"

"Leave them. I am sure they can take care of themselves," Aragorn said. "Now, can you go get your horse?"

"Er…" Faramir shifted his eyes. "We have none."

"What?"

"Rohan cut off our supply of horses, and Éowyn set all of our own ones free. She claimed that they spoke to her, and they begged of freedom." Aragorn shook his head and sighed. "But… I do have Petunia."

"Whom?" the King asked.

"Hold on," Faramir said, running back into his home. After a few minutes waiting, he came out from the backyard, leading a woman holding many bags and coconuts. Patsy's eyes widened, and he made a strange sound.

"Here is Petunia," said Faramir. "She shall provide all the effects of a horse, just like yours."

Aragorn gave a small nod. "Alright. Then shall we go?"

"We shall go," he nodded. They gestured to their 'steeds', and took off to find more willing participants to join the Parallelogram Table.

-

"Where do we go, my lord?" Faramir asked Aragorn when they were out of the village.

"We go to find more brave lords for the Parallelogram Table," he replied.

"I see. But where shall we find some?"

"Where do you suggest?"

"Hmm… well, there are no other men I can think of in Ithilien… unless if my lord is looking for elves as well?

"Elves? Such as?"

"Why not Legolas? He dwells here, as you know."

"Of course! Come, let us head to his dwelling!" Aragorn started galloping, when all of a sudden, he heard very lovely music. He stopped Patsy, and looked back at Faramir. Faramir rode up to him.

"Wood elves," he whispered to the King.

Of a sudden, there came into sight many elves, all dancing, singing, or playing an instrument. At the head of the group playing a lute was Legolas. An elf behind him was singing a song.

"All the elves have fled to the Sea,

Where lies much peace beyond all sight.

The Dark Lord Sauron made them flee,

They dare not oppose his mighty might.

Though lovely all the elves may seem,

Cowardly, in truth they be

Except the few that stayed, I deem

To help men out, can you not see?"

The elf was to give another verse, but suddenly Legolas stopped playing the lute and bid his minstrels to stop. He ran over to the two men and looked them over. He gave them both a large grin, saying, "Aragorn, Faramir. It is so good to see you both."

"My friend," Aragorn commented, putting a hand on the elf's shoulder. Legolas did the same, and nodded his head to Faramir. Faramir gave a small bow in response.

"What brings you to Ithilien?" the elf asked the king.

"I am in search of the bravest of lords for my Parallelogram Table. Will you join me?"

Legolas grinned and nodded. "But of course! Can I bring my mistrals along?"

"The more the merrier!" Aragorn said, grinning as well. "But do you have a horse?"

"Nay," he replied. "Rohan has cut off our supply of horses."

"Same with us," Faramir replied. "But we have coconuts, so it's alright."

"I have coconuts!" Legolas said with glee. "Elmir, take out the coconuts and start banging them together!"

One of the elves, presumably Elmir, looked at Legolas strangely, shrugged, and brought out some coconuts.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" shouted Aragorn. "Come, let us go to Rohan and demand of the King to give us back our horses!"

"And ask him to join the Parallelogram Table," added Faramir.

"Yea, that too. Come, let us depart!"

And now there were three… plus three 'horses' and five mistrals…

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RESPONSE TO REVIEWS:

Orliey: My thanks! Those scenes were both favorites of mine as well ;-)

The Noble Platypus: Thanks for the review! Hopefully I will be able to keep up the rate.

BubbleBubbleGumGum: I will look at your story when I have time :-)

Lindsey: No problem. Thanks for the review ;-)

Ode2Joy: Aw, it's ok hugs I am glad you are enjoying it so far. Oh yes, I think any humor-writer loves bashing their favorite characters :-D Thanks!

Vilya0: Thanks for the kind review

Elecllya111: One of my fave lines as well - I think that scene was hard for EVERYONE to understand ;-)

Eowyn0734: You are correct! Bedevere it is ;-) LOL, but it does sound like Bedemir… :-P Anyhow, I was planning that from the beginning because Bedevere is like Arthur's first guy, and Faramir is like that to Aragorn when he's King. Good job to you and your friend for figuring it out ;-)

MyOnlyCat: Good line, but it will not be exactly like the movies, as you can see. The women's rights thing has been since the beginning- it will be a continuous theme ;-)